An exercise for those who are not sure

[Badtranny]

What would you do if the most desirable woman you can imagine approaches you and offers you a great life with her because it's so nice to finally meet a real man? Your current situation is not an issue. The only downside is that you would be trapped pretending to be a man forever with no way out. But you have a great life otherwise, and you'll be the envy of all of your friends.

What do you do?

[JanePeterson]

Wow... You basically just described my exact situation... And the answer so far is to panic

[docrobbysherry]

Why turn down an attractive woman u know nothing about yet?:hugs:

Besides, the day will come when u will either tire of her or feel the need to reveal yourself. Or, both!:heehee:

[Frances]

The problem is that you can only hold beachball under water in the deep end of the pool for so long. It eventually will slip out of your hands and rise to the surface. It will probably also hit your chin and hurt you on its way.

[Nigella]

It really is not as simplistic as that. I didn't know my true self until my late 40's, no indication of the cliff that was approaching. I lived that life and do not regret one moment of it.

This question may be relevant to some, but unfortunately, one size does not fit all :)

[Robin414]

Great thought experiment Melissa! Been there, done that...now the beach ball is slipping for me, and at my age I'm thinking just let it go 😯

[debstar]

Define real man?

'Your current situation' must be an issue or else this lovely lady would not require you to present as a man all the time

Either way. Being the envy of all my friends is not a factor for me, and would I be having a great life as a result? No.


Debs.

[Angela Campbell]

Been there, done that, twice, didn't go well.

[stefan37]

I had a great life with a woman that was the most desirable to me. I had to give her up to live as me.

[STACY B]

Start my own bizzness, An be the Prettiest Man you ever saw,,lol,,,

[pamela7]

Simple, no pretending, for that truly would mean she did not love me.
Actually, this happened to me in 2002 and I told her and she has accepted me all the way.

[Eryn]

The most desirable woman I can imagine is one who accepts me for who I am, not a woman in love with some false image of masculinity.

Luckily, I am already married to her. :hugs:

We could theorize that this is why a lot of marriages fail over TG issues. The husband may have portrayed a very male persona in order to fight his GD. The wife met and fell in love with the male persona, not the actual person.

Now, lets assume that, through a lapse of intelligence, I had married a desirable "hot sexy babe" (Christina Hendricks leaps to mind) without regard to actually loving her as a person. I'd find myself envying her and everything she wore. Expose me to that for a few weeks and my GD would become unbearable.

[whowhatwhen]

Tell her I'm gay.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Give her a big hug, smile, and walk. I love who I am. Pretty simple... Not going back to that old world.

[Barbara Dugan]

Decline the offer with out a doubts!!

[Dana44]

Well I've been there many many times and it took me most of my life to finally found one that loves me for me.

[dreamer_2.0]

I would turn her down. Experience with girlfriends tells me there is no way I could be happily married and remain a man.

[karenpayneoregon]

The problem is that you can only hold beachball under water in the deep end of the pool for so long. It eventually will slip out of your hands and rise to the surface. It will probably also hit your chin and hurt you on its way.

Wow, great words written here.

[MissDanielle]

Couldn't do it. I wouldn't have fun from a romantic perspective because there would just be no interest there since I'd still be a girl on the inside and she's not a guy.

[Heidi Stevens]

The point is moot for a lot of us. We love our mate more than any thing or any one. We do anything to keep that union strong. Even putting transition on hold to remain together. I know I'm not the first to try to keep a relationship together and try to transition. But she has asked for me to remain as I look now and she will love me as I am now. As far as Miss Perfect walking up to take me away? I'd say thanks for the lovely offer, but my entire life has been married to me thru everything for 26 years. I know folks say take care of yourself first. Well I am, I have the love I sought still in my life.

[Kris Avery]

I'm in a similar situation as Heidi.

I love my wife, she is not only my partner, my person, my everything, but she completes me.
So, any considered life without her.....for me...just isn't worth living..

Lucky for me, we are doing almost everything I can imagine, and certainly everything I want...

[Robin414]

I'm totally with Heidi on this one (ya, throw the tomatoes, I'm wearing water proof macara 😛 )

[PretzelGirl]

I would put it more this way. If I made this choice in light of the fact that I could lose family, then any pretty woman that comes along doesn't have a chance. I have always been family first so anything else has less consideration.

[LeaP]

... because it's so nice to finally meet a real man? ... What do you do?

After getting over the depression from having given the impression I'm a real man, I'd inform her that I'm already married to the most desirable woman in the world, that despite unfortunate appearances I'm not a man, and has she tried eHarmony or similar? Perhaps I'd suggest she try the Bachelor or Bachelorette, as they attract all sorts of studly male types (with the exception of the current Ben guy who looks kinda gay to me, but I digress ...).

Um. No. Thanks. I think ...

[Claire Cook]

Well, I guess I'm one of those who are "not sure", but Eryn has answered this one for me. If I had to give her an answer, I'd probably say "Thanks, that's very sweet of you but I would really rather be your girl friend."

[gokatiegirl]

Walk away

[Kimberly Kael]

How can someone simultaneously be the most desirable woman I can imagine and not able to accept me for who I am? What I desire in a partner includes acceptance, support, and understanding. It's unfortunate that so many seek someone based on what society deems desirable rather than trusting their own assessment. The envy of others doesn't make you happy (said realizing full well that being happy is worth envying, so they're not mutually exclusive.)

[arbon]

Instead of this amazing woman could I substitute for winning the loto?

[flatlander_48]

M H:

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is...

DeeAnn

[Kimberly Kael]

Instead of this amazing woman could I substitute for winning the loto?

It turns out lottery winners aren't as happy as you'd expect (https://newrepublic.com/article/88985/winning-mega-millions-happiness). Having an ideal partner to navigate life alongside is infinitely more valuable than material wealth.

[Badtranny]

LOL

I made an effort to phrase it in such a way to minimize misunderstandings and misinterpretation, and I was only mostly successful.

The question has to stand on it's own for the exercise, and it's for people who have not yet made the decision to transition. The idea is to bring the shame of who you are to the surface so you can deal with it.

This doesn't apply to everyone (nothing does) but one of the more difficult issues for me to overcome in the years before I finally came out was shame. I had a very hard time with people looking at me as something less than a man. I grew up in the deep south with one high school so everybody I knew was a hunter and a fighter. I grew up rough but I didn't get mean until my late 20's. I basically spent my childhood being called a fag and my 20's proving to the world that I wasn't.

There was a time in my mid 30's when I was truly a dangerous angry person that probably wouldn't have survived the neighborhood I grew up in. During these years (from 19 on) I was secretly exploring my sexual attraction to men, but calling me a fag would have not been advised. I hated myself for sure, but most of all I was ashamed of the way I felt when no one else was around.

I struggled for years to come to grips with my sexuality but every time I got close, a beautiful woman would intervene and I would charge ahead thinking she would be the answer. Sometime I would even tell them I was "bi" thinking that would be a foothold for something honest but nothing ever became of it because I couldn't stand for her to see me as anything other than a "real man". Every single relationship was doomed because at my core I am not a man but it took me a long time and this forum to even start to understand the truth.

I asked this question because I want the people who relate to face an issue that may be tripping them up. A certain level of anxiety is part of the TS package. We grew up pushing things down so the idea of an attractive woman and a good life is intoxicating for us at a certain stage in our development. Even when you're NOT attracted to women. Some of the responses are parsing the question to suit a different outcome, but for a select group of us, there is only one outcome every single time.

[AmandaM]

I would do what most of you probably would do, lie to myself, try it, and then sometime in the future, fail.

[STACY B]

Well I did it,,lol,,, Live life being Drunk and pretending... Took Many Many YEARS to deal with it,, Time had to change also,, Waited for the Outside world to come here to find out what this was.
Now I know what it is and how to deal with it I would just smile and tell her ( You need to keep looking) Trust me,, I am as far from a Real Man as you can get,, I just play one really well,, Hang around for a few years Yull Find Out,,

[grace7777]

There is no way I could accept her offer. For me to be happy I have to be who I truly am. There are compromises in life I can make, but this is not one of them.

[whowhatwhen]

changed my mind
id still tell her im gay except id be eating cake at the same time