Too much sycophancy ??

[Allison_CD]

Too much sycophancy ??

A person who attempts to gain advantage by flattering people or behaving in a servile manner.

We see far too much of this particularly towards pics. Just saying. xx

[pamela7]

a sycophant is seeking some personal advantage, whereas on this forum i think people are encouraging each other. Most of us are never going to look that pretty compared to fashion models, it's more about whether we're doing a good job for ourselves. So I don't think I see it here, and I've seen it in other walks of life to recognise the difference.

[alwayshave]

Allson, I agree with Pamela, when I comment on someone's photo, it is to encourage them. I expect nothing in return.

[EllieMayxxx]

I expect nothing in return.
Me too, I mean what i say when I comment on people's pictures

[LaurenS]

Me too, I mean what i say when I comment on people's pictures

Me also. Manipulation is not in my personality.

[Helena J]

If i find some one beautiful i mean it no alternative motives just a complement

[NicoleScott]

Perhaps this topic is more appropriate for the recent admirers thread. Hmmm, "....gain advantage by using flattery...." sounds familiar.

[Heidi Stevens]

Alison, don't confuse seeing positive feedback with sycophancy. Some of us are good friends with each other and we may be ribbing our friend. Some of us do mean what we say. Some of us are honest, but tell the person privately on the side, not in the public forums. Others answer by not answering at all, to keep some one from feeling depressed because of criticism.
If you look, we can be quite honest when the poster asks for constructive criticism.
And yes there are a few sycophants, but they mean only to cheer the poster on. It took me 45 years and a lot of work and money to become the girl I am today. Getting a great complement now and then does help the self esteem. As you hang around a bit longer you'll see our true motives are to be positive and polite as we can.

[Sarah-RT]

This reminds me of when you see trans hate on Facebook or wherever of people refusing to use correct pronouns. Rather than keeping that decision to themselves they have to let everyone else know of their opinion and try to "win the Internet "

We're all human beings, the simple approach of if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything works best. And for those who have taken time out of their day to let someone else know they like their picture shouldn't be taken as an ulterior motive.
Liking the picture could go as far as to mean "glad you can be yourself" or "you've got a lot of courage to be yourself, keep at it!"
We are our own worst critics, we don't need anymore negativity

[Nikkilovesdresses]

When someone adds 'Just saying' on the end of a put down, it normally indicates insurance against being called mean spirited.

Just saying :)

[AnnieMac]

Ok, I'll fix that - you suck! :)

[CarlaWestin]

Well, in that case...... No. I can't say it.




Just saying. xx

[Katey888]

As has been said already, nobody really gains advantage by doing this here - other than perhaps a hint of reciprocity when posting ones own pics... :)

So not sycophancy at all... I truly believe with most people here it's sensitivity above all else. This is intended to be a support forum and while some folk occasionally stretch critique to meanness (it's subtle, but it's there if you look for it) most tend to pitch a message between encouragement and gentle criticism. Overt rudeness is not allowed under the justly draconian set of rules we have here, and the forum is better for it because it completely discourages those who would join just to poke fun at us.

Personally, while the support here may be erring on the side of generosity, I think we can ill afford to turn down any form of acceptance and affirmation when so many of us might struggle to get that from the vanilla world.

And if anyone is going to be servile and head for the bar, it's Sunday night so mine's a Campari and soda... :battingeyelashes:

Katey x

[reb.femme]

...And if anyone is going to be servile and head for the bar, it's Sunday night so mine's a Campari and soda... :battingeyelashes:

Katey x

You missed out on Croydon TransPALS last night. I was very ...err...merry. I did get one in for you...honest!

Honest support for people is pretty fair and if it is over the top sometimes, so what? I think most of us are old enough to know the difference and sift it out ourselves.

Becky

[Samantha_Smile]

What they said....

Friends will always 'like and comment' on their friends pics. Thats what friends do!
Positive feedback and compliments on our work and appearance are to be enjoyed.
Not to consider if someone might have something to gain by befriending you.

[heatherdress]

Allison - Your description of responses on this site insults most of us. It is also probably inaccurate. Why would you think most people lie to each other for their own self-interests or personal gain?

Most comments are positive because this is often the only place a lot of us can share pictures of ourselves without ridicule. People want to feel good about their makeup and attire. Why would we want to hurt each other with negative comments? I believe most people try to focus on the positive. Sometimes, a member asks for critical comments, but even then, most of us are positive and careful. We care for each other.

We are not self-seeking liars as you suggest.

[kittie60]

Everyone has pretty much said it all. I will say this though for most of us older people we would have loved a sight like this. We had nobody to reach out to like today. So if we can help someone out we will do it. If they have a pic and ask questions about we will tell them and be honest and sincere about it.we have all been there one time or another. We have nothing to gain by lieing to them

[S. Lisa Smith]

I agree with the comments made by the other ladies and couldn't have said it any better. Am I being a sycophant by agreeing with them? What am I going to gain? I will probably never see the vast majority of these ladies. What they say is the truth, as I see it. Could be wrong, but you have your opinions and I have mine. I like it here.

[Robin414]

I see your point Allison but IMHO I don't think Phsyco Fantasy...damn spell checker 😡 ...SYCOPHANCY... is always at play. Offering kind words and encouragement is what the forum is all about, that said it's nice to return a compliment, keep the kind words and encouragement machine running! ☺

[Eryn]

Too much sycophancy ??

Since when is being nice defined as sycophancy?

When I see a picture I tend to pick out the part I like best and comment on that.

If someone asks for criticism I'll give that too, but it is still possible to be nice while telling someone the failings I perceive in their presentation.

Some people, OTOH, revel in being rude, but of course they call it "blunt" or "realistic." To me those are the people who seem to be jockeying for advantage. It's a very male trait, IMO.

[Tracii G]

I can't see what advantage one would gain here by giving a compliment on a pic.
Maybe someone that thinks negatively that way needs to step back and look at themselves.

[sarahcsc]

Hm... Perhaps.

I think there must be some degree of it on a subconscious or unconscious level.

I have to admit that I have rarely seen criticisms by other members on pictures, even those which are very distasteful and inappropriate.

Criticizing others here on the forum (especially when it is unsolicited) is akin to stepping unto a social landmine because everybody wants to 'support' each other, which often means there is little or no room for constructive criticism.

There will be some who are drawn more to say... stockings, than others. Pictures of themselves in stockings, no matter how good/bad they are, tend to attract similiar minds who comment positively on it.

It might give the impression of sycophancy, but in reality, you're just witnessing a very common social phenomena where like-minded individuals gather to reinforce each other's beliefs and preferences.

Love,
S

[Tara Rushing]

Not really much I can add here but I am fairly new and lurked for about 6-7 months before joining and noticed that some girls would post some pics and get tons of "fanfare" while others might just get a few responses, even in cases where the girl just getting a handful of response may have looked very nice. So when I joined and started posting I made a decision to always try to say something nice if I genuinely thought the picture was nice. It only takes a moment to type in "you look pretty", "love your sweater", or "way to go girl" but I personally think it can serve as encouragement to the person that posted it. I know it takes a lot of courage to post your pics up in these forums and giving them a little "atta girl" only seems like the polite thing to do.........now that said, I won't lie and say someone looks great if I really don't believe it. False compliments are worth less than silence........

[Krisi]

If it's a photo, I'll say something nice if it's sincere or say nothing if I don't have anything nice to say. That's unless someone seems to be asking for opinions or advice. Sometimes I'll slip up and make a suggestion when I thought the poster was asking for suggestions and it turns out that they were not. I usually pay for this in nasty replies to my post.

I think some folks just post to increase their post count and I think some folks post compliments to encourage someone even though the photo shows a lot of deficiencies.

[sometimes_miss]

Too much sycophancy ??
Perhaps it's just trying to embrace femininity a bit more. Women often compliment each other on things that look, well, borderline at best, especially once there's no way for the person to change their hair, make up, or clothes. Which fits here, pretty much; we can't change our bodies to fit how we'd really want to appear, so why not try to help each other feel better about how they look, even if they don't really look like they'd want to?

[Helena J]

Yea there's a nice way to give constructive criticism and then there's a harsh way - once when I posted pic's on reddit and asked for constructive criticism I got really mean criticism it shattered my confidence completely didn't dress for a few months after that

[MelanieAnne]

You aren't really going out like that, are you? :heehee:

[Tracii G]

Krisi you mentioned increasing a post count why is that important to some people?

[Sky]

Sycophancy is excessive flattery.

Do we have that in the forum? Yes.

Is it justified? Yes.

Why? Most people post here looking for support. So if you don't want to give any, or you don't think the person posting deserves it, shut the hell up. Unless the poster asks for honest criticism -and even then responses should remain polite and non aggressive, unless you are a total a$s.

[Allison_CD]

Excellent reply Sky. Just a small "polite and non aggressive" point, saying, "shut the hell up", mmmm ..........


Sycophancy is excessive flattery.

Do we have that in the forum? Yes.

Is it justified? Yes.

[Samantha_Smile]

https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ion=1&espv=2&ie=UTF-8#q=sycophant%20meaning

Actually Sky, it's flattery with personal gain as the motive.

[audreyinalbany]

Well you know, Mama taught me LONG ago..."If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all."

[Allison_CD]

I am heartened by girls debating in a grown up manner (no pun).
One persons, 'shattered my confidence completely' is anothers hay ho who cares ......

[Tara Rushing]

Well you know, Mama taught me LONG ago..."If you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all."

I thought that was Thumper's mother? Or was it father???

j/k....my Mom said that all the time as well......