I hate getting mixed signals from my wife

[Jamie390]

My wife is 100% DADT. She knows that I have a few items, but doesn't want to see anything and doesn't seem to want to discuss it. A few weeks ago, she cleaned out her closet. She a had a pile of old clothes that she was going to throw out or donate or whatever. I noticed a pair of her old yoga pants and tank top which I took for myself and put in my stash. Well she noticed them and asked why I had them. She wasn't too happy and we got into a whole unpleasant discussion. She said that she is trying to understand and be supportive of my CDing but she is worried that it is going to progress to a point where she will be completely unable to accept, (she is afraid that I will want to dress like a woman full time). Also, she seems ok with the fact that I bought a few items for myself, but she isn't comfortable with me wearing her clothes, even if she doesn't want them anymore. Anyway after a while we kissed and made up. Two days later I found one of her nice shirts on my side of the closet folded up neatly. I noticed a big dye spot on the front, (she is a cosmetologist and it isn't uncommon to get hair dye on her clothes). In all of my optimism, I thought that she left the shirt for me on purpose because it is ruined by the dye spot; and she is becoming more accepting after the discussion that we had a few days prior; and that she might not see the harm in me wearing HER clothes. So I asked her about it. She replied in disgust that she left it there by accident when she was organizing her side of the closet... bummer.

[bridget thronton]

Keep talking and see how things progress

[Laurana]

There doesn't seem to be any mixed signals.

[Jenniferathome]

Based on your summary, it seems that YOU are mixing up the signals and she is unchanged

[Bruce64]

At first I used to make hints at my Wife, " that would look nice on me " " I love these thights " before you know it I am wearing them. After a while when she is in the Lingerie section I am betting a better view of the items I would like to have, the I would pick it up and let her cash it out, Today I can cash out my own items. Keep it Simple. Good Luck.

[Stumble]

You were mixing up her signals but I don't think you were getting mixed signals.

[Jamie390]

LOL, OK, point taken on the interpretation of the signals. I should have titled the thread "I Hate When I Misinterpret My Wife's Signals"; or "I Hate When I Misread the Situation". The point is that it was a bit of a let down. :)

[Heidi Stevens]

Welcome to my world, Jamie. I'm in an almost identical situation. She wants nothing to do or see of Heidi. But every once and a while, here comes a "gift" that she can't use. You relax a little thinking things are progressing and WHAM, the DADT attitude is back! Like others have said, take it slow, don't push the subject and take the gifts when they come..

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Jamie,

I would avoid taking any of your wife's items. Even if she's getting rid of them. And even if she'll not see them on you. This just creates scope for conflict. Given your wife's hostility to dressing, the last thing she'll want to see is how you look in her things.

My advice would be to build your own wardrobe, with items you choose and buy to suit your own tastes and style.

Hope it all works out for you, Michelle

[Sandie70]

Interesting. As I live alone, I don't know what my advice is worth, but I was married 3 times and had many other live-in girlfriends... so.

As someone who once let the perfect woman get away, the only advice I can give is: ask how much your marriage means to you. It seems your wife has made it very clear where she stands, so it's up to you to decide how much your crossdressing means to you.

That's probably not much help, but it is a legitimate consideration. If she's disgusted with what you do, you either continue in secret and risk being found out some day... or quit. Or consider the marriage at risk.

Good luck.

[suzanne]

Why does the wife get to call all the shots? What about your needs and feelings, don't they have value as well? Not long ago, my wife's position was essentially, "I'd rather see you dead than in a dress" Mine was "There has to be room for me to be myself ". I concluded that if she ever gave me The Ultimatum, I would take it as the sign she didn't respect me and I'd be gone. Fortunately, we worked it out and she understands me while I try not to overdo the dressing around her.

If crossdressing is truly a part of your personality makeup, it is unhealthy to deny it. Just my two cents, because you have to figure it out for yourself. Good luck. We're all rooting for you.

[CallmeAlice]

In my current relationship my girlfriend is supper accepting, maybe too accepting, which is great because she lets me use her old cloths and what not. But in my previous relationship my ex was kinda indifferent about it. She didn't really mind it and we could talk about it, but she got uncomfortable when I did cross or ask for her cloths.