Disscussing Breast Forms with DADT wife. SO's can help too!

[Peach13]

Hello Ladies :)

My wife is DADT. Although I have an open wardrobe with all my girlie things and I keep my cosmetics in beside hers she doesn't really want to know that side of me which I accept... kind of... Anyways when I opened up to her about this side of me I explained I didn't use wigs or breast forms, it was clothes heels and make up I used. But since the reveal I have really developed the urge to try breast forms and a wig, the problem is I don't want to just go and buy without discussing it first and not sure how to approach the subject as I said before I didn't use hem. I have been out a few times (only to a newsagent) dressed with full make up and heels but it was obviously clear for all to see I was a man. I like the idea of at least passing from a distance. I want to avoid buying them behind her back as I think its more respectful if I discuss the subject first? Or does DADT mean she doesn't want to know anything? Please feel free to share some advice or experiences :)

Peach :daydreaming:

[Katey888]

Hi Peach... This confuses me, but I realise you must be confused as well... :)

Only you know the context and detail of what DADT means for your wife and you - I have to say the first step should probably be for you both to really understand what that means (and be prepared to talk about it a little) so that you don't run into some mega-bloopers in the future...

My first feel is that it would be more respectful for you to respect the 'don't tell' part - that's what it means, no..? This part of you might have peripheral reveals in your life (the open wardrobe she doesn't really want open...) but asking her advice on forms seems too much like really pushing something on her she would not want to know about... Surely DADT is precisely about all specified activities happening behind the others back...?

My advice: Bury the thought of talking silicone details right now - tell her there's some stuff you want to do but first you need to clarify exactly what your unwritten DADT agreement really means... and perhaps write it down so that neither of you forget... :hugs:

And does she know you've been out...? :)

Katey x

[Peach13]

Hi Katey

Sorry I should have been more clear. I wasn't going to ask advice on Forms, simply just ask if she minded if I purchased them or not. She is ok about the wardrobe, she hasn't said otherwise.

Peach x

[Tracii G]

Who pays the bills and earns the money?

[Eryn]

Couples don't keep secrets from each other. If you're getting wigs and forms tell her that you are doing so and the reason that you feel they are needed.

[JanePeterson]

If you forge ahead on your own now, she'll just have to make up the distance later- may want to just be up front (don't need a ton of details) and then go for it. Otherwise you're just priming a future conflict

Edit:

Unless you're REALLY good at hiding this stuff

[Donna Indelco]

I agree with Jane & Eryn and would tell her. This is something that you would probably enjoy and would want to do more than once so I would want to give it the best chance of success. Since she is already aware of the makeup & wardrobe, breast forms and wigs seem like at natural progression and perhaps she will understand or be indifferent to it as she already seems to be. Either way, it will probably open up a new side to you plus you did it the right way. But hell, what do I know.

[marshalynn]

Peach 13, I would tell her, I want to buy some new things for my crossdressing, do you want to know about them or should I keep it to my self. Marshalynn

[MarciManseau]

Hiding things is never a good idea, and I'm sure you know that one day she'll find out and be very unhappy that you deceived her. Best to talk it over with her first.

[Meghan4now]

Tracii has a good question. While DADT may apply to small purchases, such as an occasional lipstick, or a skirt on sale, any larger purchase is likely to require at least a small courtesy conversation. I think it depends on how you and your wife handle money in the relationship as well as your understanding about DADT. As others have mentioned, keeping secrets and hiding things are not productive to the relationship. But you also have to balance the not "in your face" aspect of the DADT. Your rules and guidelines may be different than another couples.

My inclination would be to discuss it, but tactfully. If you get to the point where she tells you specifically that she doesn't want to know or hear about your purchases, then you'll know not to discuss it.

[Pat]

You've already told her you dress. You specified that you don't wear wigs and forms. You want to change the spec, so just update her. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, just "Honey, you remember I told you I crossdress? I know you don't want to see it, but at the time I told you I don't wear breast forms or a wig and now I'm thinking I'd like to try those out. I don't want you finding them and thinking I didn't tell you the truth, so I just want you to be aware." Simple. Don't ask permission unless you're creating a financial hardship, just keep her informed so that your credibility remains intact.

[Krisi]

Only you know what DADT means in your relationship.

To me, DADT means your stuff is kept out of sight from your wife and the two of you don't discuss your "hobby". It may mean something different to other folks.

To answer the question, I think you should probably discuss it with her but not by asking permission. More like saying that you need to get something to put in your bra. See how she reacts.

If I were your wife I would be far more concerned about you walking around town in a dress and heels than you buying breast forms and/or a wig.

[Secret Drawer]

Krisi is definitely onto something here. The DADT relationship is not one where "permission" is on the table, as this is typically a closed dialog relationship. Why would any DADT spouse approve of anything at all at any time regarding CD activities? Likely it is something they wish would just go away, so any agreement to buy something would be viewed as a positive affirmation, thus avoided (likely.)
If you are worried about the cost involved with forms, and have not really experienced the whole "breast" thing, a cheap (maybe temporary) alternative is the crossplayer method. Crossplayers (or cosplay MtF or Ftm) use a padded bra in one cup size down under a bra of the desired final cup size, while this won't give cleavage, your "breasts" will stay in place and it looks pretty real underneath. And is much cheaper than forms!
Also, you already indicated the very important fact that your clothing is out and visual to her if she wishes to look. It may be the case that she already assumes you wear a wig or whatever, my wife assumed I was into bra's before I ever even tried one!

[TanyaR]

You've already told her you dress. You specified that you don't wear wigs and forms. You want to change the spec, so just update her. It doesn't have to be a huge deal, just "Honey, you remember I told you I crossdress? I know you don't want to see it, but at the time I told you I don't wear breast forms or a wig and now I'm thinking I'd like to try those out. I don't want you finding them and thinking I didn't tell you the truth, so I just want you to be aware." Simple. Don't ask permission unless you're creating a financial hardship, just keep her informed so that your credibility remains intact.

As a wife/gg I agree with what Jennie said. Even though you are in DADT relationship, you stated you didn't wear wigs or breast forms so a change in that should entail a conversation. And this is a great time to detail what exactly hers and your idea of DADT is? Some seem to be - I don't want to see you but I will talk about it - all the way to - I don't want to see anything or know anything. Clarification on this will help greatly for future issues.

Good Luck!

[Sandra]

GG replying.

Sit and talk to her explain that at the time you wasn't bothered about wigs and breast forms, but now you would like to get some and wanted to talk to her and not just go out and buy them. Then talk about what DADT means to both of you and then try and come to a compromise.