Anyone?

[Danielle19]

I have been seeing a gender therapist since June 2015. I have been dressing since I was 8 (now 22) and thought I was just a crossdresser until I was 20. I decided that there was just more to it and that I was more than a CD. I told the therapist pretty much my entire life story and mentioned that I think I may be transgender. After the second session she was completely convinced that I was transgender. We talked about the idea of starting hormones and beginning transition. She is having me really think long and hard about transitioning. She told me to find out as much as I possibly could about transition and just about everything trans. There are times where I feel like I just have to transition and the feeling is just so intense. I get tired of hiding from family and friends and I feel like all the risks are worth it to be able to live as myself. Then, there are times that the feeling is not that intense and I think that "I can just live as a feminine guy". I also get a fear that maybe I'm just being selfish and that I'll regret transitioning. I've been doing a lot of research in the form of YouTube videos, blogs, documentaries, etc. I just feel lost at this point.

I've really wanted to ask this for a while now but I was afraid to post and I know I gave a lot of background info but I'm curious....

Is anyone having thoughts like mine or did you before you transitioned? Is there anything you think I should know one way or the other?

[Brianna_H]

It's a tremendous internal struggle. I haven't met a trans or gender-questioning person yet who didn't question everything about themselves and their choices to the point of anxiety. What helped me to decide was experience being around other transgender and crossdressing folk in person, reading forums like these, and time dressed both in and outside my house to see what it felt like to be who I thought I might be. Those experiences helped me realize that I was TG and not a CD, and that I felt so much happier in my simple gal clothes and a little makeup. Even going out and getting weird looks occasionally doesn't bother me, because I think I look damn good! lol.

Try to get some experiences to help you decide. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. You're right, there's nothing wrong with being a feminine guy! But for some folks that isn't the answer.

The raucous threads in the transsexual forum and a couple of others make really good reading material. I found some writers too strident at first, but came to see their point of view after some time in the real world as a woman. Don't rush yourself. Love yourself. :) Find yourself.

Be safe.

Hugs,

B

[Kate T]

Everyone has had the same thoughts Danielle.

Do what your therapist has suggested. Find out as much as you can. Try and find a support group. mostly though just try living as yourself. You will soon work out if you need to transition or not.

[MissDanielle]

I struggled since middle school and I'm 31. I finally came to peace with being a straight girl in a guy's body. I'm starting hormones next month.

[Eringirl]

Certainly was a roller coaster ride for me. For years I went back and forth until I finally reached a point where I couldn't "go back" any more. So, your experience is not totally unique. Seeing a therapist is a great start. Now, you have to work to figure out what is best for you and if you are ready, I mean REALLY ready to start this journey. We all did it because we HAD to, not because we WANTED to. This is not for the feint of heart. But once a person is committed, the answer becomes clear. That is not to say it is a piece of cake....it sure as hell isn't. But, do it smart. It is not a race.....talk it through and that should help???

Also, search the forum for threads relevant to the info you are looking for, and ask questions....lots of questions. Get informed....

[I Am Paula]

I'll bet your sentiments echo those of everyone here. Certainly mine.
You're doing every thing right. Now just carry on, and perhaps the answer will come. In my case it came very fast and furious, as in, 'I need to transition RIGHT NOW!'. You may find you can live with the ebb, and flow of dysphoria.
I suppose the short answer is- You'll know.

[Kimberly Kael]

I followed a similar pattern over a longer period of time. Ultimately it was a combination of my own discovery process and a shift in social attitudes that finally put me in a position where it seemed inevitable. Once it was clear I was headed down the transition path I wanted to do so as soon as possible, but also with deliberation. Holding off until the last possible moment would have turned it into a mad rush likely to alienate people close to me, so I'm glad I didn't follow that path.

If your question is, ultimately, how did I know for sure? I didn't and you probably can't. Sorry. Just know that it's complicated, that a lot of people won't be able to relate and some will never accept, that there will almost certainly be heartache and loss, and that the rewards are subtle at best. For some of us those simple rewards mean enough to risk everything else.

[pamela7]

constant questioning - my daily life at present!

[Angela Campbell]

I would think that if you don't have thoughts like this there is something wrong. To transition is a very difficult decision and it is impossible to know what effect it will have on your life. Don't rush. As said before, meet other trans women, go to groups, go out dressed, feel it out.

But probably a good idea to begin hair removal. ....

[Barbara Ella]

The questioning never ends. The questions just change once you convince yourself to take that next step, whatever that may be, to bring you the inner peace you need at that moment. At that point, a new moment in your life will begin, and new questions arise. Questioning stops when change stops. Good or bad, it doesn't matter, as long as you have achieved that inner peace you need, and can hold on to it.

Barbara

[Eryn]

I have continuous doubts about transitioning. My emotional side battling my practical side.

I've never actually made few conscious decisions about this process. I've found that the further along I go, the happier I am. Of course, I had to make a decision to jump through the hoops for HRT, but everything else just kind of flowed in small increments toward the female side.

I really wish that there weren't such a male/female societal divide. It would be so nice if folks could live in the middle if they wanted to do so. It would eliminate a lot of tough decisions and allow people's gender identity to evolve naturally to whatever works for them.

[Danielle19]

Thanks everyone. My therapist has been telling me to go to a support group for a couple months now. Theres one that is affiliated with my university and another that is just TG individuals 13-24. I've just been really nervous to go. As for the dressing and going out... that is difficult since I'm only out to my mother. I would probably find people to go out with if I ever gain the confidence to go to a TG support group.

Also, I agree Eryn. I wish we could just live how we wanted.

[sarahcsc]

"Am I trans enough?"

That is the question that most of us will ask at least once in our lifetime.

Some have a kind of clarity we could only dream of, others continue to question their decisions for the rest of their lives.

It is good and normal to have doubts, but read up before you take the plunge. This is not to 'scare' you away from what could be inevitable, but it helps prepare you better.

But after all said and done, you wouldn't know for sure if this is the right path until you walk it.

Note, I'm not saying that "you wouldn't know if you're 'transgender' until you try it", I'm just referring this to a 'right path'.

I wished I had come to your realization when I was your age, but its not too late for me still. :)

Good luck.

Love,
S

[Jennifer-GWN]

Sole searching and introspection along with help from your therapist as a guide will help. For some of us hitting rock bottom was necessary for us to know that transition was right and necessary. Go slow and be true to your feelings. Don't be afraid to cross check yourself by thinking in the 3rd party as well. There are many aspects of transition deciding to is one SMALL piece. The path and timeline you take afterwards I believe is tougher and requires much thought. This is not a sprint and pushing the envelope to fast often results in much frustration and grief.

[Danielle19]

Sarah, I ask myself that question everyday. Exact wording too.

Thanks for the words everybody :)

[karenpayneoregon]

When at your age I felt very similar as you but suppressed those feelings by getting involved with teaching (in a topic not acceptable to talk about here) that was a super macho trade until four years ago when I simply could not even consider dressing as a male and with that started dressing androgynous, left teaching which shocked many people, some that I had saved their lives, some in law enforcement and military but it had to be done. So the brain won out no matter how much I suppressed the real me.

[Georgette_USA]

I was about your age when I really started to question myself. Had been CD from 10 or so. Was in US Navy and lived off base. Was able to try out my dressing and started to drive around town. Stopped by police, and after some questions, let go. He must have reported it to base CO. I was going crazy with worries. But after Pyschs and security Navy seemed to be OK with it. That is when I found out my life was not going to end. After military in 1974 I really stated to explore and decided what was needed for my life to correct itself.

I have never regretted what I did as it was necessary to save my life.

I do believe it would be very helpful to go to support groups. Most have no requirement that you dress or that you have made any decisions yet. They will respect your anonymity.

[Eryn]

...suppressed those feelings by getting involved with teaching (in a topic not acceptable to talk about here) that was a super macho trade until four years ago when I simply could not even consider dressing as a male and with that started dressing androgynous, left teaching....


I seem to recall Kristen Beck providing that sort of instruction after transition. It seems that, if you are good at something, gender shouldn't stand in the way of teaching about it.