GabbiSophia
01-12-2016, 05:55 AM
I have struggled in the past and I will struggle going forward, there is no doubt about it. The funny thing is I had set a time line to tell the 14 year old over his Christmas break so he had time to digest it before going back to school. This was a self imposed time line because I just felt like I could not and or can't start living my life till I just come out and start living. So during his break I felt great. I really didn't have any anxiety per say and we spent time together doing all kinds of stuff. The funny thing is I never, not for once, felt the urge to come out. It was weird, almost as if I didn't need to come out to move forward. So I let it ride and he went back to school. Three days later I hit the wall. I can only surmise that not telling him caused me to hit the wall and the thought of coming out had lessened my anxiety.
So liquid courage and being angry make for a great recipe to deal with crap. ... hear my sarcasm? ... Needless to say after my little ones went to bed and unknown to my wife I came out. I never said the words "I am transgender or transsexual". It was more of telling him and relating things he sees and knows about in the world to myself and how I relate. Talked about the moms on "Becoming us" and Kaitlyn Jenner. Went all scientific and how science hasn't come up with a way to fix the brain. My wife got involved as we tried to explain it. The whole time he was on board. Knew what we were talking about even kind of gets how and why this is a birth defect and not a mental illness. Hell I thought it was going great till he said he didn't get how I had it. He expressed that he just didn't understand. Then I laid it out that I was exactly like Kaitlyn .... still a puzzled look.
At the end of it all my wife said just let it be as I stood there by the fire in total shock that he "didn't get it". I suppose he did and just didn't understand it. It has been a week and not a peep out of him. I started to loosen my grip of being in character at home and start to just be me and still no questions. I am either blessed as can be or he really doesn't get it.
Funny thing is on earlier that day while having drinks with a business partner. I related to his Parkinson's the best way I could. There is no way that I compare being trans to Park but he understood. After 30 minutes of relating and explaining how I am tired of dealing with all this and hiding it. We just went back to future business plans like I didn't say anything at all. That started my courage to tell the kid and my bewilderment.
So in one day I told a close friend and the kid and the only question raised was if my wife knew. Yep we deal with it everyday. I feel dumbfounded. My business partner is 74 kid is 14. I can only assume that when I start telling my friends my own age that is when the crap will hit the fan. I also have decided that I am not telling everyone in a person by person list. I am telling a very close couple and the rest can just find out. I have started to try to be me a little more and more everyday on an all day basis.
So liquid courage and being angry make for a great recipe to deal with crap. ... hear my sarcasm? ... Needless to say after my little ones went to bed and unknown to my wife I came out. I never said the words "I am transgender or transsexual". It was more of telling him and relating things he sees and knows about in the world to myself and how I relate. Talked about the moms on "Becoming us" and Kaitlyn Jenner. Went all scientific and how science hasn't come up with a way to fix the brain. My wife got involved as we tried to explain it. The whole time he was on board. Knew what we were talking about even kind of gets how and why this is a birth defect and not a mental illness. Hell I thought it was going great till he said he didn't get how I had it. He expressed that he just didn't understand. Then I laid it out that I was exactly like Kaitlyn .... still a puzzled look.
At the end of it all my wife said just let it be as I stood there by the fire in total shock that he "didn't get it". I suppose he did and just didn't understand it. It has been a week and not a peep out of him. I started to loosen my grip of being in character at home and start to just be me and still no questions. I am either blessed as can be or he really doesn't get it.
Funny thing is on earlier that day while having drinks with a business partner. I related to his Parkinson's the best way I could. There is no way that I compare being trans to Park but he understood. After 30 minutes of relating and explaining how I am tired of dealing with all this and hiding it. We just went back to future business plans like I didn't say anything at all. That started my courage to tell the kid and my bewilderment.
So in one day I told a close friend and the kid and the only question raised was if my wife knew. Yep we deal with it everyday. I feel dumbfounded. My business partner is 74 kid is 14. I can only assume that when I start telling my friends my own age that is when the crap will hit the fan. I also have decided that I am not telling everyone in a person by person list. I am telling a very close couple and the rest can just find out. I have started to try to be me a little more and more everyday on an all day basis.