Are your female mannerisms out of control?

[Sandie70]

Recently I've been out to dinner several times with a good GG friend who does not know about my crossdressing.

Anyway, some day I will get up the courage to come out to her, but meanwhile I've noticed myself doing something without thinking when I'm around her.

I have been making feminine, girl like gestures. Placing my hand on my heart, holding my hands in a feminine way, even walking like a girl and making subtle head movements like a girl. Even accidentally using girly language: "Oh, that is a darling pair of earrings you're wearing."... Ooops!

I've done this in private - when I practice my female mannerisms - but now my girl side is coming out on its own.

I am now doing this naturally... and it's out of control.

I know my friend is a little puzzled by this, although she hasn't commented on it.

However, I realize now that my feminine side is becoming a real part of who I am and it is expressing itself even when I'm in drab.

And I've even started exploring the idea of replacing the diamond studs in both my ears with something even more feminine.

Guys wear earrings... right?

Anyway, is this happening to any of you? :straightface:

[Tracii G]

Sounds like you are trying to get caught and you like the idea of being caught.

[Sandie70]

Traci, I've thought that as well. I've already come out to a number of friends about my CDing and that I'm bisexual - and in all honesty... I hate the subterfuge. It is a relief to be around people who know and treat me as they always have. I just hope everyone else will be the same when the big day comes.

You know, I think that all of us who freely post our pictures here and elsewhere are subliminally wishing to be discovered and just get it over with and face the music - so to speak.

[Tracii G]

If those are your mannerisms its all good I wouldn't worry too much about it.

[Tara Rushing]

You know, I think that all of us who freely post our pictures here and elsewhere are subliminally wishing to be discovered and just get it over with and face the music - so to speak.

I've posted a few pics here and have had that question in my mind as to "why" I would put something up on the internet. I don't consciously want to be "outed" for sure, but my mind has thought that perhaps there is something deeper going on with joining up here.

To your original point, I keep my female mannerisms pretty under wraps, though when I think no one is looking I do pull my elbows in a bit and work on my female walk.....

[Stephanie47]

I've thought about your query. It seems most, if not all, of the feminine/female mannerisms I've adopted are a part of functionality.

When wearing my wigs I sometimes have to wisp away a stray hair from my face. Male mode? Short hair on the side and not much on top.

When I'm wearing a dress I smooth the dress on my rump before I sit down. No need to do that wearing pants.

Walking in three inch heels kind of forces me to take shorter strides.

In think for me when I am in male mode I'm pretty much thinking and acting like a male.

In female mode I seem to just glide into it. I never think of myself as a cross dresser when in female mode. I am not a female impersonator. If one is of the opinion that there are always two psychological beings in one's inner self, then I feel it one can let the other out of her cage once in awhile. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else.

I haven't caught myself crossing my knees when wearing male pants. Wearing a dress? I'd say that does take some conscious effort to cross my legs at the knee and not sit with my legs wide open. Then again, in male mode I try not to splay my legs all over because I take up too much floor space. My wife constantly reminds me to "get your feet out of the way."

[Nine]

Well, in french we have the possibility to speak in female gender So sometimes when I am with TG we can speak in female gender...
And sometimes, at work or with my family, it may happen to me to speak in female gender but I am not sure that I have female gesture.

[Jane G]

Long since stopped worrying about this one. The only person who ever comments is my wife. If we are out and I am doing girly mannerisms laugh etc.

In my own thoughts if I'm telling my self off or some thing like that, I will say some thing like Jane you stupid B#t#h. I seldom think of myself in my male name any more. It's been a very gradual thing over decades, not some thing I have deliberately learned, just something picked up over time.

[sometimes_miss]

However, I realize now that my feminine side is becoming a real part of who I am and it is expressing itself even when I'm in drab.
Sounds like it's been more than just 'a part' of you for a long time. 'IT'S' not expressing 'IT'S' self, you're expressing YOUR self.

And I've even started exploring the idea of replacing the diamond studs in both my ears with something even more feminine. Guys wear earrings... right?
Feminine earrings. Uh, yes, sure. It's all the rage today. Guys wear fem earrings all the time, why, I saw the whole NBA wearing them. Right. While playing in heels. Of course. Nothing unusual about that at all. And I'm sure all the execs at work will be wearing evening gowns tomorrow instead of suits.

You're only kidding yourself. Which is fine. Living in the pink fog is great. Lots of us get stuck there from time to time. But don't confuse it with reality.

[Sandie70]

LOL... Actually Lexi, I was joking about the women's earrings while in drab. However, I have thought about some very tiny hoops... something I've seen quite a few men wearing - even in both ears. Harrison Ford wears a hoop, although just in the left ear. I have both ears pierced, so they would be in both. I've mentioned to some friends that I am thinking of taking on more of a pirate look...(lol).

[Ally 2112]

When i am dressed i do act more female .Which i only do in private i try to make sure i act as a guy on the outside .I just do not anyone to know

[AllieSF]

Yes, I experience those unnecessary female gestures when in male mode. I have always crossed my legs like a woman long before I ever started crossdressing. I also have some femme gay mannerisms too. You don't think that you do them but then a real un-posed picture of yourself tells the truth! LOL

[bridget thronton]

If the mannerisms are yours and you are not forcing them I think you are just being gender fluid and nothing wrong with that in my view

[Jennifer Kelly]

Well, in french we have the possibility to speak in female gender ( So sometimes when I am with TG we can speak in female gender...
And sometimes, at work or with my family, it may happen to me to speak in female gender but I am not sure that I have female gesture.
Same thing in Spanish. And I have to consciously remember to do it because I don't need to speak it much when I'm dressed (none of my friends who also speak it know about Jennifer).

As for the mannerisms I have the opposite problem. They're not as automatic as I'd like them to be when I'm en femme.

[Krisi]

I suppose I'm not as seriously into this as some people because I have not tried to acquire "feminine mannerisms".

I do think though, if you try to act like a female when dressed as a male, people will notice and think you are gay. That's fine if it's OK with you. If not, you need to learn how to turn these mannerisms on and off at will.

[Amy Lynn3]

Feminine mannerisms do not stand out with me, but my mouth does. I can't count the times, that both, men and women ask me how did I know so much about this or that female related issue. Just last week I was talking to a few women about fingernails and polish. A husband of one of the women ask me how did I know so much about nails, polish, pedicures and manicures. I told him I enjoyed having both done and even explained how much they helped. The women joined in and almost flogged him to death with words. I just smiled.:)

[Sandie70]

Actually, I am all right with some people thinking I might be gay. If so, they are at least half right (lol).

Unfortunately, coming out as gay or bisexual (gender fluid) is much more acceptable than coming out as a crossdresser. The public needs both more education on crossdressing and more exposure to us. Hopefully, the day will come when people accept us as a normal presence in their world.

[Nadine Spirit]

...coming out as gay or bisexual (gender fluid)...

You know that bisexual does not equate with gender fluid right?

[sugarbabe]

I used to always wear 4 silver hoops and one "diamond" stud in my ears in drab. Which is to say, pretty much fulltime from 16 -~40-something. 24 hours a day, even.

Lately, I've taken to just wearing some Mickey Mouse studs in either drab or fab mode. If I want extra girl power, I put some danglies in my lower holes. So, I say go for it with the hoops :thumbsup:

[heatherdress]

I am conscious when dressed, of my normal, male mannerisms and do not worry too much about them. Although I usually try to sit, walk, and carry myself in a more feminine manner when dressed, as much as possible, I do not find the feminine attempts surfacing when in male mode.

[Judy-Somthing]

Not my mannerisms but every once in a while I'll make a comment about a women to someone I or in a group and was told it was odd.

Like a few months ago an attractive woman came into where I worked and after she left I said something like "Wow, what a nice dress" or "I loved here hair"

Most guys would say "Did you see her breasts?"

My wife has said she has noticed that I comment on women's hair allot. OOPS LOL

[2B Natasha]

I have allot of, what would be considered, feminine mannerism's I've been told. Mostly by my wife. Things like I sit with my legs curled up under me on the sofa. Or as an example. When watching the golden globes the other night. My wife asked me who won some category. I looked at her and said " I don't know. I'm only watching for the dresses ". For the record it was Sylvester Stallone. Won something or other for creed. I also seem to know about the fashion of past shows then the talking heads do on E. I subscribe to instyle magazine. I have no qualms about entering a conversation about fashion or the plus and minus's of red lip stick and routinely give makeup advice to people.

I think in the end. I've been doing all these things for so long. I don't even know info them. My wife says I am the same person no matter what gender I am preparing as. Very little changes about me in the end that isn't present in everything else I do.

Cheers

[Robin414]

Hi Sandie, I'm most often in fluid mode so femme manerisms kinda work. That said though I can usually 'reel' them in when needed - sometimes maybe a little too much though and I act like an ass (oh, really 😉 )

[Dana44]

I must say that I'm far more feminine than I was. But when I have to, like I had my truck at several garages as I'm putting it back on the road. Long hair, sparkly earrings, long fingernails. Yet was accepted okay by the good ole boys who didn't even look at me cross-eyed while taking to me and shaking hands. So, hopefully I was more male then. But I worry now that I'm going down the rabbit hole.

[Sandie70]

My mistake in how I used the term, Nadine. Of course bisexuality is about attraction to both sexes, not your gender identity.

But since I tend at times to consider myself gender fluid - and am definitely bisexual - for right or for wrong I have a tendency to fuse the two terms together in my mind. Sometimes I even wonder if I should be using the term pansexual - since this term overlaps somewhat with bisexual and might better describe me?
I really don't know.

It can get confusing at times.

There are so many new terms that have come into use in recent years, I think even us crossdressers get confused as to what to call ourselves.

[Krististeph]

I could only wish they were...

- - - Updated - - -

I can only wish my mannerisms were out of control... <sigh>

I laps into 'less masculine' movements when talking with females I Like. Oddly, I do not flirt girly with my wife: she says it feels like a girl is coming on to her. I can understand it- and it is an affirmation of authenticity to a degree.

Maybe we as CDs should take acting classes. We could do it as a totally neutral thing, for those worried about staying under the radar...

Oh and by the way "gender fluid"??? Umm.... club soda will clean that right up... I think. (Hey I just sounded like a flight attendant!!!) :GD:

[Katey888]

Hey I just sounded like a flight attendant!!! :GD:

And if you could look like one of the hot ones and post pics too... ;) Serious point now...

Maybe we as CDs should take acting classes. We could do it as a totally neutral thing, for those worried about staying under the radar...

Aren't most of us into our Am-Dram with this a little bit? (not the TS folk or high-end TG - of course they're about being authentic to themselves...) My mannerisms aren't out of control but I do find myself making more expressive hand gestures... And I think I'm a repressed actor at heart - always been a shy, private person (that is a quite common, thespian trait) and have had to adopt a range of personas to be effective in business. My femme side benefits from this because I do want to portray an elegant, sophisticated, feminine appearance and without the small gestures, posture, movements (I had some nice compliments on my first time out regarding my natural feminine gestures) I wouldn't feel like I was portraying myself accurately or honestly.

While I'm happy to accept that everyone's motivation is valid for how they do what they do, I really can't grasp those of us who go to great effort to appear female (not just feminine - I think there's a difference) but happily admit they make no effort with walking and movement (I've observed that firsthand - it's jarring... :eek:) or gestures. I suppose if you're not interacting with anyone, it matters less, but it's still a big tell.

Another example of how diverse we are... :)

Katey x

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandie:hugs:, I will catch myself doing things like walking I'm a feminine way or the way I cross my legs
and the way I hold my hands.

I either wear three Diamond studs or two Diamond studs and a small hoop 24/7. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[jenniferinsf]

for awhile i do think that sometimes i have intentional tells that i encourage. in a way, letting others know there is more to me than meets the eye and that if they want they can ask a leading question or open a line of communication that might allow me to say something that i obviously was longing to say.

but like some others i am so over this, since, as i mostly en femme, the mannerism are an important part of who i am.

when not en femme, it like being bilingual...some things call for specific actions regardless of where they come from

[rockerreds]

I wish they were!

[rockerreds]

I recently saw a young lady at the next table at a restaurant whose feminine mannerisms were so beautiful that I wish she could give me lessons so I could move like her!

[sometimes_miss]

I can't count the times, that both, men and women ask me how did I know so much about this or that female related issue. Just last week I was talking to a few women about fingernails and polish. A husband of one of the women ask me how did I know so much about nails, polish, pedicures and manicures. )
OK, I keep seeing this concern pop up in discussions on this forum over and over. The simple answer is that you listen to women when they want to talk. My reply is, 'You'd be surprised at how easy it is to date really pretty women when they know that you're interested in them, not just working game on them. Pay attention to people, learn about what they're interested in, and you'll be surprised at how much they will become interested in you'. Most men are clueless, and all women know this. When a woman finds a guy who knows all about make up, hair care, female clothing, even all the things they go through during their monthly cycle, she's usually shocked, because in general, men don't listen to women at all, they just tolerate the talk to get into their pants. I'm just an average old fat guy, but I can still date much younger women because I learned what they like, and I give that to them. And I know they don't want to date a crossdresser, so I DON'T give that to them. So far, its worked out like a charm. As far as the guys, well, they get to keep seeing me leave with a younger, pretty lady, and they're going home alone or with their wife of 25 years. So they can say or think whatever they want.