And so I begin my journey

[hope springs]

Hello,
A couple of years ago i made my first post here. So i thought it appropriate to post my next step here. My depression and anxiety is too crippling. Im only truly happy when dressed, shopping or anything female related.
Recently i started self medicating with herbals and metformin. There has been clinical studies that show it drastically drops testosterone levels. After a month doing this monumentally stupid self medicating i feel better. More clear headed, upbeat.... The list goes on. It was this self medicating that lead me to call a psychologist and make an appointment. The issue? Gender dysphoria.
Its not that i hate my body, ive been told im an attractive dude. But it doesnt feel right mentally. I recently admitted to myself its been this way since puberty. Ive walked through life in a fog, cut off from myself and the world. Only dressing helps, and now the self medication made a real difference, even though im sure it only dropped my levels slightly its like im seeing life in HD instead of black and white.
That realization made me know i need therapy and most likely HRT. My first session is next week. Im scared, im excited, im terrified, i cant wait, im frozen but feel like running a triathlon.
An important note: my wife is being very supportive. But also said she would leave if i fully transitioned. As such, i plan for low dose HRT and see what happens physically. She did say she would be ok with some feminization but not the whole enchilada. Which i get, she is straight.
But otherwise she has been a pillar of support to which im immensely grateful.
Im sorry for the wall of text. But i felt the gals here should be the first to know since ive read through this forum a zillion times. And since this is my first post ever on this subject im rambling a bit.
So girls, you have been an inspiration to me and god help me, the first steps begin next week. This is hard, so hard that if cis people could walk in our shoes for a .day transphobia wouldnt exist. We do it because the alternative is bleak.
Love ya'll

Hope

[Jennifer-GWN]

Hope;

Getting yourself under the care of a doctor and therapist is a solid first step. You did what you needed to do to get you to that point and I completely understand that one although generally frowned apon.

Go slow... There's lots of discovery to be done. Go slow so as to allow your wife and family to evolve with you vs. being felt pushed.

In the end be happy. Be happy with YOU from the inside out. The alternatives are not pretty.

All the best... Jennifer

[MissDanielle]

I'm about to start this amazing journey, too! Good luck!

[STACY B]

Even though Dressing gives you instant gratification it's only for a short while at best,, Like Jennifer said go see a therapist and do it the right way,, Don't sweat or fear the HRT and don't worry about all of the stuff that comes later in Transition,, Like presenting Full Time,, If people would just Listen and give up the whole Y tube 5 min video of chix that Transition before your eyes and just do what the people here tell you you would see,,, An so many more Marriages would survive because it gives our other half time to adjust to the changes! There very very slow,, An some times in some cases you will be relieved of the dysphoria and learn to live with it and be some where in the middle and be happy who knows?

So don't worry about the Big steps to start with save your marriage if you are really in Love and want to be with your partner, If you solve one thing at a time and take baby steps yull see how this all fades over time,, Lots and lots of people think that Full time is some kind of conquest and a cure all,, That's not true in all cases,, What if you were not meant to be a full timer? Some are Happy for years and years living in the process of Transition.
I wish all of the people just starting and being on the fence would and could see that the full timer here are a different kind of people and just want the best for you and don't want you to make a Big mistake by following there path blindly and not waiting for your personal results to come to the surface on there own.

I wish everyone would just go through the same steps and see where they would like to pause when they need to go through the motions and deal with this one step at a time the right way and then you will see where you need to be,, Where does everyone think all of the other people are that were once here hot and heavy?
Cured and living a regular Life what ever that was for them,, And living it in peace.

[hope springs]

Thank you gals

Jennifer -- take it slow, will do.

Stacy - that really resonated for me. I usually think 20 steps ahead, and this is one time i do need to be patient at each step. I doubt is will fully transition, but if HRT helps then whatever happens will be for the best. My goal is happiness and whether thats in bra or beard is irrelevant.
Any and all advice is welcome ladies. Only those that have gone through this decision can truly understand

[Megan G]

Hope,

Therapy is nothing to be scared or terrified about, yes the first appointment can be a little nerve racking but over time that will go away. Just be honest with your therapist and most importantly be honest with yourself. Don't try and hide anything or sweep anything under the rug no matter how uncomfortable the truth is.

Jennifer and Stacy bring up good points, don't rush things and take it slow. So far my wife is still by my side and is by far my biggest ally but it has not always been easy. This road has taken years for me to get where I am now and this allowed her time to adjust and reflect on herself and the ever evolving relationship we have. We are closer now than we have ever been but it has not been an easy ride to get where we are today.

Take it slow and step my step, remember the age old saying of "only fools rush in". And just as a side note, this journey is not amazing, it is earth shattering. It will upturn your life in more ways than you can really comprehend right now..