“I want men to find me attractive.”

[Jenniferathome]

This is something my wife told me over dinner last night that she heard Caitlyn Jenner say. I don’t follow Jenner or any reality TV stuff, for that matter, but I thought when she came out that she was attracted to women. I asked my wife if my understanding was correct and she said she thought so as well but maybe not now.


I realized both things can be true and I related it to her like this: I’m straight as she well knows. But when dressed if men were to find me attractive, it’s a validation of my effort to look nice (even though it would make me somewhat uncomfortable). The fact that a man could find my female presentation attractive is not a reflection of my sexual interest. It’s similar to someone saying they like a picture I painted. Or, If a dude tells me he likes my bike, I say, “Thanks, I do too.” I don’t think, “Hey I should date this dude.” It’s just a compliment with no further implication.


Make sense?

perhaps for some further clarity, it doesn't matter if I am or am not thought of as attractive because in the end, it's about the freedom of being out it's really only a validation of the effort in the presentation.

[stacycoral]

Jenn, it makes 100% truth statment. It just makes you feel pretty and feel like being a woman. But you are still the same person and your believes are still the same. You just present different to the public at times. Take care lady. hugs.

[Dana44]

I think that when we are feminine and dressed to go out. We do want men an women to find us attractive. I think it is nice to receive a complement from either one.

[PatMatoole]

I was just thinking about that this morning. It is an acknowledgment of my efforts. I mean if I am going to dress like one I sure hope I look like one.
I especially enjoy when women say I look absolutely gorgeous and go on about my legs or waist.

[Katey888]

Yes Jennifer - it makes sense... :)

Couple of observations...


...when dressed if men were to find me attractive, it’s a validation of my effort to look nice... Sooo, is it possible to look nice without looking sexy...? Here's the dichotomy of all us 'straight' dressers - we don't always select the most modest of attire, and probably a lot of us dress to the limit of our natural expression - which we purport to be for ourselves and yet we would feel validated if men (real men; normal men; really straight men...) found us attractive... :thinking:
'Admirers' are also known to assert that they are not gay, yet they still admire men in dresses, and in fact if you read the limited academic stuff that's been written about these men it is accepted that these men are not gay (in the strict sense of being attracted to manly men) and do not pursue men as men.


The fact that a man could find my female presentation attractive is not a reflection of my sexual interest.
No more than any GGs presentation being found attractive is a reflection of their sexual interest - but it may well be in the eye of the beholder... However - you may present well as a man and be found attractive by a gay guy - that isn't going to stop you presenting the way you want as a man and also doesn't reflect your sexual interest in men...

It's a fact of being out there amongst human beings that some will find you attractive for all sorts of reasons - where CDers buck the trend is in overtly and consciously adopting a style of presentation that is full of sexual cues for the opposite gender. Hair, makeup, dress, artificial padding, exposed skin, heels... while all very fashionable they can also be very sexual. As my old sparring buddy here, Wildaboutheels was fond of repeatedly saying: you don't get many folk here going out in flats and granny dresses (or something similar) - we could dress down, but we don't - perhaps that says something subliminal about us... :confused:

Katey x

[sometimes_miss]

The fact that a man could find my female presentation attractive is not a reflection of my sexual interest.
Yet, that is exactly what the public in general does not agree with you on. They see someone dressing up as a sexually attractive woman, they add 2+2 and get 4. They think you are actively trying to be sexually appealing to men. After all, millions of women go through a lot of trouble every day to look good, and, despite their saying that they aren't dressing for the explicit reason of attracting men, the end result is that it winds up doing that very thing, and it's kind of naive to believe there are no subconscious thoughts going on here. Because what is defined as 'looking good' just happens to be exactly what is considered sexy to men. Coincidence? I think not.

[Jenniferathome]

...Sooo, is it possible to look nice without looking sexy...? ...

Absolutely. I think too many cross dressers confuse sexy and (edited) Someone sent me a comment today using the word "tasteful." To me, "looking nice" and "tasteful" are the same.

[nikkiwindsor]

Jennifer, that makes complete sense and is exactly how I feel. Affirmation of my feminine appearance by anyone, especially by discerning cis-men and cis-women, makes me feel like my outward appearance is successfully expressing my inside feminine nature. And I REALLY ENJOY the attention from my on-line and in-person male admirers even though I don't have any sexual attraction to them. And I share with them from the very beginning that I'm a happily married heterosexual crossdresser. Even knowing that, they wish and do continue to converse with me. And the very few times I've gone clubbing, we have great conversation, take pleasure in each other's company, and even dance, on occasion. Nikki

[kittie60]

You are spit on Jennifer. We all like to be thought of as attractive, while others want to be sexy. However some times you both. Which is a good thing for us older gals. Complements are a real high moral booster.

[Lorileah]

I get compliments all the time. You don't have to look like a hooker (but it does help sometimes :) ) I want men to find me attractive though

[TaraGrace]

In short (or atleast shorter then my previous posts that didn't make it, system didn't work for me earlier),

Jennifer, I for one can admit that if I was out as in 'dude' mode and ran into you in a bar/restaurant, of course I would strike up a conversation.. you simply look great, and it would be an waste not to try :)
Even if you'd soon let me know you were not interested.. c'est la vie.. it shouldn't make you feel any more uncomfortable then a cellebrity being aaaw-ed and aah-ed when spotted in public.. so just enjoy it

[AngelaYVR]

I dress in a style that I find attractive so it's not too much of a leap to know that other men will find it beguiling as well. That isn't my aim but I don't mind - as long as any comments are respectful, which they usually are and sometimes even make me laugh.

As for nice versus sexy: absolutely you can and I am most often in "nice" mode, saving sexy for a night out. But you have to remember that sexy is in the eye of the beholder and as is more about attitude than the actual clothes. A "crotch duster" mini skirt will obviously have minds veering off in a certain direction but even a well put together look of a long skirt and demure top will get pulses racing if the girl wearing them exudes confidence.

[Jenniferathome]

...it shouldn't make you feel any more uncomfortable then a cellebrity being aaaw-ed and aah-ed when spotted in public.. ...

Tara, funny that you wrote this as I was just thinking the same. And actually, if a gay man were to hit on me while I'm in guy mode, I am old enough and confident enough in my sexuality that my only response would be, "Thanks, but no thanks." Unless, of course, he wanted to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers (American Football) then, we'd be having a chat!


I dress in a style that I find attractive so it's not too much of a leap to know that other men will find it beguiling as well. ...

Angela, you on something interesting. I dress the same, in a way that I find attractive and that I would find attractive on a woman. So logically, you may be right. I have been approached only once by a man attempting to pick me up when I was dressed. I was with my wife which made it really funny. The beer goggles on the two must have been very thick to confuse me with a woman BUT... when I said no thank you to his drink offer in my natural voice, he almost fell back trying to get away from me.

[pamela7]

it makes sense that you would want that, Jennifer, however that is not true for me. I'm dressing for me, for how I feel, and genuinely don't care less about others. I'm happily married and that defines the limits of my interests. Maybe in time, downstream I might start to feel as you do, but the real problem here seems to people making assumptions based upon how one is dressed.

Until we crossdress i dont think we appreciate this side of a woman's life; I didn't. Therefore I now wear an obvious wedding ring when out.

[Belladdresser]

Jennifer, I totally get you. When I dressed up last Halloween, I loved all the nice comments I got. People said it took them a while to even find me in the pictures because I looked so much like a real woman. I need to post some pics on here soon.
Also, as a straight man, I can say that you look pretty hot in the photo you posted.

[Georgina]

I don't. Respect would be enough for me.

[Samantha2015]

You make perfect sense Jennifer. If I ever make it out, maybe not on my first time out, but after I have
some time in public and feel more comfortable it would be nice to get sincere compliments from anyone.
However if he persisted it would quickly turn creepy for me. Compliments would be nice up to a point.
If a female persisted with the compliments that would be ok with me however :)

[carhill2mn]

I hope that my presentation is attractive to everyone (it probably isn't LOL). Although men frequently offer to help me when I am shopping I receive compliments from women. I suspect that the men are hesitant to say anything as they are unsure of how a woman may take it

[jessica_brink]

I'm a straight crossdresser, and I love it when I hear men talk about me. A few times I've even been slapped on the butt, and I didn't mind, I take those kind of things as compliments.

[Jenniferathome]

I would not consider that a "compliment" at all.

[jessica_brink]

I understand that and I don't expect everyone to understand me, it's just that I like it

[laurenp245]

Interesting topic... I dare say that, for many of us, when we dress up we do so in an effort to present ourselves as the most attractive female versions of ourselves as possible. We've all spent countless hours shaving/waxing/plucking, adding some curves into our figures, learning how to "hide" other areas, putting on our makeup, trying on outfits, practicing walking in heels, practicing our female deportment, and bouncing ideas off of our sisters here on this site... all in an effort to develop our feminine sides as much as we can. We put a great deal of energy into our feminine images... So yeah, if someone (either male or female) out in the world found me attractive it would be tremendously validating to say the least! What more reassurance could a girl get than to be out in the world and have someone say to you "Wow girl, you look fantastic!"?

To the original point, It would not matter to me if it was a guy telling me that he found me attractive (unless he was trying to get super creepy with it) because for me that was the goal all along, to be able to present myself in the world as the most attractive woman as I could. I'd feel flattered, and it would feel a bit like "mission accomplished", but that would be it for me and I would go back to my life with a bit more pep in my step.

I concur that the ultimate goal is for us to be happy being ourselves regardless of what others think, but compliments from others (guys, girls, or any combination thereof) sure do go a long way into reaffirming that you are loved and accepted the way you are, and you look darn cute in the process!

<3 Lauren

[nikkiwindsor]

Same here. Once, at a bar, a male I was talking to couldn't believe my beasts were fake and just reached out and groped them. So WRONG!

[Dana L]

Don't we all. Not that we're looking for a man but it gives that validation to our feminine side. Just as nice to get looks or compliments from GG's too. Unfortunately as soon as I stand up(6'2") or speak that attention go's away. So if I can stay sitting and silent I have a chance at that validation.

[Lena]

Hell, I want men to find me attractive while I'm in male mode. I don't want to be a slob. But I really want them to be envious when the girls find me attractive. I get what they are saying. I want to find me attractive when dressed and it does show accomplishment when or if others see me as attractive instead of a man in a dress.

[kkaye]

I like blending in, but when I get those hungry man looks it turns my stomach.

[Robin414]

I'm not gay but of course I want men to find me attractive (in full girl mode)! I'm a raging narcissist and need constant validation, love it when a guy checks out my butt 😄

[NicoleScott]

I would want everyone to consider me attractive, but not everyone will. That's OK. What's the alternative - dressing to intentionally be unattractive? I dress to make myself attractive - to myself. If others think so too, it's a bonus.

[Jenny22]

If I were MUCH younger and out of the closet, I'd like men to enjoy my feminine appearance and attributes. But, that ain't gonna happen these days! All of you young(er) girls, enjoy yours while they last. In no time at all, and before you know it, things on your face and body will be a-changing, and there won't be a thing you can do about it.

[docrobbysherry]

I prefer to dress in outfits I find attractive. Blending be dammed! I used to get freaked out when men approached me. First, online and then, in person. Men don't just compliment u. If they do? They WANT SOMETHING!:D

But, I've gotten used to it. Most men r gentlemanly. And, when I tell them I'm straight they usually respect that.:battingeyelashes:


If I were MUCH younger and out of the closet, I'd like men to enjoy my feminine appearance and attributes. But, that ain't gonna happen these days! All of you young(er) girls, enjoy yours while they last. In no time at all, and before you know it, things on your face and body will be a-changing, and there won't be a thing you can do about it.
I'm over 70, Jenny, and disagree with u! If u manage to stay slim as u age, there r countless prosthesis available for dressers and GGs. To make your figure look as young and hot as u wish to!:devil:

[Allison_CD]

I have tried for two years to get a new woman for cooking, cleaning etc oh and LOVE,
to no avail.
Now on a chat room numerous men find me attractive and want to meet (most a several hundred miles away in Engerlandia) xx

[Ceera]

When I go out, my attire and makeup ranges from 'soccer mom' to 'sexy babe'. It depends entirely on where I am going and what I want that night. But I always try to be attractive and stylish.

Going to a nightclub and hoping to meet a nice girl or guy for drinks and dancing (and maybe more if we click), I might dress in a very sexy way, with a miniskirt and low neckline and high heels. Sexy, but usually not ****ty.

Going to a concert or a charity fundraiser I'll wear proper and decorous formal dresses or ladies suits.

Going to the mall or grocery shopping, I dress to blend, with 'natural' makeup, jeans or a modest skirt, etc.

I appreciate getting attention from either gender, and I've been complemented on my appearance just as often when dressed for a charity ball as when dressed for nightclubbing.

I think one of the things I appreciate most about going out en-femme is that I get more appreciative looks and complements as a girl, no matter how I am dressed, than I usually ever get as a guy. I think I clean up pretty well as a guy, but even when I try to dress well as a male, I rarely get complemented on my appearance in male mode. The only exception to that lately is that since I started keeping my nails done 24x7, even when presenting male, I often get complements in male mode on how pretty my nails are, especially from women.

I think we need to realize that there is a difference between 'dressing to be seen as attractive' and 'dressing to seduce'. A cover girl on Vogue magazine may look quite attractive, yet not look ****ty at all.

[NicoleScott]

But don't think you can look at how someone is dressed and determine their motive. You can't know if it's dressing to look attractive or dressing to seduce.

[1958Candi]

I find you to be hot, period. Not hot "for a CD" just plain old hot. If you were walking down the street, I would be attracted to you completely as a woman. After finding out you were NOT a GG, I would find you even hotter. :) After finding out you were straight, I would be very disappointed.

[flatlander_48]

Sooo, is it possible to look nice without looking sexy...?

Tough question. What came to mind was how Kim Novak looked in Vertigo. In the attached photo she looks very nice, almost in a severe way with the simple cut of the suit she is wearing. It's like an adaptation of the Chanel suit in that regard. But, perhaps because of who Kim Novak is, there is this undercurrent of sensuousness captured in the photo.

So, I'd have to say that relating to this discussion, yes part of it is due to the clothes but there is also an intangible that people may radiate.

DeeAnn

[Vickie_CDTV]

It might depend if one is an introvert or an extrovert. I am an introvert, maybe it affects how I see it. I really can't say I ever wanted a man to find me "attractive", any man other than myself of course... it is nice to be told I dress nicely and do a good job passing as the opposite sex etc... but I have never had a desire for men to find me "attractive", in the sexual sense.

I might feel differently if there were GGs I could get to find me "attractive" when I was en femme, but given they are almost nonexistent, being "attractive" to others is not something that crosses my mind.

[Jenniferathome]

....No more than any GGs presentation being found attractive is a reflection of their sexual interest - ....

Exactly! As the "attractee" you are not even in control of that. The challenge for the straight cross dresser is understanding the dichotomy of the situation has no sexual relevance.


... but I have never had a desire for men to find me "attractive", in the sexual sense...

and this is the point. "Attractive" does not have to be sexual but it can be. DeeAnn hit on that point above. It's probably simply vanity more than anything else but if I could read minds, the thought I would want to read is, "That's a woman who is attractive." And not, "I'd like to do her." In the end, there is no difference to the cross dresser and both mean that your presentation was done well.

[Cheryl T]

You don't have to be sexy to be attractive.
And Yes, I would like to find that people (both men and women) find me attractive when I am out in public. I try to look my best, to present the best image I can and it would be rewarding to know that others appreciate the effort. I'm not saying I want men to hit on me, but if I was to get a second look, or an appreciative smile it would most certainly be welcomed. The same is true if a woman was to compliment me on my outfit or makeup or hair.

Now I know it's not remotely the same, but if I spent a few hours cleaning and waxing my car and someone told me it looked nice I would appreciate that too. It's the idea...

[Kellitgdet]

I would have to say I an not looking for men to find me attractive. Although when they do, in a kind gentlemanly way, I have to confess that I like it.
Kelli