becoming comfortable in drab

[pamela7]

since i came into knowing i'm a woman i've been feeling calm and solid in myself.
Today though I find a strange thought, and wondered if anyone else has felt the same.
Now that I know, I'm less attached to wearing female-only clothing, like I could wear male outer garments if need arose without a distaste arising. It is as if my distaste for the male form has done its job, and now i'm free to be me regardless of how i present.

Any other TS folk experienced this?

[STACY B]

Exactly ,, Clothes don't make you,, Most Cis chix wear Dam near the exact same thing as anyone else,, Like my SO we wear the same style of clothes most days,, Someone like myself that has Long hair and does all the other regular things a natural woman would do from time to time like shaving and skin care, Other than that it all depends on what I am doing and wear I am going as to what my outfit would be,, If I have to preform something where I am going to get dirty I always opt out for the old clothes. Just like you I don't sweat the small stuff anymore,,lol,, Once you GET IT your just go on living like you want to and don't give all the rest much thought anymore,, At least I don't,, But you see some that haven't gone that far still can't understand where your coming from and will never until they go the distance?

[Megan G]

and now i'm free to be me regardless of how i present.

Exactly, it's about just being you and not hiding from the world. When I went full time I purged very little in the form of male clothes. If I am going out to clean my vehicle or work on it I have no issues putting on a pair of my old jeans and t shirt/sweater. When I do that it does not change my identity at all and I am not presenting as male, I still have long hair, breasts and all the other female cues. I just don't want to ruin my good clothes. I am still Megan no matter if I am wearing a dress or a pair of men's pants. Now with that said the male pants will not be replaced as they wear out...lol

Transitioning is all about becoming comfortable with who you are and not hiding this from the world...

[Frances]

I rarely wear make-up, and wear jeans and plain t-shirts most of the time. I don't get misgendered, ever.

I may have once again misunderstood a thread on this forum. Is this about going "back and forth™?"

[pamela7]

Hi Frances, no it's not, it's that in accepting who i am, i no longer need to carry the emotional baggage against being "not who i am". so I shouldn't get depressed if i'm out doing hard manual stuff all day in drab, as and when such a need might arise.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

When you call it "in drab", that's really a cd oriented term....it implies going back and forth...it really does imply "dressing as a man"..
at least to me...but i understand you didn't mean to imply that..

so in my own mind, wearing clothes that are made for men is not dressing in drab, its wearing clothes made for men..

for me i wear alot of hoodie and sweattops and some of them are made for men but fit me and i like the way they look on me
over the years i don't even look at it as anything but "my" clothes..

[Badtranny]

and thank you for making this point.

If I remember correctly, Pam has yet to pull the pin, so perhaps the experience of being 'drab' still lingers. Let's not lose the larger point though. Her rather insightful comment was answered with a ridiculous comment about fabrics, and I'm hoping the mods don't let this potentially valuable discussion devolve into an embarrassing argument about how comfortable women's clothes are.

Pam's point is as simple as it is epic. When you accept who you are, it simply doesn't matter what you're wearing. Of course other people may need some fashion cues in the beginning, but part of the reason why transitioners have such a hard time just before or just after transition is because we have accepted, and it's difficult for us to have our true gender ignored by everyone else. Panties do not help this feeling, and cross dressing frankly makes it worse when you finally realize that people are interacting with you as a cross dressing man.

This experience was not easy for me, and I basically quit crossdressing in the months before I came out. Did it make me feel less feminine? On the contrary actually. I told a story here once when I was mistaken for an FtM while I was dressed in my regular work clothes. My hair was in a ponytail by that time and I was very thin due to obsessive dieting. I was totally over the idea that I needed to wear something feminine in order to feel feminine.

Of course I was totally out as gay/transitioning so perhaps the key is just about not hiding. I think so many people WANT to transition but they don't want to do it publicly and that is an emotionally damaging mindset. The clothes are just a costume if you can't acknowledge who you really are to the world, and if you become emotionally distraught because you can't wear a bra, then therapy is probably a lot more important then transition.

[pamela7]

thankyou both, Kaitlyn and Melissa,

you both say what i feel and experience about this. I used the word "drab" only to use the correct vernacular on the forum, and yep, they're just the clothes i'm wearing now.

There's no going back for me on the pin, once the blood results are back i'm "on it" and will bulldoze my way through the system to completing the physical process. Apart from my love for my wife I don't recall being as sure about anything else in my life as "being a woman"; they're on an equal footing; certain, unequivocable, cast in stone. Even the testicular pain has reduced some of the time today, tho its still giving me reminders to complete the job.

thank you

[PretzelGirl]

I see separation in Gender Identity and Gender Expression being more emphasized as social education moves along. They should not ever be tied together. Look at Ruby Rose, who is Gender Fluid. They are probably viewed as very feminine based on outward appearance and gender norms and many may think they have an identity of being female.

For us, we could wear a dress every day or Carhardtt coveralls. It is about how you feel inside that makes you congruent and how you express yourself externally is how you get comfortable with, present yourself, and engage society. There are no norms, only what feels right to you.

[Frances]

What Sue said.

[Leah Lynn]

This is true for me as well. Although I have female uniforms now, a large part of my job is done outside. It's -5 here on the lone prairie, so I have no qualms about wearing my Carhartt's to work in. And my old guy hoodies. However, I have replaced the longhandles with ladies' thermals.

Leah

[Eryn]

Ok, let me try again.

During my pre-TS phase I replaced all of my male wardrobe with unadorned equivalent items from the women's department that would work in drab. The only male items I have left are some t-shirts and hiking boots. It somehow felt better knowing that my clothes were officially female.

The danger in wearing one's male wardrobe is that lack of feminine cues might lead to misgendering. The general public isn't finely tuned to nuances in presentation so people like me with irreparable male cues like height and build will be misgendered. I can't really find fault with the observers who make the mistake if I'm throwing mixed cues at them. I just go with the flow and the occasional "sir" doesn't bother me all that much.

[Marcelle]

I agree . . . clothing does not make the transition. I work in a military uniform all day in which the female service dress is only different from the male service dress should I decide to wear the skirt vice the pants. When I work on my back forty cutting trees, I wear my old combat pants, combat boots, t-shirt and safety gear which is not male or female . . . just good common sense.

Yes, it has stopped being about the clothes however, it does not mean I won't dress nicely when going to work in civilian attire. I suppose I could wear a man's suit and still feel like a woman but to be honest why would I? To be fair I think we can all agree it is not about the clothes but likened to an earlier thread there is nothing wrong with dressing nicely in female attire if you are a woman. Just as there is no problem with dressing in ratty knock about clothes to do what needs to be done if you are a woman. IMHO, irrespective of how you are dressed . . . you are still a woman if that is who you are at your core. :)

Cheers

[Badtranny]

It's not about WHAT you wear, it's all about WHY you wear it.

[Marcelle]

Precisely ... I wear the uniform because I have to. I wear knock around clothes because I am going to get dirty and I wear nice clothes because I choose to. None of that defines me as a woman some is choice and some is necessity.

Cheers

Marcelle

[arbon]

My first couple years transition were very difficult with my work situation, I was not able to transition there despite my wish and attempt to. So at work I was still presenting as male more or less, going by that old name. I really hated it. But when I would get off work I would go right home and change cloths and maybe put on some make up. Outside of the work environment I wanted people to see me as a woman, or at least not as a guy. I think most saw me a lunatic who was flip flopping between being a man and a woman all the time. Anyway, how i dressed and presented was important to me. During that time I was on a committee for organization and sometimes the meetings would be right after my day job and I would not get the chance to change cloths or how I looked - it was really hard to go to those and say I am theresa, a woman, even if look and dress like I guy. I did not feel free at all! I would get so incredibly stressed and upset over it. People thought I was a freaking nut. In that regard, in how others would look at me, identify me, the cloths were really important.

Today it is not so important. I really don't dress very feminine most the time, hardly ever wear makeup but have been trying to a little more recently. The difference though is that I my identity today with others is established and I'm not in that position anymore of trying to get people to stop relating to me as a he, him, old name. My old identity has faded in most peoples memories now.

[Badtranny]

Excellent point Arbon,

The number one reason for an MtF to wear women's clothes is for identification. There was a time when I wouldn't leave the house without makeup and an obviously feminine outfit. It had nothing to do with how the clothes 'felt' and everything to do with not being mistaken for a dude. I've finally had enough work with enough time on HRT that I now put very little if any effort to 'look' like a woman.

I've always said that I will wear whatever I like that doesn't make me look like a dude. Never a bra and boyshorts almost ever day.

[PaulaQ]

I guess I'm the odd woman out. I'd fight to the death before I'd ever wear men's clothes ever again. I mean that very literally.

I have no idea whether or not wearing a three piece suit would make me feel GD. Probably it wouldn't, and I'd look like an older woman, in a suit that didn't fit quite right because of her tits and ass. Nevertheless, I don't ever want to find out - the memory of the last time I did it is sufficiently unpleasant that I will never, ever do that again.

The way I present myself is important to me. I'm not trying to conform to some ideal, as most women I see don't dress the way I do. I enjoy doing my makeup. I love wearing dresses. It's not that I fear people won't see me as a woman if I wear jeans & no makeup - they still do. This stuff is just important to me.

[Michelle789]

I'm with PaulaQ 100% on the clothes.

I respect whatever choice of attire you choose to wear. Clothes don't define a woman, but are a means of personally expressing yourself. I choose to wear dresses, makeup, long wavy hair, and stockings (sometimes I go bare legged during the summer months and I like to show off my painted toenails). I just happen to love to dress very girly, it's my perogative. I feel more comfortable that way. I would never feel comfortable presenting as male again. I am full time as Michelle for the rest of this life. I will be full-time woman for the next life, and the one after that, and the one after that too (regardless of what named I am assigned at birth). Drab is just not an option for me.

[PretzelGirl]

I have no idea whether or not wearing a three piece suit would make me feel GD.

I find this interesting as it brings back a memory. When I first transitioned, I needed something for customer meetings. Skirt suits or pants suits were expensive, so I just bought a separate jacket to wear with pants I already had. First customer meeting I put the jacket on at one end of the house and it was left on the counter at the other end because it felt too much like a suit coat. Some items can be triggering....

[Frances]

So this is about men's clothes after all? Aren't women's clothes just the clothes a woman wears? I seriously dress the same as I did before, even the colors. I just buy my jeans and t-shirts in the women's section. They fit better, as my body has changed.

Can anyone in this thread who is post-transition still present as male?

[PaulaQ]

I seriously dress the same as I did before, even the colors. I just buy my jeans and t-shirts in the women's section.

I really never wore jeans & t-shirts before transition. Ironically enough, I wear them more often now than before, but still not very often. They aren't triggering to me - I've just never liked jeans & t-shirts that much, and I'm tired of wearing pants, useful as they are sometimes.

By the time I started transition, clothes were highly triggering to me.

FWIW, my fiance feels the same way. We talked about dressing as the opposite gender as a joke for Halloween. It would be hilarious! Then we both looked at each other, and said "Oh HELL no!"

[pamela7]

thank you everyone for replying. I'm defaulting to leggings + short skirt (just above knee , not like mini) these last few months, and this feels about right for my style i'm finding working for me. The OP was really about letting go my aversion to the male clothing i'd had.

ps the cosmic joke, for 20 years, maybe even 30 years i've been wearing rainbow spectrum clothes. i'd have sets of colours for shirts, T's, jumpers, all organised by the spectrum. Hindsight has me most amused. Of course I have the same in my now all-female wardrobe. At work I'd align my shirt colour to the weekdays, from saturday: red to friday: purple.

[becky77]

That's great Pamela.

I fully agree what we are about is nothing to do with clothing.
However speaking from a MtF perspective.
Most of us are not gifted genetically to just wear anything and be perceived as female.
We all feel female on the inside right? But isn't the point of transitioning to be treated as a female?
And therefore change the outside to match the inside.
That's particularly hard if you are still dressing as a man.

Using Paula's example, I don't think anyone would be surprised that a FtM would never wear a dress, would we still say the clothes don't matter?

Clothes do matter as long as they are not the reason for Transition.

[Marcelle]

"Clothes do matter as long as they are not the reason for Transition"

Becky . . . best words spoken thus far. It doesn't matter what you wear so long as you don't see the clothes as a reason to transition.

Cheers

Marcelle

[I Am Paula]

Y'all do what makes you happy. Speaking only for myself, if I put on as much as a guy T-shirt, I am uncomfortable, and a bit dysphoric. I bought a souvenir T-shirt at a guitar show. All they had was guys. I put it on one day to do some gardening, and made it about 3 feet out of my bedroom. Just wasn't going to work.