Want to start to come out

[Katie Louise]

First stop, my psychiatrist. Let him know that I have been dressing when I'm down and it helps my anxiety and depression. I'm not so worried about him, because I think it explains a lot about why I'm depressed and anxious. What I'm really worried about is friends, as they are all members of my church. This could be the difficult part.

[I Am Paula]

I think the first question that has to be asked- what's to be gained by coming out? If you are 'just' a cross dresser, are you going to be presenting as female all the time, work, church, etc? Is your plan to transition?
Remember, this is a bell that can not be unrung.

[Stephanie47]

If you're dressing for relief of depression and anxiety, how are you going to handle more anxiety and depression if the people around you at work, play or church know you like to wear women's clothing? Once the genie is out of the bottle she's not going back in.

[Terri Andrews]

I am at the same place in my journey ,I ask the question is it better to be honest with others or to have them find out by accident?
I am out alot and very involved in volunteer groups .so I am always afraid some one will "let the cat out of the bag"
It is a Huge decision and no easy answers .

[MissDanielle]

My religious beliefs played a large role in my gender identity struggle. Ultimately, I came to terms with being trans. One friend aside, nobody looks at me any differently. I won't begin to transition until I move next month.

[heatherdress]

Sibby - As already pointed out, if you already have depression and anxiety, why would you come out to your friends and church group - and have to deal with more anxiety. You crossdressing is an escape or relief. Why make it an social acceptance issue for yourself? There seems to be very little to gain but a lot to risk if you come out to your friends.

[Donna Indelco]

Well put Heather. Here's another case of the risk/reward relationship. Do you really want more drama in your life? Just saying...

[AndrewJenny]

I think a lot depends on what response you expect, and on whether you can live with a non-supportive response. As the others have said, the "coming out" conversation is the beginning of the process, not the end. You might try coming out to a close friend or family member that you really trust first; if they go to your church, they might also help you gauge how big a deal your cross-dressing will be (in my experience, even outwardly conservative churches can differ quite a bit in what they will accept, especially from long-standing members whom they know well). Whatever your decision, I wish you good luck and much self-acceptance.

KKat

[Ashley Lyn]

Can't really figure if you want to come out as a 'girl'. or if you just want to be known as the 'guy who looks great as a girl'..
I have always loved to dress when in depression, or to boost my mood... Its fun to me..
Personally, I love being a guy, but I also LOVE to be pretty.. I have done pretty well recently, going to the local mall dressed, with not even a wink or ..
Still just jeans, etc.. but I am really happy... Its been a hurdle I never thought I'd overturn!
Guess I'm just a really happy CD!!:heehee:

[kittie60]

There's more cons then pros with coming out. Yes the weight of your secret is off your shoulders but now you got family and friends against you. Alot more turmoil and now much more weight is back on you again. The best thing to do is to tell the doctor everything and wait and see what he has to say. It's your decision in the ends but be ready for the the fallout. Best. Of luck to you for whatever you decide

[bok4fun]

I think your first planned stop is the perfect place to start. And whatever you decide is right for you, I wish you only the best!

Parish

[Julia1984]

As someone who has also suffered from anxiety and depression I can relate to this. There is a temptation to assume that having the secret is also a cause of anxiety (which may well be true) and that it necessarily follows that losing the secret will be beneficial. It won't. This is all about finding the "least worst" way forward. I also believe that when suffering from A/D one is less able to make genuinely properly assessed calculations of this, or any, type. Wait til you feel better, THEN make a decision.
Good luck.

Julia

[Katie Louise]

Thanks everyone. My thoughts are that it's more than dressing. I can remember as a kid wanting to be a girl, do ballet with the girl, wishing that I would wake up as a girl. What I am concerned about is that I've hidden this deep, dark secret all of my life and that is what is driving the darker recesses of my mind. A failed marriage and two further failed long term relationships attest to that. When I look back I feel that underneath there is something more. Pity the appointment with the psch isn't until late next month ...

[Sarasometimes]

The first thing that hit me from your post is that you see a psychiatrist but he doesn't know you routinely dress to help with the depression he is treating you for. This is bit of info he SHOULD KNOW first off! If you are not comfortable with him to be open that is going to limit the help he can give you and it is time to find a new one.
The above needs to be worked out before more sources of A & D are introduced into your life. An expected path needs to be determined and as others have suggested is what is the motivation to disclose this part of you. There needs to be a risks benefits process because there is no putting the cat back in the bag!
Good luck and be sure to find a health care person you can be very open with. Heck he may be a contributor to your A & D if you get too stressed to share this stuff with him. personally, I could never talk about CDing with a male therapist, just not for me.
If you are on meds, maybe finding a gender issue therapist may reduce the need if most of your A & D have to do with this aspect, only you know that answer. Take it slow!

[Katie Louise]

You're right. I've been seeing him since my marriage breakdown 5 years ago and just haven't had the intestinal fortitude to broach it. But I do trust him, and my bell has gone off so here goes.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sibby:hugs:, See the last line in my signature. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Marcelle]

Hi Sibby,

When you say "come out", what does that mean to you? Do you want to come out as a someone who dresses in women's clothing from time to time to relieve anxiety or come out as a woman? Coming out to those around you has serious knock on effects which you need to be prepared to accept. You will read lots of stories here about how swimmingly well it went for some and not so good for others. The big "tell" regardless of who it is (friend, family, work colleague) has only two outcomes (1) acceptance on some level; or (2) loss (good friend, family member, work).

IMHO you really need to be 100 percent certain that you want to tell others because once you do, you loose positive control of that information and that person is free to share it with whom they please. If you enjoy CDing to relieve anxiety and that is it, then IMO there is nothing to be gained in "coming out". My advice take some time to explore this issue with your therapist before you jump off the deep end.

Cheers

Marcelle

[CallmeAlice]

I had that same feeling when I started to come out, what I did was told people who is accepting of stuff like that so I could be open and honest with them and they could be supportive and caring for me. I know this can be difficult and hard to do, but stick with it and you'll be fine. You know not all people will accept this at first and some not at all. Just remember this is who you are and this is what you do and you're not going to let someone bring you down because they dont like it.

[Beverley Sims]

When thinking about coming out, think of the changing lifestyle and your employment prospects.

Worry about those around you, not the church.

[I Am Paula]

I forgot, in my first post- A dear friend told her church about her transition, and they responded with 'That's fine, just don't EVER come back here.'

[Lorileah]

To which my response would be "Awesome, there are many other places who will accept me and are welcoming."