Comming out at work

[AlleyKat]

I am fairly new to the scene, but I have a small collection of clothes, and have learned to make my old clothes work en femme. I wear my forms whenever possible, and taking them off before
work gets harder everyday. I have exactly two coworkers, and am strongly Debating just Wearing my forms in.

Anyone have stories to share to encourage/ discourage this?

[Marcelle]

Hi Alley,

I guess my first question would be "Why do you want to come out at work?" Is this something you feel compelled to do, need to do or is just something you think might be fun to do? Please do not think I am trying to minimize your question but coming out at work has some serious knock on effects which you need to be prepared to deal with. If you are TS then at some point you will probably need to make the jump in the workplace because to not do so would create incongruence between your gender identity and your life.

However, if you are not TS and just want to do so as part of your CDing then you will have to face all the same consequences because once that bell is rung it cannot be silenced. This was the reason for my question "why?".

Cheers

Marcelle

[AlleyKat]

I am definitely ts. I can deal with disphoria for the most part, but spending most of my time en drab leads to identity issues. It's hard to feel real when I spend as much time as not living as a guy.

As I said in the op... It's a little harder to take the forms out each day as I'm sitting in the parking lot getting ready to walk in. Most of the rest (I.e. My purse, women's jeans, etc) has been met with amusement and accusations of being gay... Not encouraging, but nothing that makes me feel threatened either

[I Am Paula]

If you have thought this out, and it will help with the dysphoria, go ahead. My only warning- Presenting completely girl is easier to swallow by the RW, than pushing the limits, specially breasts. Good luck.

[Nicole Erin]

Might want to wait til you are ready to come out fully at work and present best you can as female. That doesn't mean you have to pass 100% (as most of us don't) but the better you can make yourself look, the more serious you will be taken.

It is a little bit of a process like talking to the bosses and HR first, making sure you have your professional look together (or at least don;t show up to work with a miniskirt and fishnets) etc.

I do not know what you do but for me, my job is modest and my typical daily work wear is makeup, hair done, a professional looking blouse, slacks, and tennies. I am on my feet all day. An alternate look for work for me is jean capris and a "cute" yet unrevealing blouse.

Once you decide to go full time and show up to work like that, you kind of need to do it daily instead of switching back and forth.

Once again and like Paula pointed out - presenting completely as female will be easier for the world to accept. It is not so much about "passing" as it is looking like you are making an honest effort. Yeah passing helps but if that isn't much an option, at LEAST look like you try.

I work with over 100 people and most of them (except a very few insecure men) just treat me like anyone else.

[MarieTS]

Kat: Nicole is 105% right. You can`t go back and forth and expect to be taken seriously. "It's All or Nothing at all."

[Angela Campbell]

Not a good idea to come out at work usually, until you are ready to go full time. Name change, no back and forth. If that is you want to be taken seriously. Suddenly showing up with boobs (forms) just isn't a good idea.

[chelyann]

i agree with the rest, you should probably slow down . and make a plan before you do and make sure this is what you want

[Badtranny]

LOL

"the scene"

[Robin414]

I've contemplated that conversation with HR myself and know this...it's a ONE WAY TRIP...might be a good thing for sure but just remember...IT'S A ONE WAY TRIP (IMHO) 😐

[JenniferZ2009]

When I came out at work I came out to about 50 people at one time and it was scary. I sat down with HR to discuse how I was to be addressed adn if I was incorreclty addressed what would be done about it and what I required from them and vis versa. In all I spent about a month or 2 planning with HR before comming out and when I did I went full-time. I was Jennifer at work and I was not a male ever again to them. The male they new was gone and never to return. I think it will confuss them adn you will not be taken seriously if you go half-way with transition, that being said do what is comfortable for you and what makes you happy but think out the consequences adn how things could be perceived. If you show up half-female while demanding to be addresses as a female you will be perceived as not being real about it or something else is going on (non-binary gender stuff makes this part a bit murky though). Also find out what legel protections you have in that area if things go bad.

[flatlander_48]

AK:

What we know from the LGB side of the house is that coming out is not a singular process. At this stage, since you are not in the transition process, each situation and each person needs to be considered in terms of the upside and downside.

And the thing is, once you start to tell people the narrative begins to have a life of its own. The information will travel independent of what you do, so that would suggest that initially the information should go out in the manner that you would like. There can be risk involved (regarding family, friends, employment and other social settings), so you need to think about and understand the possible consequences.

In any coming out process, 2 main points come to mind. First, you can't unring a bell. Once you tell your story, what happens, happens. Secondly, the possibility of negative consequences always exists. People all have some degree of unpredictability and sometimes things evolve in ways that you would not expect. This isn't a simple matter of just blurting out information.

DeeAnn

[I Am Paula]

Before I transitioned, the urge to wear forms everywhere was very strong indeed. I felt like they were part of me. I also realized it's just too bizarre to hope the world is not going to question my rack!
There are lots of stories over on the CD side about people who claim to wear their 44 DD's everywhere, and nobody notices, but I think that's wishful thinking.

[becky77]

Being brutally honest, if you go to work as a man but wearing fake boobs you will come across as a right weirdo. There will be very few people that won't feel extremely uncomfortable around you.

You have to explore your reasons for why you feel this is worth making a possible fool of yourself.

Is it Pink fog? Therefore are you a bit lost in this and failing to see the knock on effect it may have on your life or job?
Where do you see yourself in a few years from now?

[pamela7]

i rarely use forms, just really to attend T events. I'm happy to grow my own as they will. But i do put on female clothing all day every day, and seek to present authentically.

[Georgette_USA]

I did a slow process of getting work used to my new look. This was in 1975-76. Grew my hair out and lightly styled it. Had electrolysis. Got my ears pierced. Was taking HRT so my breasts were growing and not as easy to hide wearing a business shirt and tie. Not many breast forms in those days. In 1976 had name legally changed. In a Top Secret security job, US Fed contractor. That was when I made the decision to come out at work. Had to have new IDs made with new name. In 1976 there were NO legal rights. Their only problem was as a physical male could not work as a female. Had to argue with HR and the Doctors at clinic to get them to all agree. They just asked me to use the female bathrooms on upper floors where I was not as well known. Luckily did not have to do that for long about 6 months.