Bad service V. NO service?

[Robin414]

OK, presenting in tween mode I've found works really well but twice now I've gone to my usual place for a coffee on the way to work and the clerk (middle+ aged man) LITERALLY walked away from the counter when I approached 😕 I wasn't even presenting in tween mode but I kinda look like that natualy (takes effort to present as a guy). I don't doubt for a pico second he couldn't deal with the fact I'm a dude who looks like a chic!

That said, should I avoid the place or 'put it in his face'...I WILL fight ya 😠 but the girl in me is thinking be compassionate, if he can't deal with it let it be 😕

Thoughts?

[Pat]

Personal call. I'm feisty and might well ask to talk to a manager. Don't assign motives to the employee but just say you step up to the counter and he walks away and you expect better treatment. Then let it play out between the manager and the employee. But be open to the idea that there may be something else going on that you're unaware of.

[Sandie70]

Since you said this is your usual place to stop, I might presume that this man is new and you've not had such a problem with others who work there? If so, ask for a private chat with the owner or manager and ask if this man has a problem with who you are.

If this is a sole proprietorship, you never know how a complaint would be received, but if this is a larger chain, you bet they will be afraid of being branded as being discriminatory in their practices. Unless this business is owned by religious zealots, you might get your point across.

If they are a Hobby Lobby type of business, they may tell you to take a hike. If that happens, move on, buy a thermos and enjoy your home-brewed coffee in the park on the way to work.

[Robin414]

I agree, might be something else up. I lingered in my truck as another customer walked in after I left and he still ignored that guy (wearing an EMS uniform)...might just be my own hypersensitivity...I hope 😐

- - - Updated - - -

Hi Sandie, I've actually interacted with this SA many times in the past when I was a full on sasquatch of a guy...maybe since I'm not 'that sasquatch' anymore he's kinda freaked out...the contrast IS kinda profound I suppose 😨

[donnalee]

Perhaps he had to answer an urgent call of nature? It may not be about you.

[Eryn]

Business is business. If you're sure that you are being ignored for whatever reason find a friendlier place to get your coffee.

Mimi and I frequent a diner where we are so familiar to the waitresses that we bring them small gifts for the holidays. I've gone from butch male with a crew cut to long blonde hair, earrings, and A-cup breasts. They still treat me as a person, which is all I ask.

[docrobbysherry]

Try to make haters accept u? I admire that kind of TS commitment. :thumbsup:

But, I'm not a TS, I'm a CD. There r too many places in town to even visit them all! So, I just go where I feel comfortable.:)

[kittie60]

Well I've been in the same situation many times and chalked it up to them either having a bad day or really busy. Although one place I use to go to I did stop going to when the waitress said we don't serve your kind here. So I made an off the wall comment about anal compulsive Huns to her and left and have never been back. Anyway I wouldn't worry about it unless it happens again then I would.ask for a manager.

[Candice June Lee]

Having been a business owner and working in a customer based place before, that's kinda crappy service. Customers are the base for any business. We have the right to refuse business to anyone. However that's not good practice to give crap service. Crap service makes others in the business leave as well. On our side in my opinion, I would rather be told we cannot out will not service you than to get bad service. Poorly cooked food, crappy pedicures and what ever gets sent out to every one, genetic and trans. That bad service could get us sick of it is at a restaurant. And we've had it happen to us. Don't accept us in and then give us crappy service. Just kindly ask us to leave. At least we know not to come there again.

[Beverley Sims]

I consider it is not worth making a stand, but that said, be a pain in the arse for him and keep frequenting the place.

It gives me great pleasure to quietly extract service out of someone not willing.

If they do step out of line then, TREAD on them in the proper fashion and stay legal. :-)

[Katey888]

Robin,

You're a customer and a sweetie too - leverage that... Look your best, go back in, smile your sweetest and be as charming as you can - if he's still rude after that, have his manager or the owner fight him... you should certainly tell them of the poor customer service you've received if it doesn't improve. How could anyone be like that to you...? :hugs:

In civilised society a smile and friendly greeting can sometimes be more disarming than any other approach... :)

Katey x

[Sarasometimes]

The quality of customer service in customer service places has only gone downhill of late. In an unrelated post I read where a en drab shopper asked nicely for some SA's to move aside (used excuse me as the method) and they did but without any offer of assistance.
For me, en male getting an offer of assistance by SA's in all stores is the exception not the rule. Sadly, IMHO.

[Secret Drawer]

Have to second what Beverley Sims said. Quiet insistence can sometimes teach tolerance once one comes to terms with the fact you aren't going away. I always first assume it is ME they are hating on, then breathe, then assume it is just them having a bad day or moment or something. If we give the benifit of doubt, then find a true hater, so be it, there are other places to get coffee. (Plus, like Sandie70 said, coffee from home can be pretty darn good) (and cheaper long term!)

[Alice Torn]

I tend to over think everything, am too dern sensitive, and paranoid, from all the torment i had at schools, and from older harsh twin brothers. Those kind of things trigger me, too. It is hard to have more teflon, and let it fall off like water off a ducks' back. We don't know what is going on in his or her life, though. They may be going through terribly difficult circumstance, overwhelmed.

[daphne_L]

Robin,

In civilized society a smile and friendly greeting can sometimes be more disarming than any other approach... :)

Katey x

Are you looking for acceptance or acquiescence? The militant approach will probably win the immediate battle, but if you are trying to advance general acceptance go with the friendly smile and patience, it will probably win the battle and is definitely the best way to win the war.

Daphne

[Sheila11]

Having been a business owner and working in a customer based place before, that's kinda crappy service. Customers are the base for any business. We have the right to refuse business to anyone. However that's not good practice to give crap service. Crap service makes others in the business leave as well. .

I'm in the same boat here. I have had to let employees go that just could not get the hang of customer service. Great workers but unable to excel at face to face.
Unfortunately the people I let go get another job doing similar disservice elsewhere.

On the other hand, there have been customers (very few) that I have asked to shop elsewhere. Their attitude of disrespect was beyond reprehensible.

There is a 99% chance that the boss knows about the disrespectful employee and is trying to figure out what to do with them. In small businesses hiring and firing are a huge deal. Can I get this person to adjust? Can I help them make changes? Do I have the time to hire and train someone else, let alone the personnel cover the transition?

In drab: If the service is intentionally disrespectful I inform a superior so that they can deal with it. That is their job not mine.

Enfemme: My presence upsets the laws of nature. Most people can go a lifetime without interacting with a crossdresser. I am asking them to put everything they have ever experienced aside and deal with an alien being. Not everyone handles aliens well. My compassion and smile win a convert. Or not.

[heatherdress]

Robin - So sorry to read of your treatment. I would be tempted to say something directly to him or the owner about being disrespectful but employees usually reflect the attitude of their owners and you are probably not the only customer treated disrespectfully. Probably the best response would be to leave, never go back, and leave negative comments on business sites on-line about poor customer service.

[Allisa]

As one who walks in both worlds, I've had clerks sneer and show disgust but still provide a service. There are many who know me as one and the same in my presentation but only one that seems bothered by me, but she can't walk away because she's the cashier in the grocery store, as a courtesy I try to avoid her line but sometimes life happens. The decision of course is totally yours but I would go elsewhere for awhile and then return at some time to see if the reaction is the same.

[Robin414]

Thanks for the advice ladies, I did go back (kinda my routine) and I was greeted by a VERY friendly young lady this morning (all good 😊 ), I think it was just his 'last day'. In his shoes honestly, I would probably have wanted to do the same thing...I'm done 😠, the coffee is FREE today!

[Allisa]

Glad to hear things worked out, sounds like a miserable, ignorant person, deserves all he gets(unemployed).Time to make a new friend with the VERY friendly young lady even if its just for a few minutes in the morning before that cup of mud. That morning routine is very important to start the day off normal.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

OK, presenting in tween mode

Quoting Inigo Montoya: "You Keep Using That Word, tween, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means" "Tween" by itself is used for pre-adolescents and you probably do not mean to imply you dress like a pre-adolescenet The words you're looking for are "mixed gender presentation" or "androgynous mode", since what you're doing is slip-sliding your way through "An Experiment in Androgyny" snicker....that's the name of a thread involving someone who did what you're doing at the Other Place (mHB) ....they eventually ended up living as a woman full time

Veronica

[jenniferinsf]

I am with jennie...talk to the manager

I have had only one hurtful experience and a day or so later I called the manager to express my feelings. I did not want the person fired I suggested sensitivity training across the staff to try and avoid awkward/possibly discriminating situations.

The Manager was most apologetic and appeeciated the feedback.

[Mink]

Quoting Inigo Montoya: "You Keep Using That Word, tween, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means" "Tween" by itself is used for pre-adolescents and you probably do not mean to imply you dress like a pre-adolescenet The words you're looking for are "mixed gender presentation" or "androgynous mode", since what you're doing is slip-sliding your way through "An Experiment in Androgyny" snicker....that's the name of a thread involving someone who did what you're doing at the Other Place (mHB) ....they eventually ended up living as a woman full time

Veronica

pretty sure it was Wesley that said that to Wallace Shawn!

(My Dinner With Andre the Giant!)

you keep using that quote but I don't think the person you thought said it was the one that said it!

uh!

[Sallee]

IN his face especailly if you're comfortable with yourself and it seems like you are. Go Girl

[SHY KIM]

Robin,
I think you already know what your going to do:devil:
I've been reading your posts for a while and your pretty smart (or is that pretty AND smart):)
Anyway, you seem comfortable as who you are and he isn't (that's who he is)
I always pick my battles. Sometimes it makes no sense winning if it makes simple things more difficult.
Kim

[Robin414]

Thank you Kim, I really appreciate that!

And Katey, coming from you, wow, I'm sooo blushing right now! 😶

[donnalee]

It also depends on how much spit you like in your coffee.

[Robin414]

Great point Donnalee! I do take mine black and in a dirty cup but like to avoid any obvious bodily fluids (seriously gross but can, and I'm sure does, happen). 😳

[TaraGrace]

Grin, so now you know exactly how each day in the Netherlands goes..
If you look up service in a Dutch dictionary, it will probably refer to tennis or voleyball ;)

It's chicken vs. egg here though.. the Dutch tip poorly (if they even tip), and service staff just does their '9 to 5' with no emotion. If you ever find a place with a good waiter/waitress chances are they'll be gone in no time too, mostly snatched up by sales managers on the look out for raw talent.

And it's not only face-to-face staff, I swear one of these days I'm sending out most of my new team members (that got dumped in my lap recently) to get a basic McDonalds training in the states (grumbles something internally) :Angry3:

[Sky]

pretty sure it was Wesley that said that to Wallace Shawn!

No, it really was Inigo to Vizzini (played by Wallace Shawn indeed)

You killed her quote, prepare to die.

[alwayshave]

Robin, my fiancee is black and I am white, even in the suburbs of Washington DC, we have been refused service. I reamed the manager of the Hilton in Alexandria VA for a bartender's refusal to serve us. He attempted to give me a free meal, which I told him was not the point. Having an employee that will not serve someone based upon skin color is a violation of Federal law and what was he going to do about the employee. Got a very nice letter of apology from Hilton corporate and a free stay.

Your case is trickier, I'm assuming its a smaller place without a formal management structure and there is no federal law on point. Also, I worked in a restaurant when I was younger and I know better than to complain too much about something that is coming out of a kitchen.

[Eryn]

...I reamed the manager of the Hilton in Alexandria VA for a bartender's refusal to serve us. He attempted to give me a free meal, which I told him was not the point...Got a very nice letter of apology from Hilton corporate and a free stay.

So, what was done about the offending employee?


No, it really was Inigo to Vizzini

Correct!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2y8Sx4B2Sk

[alwayshave]

So, what was done about the offending employee?

I have no idea what happened, personnel issues cannot be made public and I have never returned to that location.

[Robin414]

Well I guess it wasn't 'me' 😊

So just an update, went back there again this morning and guess who I saw a at the counter as I drove up 😧 (no, not the Easter bunny)!

Seriously thought about going somewhere else but screw that, I have a routine to maintain! Not sure what was up the past couple times, maybe someone else complained but talk about a full 180, exceptional service!

Sure, the coffee was a little 'chunky' 😝 but that's probably just the dirty cup right ☺

[TaraGrace]

There you go.. happy you got your routine back? ;)