When in a DADT

[Peach13]

How often do you think your better half thinks about this side of you? My wife has been very quiet of late about it, I'm hoping she is becoming more at ease. I always wonder if she thinks about it every day and looks for clues to find out if I have been dressing etc. Our relationship is excellent btw apart from me liking the feminine things in life.
Peach

[Tina_gm]

I am not in specifically a DADT, but my wife is not a participant, and I do not dress in front of her. From what she says to me, it is not something she thinks about all the time, or even daily. I do not give her many clues about when I am dressing, but the general thought is, and typically correct, when I am home and she is not, I am dressed. So, she more or less just goes by this as a general idea, but doesn't "think" about it much.

Sometimes, when it comes to stuff like this, and the people in our lives who know but just cannot truly understand or relate, which is pretty much everyone unless they walk in our shoes, what is their really to think about? They know, ok. Their thoughts would be more along the lines of what next, if that is an issue. Or, if we go out a lot, then it becomes thoughts of who knows, or will know. What might happen to us when or if we go out. Will our kids find out?

If we just hang out at home and dress when alone, then really, there isn't much that can be thought about that will be helpful. Either this is a part of who we are, or it goes deeper, into we are really more girl than guy inside. If we have reassured them that is not the case.... than our wives probably have a lot of other things they are thinking about that are more relevant to their lives.

[Athena_]

Hi Peach,

I don't think that she thinks about it very much at all. It is safe to say she has rarely brought it up. I think that she has come to grips with it, but still wants no part of it. I am glad that she did not react in a very negative way when she found out, and I can understand her discomfort. I would be careful with taking your wife's recent silence as in any way a sign of greater acceptance.

[Stephanie47]

My marriage entered a DADT phase about thirty years ago. I really do not know how often she may ponder my cross dressing. In the last thirty years I think I have absentmindedly left out telltale signs three times. She did not react to them. She just picked them up and put them on top of the dryer. Once in awhile before the postal service installed a central mail box(es) down the block she'd see a parcel arrive that I would not open. She has never gone into my armoire where there isn't any fem stuff anyway. She does not make bad comments or throw barbs about cross dressing or transgender issues on television, although she has stated she is not in favor of transgender lockerrooms due to privacy concerns. I can understand her point. She also has stated she feels transgender people may be influenced by having lived a past life as a woman.

In a DADT there should be within the definition no overt actions by the husband to exhibit cross dressing. I do not paint my toenails. I do not shave my legs or arms. I really do not need to shave my legs anyway. I wear my manly clothing all the time and generally feel great looking like a slob. She has actually "banned" some well worn jeans from being off the property. I suspect my DADT is out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes I think I would really like it if she were to ask a question.

[Jenniferathome]

and isn't this the ultimate paradox of DADT?

While I am not in a DADT situation, I think there has to be some kind of regular communication to validate your/her assumptions, fears, suspicions, etc. You don;t have to throw it in her face, but you and she an be worlds apart on what you each think. Most typically, I would bet that the wife or GF is thinking "he's not really into it any more."

[Tina_gm]

That is a distinct possibility Jennifer, and I agree with you that a DADT can cause a miscommunication or misunderstandings about where things are at. They may either fear things are progressing into TS, or may be surprised that dressing is still occurring. OTOH- DADT is not always the worst case scenario either. At least there is no sneaking around, and if she feels the need to talk, she always can. A DADT is knowledge of it, so at some point it was talked about. At least in the discussion(s) there should be an agreement that if things change with either party, it should be brought up.

[Kiersten]

I came out to my wife about a year before we were married she accepted and participated in it. My marriage entered a DADT shortly after we married(about 14 years ago).
I don't think she thinks about it as much as she did in the beginning, but I'm sure it's sits in the back of her mind.

[JeanTG]

I also came out to my wife, actually a couple of years before we married. It was DADT for many years, but she would dredge it up in arguments on any subject. She'd use it to hurt. So I went into denial about it for many years. It came to the forefront later, with lingerie. Now it's partial DADT. I wear panties openly 24/7; she does the laundry and launders them, hangs them to dry, and puts them away for me. And they are not all plain panties in dull colours.

But the rest is DADT. I do dress frequently because I am at home alone a lot. I don't bring the subject up though we'll both sometimes jokingly refer to "the issue". I know she's not comfortable with it, and has always been uncomfortable discussing sexual issues (even though for me this is a gender, and not a sexual, issue as dressing reduces my urges, not the other way around). So as it's not all about me, I try to respect her boundaries and to her credit she has not in many years tried to use my CDing as a weapon, she just accepts that it's part of my baggage and isn't going anywhere in a hurry whether by willpower, denial or with God's assistance (been there, tried that).