Is your CD reality? Or is it an escape from reality?

[CarlaWestin]

For me it's an escape. Weekly at work I deal with situations, make stuff fit and work and, ward off vampires. At home, it's outsmarting financial and personality challenges.
And then there's Carla time. My time. I'm at peace because I afforded myself this moment. I'm Carla the woman.

What's your deal?

[sometimes_miss]

For me it's reality. Or, at least it feels like it. Having grown up expecting to turn into a girl, dressing as one just became what I expected to be normal for me; my 'boy mode' was considered just something temporary that hid who I really was. And I still feel that way. My male clothing is just a sort of uniform to wear in order to accomplish specific chores.

[Tracii G]

I'm a gender bender every day so its a reality.

[Adriana Moretti]

im with Traci....its an everyday thing....it may not be full makeup, glitter, sequins, and mini skirts, everyday....it could be borring leggings, flat womens combat boots, a tee, a flannel shirt, beenie with minimul makeup...it diddnt start out that way...it evolved over time...it was an escape from reality in the beginning, it relieved the stress at first....

[daphne_L]

Yes!

(ie. Both or I'm confused)

[Vale]

Reality -- now that is a squishy concept. Interesting thread. Like you, Carla, my CDing has a lot of escape in it, but somehow it has a bit of a reality of its own. I am not public, so it is not that kind of reality. I guess it has kind of a separate softer reality.

Vale

[Teresa]

Carla,
Late last year I came close to separation , with that my intention was to move and dress as a reality. The reality at the moment are my commitments to my family but so is the growing stash of female attire and still thinking about the everyday use of it.
Maybe you could rephrase the question and ask do you want to escape to CD ?

[SHY KIM]

Escape is an interesting term. I guess when I can be totally en fem as Kim I am escaping the other 96% of who I am. But I look at it more of "expressing" that small side of my reality. Escape is a good word to use though, because when I am Kim I do feel FREE.
Thanks Carla :)
Kim

[AllieSF]

Thankfully, since I started dressing I have never seriously thought about the why. Especially after reading so many questioning people here who had to know the real reason who in the meantime seemed far from happy and balanced. I am happy and almost balanced by not dwelling on an unanswerable question. Now that I am moving further down that path, along that spectrum, I am starting to think, not about the why, but what is next. I liked my reality before ever starting all this and still like my reality today and do not want to lose that feeling. I do not yet need to escape from anything, including me. That today is my deal.

[CONSUELO]

Yes it is an escape of sorts but the need to dress as feminine as possible as much as I can is invariable. So itself it is a sort of reality.

[docrobbysherry]

Escape!:D

About 5 years ago, when I realized I was not TS, I began thinking of Sherry as a fantasy. And, the adventure down the rabbit hole began!:devil:

That opened the door to a fem world of uninhibited and unlimited wonders and adventures that I had never experienced, or even imagined, in my previous 65 years! :tongueout

[Dana44]

I'm at a point in life that I can freely reflect. I find that I'm feeling myself as woman today. Very comfortable in thought and we are going out to a movie today. It is not and escape for me anymore.

[Nadine Spirit]

It is an expression of a reality that has always been there.

[ashley_addams76]

Escape for me. I enjoy being my male self, but do like the small amount of time I do get to express my female side.

[kittie60]

Definitely reality.I am finally able to live my life the way I should have been born. I am so much more happier now than ever before.

[Robin414]

Great point Carla! I used to think it was an 'escape' and I still completely get that, but I'm coming to realize it's really who I am...I think...or maybe I just need to escape my reality 😧

[MissDanielle]

Reality. Straight girl, wrong body.

[Krististeph]

Definitely both, and maybe a third. The third being an alternate reality. This (in my case) is not simply an escape. An escape suspends reality. But there are parts of my real life I do not want intermixed with my female identity, at least for the time being. Some of these things are simply because the female identity would add nothing specifically positive to the mix.

But for myself, I also take in to account the fact that I did grow up as male, and therefore there are parts of me that are this person that dresses oh so drab. Actually, it was a bit easier in the 80's (and I was in my 20s) when we could dress a little 'interesting'.

How do I escape? Some fantasy, especially when I get into thinking about physics and flying. I'll research into lepton dynamics or other related things and play mindstorm games as i wait for nails to dry. Or work up a flight plan on flight simulator- see how far I can stretch the fuel to IFR reserve minimums- or compare multiple climb or descent profiles to see which gets the best combo of distance/avg speed and fuel burn. I'm a geek, so doing this while wearing a cocktail dress or a cute/chic pantsuit or skirt suit, suits me just fine.

But what then about realty, you may ask: Grading papers, creating assignments or labs, writing white sheet papers and research for new classes/labs. Cleaning house, cooking, home repairs (recently re-did 2 closets in cedar, the last of which was done totally while wearing cute dresses. I took plenty of time to go slow and careful- and cleaning up between cuts, drillings, or shaping/sanding so as not to track cedar shavings all over the mansion... So it was easy to stay clean and enjoy the ironic fun of dressing up to do woodwork!), and certain other mechanical type stuff.

What about girly stuff? Umm.. What's girly? Makeup? - do this anyway in concert with all the other things. Shopping? Rarely en femme. Probably should change that a little, but most shopping these days, either male or female in appearance, is at home via internet, on the way home just before stores close, or the occasional semi-planned outing to a home store- usually when I'm in the middle of something anyway. Perhaps motorcycling with my wife- but I still need to do a bit of work on the fuel system before I trust the bike enough to go out en-femme on it that way (but it is fun getting the outfit worked out ahead of time).

[Kiersten]

It's an escape for me, I look forward to having some "girl time", but there are times when it just consumes me and that's when it becomes my reality.

[Harumi]

For me it's a better reality, that is, it makes me feel better. But it is absolutely a reality. :)

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'm not sure that everything we do isn't a form of escape from reality... because reality boils down to certainty of death. How we fill the time between then and now - as Janis Joplin pointed out, it's all the same f*****g day. Some fill it by building empires, some by drinking themselves into a cardboard box under a bridge- so what if we wear skirts or trousers? When seen from space the difference isn't exactly consequential- we just think it is because all we are is an ego on legs and almost all of us live our lives the way we think we should, rather than the way we might otherwise. CDers sail a little closer to the wind, that's all, and much of what I read here shows that most of us worry a great deal about how we look and are perceived, just like the rest of humanity.

I'm off to town to pick out a headstone- can't decide between granite and limestone- any of you girls got some advice??

xxNikki

[pamela7]

Limestone is better for lichen, granite for long-lasting shine, why not marble or a custom ceramic job?

I think initially - this time last year - it was an escape from the entrapment of the male role in the world, for me. And since then it became my clothes and sense of gender and so its not cross anymore, and now i KNOW, i'm no longer "cross" in the emotional sense - how's that for a laugh?

[Princess Ludwyna]

I just do it for fun and because I like it. It's like having a super-hero secret identity -except I don't need a phone cabin to change.
Is it an escape of reality?
Hmmm... depends on what you mean with the word "escape".
I know what reality is. I enjoy my male identity which is the real one.
Yet it's good, relaxing, exciting and funny to crossdress.
So yes and no. It is sometimes an escape but not always.
It is not a reality except for the fact I crossdress for real so it's not unreal and not just an unfulfilled fantasy.

[phylis anne]

with me it is both I was recently diagnosed as being strongly gender fluid more to come on that later, on the escape side with my wife having alzheimers it helps me relax from those stresses that accumulate . I spent a good deal of my working time in the alaskan bush very remote and quiet ,I use this escape when the job gets a bit much ,my boss knows this and has learned to give me the space i need had them all wondering recently I brought in a friends dogsled and harnesses to repair it was as much fun to do the work as it was to mess with their minds:devil:

[Sharon B.]

For me it is an escape from reality but I do think about it all of the time.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Escape is an interesting term. I guess when I can be totally en fem as Kim I am escaping the other 96% of who I am. But I look at it more of "expressing" that small side of my reality. Escape is a good word to use though, because when I am Kim I do feel FREE.
Thanks Carla :)
Kim Thanks Kim, I couldn't express it any better!!

[Laura28]

For me it is both, at least I think so. I love the laura time but know that it is more then an escape it is just a strong part of me.

[Sandie70]

For me, it's both. When girly I am still me... same memories, likes, dislikes etc., but at the same time I feel like I just put on the "cloak of invisibility" from Harry Potter. I have a chance to go out into the world and be someone new... like having a second chance to define myself. Without being judged as a guy.

And when in drab, I find myself drawing from my girl side... the things I've learned and experienced - giving my guy side a new dimension.

[Barbara Jo]

LOL.... most of the things we do as humans is to escapee our reality.....in one way or another.

Even the very word "vacation " refers the fact that we are vacating our realty, it only for awhile .

BTW, later on today i will most likely turn on my stereo and enter a somewhat different reality..... as all music is intended to do.

Consider this.... when a GG female gets "dressed to the nines" , ultra feminine, are they not entering an alternate reality that they do not live in full time? :)

[Stephanie47]

I've always thought and expressed my opinion over the years that there is an element of the opposite gender in all of us....male and female. There has to be to explain why there is a draw to wearing women's clothing or even transitioning. It really makes absolutely no sense otherwise. Why would a young person, preteen or teen, decide to engage in an activity that bring ridicule from society? Why subject oneself to all the ills that befall people who are different? What's the draw? There are many men who are comfortable enough to wear a silly outfit for Halloween and leave it at that.

So, I started dabbling in women's slips when I was a preteen. There was no sexual motivation. I was drawn to the feel of nylon fabric. I loved it. The only nylon garment that was available to me in the 1950's and 1960's was a slip. Was this the beginning of that inner person trying to break out and express herself? Was there someone inside saying "Hey, me too! I want to play also." I've evaluated my life over these 60+ years. When I was growing up in my youth, teens and early twenties it was always something fun and adventurous. Being a boy was great. I played hard. It was baseball, basketball, football, roller hockey, playing cowboys and Indians, playing war games, playing chess, doing well in school. But, there was always the hint of a little girl wanting out.

Later on I developed a necessity to hide. Sometimes being in the male role society has deemed necessary for the functioning of society things are done to you and you do them to others. Going to war is a serious business. People get killed in front of you. You kill. You get maimed. How do you deal with it? Do you drink? Or use drug? Or become unfaithful? If those avenues of escape are against your inner self, your moral code, then perhaps that inner girl bursts forth. I feel it is her that suggests in times of need that Stephanie must emerge to help keep her twin brother balanced on a even keel.

Perhaps I do not venture outside of the confines of my home and backyard because the purpose of cross dressing for me has been escape from the pressures of the current life and the life I have lived. There is much comfort in letting the "women within" out. That "women within" has never done anything to bring added pressure to my life. That is not her goal.

Is it reality? Or is it fiction? It really does not matter. She and I get along fine now.

[Wen4cd]

I'm reality challenged anyways, so I don't think on those terms.

Here's what is is for me: Integration. I have a real genderless self, and at the same time it is bi-gendered. That's 'reality' for me: a paradox of being both and neither. And you can't weld in a dress anyways...

Add to that a love of things contrasting, and a dislike of mixing and dilution, and you have a distinct duality. CDing charges up reserviors of energy that keeps the whole 'me' going through life, and also cuts neural channels through which that energy flows.

It also keeps things interesting, which for me might be the most important thing of all.

[Jenny22]

For me its reality. My TG is an escape from my CD.

[suchacutie]

It is very much reality. I really do live in both of my gendered selves. They each have their lives and don't overlap unless necessary. I'm not trying to escape anything as I really enjoy both selves! I didn't ask to be this way but I'm darn sure going to live it to fullest!

[Sarah Beth]

The reality is that I am Cross Dresser, there is not escape from that. That part of me is always there. I don't want to be a woman I don't want to live as woman what I want is spend time dressed as a woman on occasion. That's the reality for me.

[Alice Torn]

Much of it is escape from the lonely drab male bachelor reality, being unwanted and unloved and no girlfriend or wife, or intimacy with anyone. Some of it is the lady part within me, and part is just plain liking certain lady clothing on me, that turns me on, or just looks so nice.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Carla:hugs:, For me it's having the best of both worlds. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Lily Catherine]

I don't necessarily consider myself beholden to the clothes themselves but they do facilitate so-called "feminine expression" much more easily, in a way that I am not normally seen.

Consider that Lily bears the same consequences and has the same commitments that Jimmy bears. Lily thinks 100% like Jimmy. I don't have an alternate identity but I still acknowledge the privilege to choose a name to ascribe to that identity.

The female image is still an escape - if only for myself and till date this site - from how the world sees me however. Of course how I see myself also comes into play regarding how I dress and how I dressed. But the garments - perhaps sweet wrappers of some form - do not and never will detract from the realities that my own person has to face by any other name: commitments, certainties and consequences.

Speaking of certainty of death - I'll be cremated when it comes so yep - an engraved glass front in front of my urn.

[Kimberley May]

Much of it is escape from the lonely drab male bachelor reality, being unwanted and unloved and no girlfriend or wife, or intimacy with anyone.
Me too through much of my life. I do recently have a girlfriend now though, and one nearby who doesn't live overseas. But I guess as I'm still on my own most of the time, that lonely bachelor feeling hasn't quite shaken off yet. Be your own girlfriend.

It definitely is an escape from reality. I guess through all my failures as a guy, I enjoy getting away from all that for a while too. Maybe the grass is just looking a little greener on the other side of the fence right now.

[Kate Simmons]

I am who I am at any given time and it's definitely real to me when I do it. :battingeyelashes::)

[Claire Cook]

I'm a gender bender every day so its a reality.

I'm with you Tracii!

[Diversity]

Hi Carla, Thank you for your post. For me it is a bit of both absolute enjoyment and peace fulfillment and a bit of flying in the face of social norms. I am currently writing to you knowing my wife is asleep, and knowing that I am going to go to bed with my bra on underneath my nightgown and hoping I do not get caught with a bra on. Silly as this may seem, it is what it is....
Di

[CarlaWestin]

Be your own girlfriend.

Oh my! That was the spark that started it all for me @45 years ago. I was so frustrated with figuring out the casm between desire and reality that I just started being my own dream girl.
And so, the fantasy began.

[Krisi]

Having admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser, it's reality.

Having said that, don't interpret this into thinking that I think I am a woman or anything like that. I am just a crossdresser. A man who enjoys pretending he is a woman from time to time.

[Tara Rushing]

Without a boring self analysis since, heck, I don't even understand myself, I'll just say simply: both.

[MelanieAnne]

It's hard to explain. But I always enjoyed looking in the mirror and seeing a nice looking woman, and becoming someone else for a while. I like who I am, but it's a refreshing change from time to time..

[Alice Torn]

Melanie Ann, You said it well. Me too.

[Karen RHT]

The reality is I'm a pretty average guy, who enjoys crossdressing along with several other aspects of my life. I don't even try to "escape" that portion of my reality. :)


Karen

[Ally 2112]

It is both for me .The escape is being able to dress and kinda be whoever i want .The reality is it will never go away and i have to accept it

[Maria Blackwood]

Escape for me. As I change to something feminine after an annoying day at work, something inside me rotates 90 degrees and all the nonsense of the day goes away. It's why I still pull on the hosiery slowly, savoring every moment.