Do you feel more vulnerable when out en femme?

[AlyssaS]

I haven't gone out too much, but I'm doing it more and more. This weekend I went to the movies alone while I was out of town on a trip. Walking back to the parking garage (about 1 1/2 blocks from the movie theater), I felt quite vulnerable, despite being 6'5" in 2" heels and able to handle myself. It was an odd feeling for me --- I'm pretty confident in jeans and sneakers, but in a jean skirt and ankle boots, I was much less so.

[AllieSF]

This is a good question. I go out and about twice a week into San Francisco, all over the city. Many times I am walking by myself to or from my car. I am always looking around, behind my back, double checking that guy who looks a little too dark. I do all of that in male mode too, however, not with the same intensity. I am not afraid and have decent street smarts for what I do and where I go. But, I still feel a little more vulnerable and subject to a surprise attack, more so than in male mode.

[Jenniferathome]

I wrote about this very thing here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?211505-quot-Do-you-feel-vulnerable-when-you-are-out-quot&highlight=Vulnerable

I think like a guy regardless of how I am dressed

[SHY KIM]

Yes I do. I'm still in the early stages of venturing out en fem but in drab I have a look that says "leave me alone" and it's effective. Living in Chicago my entire life I always keep an eye out for trouble.
However when dressed, the vulnerability lies in that I am more likely to receive unwanted attention and trouble is much more likely to come my way if I'm read.
Ironically, the same attributes that deter people when I'm in drab work against me when in fem. Thus I am very careful when and where I go.
Kim

[JanePeterson]

I feel like if I got in trouble and needed help, and was exposed as not "normal", could go ahead and count on not being seen or acknowledged by anyone.... One of those people who gets beat to death in front of a crowd kinda deals

[Leslie Langford]

I feel the same way when I am out in public en femme.

In guy mode, I think nothing of being out alone by myself, even after dark and in some of the more sketchy parts of town should I happen to be in one. Over-confident? Maybe. Then again, I have never witnessed or been part of an accosting incident, and the city where I live is pretty safe. Yes, there is the occasional bit of gun violence, but it's usually related to squabbles among gangs and they tend to keep their score-settling amongst themselves. Muggings do happen, but they are also fairly rare.

Dressed as a woman, I do feel a bit uneasy at times, though - especially late at night and by myself - despite being over 6" tall in heels. My theory is that this is because as males, we are pretty much invisible to the world and few people give us a second look. Women, on the other hand, are constantly being checked out, and my gut tells me that as a CDer, I make an even more obvious target.

The other point is that women are seldom seen unaccompanied when out at night - whether it's by a husband, SO, or another female friend(s). Same thing for a restaurant visit - rarely do you see a woman dining alone unless it is in a fast food joint. So, the woman (or CDer in our case) out alone at night is an anomaly and therefore can attract undue attention - and possibly of the wrong kind - especially if we are mistaken for street-walking hookers who also engage in such high-risk nocturnal behavior.

[Robin414]

Yes, absolutely! As a guy I had the confidence (borne from a few bar fights back in the day) to walk alone at night in some of the nastiest parts of town...even had a dude try to sell me 'an illegal substance' and when he looked up at me he literally said 'holy shit your a cop!' and bolted (I'm not a cop and didn't even make it look like I was).

As a woman though, the physical contrast I think has a profound phsycological impact and I'm honestly scared as hell some times ��

I'm very careful about where I go in public though and I've been approached quite often (even by some 'less than elegant gentlmen') and the femme confidence does grow...slowly ☺ (and that good ol' cinder block in my my purse helps �� )

[Adriana Moretti]

i am like you....if i am wearing a skirt in heels to do something like going to the movies yes...id feel vulnerable...thats why i dont wear them there and always ask where we are going so i know exactly how to dress , it takes the fun out of the moment to feel like that ....like you i am confident in jeans and sneakers even jeans and ankle boots im fine....., i save the skirts for the fancy occasions....i just cant justify going shopping in a skirt, thats me though...and my friends make fun of me anytime they see me in a skirt cause they know how rare that sighting is. I usually only wear them to cd/tg events, or private dates where I have someone with me. But daytime, and public places that are pretty vanilla and casual....i go as vanilla as i can XOXO

[Janet161]

I agree. This is a problem. A woman out by herself late at night is not a normal occurrence. If I go to a club by myself or I meet a friend there, at the end of the night I am often on my own and extremely vulnerable. I have been followed to my car many times and it's a scary event. Sometimes I stop and deal with my follower and defuse the situation. If I'm close to my car I speed up and get the heck out of there. I am probably a little naive about danger-oh it'll never happen to me. I always think I can take care of it and so far, so good.
There are some simple steps you can take to protect yourself. i know they've been written up here on the forums and I am hardly the best advisor. Be careful and have fun.

[Rachel Morley]

To answer your question, yes I do feel more vulnerable when en femme, especially alone in a parking lot at night and especially if my skirt is a bit on the tight side or if I'm wearing high heels (or both). This kind of situation should help us feel more empathy for women. It can feel the same for men too but I think it's worse for women.

[Sandie70]

I remember an incident this last Halloween when I was leaving a dance at the end of the night. I had arrived late and had to park on a side street that was not lit very well. Anyway, I was wearing a very skimpy outfit (hey, it was Halloween) and as I was walking to my car alone, I spotted a man sitting in a pickup about a half block away. He was stopped at an intersection and just stayed there, not turning or continuing on his way. His engine was running and he was just staring at me as I walked along.

As I started to cross the street to my car, he pulled out and slowly came toward me. I ran to my car, jumped in and started it without putting on my seat belt. He then drove slowly past me, leering at me.

Needless to say, after that night I had a very good idea how frightening the world is at times for women.

[Robin414]

It just occurred to me, most if not all sexual assault incidents are 1:1 and I know beyond any doubt I can hold my own against any crazy deprived nut job, why worry about it? If you're crazy enough to tangle with me, well, I will fight ya, and I WILL damage ya, badly 😠 I kinda invite it! I'm fluid and fluid flows, just don't catch me on the blue side 😠

[docrobbysherry]

I wonder? Is it better to pass or not pass when you're out late at nite by yourself?:straightface:

Under even bad liting from tne front, anyone would make me. But, what if some drunk were to see me from behind walking down the street late at nite? "Hell yeah! I want some of that babe!":eek:

Or, be made and, "Look at that dam fag! I'm going kick his ass from tryin' ta fool me!":doh:

[Samantha981]

I would say I am more careful when out en femme. I don't go into the city, clubs. etc alone. I don't do stupid things in male mode either, but when en femme my eyes and ears are perked up just a bit. So far I just go in femme to malls and retail stores but sometimes its after dark. I get my keys out of my purse while in the mall so I could get in my car faster if needed. An ounce of prevention.

[Eryn]

I don't feel any more vulnerable. I use proper caution in either mode.

I'd worry about a fool who would try to molest a 6'2", 180 pound, 50something woman. He's either drunk or extremely nearsighted!

[raeleen]

I definitely feel more vulnerable dressed as a woman, and I think it absolutely gives us a bit of insight into the ways that women have to constantly be alert and keeping an eye out when they're out during the evenings. On top of that, since many of us do not pass, or can be read, and knowing that there are just some stupid and intolerant people out there, I think we always need to stay aware, maybe even doubly so.

Stay safe out there, ladies!

[OCCarly]

I'm 5'7", 155 lbs, so even as a guy I feel vulnerable at times. I got picked on and bullied all the time when I was young because I was small (and effeminate), so I developed radar for trouble at a very young age. Even walking downtown in a suit and tie, I have to keep an eye out for trouble. I remember one time leaving the criminal courthouse, this guy started following me and walking behind me stalker like. He worried me so much that I took a right turn, went around the building, and re-entered through the back entrance.

So going out in girl mode is really not much of a change for me.

[bridget thronton]

Always on high alert when I am alone at night regardless of my clothing (I often finish teaching at 9pm and it can be a long lonely trip to my car in the parking lot)

[Alice Torn]

I definitely feel some fear when out, am vigilant , to be honest a bit paranoid. My size gives me away, but if a guy is drugged or drunk, he does not care about size. Like others said, women seldom are out alone at night, and many of us sometimes are, which makes us a target for some.

[Curiosity666]

I haven't been out as of yet, but I am making the preparations to do so one day soon. I'll put my own spin on it though.

I am generally quite adventurous. I've been solo skydiving, ridden bikes at hundreds of kmph, been caving and done HUET, all without batting an eye. However the very idea of stepping out into public as Lucy terrifies me.

[Claire Cook]

I usually don't go out en femme at night, and if I do I try to be either with my wife or with other girl friends. Yes I feel more vulnerable when en femme, even when doing errands in the daytime. I echo Raeleen's post -- do be safe!

[Kate Simmons]

Just the opposite. I feel very empowered in more ways than one when en femme. :battingeyelashes::)

[Krisi]

We should feel vulnerable dressed as a woman, especially out alone at night. That's how women feel and why most won't go out alone at night.

[pamela7]

when i was a young male the world around was sufficiently dangerous that i was always on the lookout, ready to run, and had to on occasions. For many years i've not been worried at all being out, wherever. However, since being full-time en-femme I am again more aware, tracking possible threats. As i don't do late night back alleys I don't place myself in harms way. There's a reason prey animals gather together at night and wander more freely in the daylight.

[Stephanie47]

I think it is natural to feel vulnerable. At six foot five in heels there is a good chance your height will draw attention and closer scrutiny, which may lead to being identified as a man in women's clothing. I think will all feel some discomfort due to the possibility of someone casting ill will towards us. I go out in the evening for strolls. I have to desire to go to a venue that will expose me to ridicule or any confrontation. Mingling with the masses, if it brings ill will and ridicule, will destroy the reason I wear women's clothing; peace and serenity. I think a man wearing women's clothing is something most of society does not understand, and, ignorance usually brings bad reactions from those in society who do not know how to keep their opinions to themselves.

I read an interesting article this week concerning the mass assault of women in Germany....literally hundreds of women groped and assaulted by men. One of the things mentioned in the article is how mob mentality works. Basically, when in a group many lose their individual identity and will do things they would not do when alone. I think that concept weights heavily in our minds when encountering a group of giggling teenage girls and immature men who have had too much to drink.

Be safe and always take precautions.

[MelanieAnne]

I absolutely feel vulnerable. Even though I'm a guy and can more or less handle myself, I really don't want to be struggling with some drunk, on someones lawn, while wearing heels, nylons and a short dress. The first thing to come off would likely be the wig. sniff

[carhill2mn]

I certainly feel more vulnerable when out en femme. This is especially true if I am wearing a skirt or dress.

[~Joanne~]

I have never gone to a Mall, store, restaurant, or theater while out dressed, I would like to at some point but the most I have done to date is either just go for a very long drive dressed or to a park. I feel vulnerable each and every time. I guess until we truly accept ourselves, it will always be like that.

[cdterri]

20 yrs ago while dressed in drab a friend and I left a bar and were heading to my car when we were stopped by an individual asking for money. In the 5 seconds it took to step around the person we were both attacked from behind. My friend was knocked unconscious immediately and I quickly followed. When I came to I had 3 broken ribs, a broken nose and a concussion. I am no push over when it comes to protecting myself but when they get you from behind with no warning things can go bad real quick. Be careful out there people.

[nikkiwindsor]

I really do feel quite vulnerable when out clubbing en femme. While I'm easily read, there's always a pretty sizable group of trans-admirers who are attracted to me (stare at me, ask me to dance, want to hold my hand and talk, buy me a drink etc). I like the attention inside the club where I feel safe but not outside. So, I aways park in a well lit area even if I have to walk a little farther. And while you might think this is excessive, I always wear sweats and a hoodie over my female attire and a pair of running shoes to/from my car and the club. When I get to the club, I take off the sweats/hoodie/running shoes and slip on my heels. The bartenders are always kind enough to keep my things until I leave for the evening.

[Lorileah]

I used to say I was big enough to handle someone who wanted to mess with me. However I know better now as even someone who didn't mean to be threat (intoxicated) was able to wrestle me for 30 minutes one night. If he had wanted to hurt me he could have. I was just trying to keep him from driving. You are vulnerable, no matter who you are.

[adrienner99]

Years ago I would visit a gay bar in a terrible section of Washington DC that had drag shows. I had to park about a quarter mile away and walk--in the five-inch heels I wore back then--to the bar. I was scared every step of the way. In the world we live in today, I am alert and watchful pretty much all the time. In a skirt and heels, I feel defending myself physically would be much harder than in jeans and sneakers, but it does not stop me from going anywhere...

[Cheryl T]

I would say yes.
Despite my being 5'11" barefoot and wearing heels most of the time I don't feel "big". There is not only the things that a woman has to consider when out, especially alone, but added to that is the always present possibility that some macho guy will resent my presence and cause an issue because of how I'm dressed.
Not that I couldn't handle myself, but it's just something I would prefer to avoid.

[kittie60]

Oh I feel a little more vulnerable when out at night but usually try to park in good lighted areas and avoid any alleys or dumpersters and things like that. And anybody that is or acts like they're drunk.