How fast things change

[Katrina26cd]

A few short months ago I was very close to living the american dream I started listening to Dave Ramsey paid off a bunch of debt me and my wife make pretty good money have a beautiful son my grandmother passed away and I received a nice inheritance and was planning on buying a home. My wife got pregnant and we are having a daughter oh great, Everything in life is falling into place.

Except the elephant in the room has finally made its voice heard and is kicking and screaming to get out.

Right now only my kids are keeping me here. I don't want any of this anymore. I feel like except for the kids I would trade everything to have a crappy apartment mediocre job but be myself everyday all day.

I don't know how much longer this lie can go on and yet I feel so pathetic I wish I could just die but the only thing that would hurt my family more than transition would be if I was not living anymore.

I hate it my wife tells me how I am such a good father and she is so glad my son has a good father as her father has never been really around or a part of her life.

Why couldn't I have figured this out 10 years ago or 20 years from now, recently every day is a struggle and I'm not sure how long I can continue to live like this:eek:

[JanePeterson]

I feel for you... Somehow this finds a way to strike at the worst time, or maybe when it comes it makes it feel like the worst time. Does your spouse know about your feelings? Have you started therapy? Holding it together for the kids means 18-20 years... Are you able to wait that long?

I'm sorry this has happened to you- wouldn't wish it on anyone... But know you're not alone....

Jane

[Katrina26cd]

Holding it together for the kids means 18-20 years... Are you able to wait that long?



Honestly How its been going and progressing I feel like 6 months would be more realistic

[Rogina B]

So...Tell us what you have been doing to help yourself..

[Katrina26cd]

So...Tell us what you have been doing to help yourself..

I have been going to counseling but I think I am going to change counselors Friday's session was not helpful

Other than that trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off everything going on in my head

[Eryn]

Another basic question: Does your wife know? If so, how does she feel about this?

Have you considered that it is possible to be a good spouse and father and also TG?

[pamela7]

i see from other posts that your wife does know, but is "not super excited about it". At least you did come out early to her. I would recommend a series of chats with her, some light experiences of you being at home casually dressed rather than over-the-top, and some joint counselling after the chats have begun.

Is the elephant CD or TS; do you know for sure yet?

[Wendy me]

a struggle a lot know for sure ... waiteing for the kids to grow up .... waiting for what ever .... hey i did that now what?? grandaughters thats right your kids grow up and have kids ....see i should have done this 30 something years ago .....here i am retired more Wendy looking than "HIM" .... i get by not as well as i could but it works .....

it came to the point were something was going to end our time with my wife .... i bought a beach place for me to be who i am when ever i want ....i wear more womens clouthing than mens ... but i like womens clouthing more but i can do guy things in guy mode ok .....when am i going to be complete ????don't know hell there are persons who don't belive i am trans .......

[JenniferZ2009]

I would recommend a series of chats with her, some light experiences of you being at home casually dressed rather than over-the-top


I would argue that if you are serious about transitioning that you present yourself to your family all or nothing. My therapist encouraged me to go all or nothing because it can be more confusing in the long run if you go piecemeal. Also not going piecemeal I think can minimize who you are as a female and send a signal that you are not really serious. Of course it all depends on whether you identify as TS or CD but either way be try to yourself and don't minimize yourself for the comfort of others. That is my opinion.

[I Am Paula]

You have to take care of yourself first. You are no good to anybody dead.
Millions of people have transitioned, and every one of them started with the idea that their family will never accept them.
Good luck sweetie, it's not going to be easy, but you will probably find that the most resistance is coming from yourself.

[arbon]

I feel like except for the kids I would trade everything to have a crappy apartment mediocre job but be myself everyday all day.

:

Such dreams can come true, but not always as good as you hope it will be. It can be very lonely and depressing on the other side in that crappy apartment and bad jobs.

[Katrina26cd]

Another basic question: Does your wife know? If so, how does she feel about this?

Have you considered that it is possible to be a good spouse and father and also TG?

She knows I CD She has asked me before if I wanted to be a woman and I denied it for two reasons, I was scared to tell her, and I wasnt sure myself


i see from other posts that your wife does know, but is "not super excited about it". At least you did come out early to her. I would recommend a series of chats with her, some light experiences of you being at home casually dressed rather than over-the-top, and some joint counselling after the chats have begun.

Is the elephant CD or TS; do you know for sure yet?

She knows I CD and is ok with it at home in private. I know I'm not just a CD'er the feelings I have make me pretty sure I'm Trans but I am still sorting through things


I would argue that if you are serious about transitioning that you present yourself to your family all or nothing. My therapist encouraged me to go all or nothing because it can be more confusing in the long run if you go piecemeal. Also not going piecemeal I think can minimize who you are as a female and send a signal that you are not really serious. Of course it all depends on whether you identify as TS or CD but either way be try to yourself and don't minimize yourself for the comfort of others. That is my opinion.

I agree I had thought about in the past trying to get the wife to buy in with me dressing in public a few times a month but I knew that would seem like its just a role I play every now and then. and I knew it would make my GD go out of control


Such dreams can come true, but not always as good as you hope it will be. It can be very lonely and depressing on the other side in that crappy apartment and bad jobs.

I know you have to expect the worst and hope for the best and If you to have to restart your life you hope it will improve over time and things will get better

Also the CD in my username doesn't fit me anymore it is what I thought 8 years ago but it is not my reality anymore

[Jacky Aikou]

Katrina, I'm so sorry to read about your anguish and truly sympathize - except for the Dave Ramsey and big inheritance parts our situations are remarkably similar. ;)
With apologies to all the beautiful souls here I've been reading and lurking for the past 2 months but too conflicted to post anything outside of a few PM's. But having read your vent I just finally had to speak up and send some support your way.

I also cringe when hearing how good a father I am, considering how seriously hormones and transition weigh on my mind lately. My wife says she could support me, but only as a friend, not as a wife. Our marriage and household could very likely end, and most of my (blue collar conservative) family would think I'm insane and supremely selfish, maybe even worse. But you and I are more useful to our families trans and alive than dead. If it comes to that point, i guess the decision is already made for us.
It sounds like your GD is more acute than mine, but if I may advise I'd say please hang in there, stay in counseling and get yourself the support you need. I came out to my sister and it was a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

I had the same type of CDer pact with my wife 8 years ago - that even if I did want to be a woman, I wouldn't transition bc of the fallout. But we had THE TALK again recently and I let her know my situation is more desperate now and if there werent such severe consequences I'd be transitioning already. It's a painful discussion to have, but (for me at least) less stress than staying mum. I've been reading up all I can to try and make the path ahead even a little clearer.

Please take it easy, stay positive if possible and feel free to PM me if you'd like to commiserate! I will definitely look forward to updates from you.

[Katrina26cd]

Thanks for the support Jacky

[kiwidownunder]

Hi Katrina
I took the wait to the children grow up route .
I thought it would be a lot easy for them and it was but almost killed me.


Kiwi