Courage to tell her

[Jess6887]

I need to gain some courage on telling my gf I want to crossdress, I only want to wear satin nighties all the rest doesn't matter to me.

We have been together for almost a year and I have wanted to tell her for a long time but getting the courage to do so is hard, what is some advice I can be given or answers to questions that may be asked

[MissDanielle]

the frequently asked question that everyone gets on coming out: Are you gay?

[renellecd]

If you are finding the courage part hard, maybe you could drop subtle hints, joking about how her panties may look on you. This is a way to gauge initial reactions. Or jump in at the deep end with complete honesty. Coming out to my SO I was a nervous wreck, but I had to do it. Not comfortable with secrets. She has since told me it was the fact that I was honest enough to share this part of my life with her that meant so much more than anything I chose to wear. Could than angle work for you? The no secrets between us philosophy?

Wish you the best.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hi Jess. Are you sure it's just satin nighties, or is that your "gateway" feminine garment? I ask because when I came out to my wife, at first it was just pantyhose. Pantyhose don't look right on hairy legs, so whaddaya know, I was shaving my legs. Shaved legs in pantyhose look better with heels, so I purchased several pair. Hose and heels look better in skirts and dresses...and you get the point.

If it's just satin nightgowns, believe me, that's nothing--tell her and it will be no big deal. But if that's the tip of the iceberg, and you want more, then tell her all of it upfront. It was a rocky road for me in the beginning using an "incremental" approach.

I suggest using a holiday--Valentine's Day is right around the corner--to buy her a nightgown you'd love to see her wear. Get one for yourself; if not matching, then in a style or color you like. Once she's wearing hers, express to her how much you enjoy seeing her look beautiful in it, and then explain how you love the silky feminine feeling--so much so that while you purchased one for her, you wanted to see how it would feel if you were wearing it, so you got one for yourself. Then ask her if she would be comfortable if you retrieved it and put it on, so you could both lounge in your nightgowns.

If she reacts unfavorably, then don't push it. I bet she won't. But yes, be prepared for questions...what else, how far do you want to take this, do you want to become a woman, are you gay, etc. If your personal fetish is a silk nightgown, and it doesn't run any deeper with you, that's pretty harmless and I bet she'll be OK with it.

Good luck

Gretchen

[Jenniferathome]

Jess, if you want to tell her, it is best to have a quiet sit down and say your piece. Keep it short but make it honest. Write it down and practice it. Pick a time when stress is low and you have a good hour for just the two of you. She will ask if you are gay and if want to be a woman. This is the typical and normal reaction. If your relationship is strong and serious, she'll have questions but won't bolt. Answer her questions without ever being defensive.

Now, you need to think about outcomes. What if your GF is ok with it but doesn't want to see it? Nightgowns will be out, right? In most relationships I have read about on this forum, the vast majority do NOT take cross dressing into the bedroom. That's strike two for your nightgown plan, right?

Good luck.

[OCCarly]

Well if you are sure it is just satin nighties, then maybe you should just tell her you have a fetish.

But there was a time in my life when I just thought I had a fetish for bikinis. And now I am sitting here in womens skinny jeans and a sweater as I type this....

[Teresa]

Jess,
I didn't need to tell a GF I wore them she caught me in bed and more went from there, at that time I was lucky I found someone who actually liked sharing it. We went on to share other things so it did lead to wanting to wear more.

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Jess, I echo what Jennifer says. I just came out to my wife this weekend and used the 'Jenniferathome template' in her signature line (thanks again Jennifer). Like you I think, I spent a long time debating with myself whether to tell or not. In the end I just found a time when she was relaxed and we had a couple of hours to spare and said 'there's something I need to tell you'. Then what I had rehearsed before just flowed.

At first I though I'd done the wrong thing as she struggled to absorb it. But our marriage is strong and I am truly amazed how quickly she moved to some tolerance of this. What I didn't realise is how much the stress of keeping the secret had been weighing me down. It's been such a weight lifted off me. In saying this, I now feel guilty that she now has to come to terms with it and despite things looking fairly positive right now, I still worry that she will become less accepting and it will ruin our marriage. She said last night that it hadn't really sunk in yet.

Of course, only you can decide what's right for you, so don't make hasty decisions. It took me a year and a half to come clean.

Whatever you do, good luck!

[Rachelakld]

Over a glass or 2 of wine, just before sleep time
"hay, you know that nighty I love to see you in, and how it's so silky..... do you mind if I also wear one?"

Funny, I just needed to wear a one pece swimsuit, 40 years later and my wardrobe is way bigger than a one peice swimsuits :)

[Ally 2112]

If you think it is worth staying together and taking the chance then do it now rather than later .Im not saying this the perfect advice it just might make it easier

[Tina_gm]

Youtube some Jeb Corliss wingsuit videos, and tell yourself you either have to do what he does, or you have to tell your GF about CDing. Unless you are a sky diver or a thrill seeker, telling her may be the easier option, but only just lol. It is extremely hard to summon up the courage. It is why so many of us ended up waiting sometimes decades. Or eventually get discovered. The only words of advice I can give is that the longer it goes on the harder it gets, so if it is hard now, it will get even harder. Also, the longer it goes on, the harder it will likely be for her to accept it, as she is forming her thoughts and feelings of who you are.

[Jess S.]

Jess perhaps you can let her know how soft her satin feels compared to your Pjs.
Bet it feels great on your skin. See her response go from there.