Why did you do it?

[Robin414]

Purge!

I did over 20 yrs ago myself, took a pic of myself and realized I couldn't pull it off and lost interest (back in them days 'forms' meant straw and manure mind you and makeup was ground up berries...yah, I looked pretty rough 😧 )

Times change (thank you Ms. Internet) and now I see I CAN 'do it', and I'm sooo back in the program!

So, why did you do it?

[AllieSF]

The Devil made me do it, and it wasn't purging!

[Lauri K]

I should not reply to this Robin, but I have never purged nor had the desire to. I encourage others here not to purge either..............

I hope you saved your signature series collection cinder block and did not purge it back 20 years ago

[Nadine Spirit]

I did it once, many years ago. It was just a small bit of clothes, nothing much really, and all easily replaced.

I threw it away because I didn't want to do it anymore. It was what I thought I wanted to do.

Even though it wasn't much I wish I hadn't done it.

I wish I would have accepted myself sooner.

[Cara Lacey]

Usually, I purged when I moved. That way anyone helping me move wouldn't see my secret stash. There is one good thing about purging though, you get to go shopping again!

[Meghan4now]

Hmmm, I purged a few years back. Two reasons, guilt about dressing that was somewhat an obssesion, and two the part of it that my wife knew about, I felt was not building our relationship. I do not regret the purge. It lasted almost 10 years. It was a decision I made, and I don't think I lost any of myself in it. However, I never quite lost the desire, and this time around want to try to be more mature in my descisions.

I very well may purge again, for what ever reason some day. Will that last, who knows, but it will be my descision, and I will own it. No regrets. I am the master of my fate.

[Robin414]

I hope you saved your signature series collection cinder block and did not purge it back 20 years ago

LOL, couldn't lift it into the dumpster so I had it in the garage. My SO often asked about the pink cinder block...'it's an anchor when I...Ummm....go fishing...it...Ummm...attracts...fish, OK 😠 '

[Melody A]

Couple of reasons...
First, my stash simply got too big. I was worried that having too much stuff would lead to it's discovery. The second reason was time. There have been multiple occasions I "gave it up" because the time was not available (why have it if you can't use it).
I've since told my wife and am in a pretty solid DADT relationship. Although lack of time is still a problem, I'm not so concerned about the wife finding my stuff. She already knows it exists.

[Robin414]

H
I very well may purge again, for what ever reason some day. Will that last, who knows, but it will be my descision, and I will own it. No regrets. I am the master of my fate.

I'm seriously afraid I might as well, but yes, I'm the one in control damn it!

Thanks for the inspiration Meghan!

[Tiffany Jane]

Questioning the reasons I was doing it at the time and mostly fear of being caught. Still have the desire from time to time but to make room for other clothes. Life as well as clothing is about change.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Robin,
First of of all... It was over 20 years ago, more like 22 years, 5 months, 6 days, 4 hours, and give or take, 25 minuets ago!
I was home alone in our one bedroom apartment, late at night, and my SO worked late shifts. I was enjoying a new LBD I had just purchased, when what do I hear? A key rattling in the front door lock of course! WTF ?
I giant strided into the bathroom, witch just happened to be 3' straight across from that front door!
A quick facial scrub, and stash the clothes in the vanity somewhere, then step out to greet her.
All along thinking I had just dodged a bullet, she stepped into the bathroom..........here's where my purge inspiration comes into play!
She comes out of the bathoom holding the frickin price tags I had removed from that damn tantalizing dress!
I had left them laying in plain sight on the vanity. Ughhh, somebody, anybody, please just shoot me now!
Anyway, I tell her it was from something I had bought for her and had returned.
She called my bluff, and said that they wouldn't return anything with the tags removed. (DUH!)
I just said " well they did".
But wait! I'm not done yet!
Next she enters our bedroom.... Oh yeah! My super secrect stash spot (under the bed) (yeah I'm a genius!) is exposed.
She sees it next to the bed, but doesn't know what's inside. She asked what it was, and all I could
say was "you dont want to know". She made a few attempts to get at it, and we went to bed.
I didn't sleep at all that night, gathered everything the next morning, and took it straight to the dumpster!
Sooooo, why did I purge??? I guess it was like setting fire to a crime sceene, to destroy the evidence!
Besides that dress, and maybe a couple pairs of heels, everything else was better off in that dumpster anyway!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was in my teens I purged quite a often at least one a month.
Sometimes after (Dress-up) I would feel bad about myself and tear or cut everything up.

AS I got older it was obvious that purging did not make the urge to dress go away.

[Adriana Moretti]

great question.....last time i purged is an interesting story

I lost my car
So I lost my job eventually cause I couldnt get to work
Lost my Apt cause I couldnt work
Moved back home
Got a crappy job doing manual labor with a bunch of alpha males which made me feel like crap inside
Decided to give it a go being a ( man )
Dumped everything
Most pathetic/depressing time in my life honestly...

but lesson learned...this isnt going away, i tried to be the dude, hold down a job, have a girl friend, watch football, turns out im too much of a cheerleader inside ...at least I gave it a shot...i had to at least try and see what it was like. Once I decided it wasnt for me I was much happier again. But i went through a few years of torture first. It did make me stronger though.

[Harumi]

In my teens I have purged several times, mainly for fear of being discovered by my parents, but I never felt bad after dress-up.

[Sky]

I purged a number of times for various reasons. Moving out, lack of storage space, changed physical appearance, etc... including because of stupid storage employees.

Explanation: Once I had to travel for an extended period of time. I stored my stuff in one of those typical storage warehouses, making sure I paid in cash and repeatedly asking the employee for assurance they were not going to call or write in any way. So when I returned home there was a letter from them, refunding a few cents off what I had paid because of God knows what stupid rounding issue... so much for privacy. My wife had seen it, I pretended I had to rent the space for work reasons and she did not press on it. But I never used this kind of place again.

[Kiersten]

I purged for a few reasons. Guilt, fear of being discovered and I honestly thought that the urges would go away, but they never did.

[Beverley Sims]

I purged once because I had too much. Thinned it out like a barber thins your hair.

A month later I was looking for the same type of things I purged.

Even bought the evening dress back from the local Good Will.

Never again!

[pamela7]

At the time I only had a collection of thongs, decided they were uncomfortable and I'd get rid of them. Within a week I'd exploded from underdressing into CD-land. The purge was an unconscious springboard to greater things (like a bulging wardrobe)!

[christylee_sf]

There are various reason for purging for me, one is the guilt, and getting rid of this stuff, would help me not dress anymore, later it became more to get rid of stuff that i would not wear any more (I'm considered a bit of a packrat), so I have to admit to myself that at my age (50+), I cant be wearing dresses for 18+.....

[JeanTG]

Guilt, realizing it really hurt my wife, and thinking I had found God and He would help me to stop (I was wrong, I did find Him, and eventually He taught me to accept myself as I am because He loves me unconditionally...)

So I purged and did not dress for over 15 years.

Now when guilt overtakes me and I want to stop, I filter the collection, throw away stuff that does not fit or is worn or that I don't like, and carefully put away the stuff that I treasure into a hidden part of the attic, until I come back to normal!

[Cheryl T]

Guilt, fear of discovery, shame...
They all had a part to play in the few purges I have experienced. It was a time when I felt alone and though dressing was a wonderful part of me the conflict inside forced the purge and the attempt to be "all male".
I then realized that I couldn't do that. I needed to express this part of myself and finally accepted myself and my dressing as part of the whole. Now the only "purging" I do is seasonal to make room in my closet for new items and donate those that I no longer wear.

[sometimes_miss]

Easy. I hadn't dressed for a few years so I thought that I had 'beaten it'. Why keep stuff you never plan to use again? Into the good will box it went.

[Lilly Diadem]

I purged because I thought that I'd been cured of the desire to dress.
It wasn't until many years and several purges later that I didn't need a cure as I wasn't sick and it was just the way I am :battingeyelashes:

Lilly x

[Samantha981]

Yea, guilt, fear of being found out. I'm currently exceeding my hidden space, need to downsize but not going to purge. Another reason has been realization that I was spending too much time on my self and CD activity and not enough on the family and SO - figured stopping cold turkey only way to fix that. Probably was right thing to do in that case, but I'm building up a stash again. Exceeding my secret storage, I need to sort and donate (I always donate the clothing items) items I won't wear again.

[karen inside]

Used to purge because i was a custodal single parent my daughters entire childhood.. and i was the only parent around so we were togerher always other than scbool time or work. She has been an adult now for 8 years so no more purging. I now keep my "valuables" and take better care of them since i live alone. Plus I can afford nicer apparel these days. And i work at the #1 theme park so there is no shortage of friends in my life. I am the most content and happiest i have ever been in my life! And thats what counts!

- - - Updated - - -

Lilly you nailed my dear!

[Andreaxxx420]

I do not have a safe place to dress or store clothes. What I want most is what I cant do often!

[Just4me]

My last time I purged was becouse I was moving with my SO and couldn't get to it to put it on the moving truck without getting caught so I had to just leave it behind I do hope someone enjoyed my boots as much as I did

[Dana44]

I basically purged on every new girlfriend. LOL Well, it was because I did not know how they felt about it. Then did tell a couple of them. But they liked it once LOL. So life is complicated and I finally found one who tolerates it. It's crazy but after my last divorce, she outed me to everybody.

[Robin414]

Great input ladies, thank you! You've collectively saved me at least one $170 visit to my therapist 😃

[Wen4cd]

30+ years dressing and I have yet to purge once. I did keep a 'stash' while in college living in a dorm, but after getting my own place and married to someone who knew what I did, heck I just hang my clothes on hangers and folded neatly in dressers, or else piled in totes. I've got entire rooms of my house devoted to crossdressing stuff.

If I end up hating a garment, I will rid myself of it, but that's not a purge really.

[Julogden]

I purged at the insistence of my wife-to-be, and I've regretted it ever since. The purge included photos that I took of myself dressed up as far back as age 14. The other stuff was replaceable but not the photos.

[Ally 2112]

I mostly did it on my own all the normal reasons that get posted .I never plan on doing it again

[Judy-Somthing]

I almost purged this morning, came pretty close. I thought purging in the moment usually ends in regrets of getting rid of things you enjoy.

The urge to dress hasn't gone I just don't want so to hurt the wife and marriage.

[elliemoss]

great question.....last time i purged is an interesting story

I lost my car
So I lost my job eventually cause I couldnt get to work
Lost my Apt cause I couldnt work
Moved back home
Got a crappy job doing manual labor with a bunch of alpha males which made me feel like crap inside
Decided to give it a go being a ( man )
Dumped everything
Most pathetic/depressing time in my life honestly...

but lesson learned...this isnt going away, i tried to be the dude, hold down a job, have a girl friend, watch football, turns out im too much of a cheerleader inside ...at least I gave it a shot...i had to at least try and see what it was like. Once I decided it wasnt for me I was much happier again. But i went through a few years of torture first. It did make me stronger though.

wow Adriana I can relate to this soooo much. In my early twenties I still didn't really understand my CDing. Got a good job, car, apartment and long term girlfriend. Pink fog would visit every now and then causing a bit of a shopping spree, then hiding my girly stash from my Gfriend then I would inevitably dump my stash. Rinse and repeat for a few years before the end of the relationship, moved cities. I actually bought and dumped my all time favourite piece I have ever owned twice!! It was an expensive designer satin red carpet style gown with a fishtail train. Made me feel so fem and made me feel like a million dollars. Found the first one marked down in a dept store then after a couple of months throw it in the bins below the apartment. I missed it so much and regretted it then magically another one (one size smaller) appeared from a lady on ebay. I won it. I couldn't wait for it to arrive. I had it for about 3 months then gave it to a charity shop with lots of other bits. MADNESS!! Since then I haven't seen it anywhere but I'm confident I'll find one someday and will never get rid of it.

[BettyMorgan]

I've purged twice in my late 30s early 40s. Both times I regretted it. Both times due to guilt and fear and the naive idea that if I just threw away the clothes that it would stop this behavior. OMG, the beautiful things I've tossed in the dumpster. : (

I remember when I was four years old and knowing that I enjoyed the touch of female clothes. This desire started very early and it hasn't gone away but the feelings of isolation, guilt, and self-loathing has ended. Although some days I still wonder if I'm crazy. My very supportive SO reminds me that I'm not.