New job

[reb.femme]

This week started well for me. I'd recently applied for a support analyst position for a UK wide hairdressing company, but they never signed the post off, so I walked away. This week, I had another short interview and have been given the IT Manager post on the recommendation of the guy that was originally recruiting me. To the point now. It was asked if I was homophobic due to the number of gay guys working in the salons, to which I gave a straight answer...pardon the pun. Absolutely no problem at all, but my query now is, they are obviously very open on the LGB side as an industry, but how will they be on the T?

They aren’t going to want a flip flop dresser like me during the week me thinks, changing presentation at will, but I'm considering weekend and out of hours dressing. I think to keep this quiet for a while and disclose later? Thoughts one and all.

Becky

[kittie60]

Congrats on the new job. Me personally I let not say anything yet. Wait awhile and see what happens then you can ask about the t part. Like do you get anyone here T or CD people here? Then you'll know what to do next. Best of luck to you and enjoy your new job.

[reb.femme]

Couldn't you sleep Kittie, it must be 5.30 where you are? Will probably wait and see, but have a long day on Tuesday driving to Bristol with the current manager. He was the one that asked me the question, so I can have a decent uninterrupted chat during the drive.

This would be a nirvana job if I can dress at times. Very excited about the job too though.

Becky

[Meghan4now]

Becky,

Congrats on the new job. You're wise to lay low and observe the culture for a while, but it looks like a real opportunity to be a little more free. On bit of caution though, always take your time before letting your hair down. And not just on matters about CDING either. Do not allow the newness and apparent openness lull you into overly trusting individuals too fast. I'm not saying to be aloof or anything, just play your cards close to your vest. In time the REAL culture will reveal itself.

[mykell]

congratz with the new position,
i dont see any problem with your dressing on your time,
i do agree with the others, careful what you share for now even during your drive,
could be a way for them too evaluate yourself with a candid talk while secluded and uninterrupted.

i do hope that it is nirvana for you though....

[CarlaWestin]

Congrats on the new job. The environment seems to be invitingly progressive enough to possibly do a casual (fem) Friday occasionally. Maybe strike up some conversation to introduce your more universal gender expression. Personally I still have a firewall policy between Carla and where the money comes from although, to corporation I work for promotes diversity groups. Then again, I'm older and on final approach for retirement. And I need a smooth financial landing. Good luck to you!

[Sarasometimes]

I would think a company of that size would have a written policy that you could refer to. If they hire hairdressers in large numbers as that question suggests, I would think that you may have indeed found Nirvana but I don't want you falsely get your hopes up. I hindsight you could have mentioned that you are comfortable working with people of all kinds, be they gay, bisexual, straight or gender variant. Good luck and please be sure to keep us posted.

[heatherdress]

Becky - Congratulations. I am very happy for you. Best of luck. I would offer that it is usually always best to keep private personal behavior and opinions private while at work. Even if there are policies which would seem to protect, you are always at risk for unwanted career impacts which are negative. I have unfortunately seen managers and supervisors withhold promotions, salary increases, and job assignments based primarily on their personal negative opinion of some non-work issue. They unfairlr explain that the employee is a distraction or their behavior is offensive to others. Even though it seems like you have a great opportunity, you should give yourself a lot of time to establish yourself and to learn the true corporate culture and leadership personalities. Good luck!

[bridget thronton]

Congrats on the new job - hope things go well as you settle in

[Rhonda Jean]

I suspect you're right about them not wanting you to be off and on, but I'd think that androgynous would be acceptable within limits. I'd also expect the attitude will vary from salon to salon. I've seen several males at makeup stores/counters in full makeup, but I've yet to see that in a hair salon (Well, there was one, but he was let go). The most I've seen is light nail polish and feminine hairstyles. Salons tend to be accepting, some have been safe havens for me, but that's as a client. I don't know if the IT manager would be more accepted or less. Probably will depend on a lot of things about you besides what you wear.

[ChristinaK]

Hi Becky,

Congratulations on your new job, how exciting. I agree with the others, let some time go by. I would think androgynous would be okay though. Totally en femme part time may be a huge distraction. As a manager, I would not be happy about that. Full time, you're a female and that I could accept. People would get used to it. Part time will freak them out and not understand.

Good luck and hope it works out perfectly for you.

[bok4fun]

Congrats on the new job. You probably did the right thing, but I can't help thinking that this might have been the one time where I might have said "I am fine with them as long as they're fine with my heels and dresses!" Or "as long as they can style my wigs for me"

Good luck!

[pamela7]

i think they'd consider a feather in their cap to have someone flip-flopping both; the T demographic is important to the industry now much much fewer women have weekly hair-do's - according to my own hairdresser.

[Linda Leigh]

Congrats on the new job and I would watch and listen for awhile to see what is really like .

[sometimes_miss]

The question about being homophobic might have been a suggestion that it's ok if you are, just keep it to yourself like the rest of us do.

Today with the poltically correct atmosphere, there are still a lot of homophobes out there, but they don't all want to be known as such.
I'd say keep any expression of being T or CD to yourself for a while, and see if you hear any comments made while you and other 'straights' are out of hearing range of the known gay folks. I'm in the closet, and hear all kinds of nasty things that I would otherwise never suspect about people I thought I knew.

[Beverley Sims]

Take the position and if there is a good response go for it.

If not you may still be able to enjoy the position with the others around you.

I am never that enthusiastic about a flip flop dresser at work, better to have a social life at the weekends.

[reb.femme]

Much to agree with here. It's amazing that when a situation is yours, how limited your powers of reasoning can become. I just thought I would put my current situation out for responses and see how others might react.

I know in my heart that I have to keep my gob shut for a while and listen and observe the realities of this new environment. So, thank you to all for your input which confirms what I have in my head, but my heart yearns to be completely out. The realities of life must be paramount though, so slowly slowly from here on in.

Becky

[Sarasometimes]

Even if you have protections in place, when you are in that probationary period of a new job they can use nearly any reason to let you go so it sounds like you have your head on straight and as you find out more about the company you can adjust accordingly. I think and hope you have found your Nirvana!

[Jenniferathome]

Becky, I don't think the new guy is then who wants to shake things up. It is curious to me that anyone would actually ask you about working with gay people at all. That would be a forbidden question in the USA, along with "Are you gay?"

Still, while I think acceptance of homosexuals has come a long ways (but still has a ways to go) compared to "cross dresser" acceptance is a rout! Best get to know everyone and establish yourself first. If one is respected at what one does, coworkers will still have that respect in another parts your life.

[Sarasometimes]

Jennifer,
I was going to say the same thing, too. In my circle, there is a growing acceptance of LGB, in some cases only due to laws not do to a true open mind. But there is little acceptance of the idea of dressing in woman's clothes and trying to pass or not.

[CONSUELO]

First get into the ''saddle" and then observe closely and find out what the company is really like. Remember to be a full professional and make sure that you do a first class job. Only once you are well into the job should you make decisions about how much of your transvestite side should be on display. Evenings and weekends are different. Those are your times.

[Abbey11]

Hi Becky, congrats and what a wonderful potential opportunity, but as has been said take it slow and steady x

[reb.femme]

...It is curious to me that anyone would actually ask you about working with gay people at all. That would be a forbidden question in the USA, along with "Are you gay?"...

Likewise in the UK, but I had already accepted the job and this was now an informal chat about the general atmosphere of the workplace. No offence was meant or taken. The person was essentially checking that I was aware of the varieties of people working in a hairdressers. I think at my age though, very little is new or surprises me :heehee:. I like an honest conversation (possibly due to my military background?) rather than hedging around a subject, so I simply take the advice in the spirit that it was offered. I felt a genuine rapport with this person but sadly, they are leaving the business soon.

Again, thanks to all for your advice and thoughts. I'll update in a month or so...if I last that long. You never know, I could be back contracting soon, having got the elbow :eek:.

Becky

[Katey888]

Good one Becks! :cheer:

We'll be expecting impeccable hair conditioning from you in future then... will come in handy when the warmer weather hits... (think about it, think about it... ;))

As to day 1 - why don't you take a leaf out of our septic colleagues (shhhh!) books and just "Own it!" from day one...? Can I suggest something along the lines of a Bet Lynch retro look? All leopard print mini dress, blonde bun and 5" slingbacks... :eek:
The Brylcreme Boys will be all over you like a Burtons suit and you'll love every minute of it...

Then again, I think you might have been 'yanking' the odd chain by asking such a provocative question... :tongueout:

Congratz anyway - look forward to some more risqué anecdotes from you now...

Katey x

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Becky,

You have been hired as the IT Manager and, as with being new to any new company, your primary objective in the early days should be to demonstrate your capacity to fulfil the duties of your new role. Whilst it is a delicious prospect to think of the opportunity to enjoy some form of CDing at work, my advice would be to remain single-minded in these initial days and weeks to prove that you are fully worthy of the post you've been hired to do. After all, it is always a gamble for an employer when they recruit someone as to whether they can actually do the job, rather than just interview well. It's also a gamble for you as the employee, too, of course, as to whether the role matches the promise the company made when trying to attract you to the post.

Once you have established yourself and shown your mettle, you will be in a stronger position to girlify at work if the situation permits. I've seen many people get away with things in work if they are credible, established individuals. We've all seen great mavericks at work. In the meantime, playing your cards close to your chest doesn't prevent you observing the real culture of the organisation and whether it is likely to be accepting of a CDer. A company's declared policy on matters such as this can often be completely different in reality. I've certainly witnessed this.

I truly hope it is a great place to work and is successful for you. Congratulations on the new role. If you'd like to discuss the approach you might take on an individual basis, please feel free to pm me.

Love, Michelle

[Helen_Highwater]

Becky,
Any employer that has multiple sites with even a moderate number of employees in the UK will have an equal opportunities policy. I would suggest that in your conversion you ask the question along the lines of; "In my interview you asked about being comfortable working with gays". "What's the company diversity policy statement on this and how do you monitor it?" "Will this impact upon any data we collect i.e. customer feedback, or monitoring our equal opportunities status". This is job specific stuff for you.

This should give you a feel for just how seriously the company takes these issue.

I would suspect that without stereotyping as an industry it attracts many at the more femme/liberal end of the gender spectrum. As others have said give it time and suss out the "corporate culture". If you find someone in the higher management you feel you can confide in the broach the subject. They may say yes dress as you like, it's ok or they could say no as it could effect our supplier/customer relations; we have a "dress" code.

[Leslie Langford]

I once worked briefly for a cosmetics company where the Vice President of Marketing was full-on androgynous. For the life of me, I couldn't tell if he/she was male or female... I know, I know - this failure on my part should have constituted grounds for being obliged to hand in my "crossdresser card", and it was certainly not a question one could ask overtly.

To put this into the proper perspective, this individual was the spitting image of the androgynous character "Pat" on the late night television show Saturday Night Live from some years ago, and who drove everyone around them crazy with their in-your-face gender/sexual ambiguity.

[Judith96a]

Becky,
Congrats on the new job. You've had plenty of good advice already so I don't think there's anything that I can add. I guess that Helen's correct about the EO policy / procedures. That's probably a good line of enquiry (especially as you'll probably be perceived as wanting to know all about it so as not to trip over it!).