What question follows "Why?"

[Sarah Doepner]

Hopefully we grow in our understanding of ourselves through time and by asking questions. With crossdressing the first serious question is "Why?" Why do I do this? It seems that after batting this one around for a time many of us move on after deciding "I don't know, it could be any one of a number of things but I do." Not the kind of thing that would make the scientific journals but a fairly common result.

So what was the second question you began to ask? "How far do I take this (or does it take me)?" "How do I control it?" "Where can I get help?" "Why do the sizes in skirts change so much from maker to maker?"

[JeanTG]

In my case I know the "why", it was related to something in my childhood (PM me for more if you're interested, I don't want to broadcast it over the 'net)

The second question was in my 20s: "Am I gay?". I can safely say, after some experimentation, that I am not.

The third is indeed: "how far will this go? Am I transsexual? "; that one is still open for me, I can only say that a transition is highly unlikely in my circumstances.

The fourth is "where can I get help?" (tried a couple of psychologists, plus faith, am now looking for another psychologist with knowledge of these issues but it's hard to get an appointment, LONG waiting lists).

Fifth: "how do I control it so I don't hurt others (or myself) with it?"

In reality, my own questioning was not too dissimilar from the questions a spouse or significant other might ask when learning that her partner is a crossdresser. So in some ways it is good to have answers to give to our spouses when they ask. The hardest one, for many, seems to be the "why". But saying "I don't know why" is as valid an answer as saying one doesn't know why one is left- or right-handed.

[pamela7]

all the questions help. Around the unanswerable "Why" lie very useful ones:

when do i CD (want to)?
what do i (want to) do as CD?
where do i (want to) do it?
who am i being while CD?
how do i CD?
and what effect do i desire when I CD?

together these can give the answer to "why?"

[Alisonforme]

I'm not concerned about "Why"
I accept it as being as normal to me as playing guitar.

Doing it without hurting others has been on my mind lately.

[mechamoose]

A: because it makes me feel better, more like myself.

You and I are not *trying* to hurt anyone. We are just trying to be ourselves.

We sometimes get caught up in all the 'lies and betrayal' discussions, but comfort and self awareness are kind of at the root of it.

- MM

[missjoann]

For most it is so they can escape the real world for as long or short as they want and be someone else during that time period...For me it was something different since my mom starting dressing me and a very young age...it helped me become the person that I was meant to be...after my transition several years ago, I am now very happy with myself and my life

[Adriana Moretti]

hmmmm....how about "Why Not" ....LOL xoxo.......no seriously mine was exactly what you said "How far am I going to take this"....pretty far i guess, but that was a gradual process

[Teresa]

Sarah,
The question that may go before or after why is HOW ! How does my wife and maybe family come to terms with it ?

To me it was important to know the why so I could attempt to come to terms with it and hopefully explain it to others.

The how far does it take me ? I don't think ever gets answered 100% that is hard when others expect you to make definite commitments ! I'm sure most of us have good days and bad days with it !

[Jane G]

To be honest I don't ever recall asking myself why. It's just always been part of my life I have never really questioned it. I did go through a period of should I take this further but apart from that it's always been pretty routine and lots of fun.

[sometimes_miss]

Feel free to read my post in the 'my story' thread. Link in my sig. That will explain it all in detail.

[Krististeph]

Why? Same reason pigeons bob their heads when they walk: It just feels and looks right. Girls are beautiful creatures- they get to dress pretty and cute. So why can't I ?

[Sarah Doepner]

I gave up asking "Why?" quite a while ago. I believe the second question I asked myself was "How do I keep this secret to myself?" It must have been obvious that it didn't matter why I wanted to dress because I was going to continue doing it. How it would be received by family and friends wasn't a question either, I was sure they wouldn't approve (and Mom verified that when I was caught once). So I just had to find out how to survive in the closet for the foreseeable future.

[Pat]

I'd say that unless you think this is caused by a vitamin deficiency, "why?" is the last question, not the first. The answer doesn't change anything. Maybe you were bitten by a radioactive spider or maybe your Mom was accidentally exposed to a source of chicktrons while you were in the womb. Or maybe it's just random. (Random actually has a lot going for it as an answer.) Doesn't make any difference.

[karen inside]

in another post i had written how all of my ancestors (who had at least 2 children) had male/female offspring- one of each as far back as our family geneology searches go. I was born much later than my brother, mother having two boys, but he was out of the house by the time i was 7, and i was a "oops". I am the most random, spontanious and HAPPIEST of any of us. I attribute it on being born out of sync! No complaints.

[Vicky_Scot]

Why? Simply because this is part of who I am. I was born this way and had no choice in the matter.

x

[gailwisher]

I do not desire to dress fully as a woman . But now every day I dress with my panties and tights. I am looking for a feminine undershirt to complete the real me. Having said that, woman dress in all kinds of styles and outfits . So do I . I am so happy and relaxed now realizing that I am a more female than male and I can dress any way that I prefer.
Every day as i put on my panties I know I am true to myself and how I feel . The conflicts are gone. I appreciate and support others who dress more fully and feminine and enjoying listening to their thoughts and ideas. This forum and discussions has helped to find the real me.

[marshalynn]

There is no answer to the WHY question. I looked for many of my 72 years, still no answer. I knew my whole life, I wanted to be a girl. When I excepted, just being me was the answer, my life of being female makes me happier than being male. Still no answer to why, I am this way, do I want to waste more of my life to try and find out, NO. GOD thought this was the way, I was to be. I am a slow learner, only took about sixty years to understand this. I am happy being me. Love Marshalynn

[Tracii G]

Wondering why seems to drive people crazy and cause stress and depression in some so why even worry about it?
Accept it as a part of you and let it take you wherever it takes you.

[Dana44]

I agree with Tracii. There is no why anyways and on the dress sizes, I found that looking at their size chart helped me in all I have bought.

[Lily Catherine]

In my experience at least, it is no longer I who want to know why. It's mostly those who find out who want to know why.

I did ask myself a more precise variant: what purpose does dressing serve for me? Till now I don't even have an answer.

Next was : what effects do I want to get out of it? The answers to this for me were generally varied - at worst, to be a subject (object sounds wrong) of desire, or perhaps to feel initially forbidden fabrics, to feeling more natural vis-Ã*-vis being in male clothing.

I'm still pondering over how far it will go for me. I don't consider myself TS at least.

Other currently associated questions would be how to control the urge (and by extension, the infamous pink fog) and above all whom do I turn to with these issues. If they are issues at all.

[OCCarly]

I asked myself why until the first time I heard that song by Lady Gaga on the radio. Then the answer came: I was born this way, baby.

The second question was, "Where the #@!! am I going to find shoes that fit?"

[Erin Lafleur]

Why not?
If you enjoy it and no one is being harmed then I say go for it! Life's too short!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah:hugs:, I have it all figured out, It's just who I am and it's just what I do. ~~...:daydreaming:...