Past the point of no return?

[Dana L]

I've been on HRT about 18 mos. now. I used to think I was just a crossdresser, but then I wanted to take it to the next level with HRT. I've always felt I should have been female and I think it might actually become a reality. I saw my doctor a couple of weeks ago and my levels came back in the normal range for a pre-menopausal woman.This made me feel great but also scared me a little. Last summer I was having trouble hiding the feminizing the HRT was causing. Well I was looking at myself in the mirror and it crossed my mind "How am I ever going to hide this in shorts and t-shirts?". I get away with it now in jeans and sweatshirts with a sports bra. My 38B bras are getting tight and my butt and hips are looking awesome. With several months till summer I started wondering what my body will look like come the warm weather? It crossed my mind maybe I should stop the HRT now before I can never look male again. I hate the thought of turning back now and maybe I can't. I love the changes in body and how I feel and my wife shares my feelings as well. I guess I just got a reality check and it's kind of scary but exciting at the same time.

[Gerrijerry]

18 months, you are past the point of returning to a male. May I suggest that you start dressing female 24/7. If you are a 38B people already noticed. If your wife is accepting that is wonderful for you.

[PretzelGirl]

Why did you do this if you didn't want the effects? Are you feeling better mentally with estrogen in your system? IMO, you don't medicate to pre-menopausal levels without the intent to let your body become feminine, transition or not. So what are you looking for in life? Maybe it is time to see a therapist and decide why you have taken this big step. Hormones are not a game and you are most likely showing the feminization already.

[I Am Paula]

The purpose of transition is to assimilate into your new role. Transitioning while trying to stay male seems kinda counter productive to me.

[hope springs]

Its sounds like you have some anxiety about being percieved as female to the outside world. Is is safe to assume you havnt told anyone about your HRT? If so, its time to make a decision. Living your as authentic self is important to your mental well being. Ask yourself how you have felt these last 18 months and what are the 'cons' of going full time. Only you know what you need to be. If its female then jump in with both feet. If you want to ride the gender fence then back off the hormones. But as others have said, the affects are surely noticable already.

[Stephanie Sometimes]

Dana, it sounds like you prefer to be "gender fluid" or maybe "closet TS". Nothing wrong with that if it is what you want. I thought about that approach to my life now but it just seems way too stressful to hide the preferred part of me from some people and not from other people. Life is too complicated already without having that burden. Not to mention that I really want/need to be full time. Actually I am dealing with that burden now as I am not out full time yet but in the process of getting the story out in a way that does not destroy my business and career. I for one will be very glad when the temporary gender fluid stage of my life is long gone (and when I can't hide the evidence of HRT effects).

Guess I have to ask; are you happy being gender fluid or is there some circumstance that prevents you from going full time?

[Dana L]

Why did you do this if you didn't want the effects?
Oh I definitely wanted the effects. I don't know if it's having estrogen in my system or the lack of testosterone, but I have never felt better about myself and my outlook on life. Starting HRT was a hard decision to make. I needed to look at my body and see a woman. I don't have a lot of anxiety about being female in public, it's my family's perception of me that I have a hard time with. I just got to the point that I had to put myself first. I wasn't expecting the effects to be so dramatic or happen so fast. From a personal perspective it's wonderful. My mom and my sister(who is a nurse) have both noticed some changes. I had complications from a vasectomy a while back, so I've just claimed gynecomastia from that. I guess I just had more time to come out to everyone. I work in the trades so a change in career is something to think about too. I'm getting what I want, it's all just happening faster than expected.

[Badtranny]

To interested readers, there is no way HRT will affect your hips and butt after a certain age. It simply doesn't happen. There is some indication that the body feminizes a bit after the testicles are removed, but estrogen and T-blockers will not do it.

Let's not forget what forum this is. Let's hear from the gals who have been on the juice for several years about their butt and hips.

[Zooey]

I used to think I was just a crossdresser, but then I wanted to take it to the next level with HRT. I've always felt I should have been female and I think it might actually become a reality.

Assuming it's represented accurately, your thought process makes me a bit worried/sad for you. This really isn't the "next-level" of crossdressing. :( Generally speaking, the realization (not decision) that you are a woman happens, y'know, before rewriting your body chemistry.


I getting what I want, it's all just happening faster than expected.

Wait... On what planet's version of HRT is 18 months "faster than expected" for noticeable changes?

[JohnH]

I guess I don´t understand why anybody would go onto M2F HRT with being concerned about losing the appearance of a male. I have been on it for over 4 years and I can dress in a flannel shirt, jeans, and boat shoes and still get ma´amed. As far as my breasts are concerned I wear 40 DD bras. And yet I still retain my masculine identity and real name of John. I also have retained my deep masculine speaking voice and my basso profundo singing voice. For business and church I wear lipstick and eye makeup, and I frequently wear women´s blouses.

I also feel much better about myself after being on HRT. Amazingly enough I get along a lot better socially after being on HRT. And nobody except my wife has ever teased me about my feminine appearance.

So I say to you, Dana, don´t worry about your increasingly feminine appearance. I have never gotten any flack about my feminine appearance except some good-natured remarks from my wife, who has told me she really prefers me to be on HRT.

Johanna

[Megan G]

Dana,

I'm not really sure what to say, you mention that you wanted the effects of HRT as you need to see a female body but then you mention that you may want to stop now so that you can retain the ability to present male and it scares you a bit....

Being TS is a hard enough journey as it is but the one thing that we all have in common is we want the changes and wish they would happen faster or be more prominate. We want to lose the ability to present as male as that is not who we are. As Zooey mentioned we are women, not next level CD'ers..

Are you in therapy at all? If not that might be a great place to go and see what it is you really need.



Let's hear from the gals who have been on the juice for several years about their butt and hips.

I am 2.5 years in and there has been zero changes to butt or hips.

[Marcelle]

Hi Dana,

I don't normally respond to HRT threads as I have chosen not to pursue HRT in my transition so I have no frame of reference. However, I did get a twinge similar to Zooey when you talk about this being the next level of CDing.

I understand by your post that you are a bit conflicted in that you like the changes but fear the end result of presenting in public in male mode. So, my questions are . . . Do you like the changes because they allow you to up your dressing for CDing purposes or does it truly allow you to align your body with your identity? If it is about alignment, then why would you be reticent to take the next leap? I only say this because once I realized I was a trans woman, nothing was going to stop me from moving forward . . . there was no return to guy mode once I accepted this. Now I don't know much about the HRT process in the US but within my own world (Canadian Military) the rules for HRT were simple, my therapist and GP had to okay it. So, I am assuming you saw a therapist at some point in order to get HRT. Have you thought about going back to discuss this change in feeling with her/him?

Cheers

Marcelle

[Rachel Smith]

To interested readers, there is no way HRT will affect your hips and butt after a certain age. It simply doesn't happen. There is some indication that the body feminizes a bit after the testicles are removed, but estrogen and T-blockers will not do it.

Let's not forget what forum this is. Let's hear from the gals who have been on the juice for several years about their butt and hips.

Melissa I so wanted to say something but I am always to scared to hurt someone's feelings. I have been on the juice, as you call it :heehee:, for 3 years and it has not changed my butt or hips one iota. My breasts are a whopping 38 "A". Then again I didn't start until I was 57. My endo told me that at most I would POSSIBLY see a redistribution of fat from where a male carries it to where a female carries it.

Thanks for helping in calling us out and giving me the courage to speak what I thought when read this thread yesterday.

Rachel

[Nigella]

Dana, what did you expect when you started on the hormone path. There is enough evidence on this forum alone on how it is a game changer. I notice that you appear to identify as CD and you consider "HRT" as the next level. I think it may be time for you to re-evaluate.


In response to Melissa's comment, once the body has finished its growing, early 20s, no amount of hormones will change the shape. The best you can wish for, as Rachel has pointed out is a redistribution of body fat. I have a little experience of that.

[Dana L]

I notice that you appear to identify as CD and you consider "HRT" as the next level. I think it may be time for you to re-evaluate.


In response to Melissa's comment, once the body has finished its growing, early 20s, no amount of hormones will change the shape. The best you can wish for, as Rachel has pointed out is a redistribution of body fat. I have a little experience of that.

I've been noticing many of you keep getting hung up on my poor wording about "taking it to the next level". I don't think HRT is the next level of CD. But when your desire is to become female, HRT would be the next level closer to achieving that. I said I used to think I was a crossdressser. Now I'm realizing I'm transgender.

I love my results and do not regret them so there is no need to re-evaluate what I wanted. I was just amazed how fast things happened. Like most disclaimers, my doctor said "individual results may vary". I was just expecting to slowly start changing, like over 3-5 years. Even my doctor said I've responded better than most on HRT.

As some of you said there is now way your body can change. Well your bone structure can't but where your fat distributes can. Now I'm not saying it's looking like J-lo, but when you loose some off your belly and waist and you gain a little in your butt and hips it makes a big difference, at least to me.

For those of you who have given me support, I thank you very much. Dana.

[Rianna Humble]

For those of you who have given me support, I thank you very much. Dana.

Everyone who had posted in this thread so far has given you support. You might only like the posts that cheer you on, but real support is about helping you to be certain that you need to head over the cliff-edge with that pack of lemmings just as much as cheer-leading every claim you make.

[Nigella]

You may have "poorly worded" your OP, however, this is your first thread in the TS forum, the remainder being posted in the Crossdressing forums. Whilst where you post is your perogative, but when you have no "history" of being TS, the active members of the TS forum will comment on what they can read, not what you mean, without being given clear indication.

As Rianna has pointed out, we don't "cheer lead" in this forum, transitioning is a hard enough reality, we dont dish out false encouragement. IF you had worded your OP differently then maybe some of the responses would have been different.

[Badtranny]

Melissa I so wanted to say something but I am always to scared to hurt someone's feelings.

You know, contrary to what many people may think, I never want to hurt someone's feelings either. I don't come on here to break balls or bully newbies. My only agenda is to be as honest as I can, and do my best to encourage others to do the same.

This forum changed the course of my life, and I owe all of it to the no nonsense gals who gave me a peak into a life that I didn't even know was possible. Kait and Frances among them, but also the louder voices like Katesback who I now understand so much better. The Transitioners get a bad rap (inexplicably) for not suffering pretenders, but my concern is not for them. My concern is for the girls like you who have pulled the pin or are sitting there with the grenade(tm) in their hands wondering about what happens next.

I don't want newbies to be mislead by improbable claims. I don't want people to be taken in by frauds anymore. I was hurt by one of them, because I stupidly thought they were real and worthy of my respect. My transition has been the hardest thing I've ever done or experienced and yet I'm struck by how easy it has been in comparison to some of my sisters. Transition is hard. Coming out to the world is hard. Showing up to work in makeup and a new name is hard. Being honest and forthcoming here shouldn't be.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

well im 53 and HRT changed my butt for sure...

now it hangs down like droopy dog...