8 Days on Hormones

[Jennifer Hopkins]

I now on my 8th day of hormones and i must say on the first three days i felt not to good and thought this must be wrong
But as the days progressed i was starting to feel better and better. The nonstop and ever insisting urge to dress and thinking about gender seems to be somewhat subdued.
Question is this normal?
What else will i have to expect besides maybe slow bodily changes.
I am a bit confused by this.
It feels great and i feel more alive.

Confused
Jennifer

[Heidi Stevens]

You've just taken the first step on a long road, Jennifer. What you describe sounds normal to me. I did experience the same calming effect a few weeks after starting. Next up should be the texture of your skin. It should start softening soon. Don't count on much more for at least a couple of more months. Talk to your monitoring doctor to learn what more to expect.
Congratulations and good luck.

[Megan G]

Yes that is a common reaction to HRT, although the feeling may only be temporary. I had a very similar feeling not long after beginning HRT and what it did was buy me time to get all my ducks in a row prior to coming out to everyone and eventually going full time. It really lessened the GD for a short period of time but unfortunately it did come back and it slapped me hard in the face telling me it was time to progress farther down the rabbit hole..

[dreamer_2.0]

My experience would be similar to Megan's. HRT seemed to lessen the intensity of my GD. Dysphoria was still present, but it was different...somehow. It allowed me to function better in the world. Having said that, like Megan, it was a temporary relief and GD came back to slap me around a bit more. Also like Megan, this helped me see that climbing deeper into the rabbit hole was necessary.

[Jennifer Hopkins]

But why does it only relive the feelings temporarily. And what do you mean with temporarily?
Getting this reduction in GD somewhat means my body is getting what it is really needing?
I am more confused now then before. I love this present feeling of calmness and contentment as i haven't had this for a long long time.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Jennifer;

I think for some it provides the much needed sense of calmness as others have indicated. For others this sense of calm accelerates the realization of who you are / must become and fulfil that need. So perhaps it's not that the old GD returns as such but forward push towards the new reality.

Just a thought...

Cheers... Jennifer

[Jennifer Hopkins]

Yes Jennifer
You may have a point there. Its still confusing but i am not complaining. I have not felt like this as long as i can remember and i pray it will continue.
Now the difficult part of what's happening to me is having to find a way to explain my path to my wife and then my grownup children. I think i may wait little longer and wait for a good opportunity if there ever is one. I have been married to my wife for 39 years and its going to be very hard on her to find out her longtime husband is wanting to become a women. And my children will take it like there father is a pervert. I wish they could see it with my eyes and understand the 50 plus years of suffering. Even i am not sure if is the right decision but i have to get real before it's too late for me, time is running by fast.

[Dana L]

It doesn't sound out of the ordinary to me. I experienced many times that I questioned if I was doing the right thing. My GD seemed to come and go. I think it was a combination of the calm and my body getting what it wanted, so I didn't need to convince my self with dressing. A couple of months in I also started getting extremely fatigued. Several times it was all I could do just to make it through a day at work. After some time my energy level seemed to return, still not what it was before HRT. I also started getting emotional over stuff I never used to. I'm still a lot more emotional then I ever used to be, but it's nice. You've got a long road ahead of you filled with ups and downs. Hold on it can be a wild ride but in the end it will all be worth it.

Dana

[Jennifer Hopkins]

Thanks Dana for your encouragement.
I can see its going to be an extremely wild ride i more ways than one.
I only wish people would be more open mined and tolerant to us.

[dreamer_2.0]

But why does it only relive the feelings temporarily. And what do you mean with temporarily?

The answer here may be different depending on the person. For me personally, I think it was because I realized HRT wasn't enough. There's lots of talk of how great and powerful HRT is, this has not been my experience. I believe HRT has helped, and my body and brain were thankful for it...but HRT doesn't do everything. In fact, I'd argue (person dependant) it doesn't do much at all. I enjoyed the initial feelings of being on it, of finally addressing this side of me...but there is so much more to transition than HRT, it took me a while to realize this (I'm still realizing it). My GD returned likely because of this realization: to become Holly and completely rid myself of GD, it's going to take a lot more than merely sticking a couple patches to my body every few days. HRT is a small, and I find often overblown, aspect of transition. It's enough for some, but not for me.

Others may disagree and exclaim how wonderful HRT is and how much it's changed them. I hope you get to be one of these people and wish you a wonderful, happy journey to peace from your 50 years of suffering. Goodness knows I wouldn't have made it 50 years...

[Megan G]

Jennifer,

Are you in therapy at all? I seen in a previous thread you said there is a waiting list at one place you used to go to but have you seen anyone at all?

The reason I ask is obviously you said that you are not sure if transitioning is the right decision. This is prob the single biggest life altering decision a person could make and HRT is a very powerful medication that is changing you on a genetic level. Before you stick your head down this rabbit hole any further it would be in your best interest to get damn sure this is the right decision for you. Transition is freeking hard and is not something to flirt around with.

And as for telling your wife, there is never going to be a good time, or a better time to do it. There is just "the time to do it" and in my opinion if you have already started HRT and plan on transitioning the right time to tell was is in the past, not in the future.

[Jennifer Hopkins]

Hi Megan
Yes i have started to take hormons after doing a lot of research and talking to a lot of my friends in the TG community because i can not stand the constant inner fight day in and day out. After three suiside attempts and suffering from depression for the past 30 years as well as spending over the last few years 6 month in all in a phiciatric hospital after the suiside attempts I definitely did not take the decision lightly to take hormons without seing a therapist first. I managed to get an appointment for the beginning of next month and want to get things sorted out. In regards in telling my wife and children about what is going on i know what they are like and i have to treed lightly. Again as i am an older person i think older than you circumstances may be different. In an ideal world yes i would have told my wife years ago or wouldn't even got married, seing a therapist got hormons and then eventually got SRS. But its not an ideal world
And yes i am sure I Want to transition, how far i want to go will depend on various things. If i was a lot younger i would without question have gone the whole way by now because i have always known what i am but tried to hide it ignore it in short try to be as normal as possible. It worked for many years but it is not working for me anymore. I know i am not doing 8t the right way but all i want is peace and some sort of life as i should be. I am sorry if i am not explaining it well as english is not my main language but i hope you will understand my predicament.

[Cheyenne Skye]

I think what the others were suggesting was that maybe you should have told your wife before you started HRT. She may see it as a total lack of trust that you could not confide in her. And it's doubtful that it will be good for the relationship.

[Stephania]

Hi Jennifer, I just wanted to let you know that there is no right or wrong way to transition. Your way is the right way for you. There are no rules.

Stephania

[Jennifer Hopkins]

Hi Stephania
Thanks for understanding.
We are all in different situations and have to handle them our way.
I just cant believe how good i am feeling, full of energy and life.
Maybe my body has needed this all along.

[karenpayneoregon]

I did not start on hormones until well into my real life test. Not sure when things changed but looking back at old pictures of myself along with others comparing me now and then I look much younger, people say I never smiled before hormones and now always smiling. Sadly in the first year of hormones I gained twenty pounds and have since taken it back off which took two months and now actually ten pounds under after three months. My doctor said that since I had not changed my eating habits nor did less activity it must had been from the hormones. About six months into hormones I noticed emotional traits changing and now two years in I am so much different which was pointed out by a first meeting last month for voice training, the teacher said there was nothing male about me in how I presented myself and I believe this is partly from being female for the past two years, one year in test mode and just over a year post-op.

To be honest the first few months the main thing I remember was my nipples were always sensitive which stopped after breast augmentation was performed.

[Angela Campbell]

Lol my boobies itched for the first year

[LeaP]

Jennifer - it's true that there is no one way to transition. What most people mean by that is sequence, timing, end points and goals, medical approach variation, differences in handling privacy and presentation, etc.

There tends to be more agreement regarding a spouse's knowledge. You own the morality of your decisions. I believe in a spouse's absolute right to know, however, and that's the minimum. I could invent some plausible exceptions to that, but you seem to be saying that you're motivated by the desire to avoid or delay the resulting conflict or consequences, which wouldn't be justification to me at the point of starting HRT. Your strategy will eventually collapse anyway, but understand that in the meantime that you are paying for your needs with bits of your wife's life.

This probably sounds like a condemnation, but it's really more of a caution. Learning to live honestly because of what you are (or as you really are) is one of the hardest things to learn. It's the essence of transition, and extends to more things than you might think. We've all been there - most of us grew up hiding, deflecting, delaying, burying, etc. The best time to start unwinding it is right now.

And yeah, what you are experiencing is completely normal.

[MarieTS]

I have to say my experience was the realization that this is the way it is supposed to be and I need to go all the way because it is who I am.

[DebbieL]

I always had low testosterone levels, but when I would get a testosterone rush, it was a horrible feeling, I would feel aroused for about 5 seconds, then like my face was on fire, then incredible despair. The Spiro blocked all those rushes, and that was wonderful. The estrogen didn't take effect as quickly. I was already working as Debbie, living almost full-time. I did find myself crying more often, especially when I was moved, touched, and inspired.

I've been on HRT for 4 years now, and I can't really see the "boy" anymore. I've been read openly 3 times in the last 2 years. One was an autistic girl, who started calling out "mommy, that's a mans". I smiled, got down on one knee and said "I used to be a man, but now I'm a girl, just like you". She smiled and said "Like magic?", I smiled and said "Just like magic". The second was a pan-handler who was also transgender, who wanted to hit up a "sister" for a little cash. The third time was someone who only looked at my hands. When she looked my in the eye, she said "I'm so sorry ma'am", and I smiled as she returned my card.

A coworker who knew that I was transgender and was very conservative kept calling me him and sir. When I pointed out that each time he did this, it not only showed disrespect for me, but also turned me into a target and marked him as a bigot, neither of which would help us in negotiating with the client. He's gotten it right ever since then.