To sum it up...

[Erica Thorn]

Feels like forever since I posted anything here but been on the low side...

Anyway, here's the thing! For some reason the last 2-3 years I've almost completely stopped dressing and I can't really say why! This really annoys my SO and she tries to push me into dressing more since she knows how good it makes me feel so she gave me some homework to try and put words on why I don't do it. I just thought I'd share it with you to see if it makes any sense at all :D

Basically I got it down to two words, afraid and stupid
So what do I mean with that, well I'm afraid that someone will suddenly drop by or walk by and see it (only my SO knows), afraid that it will escalate and I need to dress all the time, afraid that she won't dare to say when it's not ok and that it will affect our relation and so on...
The stupid part is that when I get dressed I just feel stupid... you know like when you drop something in a crowd and everyone looks at you, that kind of stupid, foolish maybe is a better word. I know I'll never pass and that shouldn't be important but it's still there. My SO always says I look pretty but somewhere deep down I'm afraid that she'll think I look foolish to...

So... does it make any sense at all?

[deebra]

She knows how good it makes you feel but it makes you feel afraid and stupid ??????? Maybe you're happier not dressing and even though her intensions are good she should leave it up to you if you want to dress again and let you know she is just fine with it when and if you do.

[Erica Thorn]

She knows how good it makes you feel but it makes you feel afraid and stupid ??????? Maybe you're happier not dressing and even though her intensions are good she should leave it up to you if you want to dress again and let you know she is just fine with it when and if you do.

Ah well what I mean is that I'm always stressed, tensed up and depressed and she knows that before I started feeling this way the only time I was relaxed was when dressed... and I miss it to, believe me! I want to dress, I really do... just to get that feeling again but then my doubts come!

[S. Lisa Smith]

I wish I had an answer, but I don't. Have you tried therapy?

[CarlaWestin]

I'm feeling that because of her involvement, it diminishes some of your control. A good amount of my dressing is about a perceived femininity and not necessarily about passing. I feel that if my DADT wife got involved it would greatly alter things and possibly take the excitement out of it.

[Krisi]

Some folks here don't believe this, but it is possible to lose interest in crossdressing. I've had many hobbies in the past and just drifted away from some of them and into new hobbies.

It seems unusual to me that your wife would encourage you to dress even if you don't feel like it but I have no good answer for that. If you don't feel like crossdressing, nobody should be forcing you to do it.

That said, if my wife encouraged me to dress, I would do it in a minute.

[JeanTG]

Like Krisi, if my wife encouraged me to dress I'd be dressed nearly all the time, I think. That said, I stopped dressing for a period of many years. I guess I channeled that energy in other directions. About 7 or 8 years ago the urge to dress came back full-blast. But I still walk away for it for fairly long periods (usually 3 or so months) from time to time when I feel it is becoming too much of an obsession. An obsession takes over control of ourselves and I don't think that's a good thing. When that happens I'm no longer dressing out of freedom to be me but out of compulsion and that's the exact opposite of freedom. Our obsession becomes our prison. I've decided to step away from dressing for Lent. I purged... sort of... put all my femme stuff away in a place that's hard to get at. The pink fog had taken over again and it was all I could think of. One thing I've learned over time is that pleasure does not equal happiness or joy.

[Nadine Spirit]

If you don't want to dress, then don't dress. It is pretty simple.

But it doesn't sounds like you don't want to dress. From your words, you are afraid and feel stupid. So... You are fearful and insecure about it. Those don't sound like good reasons to stop something that makes you feel good. It really sounds as if you enjoy it but can't get past the thoughts in your head.

For example, it doesn't even seem to matter that your SO says that you look good, you still fear that deep down inside of her, she actually thinks you look foolish. So, despite what she is actually telling you, what is going on in your head makes you doubt it.

From what I see, you want to do it, you just can't accept what you like to do.

[IamWren]

Basically I got it down to two words, afraid and stupid...
So... does it make any sense at all?

It makes complete and total sense to me. I know what you mean. For the most part I've enjoyed the transformation process the handful of times I've completely dressed, especially when the makeup and pictures look really good. But it fluctuates during those hours from feeling pretty and feminine and all my obligations behind me and to me thinking "what the hell am I doin???" I'll feel stupid and crazy.

I also sit in the "people can get tired of CDing" camp and agree totally with what Krisi said.


Some folks here don't believe this, but it is possible to lose interest in crossdressing. I've had many hobbies in the past and just drifted away from some of them and into new hobbies.

It happens. There have been some hobbies I sank a tremendous amount of time, energy and money into and over time... just stopped.

[nikkid]

Esmeralda, You say it makes you feel less stressed, you enjoy dressing, but sometimes feel foolish.....your wife is basically telling you or should I say encouraging you to have some joy, allowing you to explore less stress and in a way telling you THAT YOU ARE NOT FOOLISH IN THE WAY THAT SHE SEES YOU. Indulge her (AND YOURSELF)....get dressed and ENJOY making yourself and your wife happy.......Do it as a present for your wife for VALENTINES DAY.....let us know how it goes....Love, NIKKI

[Jenniferathome]

If you don't want to dress, then don't dress. It is pretty simple....

Yep. If anything is not fun why are you doing it? There has to be some element of enjoyment. I'll add that I think cross dressing is rather silly. It makes absolutely no sense and yet it doesn't have to make sense. It just is. I find it enjoyable so on occasion I cross dress. When I do not feel like it (which is most of the time) I don't.

[Debra Russell]

Please, find a way to dress and boost your confidence. I think we have all been there - I have to study the mirror and convince myself that I look very feminine before I go out. After the mirror lecture nothing can stop me.::D:devil:....................................D ebra

[Robin414]

It makes complete and total sense to me. I know what you mean. For the most part I've enjoyed the transformation process the handful of times I've completely dressed, especially when the makeup and pictures look really good. But it fluctuates during those hours from feeling pretty and feminine and all my obligations behind me and to me thinking "what the hell am I doin???" I'll feel stupid and crazy.

I also sit in the "people can get tired of CDing" camp and agree totally with what Krisi said.



It happens. There have been some hobbies I sank a tremendous amount of time, energy and money into and over time... just stopped.

Yep! Except for the Hobbie part, I totally get it but I don't 'think' I'm in that group 😕 Wow, this place is great therapy 😊

[Shirley Anne]

Esmeralda I know exactly how you feel, Ive hardly dressed since at least 2 years, my wife is perfectly ok with my dressing and does try to encourage me but although I make plans to get dressed when the time arrives I just cant be bothered. Like you for some reason Ive taken fright and wont venture out the door any longer and also when I look in the mirror dressed now all I see is a sad old git.

[Jenny22]

You'd love to dress, again, so here are a couple of suggestions. Try baby steps. Do a little under dressing at first. No one will 'discover' it. Next, wear a feminine top at home. Then maybe some toe nail polish, a light color (let your SO suggest it). Then, maybe just a hint of makeup. Ask your SO to do it. Wear clip-on earrings and a necklace at home. Every thing mentioned is easily and quickly removed, if needed. You could always escape to the bathroom / should someone knock on the door. Removing a non-zipper dress would be easy in their, with your male clothes handy.
You want and need to be pretty, again. With your SO's love and blessings, give these a try, and enjoy the feeling, again.

[BettyMorgan]

First, I'm glad to be a part of such a supportive community, both online and the IRL crossdressing social club I belong to.

You have to be you. If that includes dressing or not dressing, only you can decide that. Deep down you already know the answer.

Hugs.

[karen inside]

I underdress in public (not at work as the chances of work related injury are high) and around the house otherwise although i have been wearing a lovely red on my toenails for past 2 weeks that i am rather attached to. For years I cd off and on, GF figured things out about 8 years ago and is fine with it BUT about 2 years ago her and her best girlfriend had a permanent falling out. My GF started wanting me to cd alot after the friend issue to the point it became a nuisance for me and not as enjoyable. I had a serious talk with her about how I am not a replacement for her best friend and I CD for me and my personal reasons. I think I nailed it with her as she cooled it immediatly. Sometimes a SO can make a personal pleasure uncomfortable or some of us may welcome the interaction. Get to know yourself honestly/ truthfully and as someone else stated -possibly therapy. You cannot make someone else happy if you are not happy inside. Life is good!