The other side of CD

[CarlaWestin]

This post was inspired by the following correspondence quoted with permission:


Hi Carla, just to say I really admire your present choice of avatar. Haven't seen anyone show such candour before! Far too much bending over backwards to look fake hereabouts, great to see someone tell it like it is.
Best wishes,
Nikki

I wrote a beautiful post about the angst leading up to my first ever professional makeover and how we are sometimes disappointed about fantasy driven expectations. On that day, all the planets had aligned. Wife was traveling, I had vaca time from work and I had an appointment with Amy at Glamor Boutique. The first look at Carla in the mirror made me cry. I had it all planned out. I was going to be out and about all day in different outfits. I wanted a shot of Carla the sexy maid at the Welcome to Las Vegas sign. But it was cold and I just didn't feel good. Probably the stress. So, I did a few shots at home and after a couple of hours, I just wasn't into it. I got undressed, took off my wig and earrings. And in the mirror was that shot. It's now my avatar. There's a side to this that few talk about. The stress. You can hear it in my signature line. But, the usual payoff is sheer exhilaration.

[Kellitgdet]

The feeling old part, I get when I see pictures of the beautiful young ladies here. But the other part is the old phrase, youth is waisted on the young. Every year that goes by I enjoy my dressing more. It's the confidence. I love being Kelli.
There is the thrill and excitement of seeing myself fully made-up and the other side of undoing the transformation. I still love it because it is who I am. Acceptance of myself, I quit trying to change myself, this part of me will never go away.
Kelli

[Abbey11]

Hi Carla I also admire your candour, I have to say however that all your photos look great and I love the 1 on your home page.
Hugs
Abbey x

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Carla's like a kid in the candour store...

[Teresa]

Carla,
I'm sorry the thought and the deed didn't come together, and the shot you ended up using was a reflective Carla.
I did a series of pics of my own transformation a while ago and was so glad to get the wig on so using a pic for an avatar is a brave one, I couldn't do it.

Please tell me if I'm talking out my **** but to me CDers hit two low spots, once in their forties and again in their sixties ! I know you've posted about the impending big 60 , somehow the crunch comes and you want things to change. To me it suddenly hit me that this CDing thing wasn't going away things must change, all the secrecy , hiding behind curtains , lies and deceit have got to go . It's why I suddenly pushed for counselling , finding what made me tick , coming to terms with where I am on the spectrum. The outcome was pushing my wife too hard with the acceptance issue and nearly ended my marriage !
Now I'm days from my next social meeting , I now feel I've turned the corner , my family accept that I've left the house dressed to meet other CDers, they may not understand why but accept it's a need I have.
To hit sixty + is still late for all this to be happening but at least it is and I'm finally coming to terms my CDing and openly admitting I enjoy it.

[CarlaWestin]

Such wonderful responses so far. And thank you all for the compliments. The avatar and the profile are my two favorite images. They're both caught in the moment diamonds. In the maid dress the angle of the morning light is perfect but there's a cute white apron that ties in a big bow that is missing. I'm 55 in that shot and a few days shy of 60 in the avatar. Gosh, I hear you, Teresa. With age I've adopted a personal policy of total honesty and elimination of all stress. Wife and I are about 4-5 years into DADT and although she's non-accepting I do believe that she kinda gets it. Yes, with age comes self acceptance. I believe the next stop on Carla's journey is to be more social.