Girly treatment/discussion in childhood....

[heathr1]

Were you encouraged to do, or chat about fem things as a child?

In my early teens, mother used to ask my opinion of her hairdos, make-up etc. and occasionally involved me in conversations with her GG friends by encouraging me to compliment them on their hair, clothes and make-up.

[MsEva]

what do you mean in your childhood? For what ever reason, my mom still does today. I am not girly in my man mode but for some reason, my mom always describes clothing or drapes or whatever with me..and not her other sons...what is up with that? I ask her, Mom why are you asking me that? She says I don't know, thought you would be interested. Weird.:o

[Charlene Marie]

Yes. The first time my mother caught me dressing up in her underthings. Her reaction was to try and talk to me about it rather than getting mad andperhaps making matters worse. I was in her room sitting at a vanity table. I had put on her bra and panties and slip and some dressing slippers with 2 inch heels. I was in the 6th grade as I recall. I had found a tray of plastic hair rollers and I was attempting to roll my hair in rollers. The Beatles had appeared for the first time on American TV so the chin length hair was in. Im dating myself here, anyway she caught me and we had a long onesided conversation about what I was doing. She concluded that I was just curious about girly things and rather than make a big deal out it, she decided to play along in hopes that I would grow out of it, or see that girly things really were not fun at all. She took me into the kitchen, still dressed in her things and shampooed my hair over the kitchen sink. Then she sat me down at the table and proceeded to set my hair in rollers. She put a bonnet hairdryer on my head and dried my hair for about an hour I guess. When my hair was dry she took the bonnet off and got a brush and comb. As she was combing and ratting my hair into this curly bubble hair-do, she said; " See,....being a girl is a lot of work, this isnt fun is it?" I had all these sensations just pulsating through my body. I was embarassed, afraid, very excited, confused and absolutely loving it at the same time. All I could stammer was; " I dont know, I like it." She just said; "Well go in your room and think about it, and i want you to take a shower and put my things away by 4: O'Clock"
There was another incident about a month later and that ended my girly aspirations untill I got out of the house and into college.

[Sarah Rabbit]

Hi Girls

I suspect Mothers have suspicions and in depth knowledge about their own children that no one else picks up on. I beleive it is the connection they develop during pregnancy, which gives them this unique insight

Hugs Sarah

[Julie Avery]

(snip) ...There was another incident about a month later and that ended my girly aspirations untill I got out of the house and into college.

What a fascinating account, Charlene - and now you can't leave us in suspense about part 2!

[TracyDeluxe]

Were you encouraged to do, or chat about fem things as a child?



I wish!

But I was raised in a household of 5 females, and only one elderly male (my Grandad), and my only playmate at the time was the girl next door. I don't know if it was imprinting, inate desire, or what, but I tried many times to get them to dress me up, so I could be like them. A couple of times, on Halloween, they would dress me up, but never like a real girl. Always a bit on the clownish side, and that so disappointed me. :(

Charlene, your experience is still one of my fantasies.

[Gale R]

I was always fascinated when my mom was getting ready for a night out and she always asked me how she looked.
Perhaps this did have some sort of effect on me subconsiously, but she always looked good.:)

[kathy gg]

Hi, although I am not a cd, I am a Mom. And one thing that seems to be a very accepted idea is to treat both boys and girls with similair attitude. Most all books one can read now dealing with parenting say to not discourage a boy who takes an interest in playing house, rocking a doll baby, or even crying. For girls the same therios aply, don't only compliment a daughter on how prettys she is , but also when she builds a big tower of blocks or throws a ball well.

In other words, let your child find our for themselves about all the aspects of humanity. Not just gender specific ones.

I think anytime an activity or emotion or interest is stilfeled it will create that 'forbidden' fruit thing. I am not saying that it has to be a precursor for tgedness, but certainly a very solid divisionary line between the sexes can't help.

We hae a daughter and although I make sure and compliment her on girly things, I also get just as excited when she does things that are non-traditionally girly too.

I would hope most parents of children do something along those lines as well. It seems to be the best way to make children well rounded and not afraid of expressing interest in tnon-tradiational gender specific interest.

[Kimberley]

Kathy,
You are one very unique lady. You continually blow me away. Your daughter (and any future children) are so blessed to have you and your hubby. They are sure to be well rounded people with a good value system.


"There are two things we can bequeath our children. The first is love and guidance and the second is wings to fly."
This is the tenet we used for our own children and they are now adults who are socially conscious and with a sensitivity to the needs of others. That is all we expected from our children.

Your daughter will soar.

[eleventhdr]

This never ever came up when i was a child. And then i got lost in just trying to be male which was the way it was suppose to be at least that is what you are taught very caerfuly that you are what you are born as and you can not diviate from this and be normal. Pity really because i would have made a much better girl then i was and am as a boy or male. I've alway's suspected as much. When i did finally come back and discover much much later that it should have been the other way for me. I do not know if mom know's or suspects it but i think she know's something because i have dressed away from home and she know's about that so. But as far as me being or becoming the girl that i do not think she really does know about. Oh well again a real pity as being form four boy's I've always thought that i was suppose to have been the one girl oh well I do know this that in my very next incarnation i am going to be female once again in my mind there is no doubt on this as i have been female in many more incarnations past then male. So that i am looking very much forward to and also inbetwween live's my very soul is female so after this life it will return to being so and that is something to relish as well!. Suzy!.

[Stacy Reso]

mum asks me about that stuff sometimes but nothing fem was ever encouraged because my dad is a strict homophobe who hates gays, cd and anything like that

[TracyDeluxe]

Nice to see you back, Stacy!

[Kimberley]

I needed to think about this one first before deciding to answer. Some extremely raw memories here. I got "caught" at about the age of 4 or a little less. That was the first "behaviour modification". It left bruises and was only the first one. There were other times I was caught too but they are memories really too raw to discuss.

So I have to say I was totally pushed into the male role against my will.

:cry:

Kimberley

[Laurie Ann]

My aunt would dress me up as a little girl when I was younger. My family has often remarked that as a young child I looked like a little girl wavy hair, long eyelashes and big eyes. My mother kept my hair longer at that time this was the mid fifties so not a usual thing. Her rationale was that my ears were big and she wanted them covered. This was the beginning of my love for all thing feminine. It was never discussed by anyone but I wonder if my mother actually knew if she did she never let on.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I think anytime an activity or emotion or interest is stilfeled it will create that 'forbidden' fruit thing. I am not saying that it has to be a precursor for tgedness, but certainly a very solid divisionary line between the sexes can't help.

Agreed. While I think there are a variety of causes for crossdressing, I wonder if in part it's because boys aren't allowed the equivalent of "tomboyism." Granted tomboy behavior was/is typically ruthlessly suppressed when a girl reaches puberty, but at least for some period of time, girls are allowed to explore a broader repetoire of behaviors, including "masculine" ones, so that there's probably less of a "forbidden fruit" aspect to them.

[DonnaT]

Nope. Not even when caught.

My mom and I have recently though, now that she knows.

[Robin]

Were you encouraged to do, or chat about fem things as a child?

More than a decade ago, I had a close gg friend discover I was a (very private) cd. She asked why and I replied that I didn't know. Later that day, driving to the video store, I recalled an incident from my childhood where my family was attending a costume party.

I was about 8 years old and my mother hadn't planned a costume part in the middle of the summer, so she didn't have any costumes ready at hand. She found something for my brothers, and for me, she had a box of clothes just sent by my aunt for my little sister to grow into. She picked out a pair of panties and a pretty dress for me, combed my hair, put some liptsick on me, and dug a pair of pretty little sandals out of the hand-me-down box as well.

The party was a huge hit, for me at least. I had never been complimented on my looks before, several of the ladies and my own music teacher asked who the pretty brunette was. I don't recall ever being complimented for my looks after that either!

This afternoon was the first true great epiphany in my life. No wonder I still want to wear girls clothes and find great satisfaction in dressing in a pretty dress and shoes.

[Angela Burke]

I was brought up in an almost exclusively female enviroment.
With my Mother and four older sisters.
So that was five girls, me being the youngest!
You will appreciate I had access to a large wardrobe of female clothing.
I took full advantage of this from day one, I was never forced into dresses or skirts, I jumped into them!
And I've never really gotten out of them, I'm very pleased to say!

[livy_m_b]

.... All I could stammer was; " I dont know, I like it." She just said; "Well go in your room and think about it, and i want you to take a shower and put my things away by 4: O'Clock"
There was another incident about a month later and that ended my girly aspirations untill I got out of the house and into college.

Wonderful story, Charlene. Did you ever come to relate to your mother as Charlene - have you talked about this incident together since?

[livy_m_b]

My mother and I seemed to have a special relationship, but it wasn't about clothes. I liked to be around her and do the things she was doing. Some examples: For several years, I did simple embroidery, washed and ironed clothes (yes, this was a long time ago!), cooked, made bread and rolls, etc. etc. There were other aspects at her dressing table, but in my family of 7 boys there weren't a lot of clothes around, so I did what was available. I remember her talking to me quite openly about matters one might not have expected her to share with a child (her feelings about my father, e.g.) but they weren't specifically to me as if I were a girl. I don't want to underemphasize clothing, but my earliest xgender memories are more behavioral than dress. My hair was curly and was allowed to grow till I was about 4 and was once quite long. We used to have a photo in the chest, but it's been gone many years. There's an apocryphal story about my uncle (a career soldier) visiting and saying, "Why don't you just put him in a dress?" or something like that! Well, here I am! :)

[PennieS]

My mom never talked to me about girly things and never encouraged me to be on my fem side, except for one time when she dressed me up for Haloween. Being how I was into my sisters stuff (arround6) and some of her stuff when I was a little older I always wondered if she really ever knew or found any of my stashes over the years, but if she did she never let me know.
I had dressed so many times and had so many things at different times I often wondered how she never caught me. Maybe she knew but didn't want me to be embarressed. I wore panties and other things under my clothing whenever i got an oppertunity and although I had many times nearly been caught. It seems that I never was. Maybe it would have been easier on me if I was caught when I was a kid.

[KarenNY]

I probably have more to say on this topic than most because of my unique upbringing with an accepting and supportive mother, and probably too indulgent, but it worked out. I have always been curious about girls' things, from the time I was very young. My mother and I were alone, as my father had split when I was about 5. So my earliest influences were feminine and my only role model was my mother. Thus, I naturally gravitated to her things, which I started trying on behind her back when I was 7 or 8. I was a latchkey kid from fourth grade on, so I had time after school to play dress-up in her things. I also remember lying on her bed watching her get ready for work in the morning -- she was very pretty, with long dark brown hair at the time, and she always wore very pretty feminine clothes to work (this was the late '70s/early '80s). It was perfectly innocent, but mom and I were close and we would just sit and chat, and sometimes she would ask how something looked or let me brush her hair.
When she discovered my crossdressing (when I was in seventh grade) she wasn't really upset other than the fact I was doing it behind her back. She was more concerned than anything, but I was a good kid and probably she missed having a daughter, so she let me dress up around the house. She went so far as to purchase me a feminine wardrobe of my own, so I wouldn't muss up her clothes (in the '80s, I could have been a walking ad for Gunne Sax or Laura Ashley). I also had a wig and mom taught me how to do my own makeup, hair and nails, and I had to learn to act like a proper young lady when en femme. This kind of snowballed into allowing me to be a teenage girl outside of school and things I was expected to do as a boy (I had a very small circle of friends who knew about Karen). It's a long story, but she never forced me to dress up or anything like that -- but some of her rules were that I had to keep a sharp dividing line between the two sides of my nature, and if I wanted to dress up, I had to do it properly and act like a proper young lady, so that I would understand the things girls have to go through and that I would not be some caricature of femininity. It has carried over into adulthood in that I'm still a crossdresser, but I'm married to a non-tolerant wife, which causes some friction and I don't get to dress very often at this point of my life... Oh well... :(