Who Cares?

[xNicolex]

Ok so I was wondering how many of you girls if any care about being noticed as a guy in public or your main worry :brolleyes: I ask because I've only been out once and I don't think I was ''made'' but then again you can never be sure :o I was worried at on point at the end of the night. Outside the bar when a drunk guy was falling all over the place and knock into my GF, and I was all like in my manly voice hey watch it pal :devil: He looked at me with a shocked look on his face as he uttered the words WTF! lol as he tripped down the road to a nearby taxi looking very puzzled :heehee: I am planning on going out again maybe to the movies but I am kinda worried about being ''outed'' and a scene being made that's like my biggest fear going out dressed :eek: I know that its something that could happen and I need to be prepared for that when I'm out dressed just wondered what you girls fear the most going out dressed?

[docrobbysherry]

When you're obviously a man in a dress, u never know what kind of reaction u will get amongst the muggles, Nicole. Whether it's SA's going overboard to be politically correct or folks making loud comments or chuckling as u pass, it's always something. I can't tell u the number of, "OMG! That was a man!", I've heard as I passed by.

Some T folks that don't pass like being a unique oddity while out in vanilla land. Others dress like old grannies so they won't be noticed. I'm not either of those. If I could pass occasionally it mite make dealing with the rest of the nonsense worth while. But, I can't.

Sounds like u can!:thumbsup:

[pamela7]

i'd say "get over it" about caring; we don't pass close scrutiny but if we behave right we get accepted as, and that's good enough.

[heatherdress]

Nicole - Seems like you did fine with the drunk. The two of the most serious concerns being dressed and "noticed" would be an assault (very serious) or someone recognizes you that you do not want to be recognized by (e.g. - your boss). Usually both worries can be diminished by being careful - where you go. Always trust your instincts.

Another fear would probably be an encounter which makes you, or your GF, feel uncomfortable (e.g. - unkind words or laughter). But so what? Usually you can simply ignore the individual or deflect negativity with a smile or appropriate remark. Or you can simply move away from the encounter.

You could have some type of emergency (e.g. - car accident or police stop). Usually not problematic but you should have an emergency change bag and not panic.

You need to be careful and prepared for the unexpected, but you most likely will not be bothered and should not worry about being "made". Who really cares? And you will never really know what people you don't know think or notice. You look great and should enjoy going places with your GF.

[Sin]

I have sometimes dressed in somewhat public places, not out on the streets.
I am regularly "outed" but have few men creeping up to me in secrecy when they think they wont be noticed.
I don't expect all people to not notice that I am GM, but often I have also had compliments (or a surprising comment) on how female I look.
Also I sometimes get annoying comments from people who know that I cross'dress.
I wish you all the best and I hope you will have an enjoyable time going out.

[Allisa]

I try not to fear anything per say, but I do worry about someone who thinks it's Ok to get physical with me. And on a lighter note I worry that maybe one of the "girls" will find her way out of my bra and wind up at my stomach or even fall out, it did happen once but I was hidden by my truck door. I've had a scene made in the grocery store, posted the event some time ago, but survived it unscathed and even found out a few things about people and acceptance. As always "own it" and it can't be used against you, you really need to have thick skin and a who cares what you think attitude.

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Nicole,

One of the greatest fears I have is of the situation you found yourself in...encountering a drunk whose behaviour is unpredictable but could easily become violent. I try to avoid this at all costs and especially if my wife is with me because being dressed increases the risk of the macho madman having a go. This, in turn, makes my wife perceive CDing as more dangerous...well in public anyway.

So I would manage this by going out en femme in a very safe place or going to pubs as part of a bigger group. I recently went out on my own fully dressed and with makeup amongst crowds of commuters and tourists in Central London and felt almost no sense of threat. The paradox of the busy place being the safest! No one looked at me or cared.

I think the perception of danger is far greater than the actual level. But there is a kind of primeval antipathy by many men towards us and I think we must guard against this. If you go to a place where you might get beaten up as a guy, this is multiplied as a cross dresser.

I want to be able to go out dressed for years and years to come. Anything that adversely impacts my confidence or threatens my physical safety undermines my chances of doing so.

You handled the situation well, Nicole. Thanks for sharing it with us.

Love, Michelle

[AllieSF]

Just assume that everyone will notice the background real you. If you can accept that, you are in a great place to go out a lot and enjoy the real world out there. Some won't pay attention or won't notice at all, depending on your presentation and blendability with all the other GG's out there. Some will notice and then go back quickly to what they were doing. A very rare few in my experience going out for the last 9 years my decide to make a derogatory comment. It is more of how you deal with being you when out. Courage, confidence, acting like you belong wherever you are, versus being shy, looking down and whatever other telltale one may give off when they feel unsure of being out in front of others while dressed. Have a partner in crime, sidekick is always recommended for those first timers, while having a GG accompany you is even better. Just be yourself and enjoy. Smiles help a lot when talking or meeting strangers when out. Regular people like to be around happy people. Good luck and enjoy.

[Tracii G]

You did what you had to do and the drunk well was drunk and he probably will not remember what happened.
I have been accosted a few times in girl mode but let my guy side take care of what needed to be done.
You will know what to do if you have to so don't let your fears control who you are.
Pick safe places in general to go out and most likely you will be fine.
Allie makes some great points and pretty much I would agree with her comments.

[Jenniferathome]

Nicole, why would a "scene" occur?

The question is not "if" we are recognized as non-genetic women when we are dressed. We ARE. You WERE. Passing as a genetic woman is a virtual impossibility. We recognize so many subtle cues in the opposit sex that hiding them all is an impossibility.

Because I know that I do not pass, I do not fear failing to do so. If one is comfortable in one's own skin others around you will be comfortable. They may think you are a cross dresser or a transsexual. So what? More likely, they will remained locked in their own little world and not notice you.

When one one of the normals talks to me and asks sincere questions, I am happy to engage them.

no one has ever made a "scene" with me.

[GenieGirl]

I don't care at all these days. There was a time in the beginning I was worried about the same things as you are. Now I could care less who knows. I would say that most people never have an idea. Only at places I visit often and am out as trans would many people know. I was visiting a bar I go to often. The owner and some of the regulars know me there well. Last night I heard a guy tell another guy as I passed by say "She is so hot!", the guy replied to him "She's a guy" to that the original guy replied "I don't care, she is still hot!" I got a little smile out of that and went on my way. Don't sweat it and remember to keep an IDGAF attitude about it.

[Pat]

Nicole -- early on I think people obsess on "passing" because they think that's the point of crossdressing. It's easy to understand why: that's what the muggles think. And some people want to pass because they're concerned that their physical safety might be compromised if they were "found out." It's fine to have that as a goal try and understand why it's a goal to you and what you get if you achieve it. And then do what seems best for you.

Personally, over time, I realized that my dressing wasn't about the people who see me, it was about me. It was about what made me happy and what made my life better. Now I actually would be a bit upset to be mistaken for an actual woman. I'm not one. The reaction I *do* crave is the one Genie Girl got -- "I don't care it's not a girl, she's hot!"
But that's just vanity on my part. ;) No matter what they think, I'm out there doing stuff for me.

[JocelynJames]

I still care. I've only been out once and it was freeing and terrifying at the same time. I know, "own it" "it's all in your head" "nobody cares" . I feel ill prepared to deal with some situations dressed and until I do, won't be out and about. I'd like to say I don't care what others think, but I do. I would have to be somewhere far from home as I'm not ready and not sure I will ever be to let "friends" know .

[AllieBellema]

I'm not too worried about it. I'm not 100% perfect with my presentation. I'll do as much as I can to look more girlish, but I'm sure somebody will realize I'm really a guy. Aslong as no major issues arise over it, I'll just let it go and continue on with my day!

[Robin414]

I'd say a 'scene' would be the worst (I've seen at least one albeit spoofed video and read a blog written by a TG sales clerk who was verbally assaulted by a 'customer', neither were all warm n' fuzzy to say the least. My advice would be to think of some good retorts to potential uncomfortable encounters (I think that could build confidence as well knowing you have them in your arsenal if needed)

Oh ya, almost forgot, and put a 20 lb cinder block in your purse! 😉

[rachelatshop]

I think that when we go out in public, we need to realize that our appearance effects how all our fellow CDer's are perceived. If someone were make fun of me, that would have a negative on my wife, and maybe even cause her to question her image of me and even maybe her own self image. I love to dress but will keep it to under dressing, as I will never be able to pass and still maintain the male image that my wife loves, and that is what is important to me

[Georgette_USA]

Nicole -- early on I think people obsess on "passing" because they think that's the point of crossdressing. It's easy to understand why: that's what the muggles think. And some people want to pass because they're concerned that their physical safety might be compromised if they were "found out." It's fine to have that as a goal try and understand why it's a goal to you and what you get if you achieve it. And then do what seems best for you.

Personally, over time, I realized that my dressing wasn't about the people who see me, it was about me. It was about what made me happy and what made my life better. Now I actually would be a bit upset to be mistaken for an actual woman. I'm not one. The reaction I *do* crave is the one Genie Girl got -- "I don't care it's not a girl, she's hot!"
But that's just vanity on my part. ;) No matter what they think, I'm out there doing stuff for me.

I'm glad you have found what works for you. Just wish it was that easy for others.

In the mid 70s and beyond the goal for Post-Op MtF TS was to pass/blend/stealth. Not much acceptance for TV/CD/TS/TG back then. Especially in str8 clubs with men for me.

I have been going on outings with a mix now, and find for the most part people accept, as not all "Pass". I hope that we all can be accepted, plus it does give some more confidence to newer ones. For me and some of the other women, I think people think we are all the same. I have enough confidence that I don't care anymore.

More people accept but 2015 was a bad year for TG/TS being murdered. So there is still more to be done.

[Joni Beauman]

Jennifer - I understand your point about the nuances of womanhood that are mot possible to replicate...but you don't pass? That surprises me. If you don't pass then, oh goodness....all this time I fear I have been self deluded. I have always been puzzled why photos I have taken somehow are less re-assuring in my goal to pass than the image I see in the mirror. Oh well, there must be a lot of indifference out there as seldom a scene has been caused. Joni

[Jenniferathome]

Joni, no, I do not pass. Now, you've had a good time when you've been out, right? So does it matter if you "passed"?

[Samantha981]

To the basic question asked, do I care if I pass or not, the answer is no I don't. When out so far I've gone to malls or standalone stores, the crowd is busy with their lives and aren't really looking at others closely. So if I present with enough femme cues I'm not noticed - and if someone does what will they do? Maybe stare then move on. When I stop at a store and interacting with clerks I assume I am made but again I do not care. I act like a lady, ask questions if I need help - just like a GG. If they have a laugh after I leave at least I can say I made a good impression that CD and tran girls can fit right in.
I do have a few nerves when out but that is a good thing I think to stay sharp about my surroundings.

Now, I have not been to a bar or club - that may be a different thing. If I did go I think I'd go with others.

Samantha

PS. I will say that at first my first couple of times out I did care and worry about passing but as I have been out have built confidence and worry about the passing less. I can understand why others care and worry more.

[Adriana Moretti]

there was a drunk guy in Ireland???? Noooo way !!!! ....Kidding....I worry about the drunken guys too, but I just remain aware of my surroundings, but I am also not afraid either ...which potentially could get me into trouble too ....as far as the whole passing thing.......i dont let that stop me from going out...your never going to fully pass 100% of the time anyway...so why sit at home worrying about it, and once you actually go out in public you will see 95% of the people could honestly care less about you, and havent even bothered to look in your direction.

[CarlaWestin]

Really not much to worry about. Most people are caught up in their own thoughts and existence to waste time acknowledging a crossdresser.
A few times I've been asked, "Are those real?"
:straightface:

[drobert44]

Now this will be interesting. I have a date with a pretty CD, who has been to clubs, but not really out on the economy. I got her a proper dress and coat, we are both excited, and woe to any fool who tries to be rude to us. I am a retired MP First Sergeant.

[Eryn]

I used to care. A lot. Even the thought that someone saw through my presentation caused me great distress.

Then I gained experience. Nothing bad happened. I interacted with more people. Still nothing bad.

I discovered that I am memorable. Very memorable. People I met once three months ago recognize me. Performers recognize me if I see their show more than once. Invariably they are friendly.

Do these people recognize me as a very tall woman or TG? It doesn't really matter, as long as they are friendly.

[Beverley Sims]

I think I care more about teenage girls who will want to bust me in the right situation.

[summerbunny]

Most drunks with there beer goggles would not know a drag queen if it was RU Paul.
Your voice did not make him undrunk.

[Krisi]

"and I was all like in my manly voice hey watch it pal" is a good way to make what wouldn't be an incident into an incident.

The guy was drunk and accidentally fell into your girlfriend. The best thing to have done at this point is move away from him so it doesn't happen again. "Hey watch it pal." is fighting words.

If you want to pass as a lady you have to not only look like a lady, you have to act like a lady.