Baby Steps

[Tara Rushing]

So the last few weeks have been filled with lots of small things. Small to most of your girls probably but to me they seem "bigger"......

The last 10 months has seen the female side of my life really move forward in my mind. It was always there but the last 10 months has seen me add makeup and a wig last April then in December breast forms then last month things really started moving forward. I met a dear friend that has really been helping me understand what is going on in my mind better. Since my mind is a pretty messed up place that is saying something!!!! I've been moving in a direction to "owning it" more. I have shopped en homme for makeup and clothes. Not that I am patting myself on the back as the clothes excursions have always been under the guise of buying something for my wife and the old "can I get a gift receipt" or "do you have a gift box". The makeup shopping has been better as I have had several experiences in the isle with women basically shoulder to shoulder with me and me just shopping away.....none have said a word but I'm sure they are thinking "that color doesn't go with that color"...ect....and self check helps. I have set up an email account, a social media"page" (and even have several "friends" from here on there), a female Pinterest, ect..... All which just seem to make it seem more "real" and less "nebulous".

About October or November I "decided" that I "had" to go out in public as a female....and I put myself on a "deadline"....before summer. Well, like sands through the hourglass.....it's getting towards summer and still no courage to go out. So that brings us pretty up to date and now I get the feeling that there is a real chance I may get to go out this weekend "as a woman" (I know, that I won't "pass", but at least I can feel like a woman). There are just a couple of logistical obstacles to overcome (I'm still 100% closeted) but I actually think it may come to fruition.

I really just wanted to post this to say thanks to so many of you girls here. This place has really helped my journey and my understanding and several of you girls here are absolutely the best. AND I want it in someway to hold me to "really trying" to get out this weekend......Thanks for listening to me ramble and wish me luck!

[missjoann]

Best wishes with you journey...you can do it and it will get easier each time that you do

[Julie Denier]

Good for you, Tara! Going out dressed is a big step -- I've done it once, and it's almost surreal the first time. It helps to go with a friend if you can, for the encouragement and safety in numbers ;)

[Jenniferathome]

Tara, it's going to be a let down. It will be so easy and uneventful as compared to what you've built up in your head!

[Lauri K]

Tara,

Take some small steps, it's going to be fine just start somewhere, it will not be a big deal.

And after you get out for the first time you will start making every excuse under the sun to stay out and not go home. Or at least that was the case for me. Don't worry about passing, just get out and have some fun being Tara.

[Rachael Leigh]

Tara, I wish you well if you decide to go out, it really is a very personal choice to do this. Oh yes for sure those here who have encouraged others helps and I'm one who has done this. However I also realized maybe because of my experiences of going out does not mean anyone should. I feel sometimes I over encourage.
I really wish you well but just be yourself know that your ready and get ready for all the anxiety that will come with it.
Leigh

[Allisa]

Tara, when you go out, and you will, don't dwell on your crossdressing they are just clothes, be you, a happy "female", keep your head up and as always smile. If nothing eventful happens(and it won't) than you've done it. When you get back home you won't believe the high your on. It is addictive. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.

[Samantha981]

Tara, good luck and best wishes for when you decide to go out. Your title baby steps is a good one, take baby steps going out too. Pick a place know what you want to do and do it. As Leigh mentioned, don't feel pressured to go out just because others do... it should be what you want to do.
What helped me was to think through where I was going, what could happen, what I would say, etc. Over doing it yes, but at least for me gave me confidence. I don't get out often but it does get easier, but still have nerves every time - not a bad thing in my mind. Once you've been out and been around and interacted with others you will likely worry a little less and enjoy the trip en femme :) . And watch the pink fog... if shopping the clothes will call to you!
Oh, and I have the same post trip high as Lisa mentioned... lasts for days and gets one planning the next trip.
Take care
Samantha

[Krisi]

I didn't just get all dolled up and walk out the door, I took "baby steps". First, driving with a bra and water balloons which I put in after I left home, later with the same balloons and a cheap party wig and one of my wife's blouses, next I got out of the car and walked around in a deserted parking lot.

Eventually I walked around the tourist section of town fully dressed in the daytime.

There are many ways to do it, take your pick. It's fun once you go all the way.

[SHY KIM]

Tara, follow your instincts. There is no better guide than that. It can be exhilarating going into the world en fem! For me the highest of highs is in the preparation and then actually stepping outside! OMG!!!
Every girl has her own preference on where to go, what to do etc... I started by just driving/walking around secluded areas at night (my wife joined me which helped a lot). Then I needed to be among people so I went to a few local CD meetings and a Halloween party. Funny thing is while I was not dressing for 12+ years I ALWAYS felt the urge be the strongest around mid to end of October:)
Now I'm in the process of trying to get to some sort of social function at least 6-8 times a year. Still finding my way, but such is life. Enjoy your journey!
Hugs
Kim
p.s you look quite pretty - AND THAT KILLER SMILE! you'll be fine

[Jennifer in CO]

Tara, get out and do something simple. Some ideas like go get gas in the car. Not a 2am, but right after dark. People are still about but the safety is much higher. Use pay at the pump to keep interaction to a minimum. Then do a drive up window for a shake (since you'll be shaking anyway). One person interaction. Then a theater...go see a movie. Like the Danish Girl or something. Build up your confidence as you go and keep the steps small and simple to achieve. As others have said, your photos are of a pretty girl with a pretty smile. Go rock her!

Oh...another thing. Dress appropriate for what your doing/where you going.

[Krisi]

That's very important (Dress appropriate for what your doing/where you going). Nothing outs a crossdresser (except a beard) more than wearing too high heels, too short skirt and too much makeup where and when it's not appropriate.

[Tara Rushing]

Thanks for all the encouragement and tips!! I sure hope to dress appropriate. I plan on having jeans and a sweater and some riding boots. I am afraid it may be too warm for a sweater so may do a last minute trip to find a long sleeve blouse/shirt. Too much hair and muscle for short sleeves.....I wish I could find some bangles for my wrists because the ones I have are almost impossible to get on and off without lube and I have very thin wrists for a man. It's the area across the palms that throws a kink in things.

I hope I am not biting off more than I can chew.....thanks again to you all for the kind words....

[Jenny22]

...I wish I could find some bangles for my wrists because the ones I have are almost impossible to get on and off without lube and I have very thin wrists for a man. It's the area across the palms that throws a kink in things.
________

Buy the stretchy type of bracelet or the type that opens up.. They will do the job. You can find them at almost every store that also sells lady's jewelry.

[Mia001]

Good luck Tara. I did a lot of the same things as you (although some of them in a different order) about a year ago.

You have lost of good idean and advice here. Just take it at your own pace.

[Kandi Robbins]

As some one who spent a lifetime closeted and only a year ago did I even attempt a wig and makeup, you can do it. Just go somewhere that no one knows you, remember that know one knows you and enjoy it. It gets easier (and better) every time after the first. Good luck!!!!!