1/2 in the closet....only those that consider themselves this way....

[mykell]

just my position at this time and wondered how many think they fit this description, half a closeteer :cute:one could say, not out to co-workers or neighbors, its still kept private for my wife.....what do you consider the good and the bad....

good(+)

im out to my wife
no shopping for stuff with her
have a closet for my CDing things (locked to keep prying teenage eyes from prying)
i gone out into the wild briefly
attend support group dressed both ways
i believe my family knows
just started a meetup with my wife's blessing (financial decision)
not as worried doing things in guy mode (shopping for girl stuff, asking about appointments for wig and makeup inquiries, trying on girls clothes while male)

bad(-)

finances keep my from some of the bucket list stuff ( new hope, transformation studios, makeovers)
cant leave the house dressed per our concerns
shes not a fashionista and doesnt shop much
family does not talk about it so i assume they do not approve
have not made any personal forum friends (virtual is cool but you know)
support group is mostly young FtM (would have never thought that)
dont have many friends from rumors during HS that followed me through life....

[Crissy Kay]

Pretty much all in the closet for me. Only the wife knows. She is cool with it. I have no desire to go out dressed, even now.
I think the main reason is because I have no interest in wearing regular woman's clothes. I have remained a fetish dresser from the start to this day.

[RADER]

I will never look like a female, no matter what I do; just way to big a person.
So in is in the House (Closet) I stay. I enjoy dressing, and I do under dress
as often as I can. I even wear female jeans on a regular basses.
So I will just enjoy what I can do when I can do it.
Wife was OK with me dressing, but she has passed almost 3 years now.
Rader

[AllieSF]

I am one of your "half a closeteer" club members (reminds me of being a Mouseketeer way back when!). I am not out to pre-Allie family, friends nor workmates. I am out to the rest of the world. My advantage over you, because I am single now and live alone, is the level of freedom I have to be myself when I want, and I get out 1-2 times a week all year long. So my cons are mostly just logistical complications of getting out and being careful around those that do not know, and that is very manageable, even when my son used to live with me. The good is all that freedom and lack for frustrations, angst and whatever else one feels when constrained or prevented in doing something important to them. Though I do not feel the need at the present time to come out to those that are in the dark, though I am probably going to do that sometime in the future. It would be more for letting them know and not for me to be able to dress around them. I am not sure that I really want to do that, since just like telling them, there really is no need for me to dress around them either.

[Rachael Leigh]

Wife knows but doesn't shop for or with me for my female clothes, she knows I've gone out but not really all that happy about it. Only one friend knows about my dressing and my family sorta knows as I shared it with them years ago but most likely unaware that I still dress.
No co workers know and would never share this with them.
I have no problem shopping en fem or en drab for my girl things.
I do have my own closet for my clothes

[docrobbysherry]

I still consider myself a closet dresser. While I DO get out a lot dressed, it's usually T conventions, clubs, and special events. Ever since I found out I'm not TS, maybe not even trans, I let myself go crazy imagining Sherry as every woman I find attractive. And, there r no limits on how I can dress in private!

When I'm going to do a session at home, I let my disapproving daughter know so she can avoid me. I find going out in vanillaland in old lady blending clothes and getting glared to be very distastful. Especially when I can have a complete ball dressing as a 1/2 naked stripper at home with no one caring one bit!:D

[flatlander_48]

m:

Interesting question as I seem to be at the extremes...

In less than 4 weeks:


DeeAnn was Mistress of Ceremonies for an event in front of ~130 people
Don made 2 presentations that both ended with a photo of DeeAnn dressed and an explanation
Don had The Conversation with daughter (40) and son (34), 8 close friends and former department manager


Further, over the year I've gone out dressed as DeeAnn 2 to 4 times per month.

However, I have no plans to have The Conversation with my father and stepmother, any other relatives or in-laws.

So, it's a bit of an odd collection of those who know and those who don't. At the moment, I don't feel the need to spread the information further.

DeeAnn

[Beverley Sims]

What I find interesting is most of us are either half in or half out.

One piece of advice, a locked closet is an open challenge for a teenager.

It does arouse curiosity......

They have the skills to tune your car radio and defeat the parental lock on your TV, the lock on your wardrobe should be a snap. :-)

[summerbunny]

I am out of the closet mostly in the communities that accept are and enjoy CD,ts and transgenders .with others i am in the closet and observing.

[Krisi]

Each of us is different and while I share some of the items you posted, I do not share many others.

The way I see it, being "out" of the closet would mean that one is openly a crossdresser, not hiding it from anyone. You would come and go dressed as a woman, answer the door dressed as a woman, shop and dine as a woman, etc.

My wife knows about my hobby and I will dress around the house from time to time wither home. I have been in public a few times but I don't walk in and out of the house dressed so neighbors and friends do not know.

I consider myself "in the closet". This is not something I am ashamed of, it's how I want it and how my wife wants it.

[mykell]

not to be omissive im just looking for the perspective of those that are not totally out , if you consider yourself "in" then you are not 1/2 out by your own feelings and admission

good :thumbsup: or bad :thumbsdn: is the question, if you are posting you feel half in or half out, im trying to find what your feelings are about the good points for you or any negative feelings that concern you by not being fully out of the closet.....

thanks:D

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I like many of the comments made by all the respondents to this thread.

I wouldn't dwell on what may be considered the "con" things about a situation. Instead focus on the positives and what they add to your life.

[NicoleScott]

I qualify to answer. My wife knows, but nobody else. I have been out a lot in the deeper past, but hardly ever lately. Been there, done that, had lots of fun, excitememt, and trepidation. My style is OTT, and I'd rather transform OTT at home than tone it down to blend going out. Going out is not coming out.
For many of us, there is a sexual component to our dressing. Not when we go out, but only in private. For the crossdressers with a strong internal feminine identity needing expression, coming out is understandable. But for those of us male-identified part-time for pleasure crossdressers, what would be the point of coming out to extended family, friends, and co-workers? For everyone to know that I like to wear a maid's outfit, wig, makeup, and high heels because it's arousing has no upside for me and lots of downside. I think I will keep it to myself.

[Jennifer in CO]

As said, an interesting thread. As I've told the story before, with my wife's encouragement (ok pushing) I transitioned back in 81 for close to 5 years before coming back to the dark side. Due to surgery, I again slipped over in 1991 for about 6 months with children at 3 and 10 at the time. Now, I pretty much wear nothing but fem clothes on a daily basis but present totally as male by wearing clothes that don't "look" fem. Funny thing is, if I wear something even remotely "girly" my wife gets all pissy. Like a black blouse that she actually gave me many years ago that is charmuse and lace (its sooo comfy). Several months ago I wore it out (under a heavy winter coat) and she almost flipped out getting all pissy and upset that I would wear something like that and you could see my black bra under it to boot. So if 1/2 in the closet and 1/2 out qualifies with fem clothes but present as male, that's where I am.

[flatlander_48]

An interesting point to consider:

Whatever your particular situation is, would you like it to change?

For me, I would say yes. When I mentioned the 200+ people who now know about DeeAnn, it is important to note that they all reside in the east and southeast of the US. I am recently retired and my wife and I have just moved to California (our Stuff is scheduled to arrive today!!). Anyway, at the moment no one here knows about DeeAnn, save for my wife. I did go out one night when we vacationed here 2 years ago, but hadn't even decided on a name at that point. So, I get to start out with a clean slate.

I fully expect that DeeAnn will be more active socially and also politically. I look forward to that and view it as a positive development.

DeeAnn

[Krisi]

We can all change our situation, the question is; is it worth the cost? For some of us we would lose our wives, and/or our jobs. Many other things could change as well. For those without a lot of baggage, all you have to do is dress yourself and walk out the door.

And of course, our individual definitions of "the closet" may vary.

[mykell]

no krisi the question is
1/2 in the closet....only those that define themselves this way please....good+, or BAD- points of the situation....
not looking for debates, if you feel like your 1/2 in or 1/2 out i just wanted you to share your feelings, positive or negative, pretty simple....you stated you feel you are in. no judgement was ever implied....its based on how you define yourself....

[Krisi]

I suppose some folks would consider me to be 1/2 in and 1/2 out. There's no ironclad definition that I know of.

[mykell]

I suppose some folks would consider me to be 1/2 in and 1/2 out. There's no ironclad definition that I know of.


no krisi the question is
1/2 in the closet....only those that define themselves this way please....good+, or BAD- points of the situation....
not looking for debates, if you feel like your 1/2 in or 1/2 out i just wanted you to share your feelings, positive or negative, pretty simple....you stated you feel you are in. no judgement was ever implied....its based on how you define yourself....


just read this.......its based on how you define yourself !!!!

[Ceera]

I guess you could say I'm half out, though the closet is becoming more and more remote. I freely go out as Ceera, any time and anywhere I choose, without a care for what my neighbors may say, though I have yet to actually discuss my dual gender nature with any of the neighbors. But I still live more than half the time as a male. I consider myself to be gender fluid, and I expect to maintain bout 50/50 balance from here on out, and am not planning on a full transition.

My status now:

Fully out with my daughter, who lives with me and fully accepts and supports what I do and who I am.

I am single, a widower, and don't have a spouse or ex to worry about.

Parents and grandparents are all deceased. Same for my late wife's parents and grandparents.

My remaining family (my sister and her husband and kids, the two sisters of my late wife and their husbands and kids) does NOT know about my feminine side

Pretty much all of the people who have been my close friends and co-workers of my male side don't know my female side exists.

As Ceera, I have a growing group of friends who have never known me as a male. Most know I am TG and accept that, but they never see me as a male.

The guy that does my nails, several sales associates at the mall, and the girl I am taking out to dinner next Saturday (and who I hope to continue dating) all have seen me in both male and female modes, and accept both forms for me.

My status soon:

Hopefully I'll continue dating that girl who accepts that I am TG. She likes me just fine as Ceera, and is supportive.

It probably won't be long before my family knows. Since the last time any of them saw me, I had my ears are pierced and started keeping my nails done 24x7, so the next time they see me some questions are sure to be raised. I'll deal with it when they ask. My brother in law will probably give me a hard time about it, but I think the rest of my family will learn to accept the new dimensions to my life. Not sure how my sisters in law or their husbands will take it, but don't really care about their opinions.

My new neighbors in the area where I just bought a house are going to see both versions of me coming an going all the time. Eventually they will put it together, and I don't care. I won't be hiding from anyone. I'll just be who I am.

As far as coworkers, they don't need to know. My employer has solid protections for gender, orientation and gender-presentation issues, so there would be no problems from work if I do come out there. But I telecommute full time and they never see my face, so it doesn't matter there.

The good of my situation:
I can do as I please.
I'm becoming very comfortable with being seen in public, and can pass relatively well for a GG.
I'm not afraid of who might see me or what others think when they do see me. At least, with regards to others in the town I now live in.

The bad side:
I do care what my sister thinks of me, and I'd rather break it to her when I feel the time is right, rather than he dropping in for visit and seeing the girl clothes in my closet and wigs and makeup in my bathroom - or her somehow hearing about it on Facebook from someone who knows both sides and doesn't realize I'm not fully out.
Some day, I'm bound to answer a work call in my girl voice, and that will be awkward..

[Lorileah]

Mikell instead of getting upset, how about you set your perimeters better so people know what you want. Most will have different definitions of what is "in" and what is "out" thus what is partially in (say your wife and dog knows but not the UPS driver). What is your definition if 1/2? I think most will say they are either in or out.

Notes to members: The OP wants people who are partially out in public but not totally to list the good part of not being in public and the bad. So now, let's stay in those boundaries until the OP sets the new ones. Thanks

[Ressie]

I've referred to myself as "in the closet with one foot out" or "slowly coming out of the closet".

+
I now have CD friends in the real world
I've been out dressed at least a few times (something I never thought I would do)
I haven't had to deal with telling friends, family or coworkers that I crossdress
I'm happier than I was not sharing it with anyone - even though I've only shared it with new friends

-
I still don't feel completely free, but I have an idea of how being out of the closet would make me feel (free)
it's keeping me from seeking a new relationship (been single for years). There are other reasons too.
I also can't leave the house dressed because I don't want my neighbors gossiping.

I like being half in/half out. It's better than being totally in! I don't feel a need to shout it out to everyone that I know. If some of them find out somehow it's not as big of a deal as it would have been in the '80s or '90s. In the past I've only shared my secret with a few girl friends.

[mykell]

sorry lor, im not upset, just some self moderating, ill leave it to the professionals next time, i defined what i wanted, i left the interpretation of what is 1/2 to the discretion of the individual members, what i was looking for was how varied folks would define "in" or "out" about themselves....
thanks for the help....

[Closeted Kat]

I would say i'm half closeted. I've recently began to go out occassionally, and i'd say 75% of my friends now know and have no issues with it. My parents know (I live with them as I find a home of my own) though I don't particularly dress around them. The rest of my family or people i know do not know, and i am slowly deciding who i'm willing to share with. Since i see a therapist i've been willing to take on some things that if i'd been on my own i might have been to scared to do like telling friends. But in general whatever i end up with having myself known in public, i'm feeling alot better about myself. so closeted, half closeted, public its all about feeling good about yourself to me.

[mykell]

just want to say thanks to the closeteers who shared the pros and cons of walking in heels on the middle path.....
if anyone else feels they are in the middle please share with us....half in or half out, if you define yourself this way share what you feel are the pros and cons of your situation....

[AnnieMac]

ditto on the locked closet - your teens will get into that for sure. Better rethink that.

[jaerina96]

Half and half here! But I'm a little weird. I don't have to worry at home since I'm single and live by myself, so there's not a lot of hiding to do day-to-day. I'm not really "out" to more than a couple people, but I have a ton of friends who know me ONLY as my girl presentation because that's how they met me!

The PROs:
People who know me as a girl don't have any preconceived notions of who I am. I don't feel constrained by needing to fit into their script.
Not having to worry about expectations of my "boy mode" behavior is extremely liberating, I'm totally free to be myself
I can be the "best me" for whatever the situation calls for

The CONs:
Family has a super annoying habit of showing up unannounced, and I'm a bit sloppy with laundry. There's always a last minute race to make sure I get changed back to boy clothes and didn't leave a bra hung up in the bathroom or makeup out or whatever.
i have to keep track of who knows who and who knows what so that problem people don't find out.
I have to keep track of two dating profiles (I have a girl and boy version lol) and have a reallllly big block list for the girl profile.
Twice as much laundry.

[Anita Cosmolover]

Yes I qualify. My wife knows but no one else. She does not approve and I can only dress up when she is out of the house. I'm hoping one day she will better understand my needs and accept who I am. I've been trying to get her to read up more on cross-dressing so we can talk about it. I think she'd prefer to just ignore this in the hope it will go away or I'll grow out of it. The thing is I'm hard wired this way. I only feel "normal" when wearing my lingerie which I just have to do every chance I get. She's caught me a few times and not been happy at all. We'll slowly work it out. We both love each other very much and she does appreciate the softer feminine side of my nature (my inner Cosmo Girl!). I'm lucky in that I can buy what I like. I also buy her a lot of expensive French lingerie, so her collection is better than mine. She is OK with me wearing a silk night robe (womens, but looks unisex) at night. I love using body lotions as well and so long as they don't smell too girlie, she's OK with that too. I adore beauty therapies like massages, mud wraps, facials, etc and we do these together sometimes. So, I'm selling the "benefits" of my feminine side to her - i.e - would you rather I disappear for the day playing golf, or how about we go out and get a mud wrap together? We laughed recently that I know way more about lingerie than she does! So, I think it is important to keep a sense of humour about this, don't overstep your mark and upset your partner and try to get her to slowly understand and accept what you do and who you are. It was a big shock for my wife, but she is slowly getting there.

[mykell]

hi jaerina,
had a few bouts with folks coming over at bad times, never thought about the laundry, two dating profiles, where does one find the time ???

anita, glad your wife is coming around, slow and steady wins....just keep communicating.....