Ambushed

[Allisa]

Well it finally happened, the villagers (with torches and pitchforks) confronted me. Once again I find myself with time(almost a week now) on my hands so now I've been able to be my femme self all day so of course my nails are painted and close, clean shaven with casual make-up and hair styled, with my skinny jeans, womens button front thermal top(with girls in place) and one inch wedge heel slip ons.I needed some items for dinner so out I went to the store and upon my arriving home I was confronted by 3 of my female neighbors as I pulled into my driveway, now there's nothing to do but meet face to face. I knew it was only a matter of time before something had to give, they've all seen me going in and out of my house and in my yard hanging up clothes and such and my curtains open weather permitting of course. It's hard to explain the meeting but somewhat awkward is the best I can do, mainly the same questions as always; are you gay?, do you want to be a woman? etc...., I know it's none of their business but I've known these women for near 20 yrs. and now to see me this way, well I guess it was too much. I also found out that the men in the neighborhood know and do not let on to their wives how they feel one way or the other, these are the guys that ask about home repair and if I can lend a hand in their projects since I am in the building trades. I wonder if they will ambush me also? I don't fear for my well being but to be ostracized from this group will hurt, I'm still the "man" they know and my talents are no less as effective because I express myself in a way that is still seen as "Taboo". I guess spring will be very interesting as I will be seen more out in the open in more colorful and comfortable clothing for there is no going back into hiding, those days are gone. My "I don't care what people think" attitude got a work out today but I am now more steadfast in my resolution to be myself and dress as I feel a need to express, wow got a little heavy there, sorry. Never thought I'd ever get to this point in my CDing I guess it really is a part of life for me and not a hobby or something else. Well thanx for reading one more facit of my life.

[Camisoul]

Congrats on standing your ground. I don't know if I would be able to.

[Robin414]

Wow Lisa, thanks for sharing that one!

I'm going to say congratulations, because of your level of self realization and being able to be you, and the respect I (as one of us) have for you.

I can only imagine how awkward that must have been but sounds like you handled it well (as usual ☺ )! The obvious up side is now you're 'out', there's no need to go back 'in'

[Heidi Stevens]

Dang neighbors! I'm still waiting for mine to pull out the tar and feathers some day. Luckily our houses are far apart and a lot of views are obscured. I've been seen by them indirectly, but I know one day I may be corned. I hope I can hold my own the way you did!

[Jenniferathome]

Hey, you're out. It's over. Live freely from here out. And maybe you should talk to some of the guys on the street. "This is me. You cool with that?"

[Rachelakld]

I suppose the women will be worried that you will try to steal all their men folk, and men folk will be worried about being seen with you.
I hope you still get involved in renovations.
Personally I would have asked if they had room for another lady at their tea parties - just because I like causing trouble :)

[TrishaTX]

LOL you'll be the topic of conversation until the next thing comes along. You are fine, I am sure

[Tina81]

Allisa,
You're strong in your conviction and you're still the same person. Anyway, we're here for you! You're not alone.
Always know you have our support and are with you on this journey.
Life is short!
Live and love being in the moment.
Keep us posted.

[Rhonda Darling]

Allisa:

Contact the leader of the pack and invite all of the ladies over again for wine and hors doeuvres, with the promise that you'm tell them about your life and answer, in depth, any questions they may have. Invite a TG/CD/TS friend to be there with you if that would help make the gathering go better. Taking the high road may earn you some respect and set the stage to more easily explain yourself to the guys.. And, that may get you an invite to the teas and other gatherings of the ladies of the neighborhood.

Best,
Rhonda

. . . . and be sure to keep us posted.

[Glenda58]

Had the same thing happen to me years ago. I would walk around outside in a skirt and tee top and work in the garden. One day they came over and asked me about my CD and told me they didn't like it. They stopped talking to me but when they needed something it was Ok that I CD. They have moved on now the wife doesn't want to CD.

[ReineD]

I wouldn't say your three female neighbors was a "torches and pitchfork" encounter? More like, "Hey Joe, what's happening to you lately, why do you have girl clothes on?"

If you're going to go out wearing increasingly colorful clothing, I'm hoping that your neighbors will adjust to it. It will be interesting to see if the men will still want to avail themselves of your building skills and tools but likely, their wives will continue to say "hi".

[ChristinaK]

I admire you, Allisa, thank you. Such courage and posting the results are encouraging.

[natalie_cheryl]

This sounds just awful of them, to just show up in mass to inform you they don't approve. It sounds like you've helped them all on several occasions an this is the thanks. I just don't get people sometimes

[Tracii G]

Well you are out now so just go about your days the way you have been.
Don't change a thing and that way they know their words have no effect on how you live your life.
My neighbors have all seen me dressed both ways and we are still nice to each other and still give help when asked.
I expected some problems at first but they have been more than great neighbors.

[CarlaWestin]

Sounds wonderful, Allisa. Try to let people know that you are fortunate to be two people, each with fabulous talents and abilities. I'm in the same situation as the know-it-all fix-it guy but, I would love to lend a hand as Carla sometime. My buddy across the street probably wouldn't keep his hands to himself.

BTW, do the women seem receptive enough to be social with Allisa? Hang with the girls in the neighborhood for afternoon tea or shopping buddies?
That would be way cool!

[Pat]

You had me worried with the opening, but I'm happy to read that what you're experiencing is integration into your neighborhood. If they didn't want to accept you they wouldn't have talked to you. In a previous post someone had awarded you the title of "the local transvestite" or something like that. Now you're the neighborhood transvestite. I agree with the suggestion to host an "ask me anything" party and get them back into your life in your new (to them) role.

[Anne K]

Great story and your resolve is inspiring! I live in Florida and one of my absolute pleasures is spending a couple hours each afternoon by my pool enjoying the sun and the tropical weather. My bathing attire is just barely enough so that I can't be accuse of being a public nuisance. A nice gal moved next door and we have a lovely, friendly relationship. The other day, she joined a group of friends at my house for dinner and after a few glasses of wine announced, "Image my surprise that I moved next door to a nudist and gourmet cook!". I smiled at her and replied," Aren't you lucky! I'm full of surprises." I'm not sure if she was being a bit passive aggressive, but she hasn't told me to stop (which I won't). I wonder how I will surprise her next?:angel:

[TrinaB]

Thank you for sharing that story. Your courage is admirable.

[Allisa]

It seems that some got the wrong impression, this was not to show disapproval of my CDing, but I believe a honest concern about what was going on in my life, yes being nosy but then how many people have an open CDer in their neighborhood? I've thought about this whole encounter and I kind of associate it with the telling of ones SO about CDing, and am going to let it sink in and just go about my business as usual, if they wish to discuss this further than I will be more than willing to try and explain my situation as being gender fluid and how and why I CD. I'm sure at some time the men will see me working in my garage(as AL in clothing) and approach me as if nothing has changed if only out of curiosity.
Jennie, I still revel in that title and see some of those people on occasion and things are just as if it's an everyday encounter with smiles all around.
My only concern is that there are some young children in the neighborhood, and although they did not bring up the subject I'm sure it may be a concern to others also, because we all know the stigma attached to CDing and gender identity issues, we all know how protective parents are of their children. I am already the "odd" guy that lives down the street because I don't conform to the (in my opinion) 50's,60's and 70's middle class(which is gone now) mentality. Just as a side note I do not drink alcohol and I feel that in matters such as this a clear and sober mind is needed, I know from experience about the effects even from a small amount.In conclusion I'm going to let the air clear but still be the same person as always, friendly and open. Sorry I got a little preachy there it's just that I tend to swirl thoughts around in my head sort of like my garage an organized mess. One of these women was not the one that caused a scene in the grocery store awhile back although she may have informed the others about me, even though her name was never brought up. Thank -you all for being here to lend your support.

[mykell]

hi allisa,
i have mixed feelings about what you described, neighbors showing genuine concern all good, or past snoopy waiting to inquire and hop outside in the cooler part of the winter to field theyre preconceived thoughts about your situation, took some pre-drive up planning either way....

kudos for facing the fears of the encounter and just being you, let the chips fall where they may attitude....like you say spring will be interesting, some summertime bar-b-que may be different this year also.....my fears have always been the "deviant" association the public has about folks like us, easy to get in our cars and go home and lick our wounds if something unpleasant happens out in the wild, but when the local natives know where the nest is things can be complicated,
hope that a more positive outcome is in your future....

[Stephanie47]

If you continue to do what you do at the level you do it, then spring time will let you know their answers. Hopefully, they will base their decisions on twenty years of knowing you. Some may avoid you. Some may gossip. With some nothing will change. If it took a collective to muster the courage to 'confront' you, then this has been swirling around the neighborhood for some time. I do not recall the supermarket confrontation, but, there is always someone in the neighbor who feels it's her duty to sound the alarm or gossip. If you're worried about the cross dressing/transgender = child predator issue, they should know that's crap. How many kids have grown up in the neighborhood over twenty years? Yes, it is not an issue unless they want to make it an issue.

[PaulaQ]

Hi Allissa. I don't expect the men in your neighborhood will talk to you about this. You might get a snarky remark if one of them is a jerk. You may or may not experience some distance from them going forward. Hopefully not.

Thanks for being out. It makes a difference.

Oh, and you've given me the title for my next trans support group talk. Thanks for that as well! :)

[Abbey11]

Hi Allisa, thanks for sharing. You may find that they want to discuss more and who knows there maybe some invitations to the tea parties. Whatever happens I'm sure you'll make the most of it, you may even have acquired a different support group x

[reb.femme]

...I also found out that the men in the neighborhood know and do not let on to their wives how they feel one way or the other, these are the guys that ask about home repair and if I can lend a hand in their projects since I am in the building trades. I wonder if they will ambush me also?...

It's that well known game that we can all play, I believe it's called hypocrisy. Why let a little CDing get in the way of having a wall replaced, just don't ask to go for a beer afterwards :eek:. I never cease to be amazed at the ease with which human beings can be so hateful to each other, over so little. Maybe the attitudes of some will thaw with the advent of Spring. We can always live in hope and I'm happy for you, in that you are living your life as you see fit and not dictated to by societal bounds.



...Well thanx for reading one more facit of my life.

Is that another facet of your life in the avatar? Nice smile? :heehee:

Becky

[Allisa]

Paula Q do I get royalties? I don't know how my event will help the trans community though.

Reb.femme just being silly in that picture. I guess making up for no "girl" childhood. Thanx for the spelling correction(facit/facet)my spell check usually catches these things.

Mikell I have no doubt that it was pre planned but like I said in a caring way not to embarrass or belittle but I have no insight into the female mind so...

I have no idea what these "tea parties" are that everyone keeps referring to. I think a bullsh*t session is what is meant

[Tina_gm]

This might be part of the cait effect. Man spends all his life as a man, masculine, athletic yadda yadda, all of a sudden, there starts these little changes, longer hair, nails seems to be manicured..... talk of an laryngeal operation.... the media starts bugging about it, I think most of us knew to some extent there were gender issues going on, but we really didn't know exactly what until the big reveal. Had it been before Jenner, I wonder if such an encounter would have taken place?? Now, they are probably wondering if you are on the same path, or if it is something different. MOST people do not know of any difference of TG. for most, gender is still an all or nothing kinda of thing.

[Allisa]

Interesting point of view there gendermutt, never thought of it that way, thanks.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lisa:daydreaming:...

[Starling]

I'm also trans, so it's not like my "straight" life would be ruined by being outed; I intend to jettison it as soon as I can manage it. And I am pretty comfortable out in the world. That doesn't mean I'm eager to be outed to my nearest neighbors, and largely so because of my wife's feelings; but I know they have seen me going about my life, so there we are. Meanwhile, I haven't been confronted, but I've decided not to explain myself beyond saying I'm a woman. I have tried to explain what it means for me to be transgender to otherwise intelligent and sophisticated people, and there must be a wall in their brains, or else I'm just no good at explaining myself in terms a cis person could understand. I've taken to ordering them copies of She's Not There, in which Jennifer Boylan describes growing up with feelings and behavior so much like my own it was almost eerie.

Allisa, I wish you the best of luck. It's so important to feel comfortable where you live.

:) Lallie

[Alice Torn]

Alissa, i do hope there will be no violence or vandalism done to you or your property, any of the men in your area. Like you and others have said, mothers with children , or more accurately, fathers and mothers can be very offended by the presence of any of us. I am considered an odd loner older man in my neighborhood and town, and few know i dress. Only two folks here i have told. Hopefully, people will have a live and let live attitude to you.