Is my boyfriend turned off?

[AliittlebitAlanis]

Hi everyone! To give some context I am 22 years old, and about two months ago I told my boyfriend that I enjoy dressing in female clothing. Since having told him, we have had sex a few times with me dressed in female clothing. However, I have had to be the one who asks if it is okay to dress in such a way. And when we have had sex this way, he often times will turn the lights off and look at my body rather than face. He never really initiates or asks me to dress up, despite having told me numerous times that it turns him on. Now normally I would expect this, since i would imagine that most partners have to acclimate to the shifting gender roles. But my boyfriend is a bit different - he told me from the start that he watches trans porn, and that it is a major sexual turn on for him. So I suppose I am confused... is it different because I am clearly male, and do not have mixed anatomy in the way a trans person does? is there a strong separation between attraction to trans people, and attraction to CDs? Have I gone too far, and could it be that this is all making him uncomfortable - despite claims to the contrary?

[Georgette_USA]

That is something you REALLY need to discuss with BF, assume he is Gay. You did not say how old he is.

To be contrary when you mention Trans Porn and mixed anatomy of Trans people. I presume to assume you mean the Internet TS, or varients or other names. They are only a part of the Trans people. Most of the vast TG/TS are not those kinds. Yes some are in the sex trades, because for some not easy to make money in normal ways. Either your BF is not all Gay or is BI. Many Gay people I have met are not interested in Trans. The fact that he concentrates on your body, means he does like a male partner. So it may mean he is confused in his sexual identity.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It could be that he feels some shame about his fantasies, hence his voice is telling you one thing while his body language tells you another. Have you tried asking him why that is? He may be unaware of it, and he may be someone who finds it hard to talk about his feelings- tread softly, but getting him to open up is the way forward.

Welcome Alanis, very glad to meet you!

[~Katelyn~]

He needs to quit watching porn all together cause it ruins the sexual part in a relationship. I would listen to the rest on here though they have beeter insight on this than me.

[AliittlebitAlanis]

He identifies as pansexual, but I would definitely agree that TS/CD pornography encourages an ideal scenario in which a boy seamlessly transitions into womanhood, simply with the additional genitalia. It reduces the sexual appeal of the everyday CD, who by presentation alone exists somewhere between the masculine and the feminine. So I can only suspect that my obvious masculinity does not fulfill the fantasy, in which the only distinguishing attribute between trans and female is the penis.

Nikkilovesdresses - I have talked to him, and he said that it turns him on. But I can't help but feel that this is more out of love, than genuine sexual taste. I suppose I am just hesitant to bring it up, as dressing up is something that makes love making more enjoyable on my side. And the more time goes on, the less I feel comfortable opening up the subject again... because it feels selfish.

[Ressie]

I may be wrong, but I think it may depend on how far you're dressing up. Do you dress to the point that you could present or pass as a female? Or do you look more like a guy wearing a few women's garments? Do you shave your body hair, wear make up, wig etc.? It takes a lot of time to even come close to the look since they usually have enhanced breasts among other possible surgeries.

CDs have to acquire the look with clothing, while the type of porn you're speaking of sometimes involves no clothing at all.

[Pat]

I agree with Nikki, it sounds like he's just ashamed of his attraction. At least that would be my first reaction. An alternate theory is that his hidden desire in watching tranny porn is not to have the gurl but to be the gurl. I can't say we've all been there, but I certainly have. ;) It may be that you don't look like the ideal porn princess (honey, even they don't look ideal off the set) but more likely it's success avoidance. He just doesn't know how to handle having his forbidden desires fulfilled in the real world. In any case, it needs wine, candles and talk to understand.

[Georgette_USA]

I really do think you should educate yourself on the whole TG spectrum, from CD to TS. You talk about the sexual appeal of an everyday CD, as that varies from purely str8 to gay and plenty of in-between. Are you not really sure of your own sexual identity. Hate all these labels/terms we have concocted to describe all this. I identify as a Post-Op MtF TS for all these discussions. But have had some CDs not understand what that means, and as Jennie said they want to be the girl sometime.

If he really is Pan that can explain some. There is a big difference in TS and CD Porn. Yes the transition of having a male body to a female one also varies, and it is anything but seamless. Not all have all the surgeries available, including the last of genital reconstruction. I know one of the Internet TS that does not have the genital reconstruction. She says that is her money maker, and sees no need at this time. A big difference between the Internet TS and CD is the breast augmentation.

I feel even stronger that you and he NEED to have a big discussion on all this. Who is it selfish to, you or him. This will not go away on its own. Are you scared that he and you will separate. You are young and need to find out just what is it that you want in life.