I Regret Nothing?

[Jenny Alice]

Hello, I have just got through a return of the Pink Fog and not for the first time I wonder how many of us would be relived and thankful if the need to dress and behave like a woman would simply disappear forever. I know such a comment might amount to heresy in this forum and I shall be told so. I know there is opinion that we are blessed and some of us are in a situation where they certainly are. But after reading the posts about hiding and losing things and the fear of being discovered I wonder if most of us would be better off without the delight we take in our feminine selves. Ducking for cover, Jenny Alice

[Robin414]

Hi Jenny and welcome to the forum! I could offer a lot of advice but I need to get to bed, seriuosly 😩

[suzanne]

I have told people around me that the worst thing about my being CD is the negative vibe it induces in my wife. Nowadays, she is mostly supportive, but there was a time when she wanted nothing to do with my femme persona. Going back further in time, I could also say I went through a similar progression about myself. At first, I was fearful, horrified, disgusted by my tendency, but now that I have come to understand and embrace, I wouldn't have it any other way. I now feel that I am not a complete person without both sides of me participating fully in my life. And yes, maybe I would say it's a gift.

Perhaps the misgivings you see expressed in this forum relate to fear of non-acceptance on some level, whether it be self, SO, or societal. Society's nonacceptance is a given, and the best we can hope for is the attitude that it's no big deal. Unfortunately, our SO's have mostly been conditioned for nonacceptance as well, and need us to patiently coax them towards acceptance or "not a big deal", if possible. But the biggest step comes from within. It starts first with self acceptance, because we too have been taught that CD is taboo, before we can prepare ourselves to face our SOs and the rest of the world. Still an internal struggle, since the condemnation we expect to find isn't really there, at least not to the degree we have learned to expect.

But to reinforce my point, I do cherish my femme side and I don't want her gone. If you Google "two spirit" it might give some insight. Unfortunately, I'm running low on battery power, so I have to cut this short.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I just Googled Suzanne's suggestion:

Two-Spirit
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
"Berdache" redirects here. For the glaive polearm, see Bardiche.

Now WTF do you suppose a glaive polearm is? Some sort of medieval axe??

Greetings Jenny, thou art most welcome, brood not upon the whimsies of thine peers but instead go ye the way of thine heart- for only therein doth lie true salvation.

Or as we say now, you go girl.

[Rachelakld]

51 years and no regrets, not a single day or single event.
If the need goes away, then it goes away.
With twin souls, if one doesn't get out, she creates other issues to get attention, and that's not fun, so I let her out (she is nice, polite and harmless).
Probably why I've never been lonely, ever :)

I do like being this way, although before she became a issue, life was still fun (and more violent)

[reb.femme]

Hello, I have just got through a return of the Pink Fog and not for the first time I wonder how many of us would be relived and thankful if the need to dress and behave like a woman would simply disappear forever. I know such a comment might amount to heresy in this forum and I shall be told so...


It might make life easier, but would it be more enjoyable? Plus I'd have extra wardrobe and chest of drawer space. Nothing is heresy here, as there is no rule book...allegedly anyway. :heehee:

Many go through these phases, but I've no desire quite honestly to stop. In fact, I'd dress on a more regular basis if I could, but I have to respect the fact that I'm married and my wife wouldn't be happy with that. So life becomes a compromise. But then again, isn't it always?

Becky

[Michelle Girl]

Hi Jenny,

The thought that life would be simpler without all the concealment of my femme side has occurred to me many times. The risks today are still high. Family, job, friends.

But every time I dress I feel it is right. That it is in harmony with the inner balance of my nature between the masculine and the feminine. I feel happier internally, and calmer and more generously disposed towards others externally. I feel prettier and have a greater sense of pride and self esteem than when in male mode. All of this reinforces in me the need and wish to continue dressing.

It is not a blessing. Nor a scourge. It just is. It can't be wished away. And I am profoundly happy that, having reached my fifties, I am finally in the fortunate position that I can give expression to the feminine dimension of my nature, if only on a part time, semi-clandestine way.

I hope you are able to enjoy happiness through your dressing, too, and realise the positive effects it can bring. Because it isn't likely to disappear any time soon.

Love, Michelle

[Tina_gm]

You won't be getting any angry arrows from me. It is not that I feel wrong or bad about dressing and being feminine. But, yes, I for one would gladly hit the eject switch, take the pill, whatever metaphor. I would do so simply because life would be so much easier. Less conflicted, less confusing. To be born male and feel only the gender I was born as. That would be great.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Jenny,

I think many, if not the vast majority, of us have gone through the angst you are describing. I know I have. Why did I have this urge, and why have I had it as long as I can remember? I repressed it for years -- and realized that I was repressing part of me that would not away. Accepting that my CD/TG is part of me, and then realizing that hiding it was just adding to my angst, helped me immensely.

IMHO, it's just as Michelle put it: "It is not a blessing. Nor a scourge. It just is. It can't be wished away.". Although I do feel that the comfort and well-being I feel when dressed as a woman is a blessing.

[josrphine]

Hi Jenny, Here i am reading your blog an the answers you got. I had done my nails yesterday an i was looking for a nail clipper. Went to the local casino for the morning as Josephine, my wife was going to one of her meetings this morning an i knew she would not be home until the late afternoon. Last night we talked about her meetings an what had gone on as she goes to AA meeting. She is doing great. Well this morning she was heading out again, I am still in JO mode so I told her leave the breakfest dishs an I would do them. She then told me about a problem she was having with the computer. I told her i would look into it. I have fixed the problem. Now as she left, she turned to me an said that she really loved having a man to fix things an a gril friend to talk too. So I would say Jenny that if u have a good talking point with your wife, the best thing I have found is listing. Most women have a girl friend that they talk to an would tell them things that they woun't tell you. This is my secret, an for 10 yrs now I dress 75 % of the time an there are times she tells me she want to talk to Josephine....

[Angie G]

I was there at one time now I'm out to my wife and everything ig good in the world.With on regrets of my girl side.:hugs:
Angie

[Pat]

Hi Jenny (nice name!) --

I don't think it's a forbidden question. In fact, it gets a lot of play on here. Would you take the red pill or the blue pill? Would you swallow the potion that makes crossdressing disappear? Would you push the button and on and on. Some people say yes, some people say no. Nobody's wrong.

Personally, I have a parallel case -- I'm left-handed. I didn't ask to be left-handed, I was born that way. I was born at a time it was considered appropriate to "fix" left-handedness and it caused some problems for me before the liberals managed to talk the schools into not doing that anymore. I have had people say mean things to me for being left-handed. I have been the butt of jokes because of it. I occasionally wish I wasn't left-handed; I occasionally really enjoy being left-handed. Either way, I can't change it. Over time I just accept that I *am* left-handed and go about my life. There are actually more important things to worry about out there. ;)

[Alice Torn]

Jenny, Being a life time lonely bachelor, with no hope of finding an accepting woman , i live in different world from all the marrieds. It is nice to have privacy, but the trade off is no one to talk with or touch, but pets. I often feel like a secret agent, live two lives, hiding the dressing from everyone i know here, and when i do go out, it is to towns far away. I agree with reb, that if one quits for good, they will miss the fun of dressing up, but will have no more fear of being outed, and have to replace the dressing with other things. It is almost impossible, but we humans are very adaptable. I know things like homelessness, which i suffered in for a while, famines, wars,other horrible things, would cause me to quit, but for now, with no wife, i will dress up at times, to resemble a lady i have never had.

[Jenny Alice]

Hello Dear Ladies, I know quite what you mean. In fact have just put a little Miss Dior behind my ears and have redone my lips. Life does really go on it seems. Never thought it would after I lost my dear beautiful wife. She as so young and I find myself talking to her every night. Love, Jenny

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jenny Alice:hugs:, For me having the best of both worlds is wonderful. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Beverley Sims]

I also have no regrets, I do wonder what I might be doing if all this time I have taken dressing was put into other pursuits.

I estimate fourty percent of my life has involved dressing.

[JeanTG]

I for one find the tension between the two personas very mentally exhausting, especially having to hide the female one. If there was a button I could push or a pill I could take that would make me settle on only one and be convincing in that role, then I would take it. I don't care if it made me male or female, as long as it was 100% one or the other or nearly so (like the majority of the population). I wouldn't want to change my sexual orientation though (strictly attracted to women).

[Half-CD]

No regrets! I love who I am and the things I choose to wear. It makes me happy and feel great.

I guess I have one regret. I wish I had embraced this side of myself before I got into a serious relationship. I wish I could have had experience being with a transgender woman!

[Joni T]

If someone invented a pill that would make all of the cd desires disappear I'd kill to be first in line to get one.
Jon

[mechamoose]

Hello, I have just got through a return of the Pink Fog and not for the first time I wonder how many of us would be relived and thankful if the need to dress and behave like a woman would simply disappear forever.

I have learned that once it gets out, it doesn't *want* to go back in the box. Suppression is not the same thing as control.


I know such a comment might amount to heresy in this forum and I shall be told so. I know there is opinion that we are blessed and some of us are in a situation where they certainly are. But after reading the posts about hiding and losing things and the fear of being discovered I wonder if most of us would be better off without the delight we take in our feminine selves. Ducking for cover, Jenny Alice

We each have our choices to make about our safety and stability. I have advocated for letting the truth loose and living with whatever shakes out. Partially because truth is always better than lies, it gives you less to remember.

This is an identity issue, not a clothing one. Who are YOU?

What is preventing you from BEING you?

This isn't a disease. Cancer, now THAT is a disease.

If you have to lie to keep your safety, how safe is that?

Be safe. Please be more reflective and not so afraid.

PM me if you like.

- MM

[Rhonda Jean]

I've had times when I desperately wished it'd go away. I recently went through a period when the desire to dress, to a large degree, did go away. I wanted it back! Unlike most here I think I could give it up if I "had to", but it's a part of me that I've become accustomed to. Even if the desire just disappeared I'd be a bit lost without it.

[MelanieAnne]

As a lifetime CDer, I feel I have enjoyed the best of both worlds. I have gotten a lot of pleasure out of CDing over the years and still had my share of relationships, a couple which lasted five years. They all ended for one reason or another, not having to do with CDing. My only regrets are not dressing and going out more often when I was younger. When I look at old photos when I was younger, I keep asking myself, what was I worried about. I was completely passable, but still nervous. Like most CDers, I always felt guilty of doing something wrong, when no one really cared.

[sometimes_miss]

If someone invented a pill that would make all of the cd desires disappear I'd kill to be first in line to get one.
Jon

^this. Why anyone would like their life more difficult, I have no idea.

[Maria Strange]

I used to wish it would go away especially after getting married even though my wife is very supportive. I've tried in the past to give it up months at a time but it would gradually slide back meaning I have to go out and buy a whole new kit. Now days I have come to terms with it accepting that is a part of me and that is not going to go away not that I want it to. A bit like a need for chocolate lol

[Krisi]

For most of us, life would be simpler without our "hobby".

[PattyT]

I can easily identify with the comments here. Life would be less complicated not being a CD. I too have tried to get away from it but simply could not and came back. It is too much a part of me.
All in all, I am probably better off just going along with being a CD. I was born this way. The bright side is that dressing up is comfortable and relaxing. I feel I have to play a role when I am in drab, but not en femme. This role playing can be stressful at times. Being dressed certainly rsults in an uplifting feeling. I'm always in a great mood after a day of dressing up. It's a sensation I would rather not abandon.
So, I don't really regret being a CD. I do regret not getting out of the closet much earlier than I did, however.
My advice to those who feel they are a CD and are not sure what to do or who are fighting it is to "go with the force" so to speak.
Just get dressed and go out. It's a lot easier than you think and easier than trying to fight it. In the end result very few will ever regret this.

[Judy-Somthing]

I grew up near Boston and sometimes I thought dressing up as a girl was weird or bad.

But when I thought about a lot of the guys I knew my age and what they were up to, I realized I was a better person than them.

At least half of the guys I knew in school were stealing cars, breaking into homes, or drug dealing. One guy I hung around with advanced to Bank Robbery which didn't end up to well after he got run over by a Statey after a Bank Robbery.

I still love CDing

[sometimes_miss]

I have advocated for letting the truth loose and living with whatever shakes out.

Reminds me of that old song 'a boy named Sue'. Wind up getting into a fistfight in every town just for being who we are. No thanks. I don't court trouble.


What is preventing you from BEING you?

The desire to prevent any additional complications in my life. I like life being easier. Some people lust for confrontations; I'm not one of those people.


If you have to lie to keep your safety, how safe is that?

Sometimes safer than honesty. If I walk through a neighborhood and the toughs knew that I usually wouldn't hurt a fly, I'd be in a heluva lot more danger than when they look at this huge guy with the mean look on his face that says I'll crush you if you get in my way.

[KrissyP]

When I first read the OP, I wasn't sure what direction this thread would go. Let me just say you ladies can be very insightful, wise and sensitive. And instructional. I resemble many of your comments. Thanks.

[Samantha981]

No regrets when I have opportunity to express my femme side. Which is not too often, so one wonders if its worth it. Like others I have been through that, purged, then felt the desire/need to start back up... because it is a part of me. Not something I really thought about or considered why until joining here and reading threads regarding why.
For certain life would be easier and simpler. More time spend on the guy things I still do but not as much. But for me I like both strongly. So I miss doing some of they guy things when I think, plan, or dress femme. Or like the hours I spend here instead of my car hobby:heehee:. Yet I would not go back, especially here as I've met some wonderful girls (and some who share my hobby) and made friends more easily here than I do in guy mode.:hugs:
Many similar sentiments to thoughts expressed by others too. I enjoy and treasure the moments I express my femme side and the interactions I've had with people when out and about.
Good post, interesting thoughts. Not sure I answered the question... lots of wavering thoughts, not easy :)

[Rachael Leigh]

Jenny I have thought of this many times and yes I really had wished I was never this way and had these feelings but after many years of fighting and telling myself it's just silly to wear a dress or a skirt I finally accepted as a part of me,
I finally understood there is nothing wrong with me because it is me a special part of me.
Would I wish it on anyone else prob not but I'm good with it.

[Jenny Alice]

Thank you again ladies for being so honest and those of you who are in an ideal situation I am pleased for you. For those who are not I suspect nobody is working on that magic pill which will make it go away!.So be it, J

[Teresa]

Jenny,
The only time I wished it would go away was when I accepted there was a male and female side to me and it was hurting so much not to be able to let the female side come into the open. I knew it would never go away but didn't expect it to get stronger but as for magic pills only for the others that don't understand.

As for Krisi calling it a hobby , sorry it's a lifestyle that part of me needs to live ! Hobbies don't take you down a road of splitting families and considering taking your own life !

[Jane G]

There are things you can give up, the're called hobbies and there is life. I gave up cycling and golf after 25 years, because my back couldn't take it. I gave up regular pool swimming, because I'm allergic to the dam chemicals they put in pool in this country. I may even give up sea swimming and surfing because I now have surfer ear and need an opp to sort it. I'm never going to give up my feminine side it's part of me.

[GeorgeA]

Hi Jenny and welcome to the forum! I could offer a lot of advice but I need to get to bed, seriuosly 😩
Who should be welcoming whom? Jenny joined about 7 years before you. You were really rushing for bed.