Non-passable CD looking for others

[newandshy]

Hello all!

I have been looking around in chat rooms and whatnot for the past few hours, I have found very few, non-passable, crossdressers to chat with and relate to. I know I will find a few here. Let me explain, I have been a member of this site for quite a while, never really thought of myself as a crossdresser, just thought I liked to wear girly clothes such as girl themed t-shirts, pajamas and things like that. Recently I have found a few articles online that describe how I feel about it better, I feel that I am so attracted to women, I want to wear what they wear. I want to be sexy like them because they are so sexy. I don't know why it took me so long to find someone that could articulate the feelings better than me but I did!

Anyways, for the longest time my wife has known and been partially supportive. She seems to have moods where she is more open and moods where she is less. For years she has been ok with me wearing girly stuff that is light hearted, like, character shirts, goofy graphic tees, pajamas, things like this. It wasn't until she got a job at retail that she bought me as a present some pajama pants with just hearts and stars on them and not some kind of character. I was so thrilled. After that she would get me some shirts like that as well, still not really blouses, just t-shirts but with sparkles and they said love and other girly stuff on them I loved it! After that started happening, I would wait until she was gone somewhere and send her a text asking if I could wear something of hers (because I'm still a big chicken and can't do it face to face). She said I could just not one of her nice ones cause she doesn't want them stretched out. She has this cold shoulder red top with gold stars on it and I suggested that along with some others. It is almost the most femme thing she has but she never wears it. She said I could wear that. I was on cloud nine! I felt so excited, like butterflies in my stomach.

Last night started the same, she said I could wear that one or another one that is pink and has some sparkles and says "Sarcasm, Just another thing I'm good at." I went for that sarcasm one this time as I have always liked it when she has worn it. She came home from work at about 11PM and picked me up to go get some food, we stopped by the local Walmart and I suggested that we both treat ourselves to something. So after spending some time in the mens section we make our way to the womens. I guess I should mention we haven't gone shopping together for womens clothes in years, I was very nervous. I found a shirt I'm sure she would love for herself and offered to get it for her. It has a lace back and a cool design on the front, again, very feminine. On that same rack I saw another that was white instead of blue like hers and had a different print on the front, a floral patern. I suggested, what if I get this and we both share it. She mentioned that she wanted me to get something from the mens section but agreed. I was so very excited, this is the first time she is letting me get my own floral top! By far the girliest thing in my closet now.

After that happened last night, I was so excited I couldn't sleep. I have been euphoric ever since. It has got me thinking, I really am a crossdresser. Before I was in a sort of half denial. I knew I could be, but I thought I just liked the clothes, and yes that is still true, but now I want to do more. I guess I have been building slowly to this, the last pack of underwear I bought were some disney frozen ones. Those were my first panties. She saw me wearing them and asked, "What's next, bras?" at the time I wanted to tell her, yes, but I understand that might be too much for her. I have no interest in going out in public as a female, I'm not passable at all, but I might want to wear my shirts out sometimes. I know I do want to wear bras, camis, and skirts. She knows I have worn some of her camis before but I want my own. I guess I'm just ready to move to the next step.

Is there any other non-passable or any others that have some experience with this? How should I ease that on to her? I don't want to trick her, but I do want to take it in the least threatening way possible. I think I have calmed her fears of me wanting to be a woman with some articles I found online, and since then she has been more open but still will say, "Can you ever wear guy stuff?" and I will but I feel so comfortable in womans clothes. So liberating, and exciting. Can anyone relate?

(Sorry for the long post, I wanted to find other non-passable cds at first but then my brain wouldn't turn off)

[Lynne]

Hi there my name is Lynne and I think I am very femme but whenever I take pictures of myself dressed en femme my heart drops because I look too much like a guy dressed up in women's clothes . I have been crossdressing forever and have spent a small fortune in wigs ,clothes and makeup and want so badly to go out fully dressed as a woman because I am so envious of women who are dressed in such gorgeous clothing .Unfortunately I have come to the realization that I am non-passable as a women but will continue to crossdress in the privacy of my home .

[Jenniferathome]

Well hello Shy. Your premise strikes me as somewhat odd. Are you asking about men who wear only female clothes and no wig, makeup, etc or are you thinking that the typical cross dresser actually passes a a a genetic woman. If the latter, I can assure we do not. It's a one in a million kind of thing.

[Sheila]

There is a FAB only (Females at birth) section of the form, perhaps you could mention it to her, then after she has made the required number of posts she could apply to join the FAB section of the forum where she could chat with the other GG's

[Helen_Highwater]

NON PASSABLE CD'S LOOKING FOR OTHERS This just about applies to most here. OK there may be degrees of "passability" but the notion that most who CD pass for GG's is a falsehood. Better wigs, forms, padding, makeup skills all add up to a reduction in the likelihood of being read from the off but very few pass closer inspection. The camera can be very forgiving and flattering, but however it does not giving a true reflection of what the eye actually sees.

Reading your post it seems your SO is extremely unsure as to where you're looking to take your dressing. Against that it seems you're very clear that you want to take it further. It seems to me there's a conversation that needs to take place between you both to get better mutual understanding of what she is comfortable with and what you ultimately desire.

[newandshy]

I appreciate all the responses. Maybe I should clear something up. When I say "Non-passable" I mean no makeup, no wig, no forms, just the clothes and underwear. I don't consider myself to be a girl or really even feel comfortable with adopting a femme name. And I guess that is where most of my confusion came from, I don't see many people that think the same as me on the forums and I am just looking for more.

As for the story, I can be a little scatter brained when I am excited. I should have made that a different post so that I could share a very exciting breakthrough with my life. It might not be a big one but it sure was to me!


There is a FAB only (Females at birth) section of the form, perhaps you could mention it to her, then after she has made the required number of posts she could apply to join the FAB section of the forum where she could chat with the other GG's

Thanks for the suggestion! We live in a small town in Idaho and she has lived here all her life, I am from San Diego, and it is a whole lot more liberal there. I am more comfortable about these kinds of issues, she isn't. I think for right now the forum might overwhelm her. It was probably 7 years ago or maybe 8, right around the time I joined the forum, and I read all these posts, I sat down and talked to her. I told her I was looking at something online and I think I was a crossdresser. Her attitude completely changed towards it. Before that we used to go shopping and I would get femme clothes all the time, last night was the first time since that we did the same thing again. I want to take this slow, but definitely forward.

It has taken me 10 years to get this far, and as long as she keeps letting me be me, I don't mind if it takes another 10.

[bridget thronton]

You are wise to go slowly

[Teresa]

Shy,
Talking about not passing now will progress, it's only a matter of time that you want to go further, it's finding the balance with your wife at the same time that's important.

Yes you will want bras then the right clothes to show off your shape , experiments start with makeup and before you know it you find yourself saying I don't look that bad !

[GeorgeA]

Hello newandshy, you wrote:

"Non-passable" I mean no makeup, no wig, no forms, just the clothes and underwear. I don't consider myself to be a girl or really even feel comfortable with adopting a femme name. And I guess that is where most of my confusion came from, I don't see many people that think the same as me on the forums and I am just looking for more.

I am in many ways like you, not exactly as no one is. We are all different.

I'm not even sure if I qualify as a crossdresser. I don's disguise my sex in any way. I don't wear wigs, make-up, jewellery, bras or women's shoes. I am most comfortable wearing a shirt, skirt, slip, garter belt, nylons and panties.

When I joined this forum 7 years ago I thought most everybody would be like I, but to my surprise I discovered that a great majority of members actually want to look like women if not actually be women.

There is much talk here about make-up, shoes, and basically trying "to pass". They are the real crossdressers and I am a man who just likes to dress differently than most men.
Even though I appreciate their efforts, as most actually succeed to resemble women, I do not feel one with them.

I belong to this forum, as I know of no other that would be composed of people like I. I feel comfortable being here and consider most people as friends, as we share one thing in common, even though our application may vary.

As I have no wife I cannot advise you on that subject but I see others already have.

[Judy-Somthing]

I am "Non-passable" unless seen from a distance or in the dark or the right angle.
Even posting on this site I am still not use to someone calling me a lady or by user name Judy.
If it's fun clothing you want, there is male clothes out there that is off stream.
But for me it has to be made specifically for a women for me to enjoy it.

[Confucius]

Like yourself I am uncomfortable with taking a female name, and I have no intention of passing as a woman. I see myself as a man, just a man. I do not have a female side competing with my male side. I do not want anyone to refer to me with feminine pronouns. I am happy being a man, albeit a man who wears feminine clothing. I am a crossdresser. However my crossdressing is limited.

The way I see it, my brain is hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact with a female. When I crossdress my brain releasing a host of feel-good neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and others) which produce sensations of well-being, comfort, pleasure, gratification and bonding. I cannot stop my brain from releasing these neurotransmitters. It's simply who I am.

Now I like the sensations from the neurotransmitters, and I think they are a good thing. They make me happy. How many things can I do that would so easily produce this wonderful sensation? I do not need to transform myself into a female. I am happy just feeling the lace of a slip brush against my knees. I love to sleep in tricot nylon nightgowns. My wife and I have been married for 35 years, and she is conditionally supportive. She needs the security of knowing that my crossdressing doesn't progress. I understand her limitations and I do my best to live within her boundaries. At this point we have reached a point where all our needs are being met.

[newandshy]

Like yourself I am uncomfortable with taking a female name, and I have no intention of passing as a woman. I see myself as a man, just a man. I do not have a female side competing with my male side. I do not want anyone to refer to me with feminine pronouns. I am happy being a man, albeit a man who wears feminine clothing. I am a crossdresser. However my crossdressing is limited.

The way I see it, my brain is hardwired to interpret crossdressing as actual contact with a female. When I crossdress my brain releasing a host of feel-good neurotransmitters (dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and others) which produce sensations of well-being, comfort, pleasure, gratification and bonding. I cannot stop my brain from releasing these neurotransmitters. It's simply who I am.

Now I like the sensations from the neurotransmitters, and I think they are a good thing. They make me happy. How many things can I do that would so easily produce this wonderful sensation? I do not need to transform myself into a female. I am happy just feeling the lace of a slip brush against my knees. I love to sleep in tricot nylon nightgowns. My wife and I have been married for 35 years, and she is conditionally supportive. She needs the security of knowing that my crossdressing doesn't progress. I understand her limitations and I do my best to live within her boundaries. At this point we have reached a point where all our needs are being met.

That pretty well describes my feelings, I love wearing feminine clothes, it makes me feel good and gives me a rush. Just yesterday I was at Walmart yesterday picking up some motor oil, and took a trip through to womans section. I found a shirt that says "Love" in floral print that I fell in love with. I wasn't sure which size would fit me so I took 3 different sizes, and also a pair of pants. I wanted to try the shirts on and didn't think much of it as normally you just walk up and tell the person at the fitting rooms how many items you have, this time the lady running the fitting room took them and starting hanging them up in the room, I assume to count them. That made me nervous and very anxious, but I knew that there was nothing I could do. She hung the pants, no big deal they were just plain and black. Then she put the first shirt up on the hook and paused. I thought she was going to say something, I was so worried, but after a few seconds of staring at the shirt she hung the other 2. Then she walked away, and said, "let me know if you need anything". I was trying the stuff on found what fit and opened the door, I was on cloud nine, it was such a rush to be caught but not called out. When I was walking out she said, "Find something that works for you?" I said "Yep, these two are going to work, those two are a little small". She smiled and said "Great!"

That was sooo exciting. It was so empowering and freeing. I felt like a drug addict that got a huge fix. So much so after I left the store I changed my shirt and pants in the car and I went to the drive through dressed. It felt awesome! Changed my feelings about going in public, maybe I can do it, it's not a big deal to a lot of people as I thought it might be.

[kkaye]

Before, I was passable, I looked like a rodeo clown. I did not care what people thought, I felt good and enjoyed my days out. But eventually, I learned makeup, padding and face lifting and things changed. Some would like the attention but it makes me sick to my stomach when approach by a man.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Newandshy,
Although I do go all out with my dressing, I don't really believe I pass.
And while out in public I would rather just be treated properly (which I always have!).
If you want to wear a little princess t-shirt, I can't see a problem, and I think most people
would just see it as you trying to be cute, (and I'm sure you are!)
As far as "easing" your wife into something more... It's never easy to bring it up,
but she has already asked you "What's next? Bras?". Maybe you could remind her of the time
she had asked you that question, and then let her know what your desires actually are.
She already knows you like girls clothes, she even buys it for ya! At this point it's probably harder for you to bring up wanting more, than it is for her to hear it.
We all get hung up in our own heads sometimes.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[yay.jenny]

I think that a lot of women can be remarkably flexible with our "hobby," but they have some very real fears, especially when they're married. When they met you, they fell in love with a man, and their trepidation largely stems from that.

Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Imagine if she suddenly cut her hair and starting wearing mens three piece suits with a tie and cufflinks. It would throw you for a loop. You might be able to accept it, but you'd want to know that the woman you feel in love with is still in there, deep down.

Here's a few things that worked for me. And believe me, I'm not passable in the least!

1) Reassure you that you still feel like a man and you're the same person that she married. You have a quirk about these clothes that you want to explore. It's fun and kind of sexy for you, and you only live once. Relax, it's not a big deal, it's just clothing.

2) YMMV, but I would say to NOT ask her opinion. Don't expect her to buy you things. Don't make yourself submissive or child-like. Buy your own clothes, and wear them on your own terms. Don't ask for permission. She'll respect you for it. It's reasonable for you to ask her to accept it, but its unreasonable for you to force her to enable it.

3) Don't do it all of the time. You know what clothing she likes you to wear. Indulge her and wear that several times a week. Wear her favorite things on a date night every now and then.

[newandshy]

I want to thank everyone for the responses! I will definitely be moving forward with my dressing, I guess the priority is my wife, getting her to open up. I'm thinking about making her a deal, all she as to do is get me some of my guy stuff if she wants me to dress that way, otherwise I will wear what I want, I think she will go for that. I was also thinking about testing the water with camis first instead of bras, she already knows I have worn some of hers on a few occasions so that might not be too much of a shock.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Newandshy,
You've already said she knows you've worn her camis before, soooo....
But to move forward, buying your own would be a good start I guess. It may
just create the situation that gets her questioning your dressing.
Whatever it may be that gest that conversation going.... You need to be prepared for it!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Mayo]

I'm definitely not passable, mainly because I have a beard (!) but also generally because of my age, shape, etc. I feel comfortable wearing women's clothing but don't get a rush out of it (most of the time). I do feel that I have some feminine elements in my psyche but I also don't adopt a female name because I'm not a woman - at best I'm non-binary. I'd love to be able to dress in public and be accepted for who I am.

My gf and I sometimes talk about my gender blurring but she hasn't seen me dressed and I don't think she'd really be comfortable with it. We might try the Trans Pride parade together this year, though.

[newandshy]

I think that a lot of women can be remarkably flexible with our "hobby," but they have some very real fears, especially when they're married. When they met you, they fell in love with a man, and their trepidation largely stems from that.

Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Imagine if she suddenly cut her hair and starting wearing mens three piece suits with a tie and cufflinks. It would throw you for a loop. You might be able to accept it, but you'd want to know that the woman you feel in love with is still in there, deep down.

Here's a few things that worked for me. And believe me, I'm not passable in the least!

1) Reassure you that you still feel like a man and you're the same person that she married. You have a quirk about these clothes that you want to explore. It's fun and kind of sexy for you, and you only live once. Relax, it's not a big deal, it's just clothing.

2) YMMV, but I would say to NOT ask her opinion. Don't expect her to buy you things. Don't make yourself submissive or child-like. Buy your own clothes, and wear them on your own terms. Don't ask for permission. She'll respect you for it. It's reasonable for you to ask her to accept it, but its unreasonable for you to force her to enable it.

3) Don't do it all of the time. You know what clothing she likes you to wear. Indulge her and wear that several times a week. Wear her favorite things on a date night every now and then.

These are all great tips, I think I will try them out. I have been asking her permission to wear some of her stuff, but I generally know what she won't want me to wear so I won't I will only wear things she normally is ok with. It is a little exciting and affirming to me to have her involved in the process be it with either letting me know what I should wear or buying it for me but I do sense her frustration with it for sure.

I have tried to reassure her before but she is uncomfortable when I bring it up, I guess I just have to find the right times, not make it a big deal, I'm beginning to think I am bringing a lot of hardship on myself unintentionally.

[JD_CD]

I am "non-passable" and have been for years. I CD because it feels good and I like it. Enjoy yourself and don't stress.

[Deane]

Hey Newandshy!

I don't pass, could never pass, don't care if I pass, and don't try. I just like wearing skirts, hose, feminine tops, etc. I think I look good in them, and my wife agrees, though she doesn't understand why I would ever want to wear a bra (that seems to be common). As for getting her to let me get clothes, when she would be looking at clothes I'd just ask her if she was getting anything for me. With a smile on my face, so it was a joke, but I kept asking until she told me sure, what would you like? We got a few dresses online first, that really didn't look good on me, and later we found some cami's at Walmart that do look good on me. I found a skirt online (took a few tries to get the size right), and there we are. I've also gotten some handmedowns from her that she doesn't like anymore or that are slightly damaged (since I don't wear them in public it really doesn't matter).

Hope this helps. :)

[PattyT]

I have pretty much given up on the "passing issue." Sometimes it seems that I pass or at least am accepted. One aspect I would like to mention, which I know has been brought up before is facial expression. I go out dressed every weekend. Sometimes on a Saturday after a busy week I feel a bit stressed out. Whe I look in the mirror as I get ready I can see this in my face. It looks a bit scary. When I go out people seem to avoid me or give me odd looks. WhenI am relaxed my facial expression is much different. People seem to react toward me the same as they do when I'm in drab.
I think this is one aspect to keep in mind. Put on a happy face.
Personally, I don't have "passing" as a real goal, as it is hard to tell at any given moment or situation whether or not I am really passing. It's much easier to determine if I am accepted or even ignored. That's what I'm really interested in.

[docrobbysherry]

I am definitely non passable, Shy. I don't have a fem side. I'm not sure I'm even trans, just a guy who likes to dress up.

However, there R 2 differences between u and I:

1. I prefer to appear as a pretty women even tho I can't pass. And, if u fall down the CD rabbit hole, u may also want to dress to the 9's like I, and some other CD's do.

2. I began dressing after I separated from my wife. Altho, I began very hesitantly like u, it was only because of my own concerns about what I was doing and why!:doh:
U exhibit the classic sympthoms of a new, very excited, dresser. If u take a tumble down the CD rabbit hole? I promise u that u and your wife or going have some serious issues!

Please keep her informed of how u r feeling about your dressing. If u hide your eagerness and excitement, I believe will regret it!:sad:

[newandshy]

I am definitely non passable, Shy. I don't have a fem side. I'm not sure I'm even trans, just a guy who likes to dress up.

However, there R 2 differences between u and I:

1. I prefer to appear as a pretty women even tho I can't pass. And, if u fall down the CD rabbit hole, u may also want to dress to the 9's like I, and some other CD's do.

2. I began dressing after I separated from my wife. Altho, I began very hesitantly like u, it was only because of my own concerns about what I was doing and why!:doh:
U exhibit the classic sympthoms of a new, very excited, dresser. If u take a tumble down the CD rabbit hole? I promise u that u and your wife or going have some serious issues!

Please keep her informed of how u r feeling about your dressing. If u hide your eagerness and excitement, I believe will regret it!:sad:

I know what you are saying, I don't want to go tumbling down the CD rabbit hole, I am very aware that she most likely won't be a big fan. I am almost to where I want to be with it too. Yes, it would be great if I could start wearing bras but I realize that is a huge thing to ask of a wife or any one you are in a relationship with, but I think I can get to be on board with the camis, and since I would rather have camis then bras anyways I would be fine with staying there, yes I would love skirts but I think that might be pushing a bit to much as well, for now anyway.

[geri]

Hi,
I'm sort of in the same boat as you, however, I have my own closet for my clothes, wigs, etc. My wife is not happy about my dressing but it is who I am. I have been seeing a therapist who deals in transgender issues. My therapist has told me that I am well grounded and one of the few she sees who is mentally stable. With that being said, I have discovered that I am bi-sexual too.
What I want to say to you is, be yourself and tell your wife your real feelings and what you want. WE only live once so why can't we enjoy what we have left to live as a woman.
So I have begun HRT and have started to feel more like a woman because I know in my heart, I am Geri.
The problem I'm experiencing is in my conservative city, there are not any places to go and meet people.

I rambled but I hope what I said helps. Be sure to you. Start with a femme name.