The end of a marriage

[Brenda79135]

I has happened to me. My wife left me because of the crossdressing. We had been married quite some time. She just left while I was at work. Now that she is gone, I have an emptiness in my sole that can not be refilled. The depression is so great that I can't find anything to snap it out of me.

The hardest part is unwinding years of marriage by myself. She left and went to another state. It is up to me to pack all the things up and get it ready for her move. Going thru the memories of our life together without her here is shear torture. There were many happy times that are captured in trinkets and pictures.
Separating those out is difficult to say the least.

Maybe the pain will abate once I get her things packed and out of the house. Maybe the pain will stop once I decide to get on with my life. It is hard to come to grips with all this.

[Rogina B]

It may possibly change..Seems that you have written the marriage off already.

[TrishaTX]

Sad to hear I am sorry....

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm sorry to hear that. Do you still love her. I tried to come out to my wife two months ago but she pushed me back into the closet.
My wife has been making comments allot lately about how you never really know someone but never out right asks me anything.
She probably afraid to know the truth and knowing her she probably has a good idea what's up since a few weeks ago I left makeup pads on the sink.

[Joni T]

I have been through the wringer twice. She moved out and expects you pack her stuff??!!??!!??!! Toss her crap out on the front lawn and tell her where it is if she wants it. The immediate depression can be over-whelming (my last marriage lasted 26 years. She left me for some dude in her bowling league. The cd'ing was not even an issue). I was on a weekend camping trip and came home to an empty house. After the initial shock wears off, the first thing you need to do is contact a divorce attorney. Close out your bank account if it was a joint account and open another so she can't get to it. Change the beneficiaries on any retirement or insurance plans. If the pink slip for your car is in both names have her name removed from it so she can't sell the car out from under you. Life WILL get better, just give it some time. I am now with the woman of my dreams. She has no issues whatsoever with the dressing and encourages it and joins in with me.
You have my heartfelt condolences. I know exactly what you're going through and how you feel. Like I said, it WILL get better. Just don't do anything rash and let nature run its course. Remember, everything happens for a reason.
Good luck, my friend.
Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
Jon

[Rachelakld]

Sorry to hear about your break up.

Women don't normally leave for 1 reason, they normally have 100 little reasons that they never even mention, so if you fix 1 thing (like cding or cooking her eggs the way she wants etc) there is still 99 more reasons to leave.

Hurt / anger / realization / relief / happiness is normally how it goes I believe (not sure, I left when she made it to hard to stay, but wife Nu. 2 is 1,000 times better).

[MelanieAnne]

Why are you packing her stuff? Put her stuff in the basement or garage, and rearrange the house to your liking. Get a lawyer, and change your bank accounts! At this point you need to shift into self protection mode, and look out for yourself. No one else is going to.
If she left and went to another state, it sounds like there was some advance planning. Few people just up and move to another state without some kind of plan, or place to stay. As others have said, it does get better. And there probably were other issues besides the CDing.

[LeslieSD]

I am sorry to hear about that. It must be painful. It sounds to me that you are not willing to end the marriage. Is she divorcing you? Did she say what the main reason is? Crossdressing or something else?

I know it must be a terrible feeling to go through the packing, because every pieces have memory in it. How about you take a break and leave the house to her for some time? She can pack whatever she wants, and leave the rest to you. Go out, get some sunlight, and talk to some friends. Some support will definitely help.

[Teresa]

Brenda,
Cding nearly ended my marriage and thinking about the pain from that was enough to try and sort the problems out, I hope you may be able to do the same.
You don't say how long you've been married or if children are involved, I have been married 41 years with two children and three grandchildren, walking away from that was going to be hard, I'm so sorry your wife has done this to you and given you so much pain .
Maybe I'm a soft touch but I would pack her stuff up neatly, unless she's left you for someone else I would still try and accept parting amicably, she may still end up being a friend !

[Brenda79135]

We had been married 33 years. I still care enough about her to pack her things. I do not want to give her lawyer any ammo against me. We still talk. Yes there are other things involved other than the dressing. I guess she needs to be her own person now without me. We both don't want to see any ill will to each other. She just can't deal with me anymore.

[sometimes_miss]

Brenda; My ex actually expected me to 'fight' with her about getting divorced. She had blackmailed me, threatened to expose me to my family, friends and co-workers. I don't know what she expected me to do, but at the end, she said the clincher was the 'you didn't even try to put up a fight when I asked for the divorce'. I'm not sure what she thought was appropriate; violence? Lock her in the basement so she couldn't expose me? That's crazy. She threatened to really screw up my life. How do you fight that? All I know, is nothing made sense. I don't know your situation. But if your wife isn't acting nuts, perhaps you have a chance. I didn't.


Women don't normally leave for 1 reason, they normally have 100 little reasons that they never even mention, so if you fix 1 thing (like cding or cooking her eggs the way she wants etc) there is still 99 more reasons to leave.

Yeah, but the crossdressing is a deal breaker for a lot. Women put up with all kinds of things. Crossdressing usually isn't one of those things. I don't think I've ever heard of a woman divorcing a guy for overcooking her eggs. Might have happened, though. I get the 100 little reasons, though; women like to store up records of every little thing we do, to use on us as additional ammunition, which usually has nothing to do with the main issue in any argument.

[rocval2001]

Brenda - Sending much strength your way. I have found that the girls here are some really great people -they will be here for you when needed.

Love & Hugs
Val

[CarlaWestin]

Brenda, I've felt your pain. It would be just wrong to blame it on your proclivity. I my case, that was the convenient evil that she latched on to. Yes, things will be emotionally tumultuous for a while. You've been thrusted out of your comfort zone with no fair warning. Personally, I've grown and flourished since I've been rid of the parasitical baggage that the ex was. In retrospect, I had settled on someone that I was happy that she tolerated me. Not much of a life and you seriously deserve better.

One of my life rules is:
Unfortunately, the greatest and most valuable lessons we learn, we learn through pain.

I should have a Doctorate by now.

[Tina_gm]

I am sorry to hear about your marriage. My wife made a very interesting observation about what she calls the full plate. We put things on our plate, things we like.... but other things get put on our plate we don't like. Sometimes the plate gets filled with stuff.... unexpected trauma, too many bills, tragedy.... etc etc. At some point, the plate can handle no more. Like the straw that broke the camels back. Technically the cding caused it, but would it have had the plate not been so full?

Another thing to consider, is that cding is not a simple pass or fail of acceptance. What works ok for some partners doesn't work for others. Communication can break down. As we ourselves are not static with our cding, neither are our partners. What once might have been not troublesome may now be. And vice versa. Perhaps if possible, take a pause, and see what could be worked through, altered perhaps.

Finally, cding just isn't for everyone. There are many women who simply cannot or will not deal with it in any way. I wish you the best through your time of difficulty.

[Amy Lynn3]

Brenda, not much I can say, but you are not alone, as I have been through a divorce and I am available for your support, like all the other members here.:hugs:

[Stephanie47]

I went back and read some of your earlier threads/comments. If your wife was under a doctor's care, and, she was trying to get her life back on an even keel, perhaps her doctor or counselor indicated it was best for her to "escape" what she felt may be the "obvious" reason for her medical issues. Yes, rarely is it one issue that ends a long term marriage. Unfortunately, cross dressing is the easiest to blame. If she wants an amicable divorce, then give her one.

Be sure to close out any joint accounts, bank and credit cards. Back up her stuff and ship it to her.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through the emotional mangle Brenda- I hope as days go by that it gets easier. Perhaps once your separation is complete, it will be easier to take stock of your life and begin to think about moving forward again.

She sounds selfish to have left without warning- it's the action of a coward. I hear what you're saying about her citing the CDing as her reason for going, but in cases like this I always wonder whether perhaps there was more to it than that, that perhaps she emphasised the CDing because it's a convenient way of laying all the responsibility at your door and taking none herself.

I wish you the very best of luck in getting back on your feet- please keep in close touch with us all here and try to see this time for what it is- a (very) challenging phase, but like any phase, one which will eventually pass.

Hugs, Nikki

[Jodi]

Get a lawyer now. Change the locks on the house. Close any and all joint accounts. Tell her if she wants any of her stuff, contact your lawyer

When my wife left, I went into protection mode. A good lawyer can tell you exactly what you need to do. Don't wait. She can rob and pillage you of most everything you have. Make sure you protect yourself.

Expect bad things to be said and to happen. Be ready and fight fire with fire.

If you think I sound harsh--I've been there. You have to stand your own ground. If you allow yourself to get stomped on, it is your fault.

Good luck.

jodi

[Helen_Highwater]

The hardest part is unwinding years of marriage by myself. She left and went to another state. It is up to me to pack all the things up and get it ready for her move. Going thru the memories of our life together without her here is shear torture. There were many happy times that are captured in trinkets and pictures.
Separating those out is difficult to say the least.


Perhaps, if as others have suggested, you leave it up to your wife to come and sort these thing out, she may suddenly become aware of all that you've both ploughed into the marriage. It could bring a realisation that there are more important things than how someone dresses in a relationship and give you both a chance to talk?

[SherriePall]

Along with what Jodi and some of the others have said, be careful and protect yourself.
She may be nicey-nice with you now, but someone may tell her to do this or that and before you know it, it's too late.
We are sorry to hear about your troubles.

[Cheryl T]

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

I'm of the opinion that the vows were taken lightly. Till death do us part, richer or poorer and all that. If the love was really there then it would still be there.

Also, She moved to another state and you're packing for her....WAKE UP... let her come back and do her own dirty work. Let her arrange to have it transported. Go through the joint items and take what you want to keep and remember and let her do what she wants with the rest. But let HER do it. Why should you be relegated to fetching for her when she walked away?????

If you know it's over, then realize it wasn't to be. Move her things to the basement and fill the closet with yours. Begin to live, not sulk in sorrow. Sorry if I sound callous, but it's how I feel about this type of situation. My first fiancee left when I told her. I bemoaned the loss and contemplated things I never would have otherwise. Now I know it was wasted emotion. She wasn't the one. She's gone and I'm still here...life goes on, live it!!!

[Erin Lafleur]

Brenda,
So sorry to hear of your difficulties. I truly hope that things will work out for the best, whatever that ultimately looks like.
While it is important to protect your interests, immediately lawyering up can and will change matters considerably. That bell is not easily unrung and may not be immediately required. I certainly agree that the locks ought to be changed, all joint accounts closed and, perhaps more importantly, all joint credit cards, credit lines etc cancelled.
Have her send you a comprehensive list of the items that she wants. It will be useful in the event of a potential allocation of assets.
Without an understanding of your particular circumstances, it is difficult to say definitely what the best course of action will ultimately be but as long as anything liquid is dealt with immediately, you will have time to deal with real estate, pensions etc down the road.
Give yourself the option of dealing with matters amicably, first and foremost. Be nice. Record everything.
I wish you all the best. Please know that although difficult, you will survive this. Don't be afraid to reach out as you have done. People will do their best to help you.
Take care,
Erin

[MelanieAnne]

I hear what you're saying about her citing the CDing as her reason for going, but in cases like this I always wonder whether perhaps there was more to it than that, that perhaps she emphasised the CDing because it's a convenient way of laying all the responsibility at your door and taking none herself.


Absolutely! Crossdressing is our Achilles Heel, so to speak. Spouses can always blame the CDing and get sympathy and support for their side.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but even if she comes back, things will never be the same again. Sometimes women leave and can't afford to live alone. Then they come back for a while until they can save up some money, or come up with a better plan. Meanwhile they get all kinds of advice from family and girlfriends, none of it good for you. Get a lawyer and protect yourself, and don't worry about unringing the bell. If she left you, that's desertion, and you are in a good position.

[Lorileah]

Fascinating reading. I am one to switch the characters in the play and re-examine what was said. If a woman posted this, and her husband had walked out would you all be so set on lawyers and "doing your own thing?" The OP still has feelings and you guys are throwing gas on the fire. Sweet.

That said, you have HALF the story here. You have the OP's half. And some of you are really close to being misogynistic. Remember, we don't insult ANYONE on these boards and we don't disparage anyone. You don't know the OP nor their SO, it's great you support the OP, but DON'T start insulting women. K?

[~Katelyn~]

So sorry to hear this! I can't image what you are going through cause I'm single. I do agree with everyone else though! She went to another state! Does she know anyone there? Maybe you should find out if there is another guy in the picture. You just don't up and move to another state that is just odd to me.

[JamieG]

So sorry to hear this. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.

[Georgette_USA]

Brenda sorry to hear of your problem. Dissolution of a marriage can be a tragic thing. You said married for 33 years, but how long did she know of the CD. Never was married, didn't agree with the whole marriage thing. But had a long term partner for 38 years.

But I agree with Lorileah, from a potential wife's point of view which I could be. If I married someone and they kept a secret like that, not sure how I would handle it. Not the CD part, as I have NO problem with that.

Have that conversation with other Post-Op TS, at what point or should we disclose our background if things get serious. How would many men on here react like that if at some point that was found out.

Surprised she left and moved, she must have felt that it was something she needed distance from.

[Tommie.]

As with all the others I hurt for you.... with all the wisdom above I would add never give up hope... I also asked an angel be sent to your side to hold you...

[Judy-Somthing]

Just about all of my friends have gotten devoiced. Yes the ones left alone found it hard at first whith the feeling of rejection.
But they all eventually meet a new love. You now have the chance to meet a new lover and it's not cheating.
You now have the opportunity to fine someone new, thats something most married people will never get in the road of life.

[Alison Bellis]

I'm sorry to read of the split with your wife Brenda. I've been there and I can empathise with how you are feeling. Hopefully you can work something out between you and stay together, perhaps by giving each of you more space to be themselves.

However, in my experience once she she sees a lawyer the "s*** will hit the fan" and you could be" taken to the cleaners", to mix a metaphor or two. It happened to me and I lost everything. You need to take care of you! Take the advice others have suggested and protect you home, finances, pension pot etc.

Alison X

[Sarasometimes]

No experience, but the advice here can't backfire if your next step is an attorney and then a therapist/confidant you can really talk to. This was not a "storm out to a motel". She had a plan and didn't care how that worked out for you so you need to do what emotions won't tell you to do but people here with sadly first hand experience are watching your back. Her stuff needs to be protected reasonably, not tossed in the yard but not neatly packed ready for pick up. Your assets that you will now need to live off of are at potentially great risk, GET AND ATTORNEY, hec she may already have 2?
Good luck and learn early from what others have learned. If she is in the end reasonable or unreasonable, you having an attorney will be no problem. If she turns out to be unreasonable (her behavior is an indication of such IMHO), you not having an attorney will be extremely costly error on top of all the emotional stuff.

So sorry to hear of your woes...1800 lawyer LOL

[char GG]

Sorry to hear about your marriage. I don't want to pretend to know anything about you, your wife, or your lives.

This is just my :2c:. I don't know if you are going to attempt to reconcile; however, from the other wives that I've talked to, the problem is not usually about the clothes. It's about the behavior that sometimes comes with the clothes. I won't go into detail but after reading this forum, I'm sure that you know what I mean. Again, this may or may not apply to you.

[Tina_gm]

Char, if I may add in, and this too may or may not apply. Something I have been guilty of in the past to a degree myself, and I read it on here a lot.

The acceptance many of us cders seek, and often gain more of then we give credit for. But we so often treat that acceptance like a blanket. The acceptance of cding is as unique and varied as the cding is imo, or almost anyway.

What makes my wife uncomfortable might be totally different from you and the many other gg's. We cders need to understand our partners limitations, comfort zones for more than just a place to dance on a line and always be pushing at.

Understanding them, why the difference truly respecting the differece. It's funny how, say our wives were in a bad car wreck in a particular spot, we would be wary of that, by avoiding that area if we could, or by driving uber careful if we couldn't. We need to work through their acceptance in a similar manner.

[Tracii G]

Its tough but you will get over it.
My second ex walked out and moved to a different state and that day was the best day of my life.Free at last free at last.
You can't force a person to stay and she made her choice, she may still claim to have feelings but to just walk out shows how much she doesn't care.
I gained some info off my PC from emails I found and it was for another guy so he can have her and all her issues I'm done with her.

[Amanda M]

I amm really sad to hear that this is the way things have turned out. But - it happens. It is just as if your partner/wife has died and left you. Ana as a result you are going through a grief process - just as if she had died.

Have a look at this - it might help you understand

BEREAVEMENT
It comes to us all, and for many of us, the loss of a loved one is our ultimate fear come true. Your bereavement is unique to you - no-one really knows the depth of your feelings, and because we are all different, we react differently to bereavement, and we all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way - there is just your way.
However, there are some threads of emotion that are common to almost everyone at a time like this.
Shock and disbelief. It can take quite some time for news of the death to sink in. You don't want to believe it - who would? You can't believe it, not at first.
Loss. You've lost so much - the person, their love, their friendship, their companionship, intimacy, opportunities, hopes... and accompanying the loss can be a deep sense of sadness.
Guilt and regret. Maybe you regret having said that hurtful thing or not visiting the previous week as you'd promised. You feel bad for feeling angry. Some will feel "survivor guilt" - to be alive when another is dead. If the death was suicide, feelings of regret and guilt will probably be heightened. You might also feel shame or blame yourself.
Injustice. Why did s/he have to die so young? Why did this have to happen to me? It's not fair!
Envy. You might envy others for having what you don't have - the friend, lover, mother, father... that you have just lost. You could also envy others their apparently carefree lives.
Depression. Feeling low is a natural part of the mourning process. For a time you could lose interest in life and feel that there's no point in going on. At worst you might feel despair.
Relief. You might feel relieved, especially if the death follows a long illness or if the person's life has been reduced to a shadow of what it once was e.g. through advanced old age.
Anger. You might feel angry with the world, with God or with people for:-
Causing the death
Not being able to cure the illness
Not understanding your feelings
Making thoughtless remarks
Carrying on with life and having fun.
You might feel angry with yourself too, for what you did or did not do. But perhaps most difficult of all, you might feel angry with the dead person for dying and abandoning you and for the pain you are suffering as a result of their death.
Loneliness. Grieving can be a lonely process. You may feel that no-one can possibly understand what you are going through or that no-one cares. And you might have just lost someone who played a big part in your life.
And finally you might feel as if these reactions will go on forever, which of course they won't.
Every single one of these is a perfectly normal reaction, and every single one, can, with time and understanding, be dealt with.
For many people, just being able to talk about their loss, being able to share there feelings and experience in a safe, non judgemental place is the start of a way forward. It can be so difficult to do this even with family and friends, partly because of their personal involvement, and to tell the truth, because it often makes them feel uncomfortable and helpless.
It can be a long journey, but eventually you will start to live again. A different life, perhaps, but a good one.
If you know someone who is going through this pain, the best you can do is just listen. Let them open up, allow them their tears and fears. You don’t need to offer advice – just listen.

[Jodi]

Fascinating reading. I am one to switch the characters in the play and re-examine what was said. If a woman posted this, and her husband had walked out would you all be so set on lawyers and "doing your own thing?" The OP still has feelings and you guys are throwing gas on the fire. Sweet.

That said, you have HALF the story here. You have the OP's half. And some of you are really close to being misogynistic. Remember, we don't insult ANYONE on these boards and we don't disparage anyone. You don't know the OP nor their SO, it's great you support the OP, but DON'T start insulting women. K?

Loraleah, I have no idea how much experience you have with this, but you appear to be living in a fantasy world. Separation and divorce are not fantasy, but a reality issue.

There is no such as an amicable divorce, especially when the lawyers get involved. It's a horrible time,, very stressful. The worst thought being that you failed to protect yourself, and you find yourself left in the poorhouse, saddled with bigtime debt. CD'ing or not, this has happened to friends and acquaintances. One friend of mine can't afford to retire--he is 70. He was left penniless, no place to live, and &50,000+ in debt.

I would give and have given the same advice to both men and women. I have seen women with assets pillaged.

Divorce can be and usually is an extremely terrible thing. One must be ready.

jodi

[Alice Torn]

Never been married or with a SO, but have been through many sore rejections, and breakups of friendships, and it is all the things Amanda listed. A broken heart is hard to mend. Some of us never do find a match to love in this life. Our ships have not come in, or we missed the boats! It is hardest for me, when i go out to restaurants, concerts, church, or wherever, and am always the tall loner with no one. Most do find someone again, but a few of us never do. Pets become our SO.

[Sandra]

Sorry to hear this has happened...looking back in your previous threads I see that your wife is bi-polar, do you think this has anything to do with her actions?

[Brenda79135]

I think the main reason for this is my lack of attention to her. We had just moved back into our house with her having medical problems. We had been getting her healed up and going again. At the same time I had a new supervisor position setting up a new site without much help from corprate. I was working anywhere from 10 to 12 hours a day, falling asleep as soon as I got home. I didn't feel like interacting with anybody on my off time. I guess I know now what was wrong. Yes I am in protection mode. She would have to come back to the state if she wanted asnything. We are talking about what is happening in our lives now. We have communicated more in the last two weeks than we have in the last two years. The lawyers are already involved (haven't heard from either one yet). There are no young children involved, she is grown up and on her own.
The males in my family are hard to get along with. We have all been divorced going back to my great grandfather. I was hoping to break thst streak. I guess when we get old, we just want to be left to our own devices.

[Jenniferathome]

Brenda, good on you for being objective. That is the hardest thing for any individual. We all want to be right but that would be quite impossible.

Many here want want to blame cross dressing for relationship issues and even divorce when in fact it is just "relationship issues" and these are hard to address if one is not objective.

[Bobbi46]

Brenda, I fully sympathise with you I will very soon be at the end of my second marriage, it turned out that she just stopped loving me and nothing to do with dressing, but what I wanted to impart to you is that life will get better, whilst very sad initially I am now nearly over that as it is now 3 years past, I say this because at some point you will get to where I am and the pain will go away, believe you me it will.
Life can be very hard at times and that is why I am so glad to be part of this community, have faith here their many of us here to support you through your hours of grief. I am so sorry it has happened to you, you must look forward to a better life, it will come but it will take time.
Take care.

[Erin Lafleur]

There is no such as an amicable divorce, especially when the lawyers get involved.

A bit of a broad statement Jodi. My first wife and I split up almost thirty years ago and were able to do it quite amicably.
We didn't argue and negotiate through our lawyer, we were able to be adult and reasonable about matters and only used a lawyer friend of mine to finalize the paperwork.
To this day, I remain good friends with her brother (sailing boats all over the world) and still get the odd round of golf in with her Dad. We talk every Christmas and beyond.
I am not advocating being silly about things (ie gaining control over liquid assets etc) but to be immediately adversarial serves few interests outside of the legal profession.
I can assure you that these matters can initially (and fundamentally) be dealt with quite amicably. I have lived it.

[Georgette_USA]

There is no such as an amicable divorce, especially when the lawyers get involved.

That is not true, my partner and her wife had a very amicable divorce. The wife wanted children, and my partner gave her that. My partner needed to get divorced so she could transition MtF. The wife knew and had no problem with that. I never talked to her about her marriage. But when my partner died I had to contact ex-wife to contact the grown children for their their permission to get her cremated. Talk about very awkward conversations. I even sent her a pic of partner some months before she died, and she was thankful for that. The ex-wife said they had a good marriage and fun times, but agreed they needed to get divorced.

Amanda
Thank You, it has been a very trying time for me over the last 1.5 years since. I have gone thru so much of the same. I still swear at her for dying and leaving me alone in all this. At least it wasn't a long time about 3-4 months, lung cancer and hard to breathe.

[Brenda79135]

I want to thank everyone for their support. It means so much to me that I have a place to pour my heart out. Some days are harder than others. If I stay busy and just focus on the task at hand, I seem to do better. Its when I have time to stop and ponder what is going on that gets me depressed. Again thank you for the shoulder to cry on.

[Anne K]

Hi Brenda, I've read all the posts and really can't add anything new except that this is an opportunity to take a breath of fresh air, relax, and look for the Silver Lining behind the cloud. This is a time for you to make new friends and -most importantly- be yourself. Yes, things will get better (been there).......if you allow it. Frankly, I think it's a great time to purge your wardrobe and go shopping. Could there be any better therapy:daydreaming:?

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm in my late 50's and just about all of my friends I grew up with have gotten divorced and yes it was hard at first but they all ended with new lovers.
Even if you love her you now have the chance to start a new loving relationship which most of us will never get that chance.
You may think you lost the love of your life but I have seen there's quite a few women still looking for someone. go for it.

[Tina_gm]

Sounds like you got so busy making a life, you stopped living life. This happens to many people. Sometimes reality smacks us like a brick and we realize what life is all about. Not about accumulated stuff, or a position in life. Those can aide to a good life, but they can't make for one.

Now, as you said cding was the reason in your op- at least from your wife's perspective, working 12 hrs a day, and you made time for cding, if not much, yet made no time for her. In her eyes cding won. It is/was more important to you than her.

She might he able to handle your cding, might be able to handle your 12 hr work days, but not both when she is what gets the least attention. ...

[Brenda79135]

Gendermutt
It wasn't that I was making time for dressing. I wasn't making anytime at all for me, her, the house, and the other things the make a home. Off work I would just shut down and not do anything. I was not happy with myself. I think with me being grummpy all the time rubbed off on the people nearest to me. My mood has not improved with this. Right now I just want to gert thru this so I can start moving forward again. This 33 year step back is not for the faint hearted that is for sure. One day ast a time and not making any plans beyond tomarrow is difficult for me.

[rachelatshop]

Dear Brenda,
I am so sorry for what has happened to you and your marriage. I don’t remember if you had children or not. They are the ones that can often suffer the most, and I always encourage the grieving spouse to take care of the children and make sure they understand what is really going on. It is too bad that these things have to happen, and there is little or nothing that we can do, except offer our support. At first I didn’t read this thread as I didn’t see it’s relevance to me. Upon reading the thread and all the post by the many members of this community and suddenly realized that this occurrence could happen to any of us. Therefore, I think it is important that we look for the lessons that we can learn from this tragic occurrence and the advice that has been given. What I have learned is that I need every day to be aware of my wife’s feelings and her self-image. I need to hug her and talk to her every day, no matter how tired I might be. I need to always remember that as long as I have the support of my loving family. I can weather any storm. I can lose all of my material things, and have to start over, but, because I have her (them) I need to remember that the rest are just things. I also learned that I cannot put my self-interest before my wife’s or the families because they are my everything.
I can’t speak for others in this community as I know some of you struggle with the burden of a female identity that needs to express itself, and that need imparts a difficult burden on any relationship. Because my needs are much less complex my relationship with my wife is simple by comparison. At best I can only lend a sympathic ear, heart felt support, and once in a while a bit of advice.
Hugs to you Brenda, and everyone in this community who reaches out to give of themselves.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Brenda:hugs:, I'm not going to add to all the advice that has been doled out already (Good or Bad) I just

want to say, Just remember that when one door closes, Another door opens, make the best of it.

We are all here for you. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[CherylFlint]

That's a bummer.
Wish you well.
It ain't easy but you'll survive. Most of us on this blog have gone through a divorce.
Sad, but try and be positive: negative vibes are easy to transmit and nobody likes or wants to be around a gloomy person.
Keep your chin up, for tomorrow's another day.

[Bobbi46]

"Keep your chin up, for tomorrow's another day" is very true indeed. The day my wife left me I took off my wedding ring and put it one side then a gold dealer came to my town I sold my ring, believe you me I felt so much better just for doing that alone.
Keep pressing on life can only get better and there is plenty of support for you here.

[Tina_gm]

Sorry Brenda for my interpretation. It's just that your opener to your OP was my wife left me because of crossdressing. I was only assuming the cding had formed a wedge in your marriage large enough to cause a break up. I was only basing it on what you said.