Straight CD

[Boohoo]

Im still really in the closet but I'd love have advice what feels like going in public

[heatherdress]

Boohoo - Welcome to our forum. My first time out was a thrill. I dressed and felt very sexy. I had butterflies in my stomach. I thought everyone would take notice of me but quickly found out no one did. I then felt a release. Freedom from inhibitions and fears. I felt special. I felt like I should be dressed - makeup, heels, skirt. I felt no stress, no worries. I experienced enjoyment and maybe fulfilment of dreams and expectations. It was liberating and exciting. It still is fun, every time I dress.

If you want to go out in public, take it step by step. Be safe. Build confidence. Enjoy the experience of growing. Good luck.

[Rachelakld]

welcome to the forum
How's it feel - better than parachuting (pumped up)
after a few years, it becomes more like scuba diving (slow and relaxing)

[mechamoose]

"Going in public" is kind if a squishy thing.

I wear girl clothing every day, but not always blatant. Pants, socks, shirts buttoned on the wrong side. Nobody notices. Have you observed XX people? Sweats, loose shirts. Maybe some are wearing yoga pants, most are not. Maybe hair is an indicator. Members often do wigs. Short of facial features, I think that is the strongest indicator. I'm pretty, but I'm never giving up my beard.

Nature tends to have XXs wearing camouflage, XYs are the ones with all the flash and flare.

I do flash and flare, I'm mostly perceived as a gay man. Close enough, I suppose... but I'm much more complicated than that, as are you.

Going out in public is frightening and exhilarating. Ratios depend on where you live. I live in New England, which is super liberal and accepting (we still have hicks).

It still feels the same way, only with different levels of risk.

Best on your journey <3

Kitty / Moose

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi BooHoo:hugs:, Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home. ~~...:daydreaming:...

[Allisa]

Imagine walking thru the woods and hearing sounds all around you, then waiting for the bear to jump out and eat you, but it's only a squirrel.

[CherylFlint]

Graduation day: the day you finally get your diploma, that is, if you can "pass".

[DonnaP]

Well I've only been out a few times and it is so exciting and invigorating not sure if the adjective are really right It just feel like a weight has been lifted being in the closet is really hard I know. I am trying to plan another excursion but I always never go close to Home almost was seen by family friend once My heart was really racing. But we shall all endure because it is our right. Hugs DonnaP

[PamelaMiller]

Imagine walking thru the woods and hearing sounds all around you, then waiting for the bear to jump out and eat you, but it's only a squirrel.

Nicely put - that really nails it.

[I Am Paula]

Graduation day: the day you finally get your diploma, that is, if you can "pass".

Ignore the nauseatingly over used concept of passing. Do your best, and have fun. People are far too busy staring at their phones to notice if you are not flawless.

[Jenniferathome]

I'm with Paula. Going out an having fun is unrelated to passing. I don't pass. I don't worry about it. AND I have fun. It is CONFIDENCE when out that makes it fun/comfortable.

@Allisa - good one

[Annamarie B]

Imagine walking thru the woods and hearing sounds all around you, then waiting for the bear to jump out and eat you, but it's only a squirrel.


Or is it a beaver?

[Dana44]

Welcome to the forum BooHoo. My first time out was exciting. My hair was long and I I tried to style it LOL. My So dressed well and we got in my big dodge ram diesel. I had on my platform six inch heels. I had a pencil skirt and and a nice blouse and some bling. driving that truck was a kick in heels. Went to a movie. Had to walk past a police officer and into the theater. I must have done okay as nobody said anything. I do not think I passed for the first few times out. But no fear and went to a cracker barrel restaurant after and the waitress read me but we had a lot of fun talking to her. The first time out is the hardest and it gets easier. I'm sure we all remember our first time out.

[Stephanie47]

I dress for the peace and serenity it brings me. I certainly will not pass. I do not want to make myself feel uncomfortable. I do go out for evening strolls for the exhilarating feeling I get as the cool evening breeze caresses my stocking covered legs. I love the way the breeze plays with the skirt of my dress and my slip. Would I like to venture to my local mall and attract attention? No. Would I like to meet a group of ladies in the mature age range and have a quiet dinner? Yes.

My advice is to start slowly. I started with just getting into my car at night and driving around my residential neighborhood. I progressed to getting out of the car and using the night drop box at the public library or dropping off a letter at the post office or retrieving a free newspaper from a box. I parked the car a sufficient distance from those points to have the opportunity to hear the clicking of my heels. Then I progressed to taking a walk in the evening. I especially liked it when it was raining, but, not a driving horizontal rain, but,just a gentle rain so I could use an umbrella. An umbrella works well to hide my obvious aging male face. When I felt the need to encounter fellow humans en femme, I did it on Halloween. I went into stores and bought an item or two as if I was headed to a party. I did get some compliments from women, and, I did get some hysterical laughs from some immature young men. But, it was Halloween.

Avoid doing something that will make you uncomfortable. Take baby steps.

[DW]

Im still really in the closet but I'd love have advice what feels like going in public

Hi Boohoo.
Going out dressed enfemme rocks. I don't pass, and don't worry about it. Go somewhere accepting, and just have fun.

[AllieSF]

Imagine walking thru the woods and hearing sounds all around you, then waiting for the bear to jump out and eat you, but it's only a squirrel.

Allisa, that is such a great analogy. From personal deer hunting experiences, like 13 years freezing my butt off in the middle of the woods (forests for some) waiting for a deer to walk by, that damn squirrel will get your adrenaline going and make you forget about how cold and uncomfortable you really are as they push their little nose through the leaves looking for a nice acorn to go bury somewhere else. If you can make your first times out with someone else with that experience you will quickly find out how much fun, stressful at first, you can have while out and how your adrenaline gets going just thinking about that next time out in the real world.

[Rachael Leigh]

Going out can be such fun there is no doubt and as others have said once the fear factor goes away and you realize most will never notice or care it is a very freeing experience, for some it becomes very natural and you will find yourself eventually interacting with others and that to me can be the best part.
Yes take it slow and when your ready your ready

[Kandi Robbins]

I have a fairly outgoing personality anyway, but I find that when I am dressed, I am so happy, it becomes infectious. If you make an effort to look nice and age appropriate, all you need is a smile to blend right in. I fool no one, but because I try to conduct myself with some class and I am always smiling, people (mostly women) tend to be drawn to me. I have the great fortune to be able to go out frequently by myself, meet new people and have meaningful conversations with them. I know no one thinks they are talking to a woman, but what they do think is that they are talking to a very nice person.

Going out (and I have done so a lot) is still a thrill and usually leaves me smiling for days afterward. Like all things in life, it is what you make of it.

[NicoleScott]

That darn front door threshhold is so hard to step over the first time. Luckily, it gets easier each time, and the comfort zone widens.

[CourtneyJamieson]

I encourage you to pursue this desire Boohoo. I , like you, was in the closet until about 6 months ago and then started taking baby steps. I had never been out of my house but had an increasingly burning desire to go out in public. Here is how I became comfortable going out in public:

1. Started going out driving in fem. Stopped to hop out and pump gas while dressed. Very scary.
2. Went to large parking lots (Think Wal-mart or shopping malls). I would get out of the car and walk 50 feet toward the entryway and then retreat back to my car. Very Scary.
3. Went to Tollway Oasis plazas. Didn't go in but just hung around the entryway while I pretended to talk on my cellphone. Lots of people come and go and you will find that they don't give you any second glances.
4. Started going to malls dressed. I would walk up to the entry vestibule and just hang out in the vestibule for 30 minutes or so pretending I was waiting for a ride. Lots of people come in and out of the mall entryway.
Builds your confidence as you know people see you but don't have any reaction. Again, very scary.
5. After I had confidence, I started going into the malls and just walking around. Again, no reactions which builds confidence. But again, very scary.
6. Started going into large department stores at the malls and browsing the women's clothing sections. No SA would bother you. Again, very scary.
7. Set-up a weekend out with a bunch of more seasoned CDs to finally go out to generic establishments while dressed. (Think clubs, casinos, restaurants). VERY, VERY scary, but being with other "girls" made it much
less stressful.
8. Now, I go out by myself to safe, TG friendly clubs with total confidence and have a great time! It took awhile to build-up confidence but now I get out of the car, walk proudly into the club, and have no anxiety about
how I present. But again I am only now going to TG friendly places. Have not yet got the confidence to go to regular clubs and bars. Don't know if I will ever be ready for that.

Hope this helps. But I encourage you to go public. It is quite "THE RUSH".

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was in my late teens I went out a bunch of times and at first I loved it.
I only went out after midnight. Which turned out to be a bad idea, at least where I lived.

I was chased by a group of older teenagers one time.

The 2nd time a cab driver was pretty insistent on giving a free ride.
I turned around and started walking up the hill. He then sped up down the hill and took a sharp left.
I figured he was going to bank around the block and come back so I crawled under a parked car, of course in my favorite dress.
Well I was right, the cab came back down the hill very slow. Luck-ally he didn't see me.

Two other times it was guys in cars offering me rides and the last guy got me nervous.

I never went out again. Halloween doesn't count, right?

[HollyGreene]

It's a big buzz for me. The first few times I was really nervous and self-conscious and went at a really quiet time. If I saw somebody coming towards me, I'd cross the street to avoid getting too near them, or if I was about to turn a corner and I could hear someone in the next street, I'd stop and wait until they had passed by before continuing.
Then on one occasion, two women came towards me and I couldn't avoid them. One of them said "Hi" as we passed each other, and I smiled and said "Hello" back to them. After that, I realised that my fears were unfounded and that previously I had possibly been drawing attention to myself by erratic behaviour. So now I'm much more relaxed when I go out.
If I look at myself in the mirror when I'm made up and wearing a wig, I'm not recognisable as myself, so even if somebody realised that I was a CD, they wouldn't know who I am, so it's no big deal.

So now, I'm much more relaxed about it, and it just feels liberating.

For me, the most important thing is dressing the way women dress - not like a drag queen. That way, when anyone sees me from a distance, they assume I'm a woman. I don't look pretty or "hot" as a woman, so nobody gives me a second look.
Yesterday, I almost bumped into a guy, but he was so engrossed in his phone that he barely even noticed. He just grunted "sorry", and carried on as if nothing had happened.
With the exception of lipstick, I only use make-up when I go out, so the more often I go out, the better I get at make-up. Recently, I've managed once or twice a week, so my make-up skills are coming along quite well. Still a long way to go, but yesterday, I was really pleased with it and think it looked quite convincing.

So if you go for it, practice your make-up, get a good wig and make sure you can make it look as natural pas possible, and dress down slightly. Wear clothes and shoes like the women around you wear. That way, you will blend in, and your fears of being discovered will go more quickly.

[Robin414]

I sometimes dress to 'pass' but honestly, I find it a lot easier to present 'en tween' lately. I kinda get a kick out of how people react/interact...some come across as confused and anxious, some appear to 'put me on a pedestal', and a few are actually down right friendly 😀

Sure, my sample space is way too small to be widely relevant but just my two cents!

When I do go all in though I find I guys tend to approach me a lot and that creeps me out...maybe that's why I go for the tween look more so?? 😕

[mechamoose]

Hey Robin.

To the OP, I'm far from straight. I confuse people, I'm used to that. I'm built like a truck. I'm never going to 'pass'.

I get all kinds of positive comments from XX people, appreciation for paying attention to detail and caring about appearance. "I like your nails', "you look NICE!", "Love the skirt!"

XYs get all afraid, like somehow I'm a threat.

I don't think I'm ever going to be 'approached', unless they are already inclined to us girls. My BF likes pretty little cross/trans people. I enjoy them, but I'm never going to look like that.

I dress the way I do because I LIKE it. What more reason do I need?

Kitty / Moose

[~Katelyn~]

My first time going out in public was last weekend. I was scared but had friends with me but still scared. It got a little better as the night went on. I went out again tonight with my friends and I feel more comfortable now. So just take baby steps!

[PattyT]

The posting by Kandi Robbins make a lot of sense, especially this sentance:

"I fool no one, but because I try to conduct myself with some class and I am always smiling, people (mostly women) tend to be drawn to me."

In the end result, passing is really not all that important, but it is nice to be accpeted. Being relaxed and putting on a happy face goes a long way.
I've noticed that when I go out on the weekend after a busy week, I can be a bit tense and my factial expression shows this. It can be even a bit frightening. This can affect the way others, such as store clerks, react. Last weekend I was not at all tense, and the clothes I was wearing made be feel extremley calm and relaxed. I don't know or even care if I was passing but the store clerks treated me with a degree of pleasentness and even kindness I don't get when I'm in drab!
When you go out, make an effort to look pleasent, don't be uptight about how others may think of you. You'll just blend in and have a great time.

[Chrissi]

Yes what Kandi said! I am the same, I don't even try to pass sometimes. Just be you, and as many have alluded, a smile goes a long way, and a bigger smile can just plain make someone's day!
Now get out there girl...damn the torpedos...full steam ahead!
Chrissi

[Mink]

Imagine walking thru the woods and hearing sounds all around you, then waiting for the bear to jump out and eat you, but it's only a squirrel.

but now imagine the squirrel was just running for his life from a land shark (that is being ridden by a zombie vampire) [who is throwing killer clams at you]

you just never know!

[lainey]

I've only gone out in public as Lainey a handful of times. I'm always a bit nervous for the first few minutes and then I begin to relax. The experience has always been positive and exhilarating for me.

[Julie Denier]

I've been out in public dressed once, out for an evening with another girl from the forum, away from home, at a TG-friendly venue. At the start, I was mostly grappling with the idea that, OMG, here I am, outside dressed as a woman, and trying to walk decently in heels over uneven pavement for the first time. As the evening wore on, as we conversed with others, I was able to relax and just enjoy being me being dressed with other people and not alone for a change. I haven't been out since and I have no driving urge to go out solo, but I would go out again under similar circumstances.

[Tracii G]

Smile and be nice to others and usually the person will be nice back.
Passing in some cases really doesn't matter as long as you are dressed appropriately and in good taste.
I was out in 100% girl mode tonight and 4 or 5 tables over were two 30 something ladies and I caught them looking a few times but didn't let it bother me.
I got up to add some croutons to my salad so I had to pass closer to them and I overheard one say to the other " Her boots are really cute and I love her jacket".
I smiled as I walked back to my table thinking thanks ladies compliments are always nice.
By the time they were done and walking out they both smiled as they walked past.
I'm sure they "clocked" me but it didn't matter they accepted me in some small way which is all I can ask for.

[julia marie]

Being out dressed is a conundrum. On one hand, there's a certain comfort, like I'm supposed to be how i am. Of course, that is tempered by some nervousness, worry about eye contact that could trigger the "man in a dress" alarm. No matter what the feeling, it's really worth it to go out as often as possible. It does get more comfortable and natural each time out, particularly as you are made to feel welcome by sales clerk, wait staff, etc.. As far as "passing", i try to fit in, dressing age and situation appropriate but in styles that I like. Another thing about passing: Understand that you might feel too tall, bad hair, too much makeup, not pretty enough, and any number of things. However, when you are out dressed as a male, look at what you believe to be GGs around you. How many don't fit some GG ideal? Fact is that they fit in just fine. If someone spots an imperfection when you are dressed, so what? Plenty of GGs aren't perfect, and they and those around them go about their business.