Is Crossdressing "OK"? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

PaulaQ

03-09-2016, 11:05 AM

The reason people who are gender variant often need counseling or therapy isn't because there is something wrong with them. There isn't anything wrong with being gender variant. The problem isn't actually with the person in therapy. It isn't.

So why go to therapy?

For the same reason people who've been abused go to therapy. Because they are dealing with bad feelings they have from a world that abuses them. Being told that it isn't ok to be who and what you are, when who and what you are hurts no one else, is profoundly abusive and damaging to a person.

We don't go to therapy because there is something wrong with us. We go to therapy because we are part of a society that is profoundly sick. There is something wrong with THEM!

Therapy just helps us deal with it, and understand, and heal the damage they've done to us.

CONSUELO

03-09-2016, 11:05 AM

Kris, you have raised one of those difficult questions again. I do believe that cross dressing is "OK" and essentially it is socially harmless. Nevertheless for a variety of reasons, many people have trouble with it and find it difficult to accept. This means that we cross dressers are not easily accepted in society and for many of us this results in isolation which is difficult and can lead to depression. For those who don't feel this because they are accepted and in a situation where they are completely free to express their cross dressing need, therapy or counseling help is not needed. But for those who have to hide in a closet the isolation can lead to many problems and a therapist can help.

PaulaQ says essentially the same thing and I agree with her.

But lets be very clear about this, CROSS DRESSING IS OK!

Helen_Highwater

03-09-2016, 11:12 AM

I suspect Becky and I share the same sort of outlook on life many Brits had; "Keep calm and carry on". I can't think of anyone I've worked with or known who's been to a therapist. People who are Bi-polar or as Becky says suffering with addiction are likely to be referred by the Doctor. Outside that it's not something that seems common in the UK.

Although I've only ever been to three support group meetings I'm a huge fan and advocate of them. If anyone feels they need to talk through their dressing then find a group. You'll be with people who understand and appreciate your predicament. Therapists for the most part, are if we think about it, theorizing about your experienced. Yep I'm sure many have found it beneficial but I'll take a lot of convincing that the same outcome wouldn't have been reached chatting over a drink with folks who know exactly where you've come from. Plus it's a dam sight cheaper!!

Teresa

03-09-2016, 11:14 AM

Krisi,
I had two separate sessions of counselling both referred through my GP.

Most of us have problems of varying degrees with our partners acceptance , for them to understand it we have to get it clear in our own minds, basically what drives it.When I came out to my wife it didn't go well and I spiraled down to considering ending my life. the first session of counselling was to asses my state of mind to see if I might still self harm, the answer was not any more. As it was not gender related I then had gender counselling, to finally answer where I was on the TG spectrum, the outcome of that was just on the male side of TS.
I now had some answers and finally knew what made me tick, I wrote all this down in an unbiased way so I could tell my wife exactly what my CDing needs were and if she couldn't accommodate them we did discuss if we might be happier separating. We both became accepting of that possibility but realised the hurt was too much to bare for both of us so we stayed together.
I now have more openness to my CDing and have finally made it out the door to attend social meetings.
Counselling does have a value but is only an aid not a cure, sometimes you do just need to talk to someone to put things in context !

Alice Torn

03-09-2016, 11:47 AM

Well said Teresa! I go to a Veterans Administration therapist, for a number of difficult family of origin issues, which are on going, since i had to move back around them, in 2010, and Cding issues, and religious issues. I think support groups also, would be just as helpful. Krisi, A man wearing womens clothes is a pretty heavy issue. Some have an easier time handling being a crossdresser, or transvestite, due to religious upbringing, ans societal rejection, considered gay, or deviant, etc. If you are single, like me, it makes it so much more difficult to have a dating life, or girlfriend, and marriage seems like the impossible dream. Being all alone with this compulsion, is hard, Yes, willpower alone can help, to stop crossdressing. But, like most things an addictive type personality will fall off the wagon, no matter how much will power he has. I have been in AA, and other recovery groups, and will power will not work 100% of the time for an addictive type person. A person who is not an addictive type, can do far better with only willpower. Will power is good, and helps, but human nature tends to fall off the wagon.

Sonyla

03-09-2016, 12:32 PM

I get psychiatric help for a few things but crossdressing is not one of them :)
I had those moments that I looked in the mirror and said to myself: I am totally crazy.
But now I think that I only live ones and just do whatever I want as long as I dont harm anyone.
I think we all have learned that it is wrong to crossdress but that is not true.

What an interesting and tone deaf question.
I am sorry to say it but stupid questions do not exist, stupid awnsers do.

LilSissyStevie

03-09-2016, 12:33 PM

My observation over the years here has been that many go to therapists to get their TGness validated. I don't know how many post I've read that went something like "Oooo I just went to my gender therapist and now I'm a certified transgender." Well, of course, they'll tell you what you want to hear because they want your business.

If anyone ever needed therapy of some sort, it was me. I saw my first psychiatrist after I was expelled from school in the 4th grade for violent outbursts. Unfortunately, therapy for me was a means to an end. I went to counseling to satisfy the demands of others - my parents, the schools, the courts. Therapy did me no good except in one case and that was unintentional. When I was a teenager, I went to see a psychologist weekly at the County mental health as a condition of my probation. She was young, but still ten or so years older than me, and super hot and she always wore these tiny little miniskirts as was the fashion at the time. I just spent the time ogling her perfect legs and fantasizing about her. What I got out of it was that it was one hour of my week where I was sober and not suicidal and therefor the two were not necessarily mutually exclusive. See, therapy works!

lainey

03-09-2016, 12:41 PM

I think crossdressing can be ok and healthy but I'm not sure for me. My crossdressing is usually mixed up with my secretive compulsive sexual behavior. I'm working through this with a therapist. The therapy has been quite helpful for me.

Kate Simmons

03-09-2016, 12:53 PM

Many moons ago when I went to a therapist, I was totally okay with the CDing. I went mainly to try and figure out how to deal with family and friends that were not okay with it. For myself, at least, it depended on how much I cared about those who had a problem with it.:)

Jennifer W

03-09-2016, 01:03 PM

I went to a therapist because I hated myself for dressing the way I do. I found out that as long as I'm not hurting anybody, there's no need to be ashamed. I'm not breaking any laws and I don't let anything interfere with family life. My wife has asked me not to wear anything but guy clothes in front of her so I respect that. She had no problem with me wearing whatever I want in public, but has just recently changed her mind about that. It's something we need to discuss when we have a chance.

IamWren

03-09-2016, 01:11 PM

I would hardly call it tone deaf. The answer may be quite obvious but sometimes discussing an issue and talking out loud allows us to drill down even further to what appears as an obvious answer.

I almost didn’t even click on this thread because the answer for me in this question is an emphatic no and can’t imagine how anyone else would think otherwise. I’m glad I did click on it though because seeing the responses helps me grow and not only learn a little more about crossdressing but about myself as well.

Is it ok to us in this quirky little community of guys who (as Krisi likes to say and I love the saying) like to strap on boobs and slap on a wig? I’m sure we here will say yes. Human beings have a very adept ability to justify any behavior engaged in. But I’ve seen posts from members who struggle deeply with it so as noted above, there are definitely reasons that many would find obvious about why to go to a professional.

Are we hurting anyone by strapping on boobs and trying to look pretty? That could be debated but for the most part, I would say no. So in that regard, sure, it’s ok. Is it ok to society?... for the most part no.
I think therapy helps an individual reconcile feelings about themselves when they conflict with how society would view the individual.

On a related but different note. Many of the responses (especially Natasha's, Consuelo's and Paula Q's) remind me of an article I recently saw about being ostracized. It talks about how being shunned is harmful to the human psche.
The social death penalty: Why being ostracized hurts even more than bullying (http://www.alternet.org/culture/social-death-penalty-why-being-ostracized-hurts-even-more-bullying)

Tracii G

03-09-2016, 01:17 PM

I agree with Steve to some degree about validation because folks that do want to go 24/7 and start on hormones are required to see a therapist if I'm not mistaken.
Personally I handle my own internal issues quite well so I don't feel the need for validation from anyone about my TG ness.

Dana44

03-09-2016, 01:31 PM

I can see why many do get help. Society can be brutal on ones psyc... My SO was a therapist and we talk about some of these issues. I myself can figure things out and never needed a therapist. But many things can effect a human being and sometimes circumstances overwhelm a person and whatever that is , they may need a therapist or a psychiatrist. But for some of us we don't need that kind of support. But what a therapist does is validate you as a person, acknowledges that you have thoughts and beliefs and they may even challenge those as they work with you.

JeanTG

03-09-2016, 02:31 PM

A few points. First, why go to a therapist? Well, this where my femme side pops up, I'm the type that needs to talk about my feelings and my wife, in typical taciturn husband style, is one to clam up about hers (we must be a match made in heaven... in reverse). Since my CDing is largely a well-kept secret, I had nobody to talk to about my feelings, etc. A therapist provided that outlet.

Second point. Is crossdressing "wrong"? Yes I believe it is. While some CDers have found a comfort zone with their CDing and their loved ones, the vast majority have not. It is not accepted (yet) by society, and lord knows if it ever will. So it has great potential to harm family relationships, cause stress, problems (potentially) at work if one was "out" especially in a small community, potential to embarrass one's spouse, and I could go on. For many here, and myself included, it can clearly fall into the category of an obsession. Obsessions, IMHO are "wrong". Not in the sense that we're wrong to have them, we may not have that much control over it, but wrong in the sense that they are *not* a force for good in our lives. Rather than liberating us, they enslave us, so that when we can't act on the obsession, we become enormously frustrated and grumpy and hard to live with. Speaking for myself here. In my short time here I've also seen a lot of potentially risky behaviour that are not those on which are founded solid marital relationships.

Third point: should we feel "shame" over it? Sometimes we are our own worst enemies in the "shame" department. But when our spouses force DADT policies, or worse, threaten divorce over it, it is hard *not* to feel shame over it. Maybe God accepts me just the way I am... too bad God's creatures, however, don't always, in fact most don't; it vacillates between repulsion and ridicule. It's hard for me to feel God's acceptance (yes, I am a believer) when others do not. Some here are lucky enough to have thick skin. I am not one of them. That's a good therapist subject.

Fourth point: should we beat ourselves up over it? I don't think so. Many have *far* worse problems than this. It doesn't prevent us from being productive members of society, fathering children, loving, living, laughing, etc. Just like an alcoholic has to deal with a drinking problem, we have to "deal" with our problem. Cold turkey? Not going to work for this girl. But some way of expressing it safely and respecting the foibles and blind spots of those around us who can't get past this... keep saying to yourself "it's not all about me". That's perhaps the biggest problem with an obsession: we make it "all about me". In reality the problem with the CDing isn't so much the dressing as the obsession with it. I love exercising outdoors, but if the weather's crappy for several days on end, I don't obsess over it. But if I can't dress when I want to...oh boy can I be a grump.

Lastly, what do I talk about to my therapist? There is a side of me very strongly female. When I talk to her, I talk as a woman, in the feminine gender (my native language is gender-sensitive), and I ask her in return to treat me as a female patient. I have gone to her underdressed, but never dressed. She does see patients who come in dressed, but she works in a very conservative and religious part of town, which is a bit intimidating and at this stage in my CD life I am not ready to go out in public.

In short, no, I do not think having an obsession is OK. Crossdressing for me has all the characteristics of an obsession that takes over and smothers me. Crossdressing for me isn't liberating. Yes I do feel better when I'm presenting as a woman, but crossdressing gives into the obsession, drives me deeper into it and wanting to go a bit further each time, and enslaves me to it.

Tina_gm

03-09-2016, 04:14 PM

I am simply a believer that therapy and or counseling can be a good thing. Just another tool, one of very many which can aide in our mental well being.

When Ist stopped fighting myself.... oh man. I really wasn't sure exactly where in all this I fit. I had suspicions.... but I guess validating from an actual gender therapist that I was indeed a mixture of masculine and feminine.

Natasha and Paula say it brilliantly about why someone can or should go. What it can do for someone who is gender variant. How most of the world views us and treats us can be very difficult. A lot of people get the shaft in life just for being who they are, with no choice in the matter. Transgender people have been by the countless tens of thousands, rejected and disowned by their most beloved family, friends, kids, partners. Jobs have been lost. Preachers preach against us. We are the butt of endless jokes. We start out in life with two strikes against us and one hand tied behind our backs. Being TG can be brutal at times. We have to affirm to ourselves and our small support groups that we are ok, because not many people think we are. Even though when asked how it is wrong, the usual answer is "it just is"

So, for all the other horrendous people out there, who can be clearly defined as to what is wrong, how they are wrong, but with us, "it just is" Just writing this makes me want to make another appointment....

PattyT

03-09-2016, 09:18 PM

This thread seems to center more on resort to therapy rather than answering the question, “Is crossdressing ‘OK’”.
I am a bit leery about going to a therapist.
Consuelo stated,
“For those who don't feel this isolation in society (a feeling of non-acceptance) because they are accepted and in a situation where they are completely free to express their cross dressing need, therapy or counseling help is not needed.”
I came to terms with being a CD to a great extent to forums. They made me realize that there is a group of people just like me who cross dress and are perfectly normal. This was enough. What impressed me most about forums is that the contributors seemed, with very rare exceptions, to be extremely rational and logical people. Most have also been able to come to terms with being a CD. I figured if they could, I should be able to as well.
Paula Q stated, “We don't go to therapy because there is something wrong with us. We go to therapy because we are part of a society that is profoundly sick. There is something wrong with THEM!”
Indeed! Cross dressing does not harm society and is a matter of personal taste. I don’t feel that the uninformed opinion of society should be allowed to control my life.
For the most part, just participating in a forum like this one should help a person come to terms with being a CD. This should be the first resort of someone who is having qualms about cross dressing. In other words, one should first try to work this out by himself. If this doesn’t work, only then should recourse to a therapist be considered. One reason I am leery about therapists is that the one a person sees might have preconceived notions against CD and not be able to consult the patient in a non-biased way.
To answer the question whether CD is OK, I think that it is perfectly OK.

Andrea2000

03-09-2016, 09:41 PM

Yes crossdressing is okay.

Those who have a problem with what others do, to the point of harassing those who are different from themselves are the ones who need therapy.

It doesnt matter what you do, crossdressing or otherwise, if you're not injuring anyone then there is nothing wrong with it. I mean, when you think about it, 99.99999% of people are weird when you get right down to it. We all have our strange little things we do. If everyone in the world was exaclty the same and on one standard, I think that would be pretty boring.

sometimes_miss

03-09-2016, 09:46 PM

For the same reason people who've been abused go to therapy. Because they are dealing with bad feelings they have from a world that abuses them. Being told that it isn't ok to be who and what you are, when who and what you are hurts no one else, is profoundly abusive and damaging to a person.

^that's the shortened version that I am going to keep in my head next time this question comes up, and it will. A lot of us have gone through life being asked this sort of question, always by people who infer that there's something wrong with US.

Robin414

03-09-2016, 10:26 PM

Crossdressing causes global warming, famine, and other bad stuff, you know that, right!? 😠

Seriously though Krisi, I like your point, if you can continue to function and serve your 'role' (whatever that may be) it's about as OK as spending a few hours a week flying model airplanes with your buddies!

Therapy, Paula, yah that sums that one up very well IMHO!

But don't forget that global warming, famine, 'n stuff! 😠

PaulaQ

03-10-2016, 01:59 AM

OK, I'll bite. Is crossdressing OK?

Of course it is. They are just clothes, and the standards for what we wear are entirely arbitrary. Take a look at this guy:

258556

Oh, back in the day he was a stud. Now? While this wouldn't be crossdressing, I don't think most of you would be viewed as being hyper masculine while wearing this getup to the office...

Being yourself is OK. Our society says it's not OK to be yourself. It doesn't just do this to CDs - there are all sorts of people who are discouraged from being who they really are:
gays
lesbians
transgender people
asexual people
and scores of cisgender, heterosexual people who are forced into lives they DETEST because they want to be seen as "normal."

Y'all are mostly feminine men, or gender fluid trans, or bigender trans, or a few of you are actually women, but just don't know it yet. Or perhaps some of you are simply fetishists. None of that matters, really. Because you aren't hurting anyone. Oh sure, other people may take great umbrage at your presentation. I've certainly experienced this first hand. But the thing is - I didn't DO anything to them, and neither did you. It isn't my fault that they freaked out over the way I looked. And sure, you may take negative social consequences for being out and being gender variant. I sure have! But again, that doesn't make it wrong - it makes the people who did those things to me abusive.

Now one argument some might make is "what about our spouses? Don't we hurt them?" Well no, not really. Yeah, some of them freak out when they find out about this stuff. This is really unfortunate, and a really good reason for coming out BEFORE you get serious with someone. But at the end of the day, you are under no obligation to hide who you are from someone else.

So you might then ask, "What if my spouse suffers bad social consequences because I'm a CD? Doesn't that make it bad?" Again, no, it doesn't. It would be awful, and I have NO DOUBT that it happens, that some spouses do suffer if their gender variant spouse becomes known. My own wife claimed this happened to her. I think it's horrible. I also think it's not my fault. Let me give you an example of why it isn't.

Imagine a really dysfunctional and abusive family - drunk Dad, mousy mom, and junior. Suppose that every time junior gets a bad report card (junior is ADHD, so umm, his grades aren't the best), drunk Dad ties one on and beats the living hell out of mousy mom. Is junior to blame for the horrible treatment his mother receives? No, he really can't help being how he is. And his home life probably doesn't help either... No, the fault in all of this lies with the abusive Dad who feels the need to exact vengeance on SOMEONE - doesn't matter who, really.

Our society, and an awful lot of people in it, are like the drunk Dad in my example. They lash out sometimes for basically no reason - just because someone is different. And while I think anyone should absolutely consider the safety of themselves and their family before coming out as some form of trans, at the end of the day, what happens in the aftermath of people discovering this about you is just not your fault.

Providing you aren't violating someone else's boundaries, it is OK to be yourself. In fact, being yourself is a really fundamental boundary. We need to be who we really are. So crossdressing is "OK", because make no mistake, it is a part of who you are. That society often seems to say this is "not OK" is abuse. It will be argued by those who are transphobic, that by appearing CDed, you are violating their boundaries - you are hurting them. I assert that boundaries like that are UNHEALTHY - "you must look and act a certain way, or my boundaries are violated!" A boundary like that, which attempts to manipulate your behavior, is abuse.

Unfortunately, in these racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic and increasingly narcissistic times we live in today, healthy boundaries are often scarce.

Andrea2000

03-10-2016, 02:06 AM

Wow PaulaQ, your comment is worthy of framing!

Very nice and thoughtful! Thanks for writing it. And it's just what I needed to hear given my current situation.

RylieM

03-10-2016, 02:13 AM

I see nothing wrong with crossdressing its been done since before roman times altho back then it was mostly because woman we not actresses back then so men had to dress up and fill the roles. Im seeing a therapist myself to help determine if its right for me to transition I feel in my heart it is but that's not to say its the best thing for me. I suspect many cders at least in recent times go seek a therapist/psychologist for the exact same reason or for other reasons like marriage counseling or as has been said in previous posts about abuse ect.

chris80

03-10-2016, 02:22 AM

how about instead of giving money to a therapist, buying a book on the subject and then spending the rest of the money on skirts and shoes?

Emma 1973

03-10-2016, 07:01 AM

Once i started dressing i was finding myself feeling guilty as a result, once i convinced my self it was ok i now have no problems with it.
so yes i say as long as its not hurting anyone it is fine...

BLUE ORCHID

03-10-2016, 09:13 AM

Hi Krisi:hugs:, There are two kinds of therapists ,

One tells you what you want to hear !

The other tells your wife what she wants to hear !

. ~~ ...:daydreaming:...

Krisi

03-10-2016, 10:01 AM

That's pretty much my view as well.

Someone777

03-10-2016, 10:10 AM

Crossdressing having ties with low self esteem and other image problems isn't a big surprise, concerning those who do it to feel pretty. I mean, the desire to feel pretty means you feel like you're lacking something when that shouldn't be. Then there are those where crossdressing is an outlet for bigger problems. So, does that make crossdressing itself wrong? Nope. There's plenty that do it for perfectly healthy reasons like... wait, I mean they don't all have problems they're just dressing ... At least, they aren't hurting anyone, except themselves.

There's a lot of things you can do that aren't socially acceptable that aren't necessarily wrong and don't necessarily land you in a therapist's office.

It can take time, like hundreds of years, but groups that are socially outcast can become accepted at some point but society is a bit fickle on the topic. Take a look at nerds, they're super stars these days but they used to be abused just as much as any other outcast. Go back not too long ago and being a nerd could get you accused of being a witch and that never ended well.

Take a look at nudists (or don't: there may not be enough eye bleach.) Crossdressing might not be socially accepted in most places but at least it's legal. Try going anywhere public nude and you'll find yourself being greeted by the police is short order. Yet, for the most part, nudists don't really hurt anyone. As with any groups, there are the bad apples but, generally, nudists aren't bad people. They just have an irrational hatred of clothing. The point being, it's bad enough being a social outcast because of your hobby/identity/etc. but it's a lot worse when it's actually illegal. Let me tell you, if you think crossdressing takes balls... Sorry, bad joke.

So, yeah, there's a lot of things that aren't particularly harmful that just aren't socially accepted. Maybe, someday, that will change .

pamela7

03-10-2016, 12:15 PM

"Word, PaulaQ". Despite having been a therapist 16 years I've not been to one for myself. And yes I do wonder why people go. But then I also wonder why people need a coach at work or sport; same thing just different labels to aid the ego. So after several hundred clients, mostly for 40+ hours each what can i say?

The purpose is to obtain clarity and inner peace. Absolutely to realise the sick society can go ... itself. I now do my retreats en-femme and not even the most macho blokes seem to have a problem with that - they're focussed on their own problems. Abusive parents, teachers, siblings, partners, spouses; mostly people are not warned that evil is real, and so get damaged and want healing from the experience of being for example dominated. When i was little i was warned about strangers, were you?

Chelsea B

03-10-2016, 12:53 PM

how about instead of giving money to a therapist, buying a book on the subject and then spending the rest of the money on skirts and shoes?

I couldn't agree more:)

gina shiney

03-10-2016, 12:58 PM

Thank you Krisi
I count 8 questions here and will attempt to answer from My veiw.
1 is crossdressing ok yes from a big veiw, no from a closed unaccepting society of freinds family.
2 as per Rebecca, Paula Q & Consuelo. I utilize a psychologist for mainly dealing with other matters mainly childhood abuse of which cding was a coping method.
3 yes there are times when I am guilty and deeply feel that way.
4 I am not sick so a cure will not work but what I do require is to understand without the guilt
5 My wife did not insist I dragged her so she could understand that it wasnt her fault and also to hopefully open up the ability to talk with me on all her thoughts & fears.
6 yes I do need someone nonjudgmental to discuss this with (not all sessions are about cding)
7 we talk about all things effect on relationship with children spouse freinds and their freinds if it ever came out. My fears feelings self loathing and teminal thinking.
8 with cding I beleve that I can come toaccept it as now being a important part of my being.
I also echo some of Jean TG's comments as well.l hope this answers to you someones response. Thank you all. I also Know as I get to know this site and its many people answers and understanding will grow.
gina shiney

lisa_vin

03-10-2016, 04:00 PM

Well, all I can say is, there are sooooooooooooo many things out there that are so much worse than crossdressing. This SHOULD rate as only a minor "inconvenience" at worst. It's outrageous things like RuPaul's Drag Race TV show that tend to give crossdressing such a negative connotation. Things are only as big and bad as someone is willing to make them become!

Sonyla

03-10-2016, 05:30 PM

Thank you so much for the good explanation PaulaQ.

PattyT

03-10-2016, 06:53 PM

how about instead of giving money to a therapist, buying a book on the subject and then spending the rest of the money on skirts and shoes?

I also totally agree to this statement. Recouerse to an analysist should be a last resort.

Someone777

03-10-2016, 07:23 PM

Calling seeking therapy a "last resort" feels like you're trying to discourage people from it. Some people just really need it and/or don't have anyone else to turn to.

That said, it doesn't always work for everyone and the thing you do want to avoid is starting the roller coaster of what mind altering med will I be trying the next few months.

If you have a good friend/family member to confide in, that is where I would start. The problem is that not everyone has that and some just find it more difficult to share with someone they care about than with a stranger.

Amy Fakley

03-10-2016, 07:46 PM

Ok, according to who?
According to myself, and pretty much any thoughtful, open minded person: yes, there's nothing wrong with it.

However, the world is flooded with enormous masses of people who are neither thoughtful, nor open minded. All one needs to do is look at the news in this election year to observe the hoards being whipped into a frothy blind rage by cynical elites, seeking transform anger into weaponry to win their political battles.

And they're aiming their ignorance bazookas right at you and me. And they have been for as long as I can remember.

That why so many of us go to therapy. Not because we're broken, but because we live in a broken culture, and that can cause wounds we often need help to heal from.

Angie G

03-10-2016, 08:11 PM

My wife sees a therapist for issues from childhood. I have no need of such things I'm a crossdresser and me wife accepts my dressing. I have no guilt or feel I'm sick or need to be cured. If I couldn't crossdress I just may need one for a very big part of me would be missing.:hugs:
Angie

Judy-Somthing

03-10-2016, 08:30 PM

I think it's much better than OK, as Tony the tiger says "It's Great"
I went for a job interview today, (wish me LUCK) they asked what days I could work?

I thought to my self (As long as it doesn't inter fear with Judy dress up Time)

LondonSteve

03-10-2016, 08:33 PM

When I was a crossdressing counsellor I spent a long time talking to myself.
Although the above is intended as humour it is in fact true.

:D

Krisi

03-11-2016, 08:08 AM

LondonSteve

03-11-2016, 08:42 AM

I tried to ask this in the original post but it seems to have gotten lost:

When you go to a therapist, what do you and he/she talk about?

Is there a goal of ending therapy (with a "cure") or does it continue until you run out of money or lose interest?

You can talk about anything you want. It's your therapy. Although depending on how a therapist works they may seem intent on steering the direction. Others won't. Discuss that with the therapist. Endings/duration can be discussed at the outset. A first time client may be interested in 4 or 6 sessions to decide if it's for them, which can then be extended. Again the client should be in control.

Therapy is often referred to as the 'Talking cure' but it isn't a cure for anything. It can be very helpful though and many have found therapy to be life changing. Others find it's just not for them.

PaulaQ

03-11-2016, 10:43 AM

When you go to a therapist, what do you and he/she talk about?

Is there a goal of ending therapy (with a "cure") or does it continue until you run out of money or lose interest?

Gender therapy is amazing! We talked about makeup, clothes, lingerie, how to walk in high heels, feminine deportment, how to deal with boys if they start to go a little too far, how to be a good submissive. (Learning how to be tied up was interesting!)

OK, I'm kidding - but a couple of you had your credit cards out, didn't you? ;)

I've had two gender therapists. With the first, we talked briefly about whether or not I was " just a CD." I figured out pretty quickly the answer was "no, I need to transition." She helped me with coming out (I think she cried when I tried the speech I'd prepared for my wife on her.) She helped me deal with the horrible aftermath of coming out to my wife. Ultimately, I got a letter for HRT from her, which was one of my goals. I stopped seeing her when I moved.

My second therapist was a rockstar among the therapists in the Dallas area, Feleshia Porter. When I started with her, I had started HRT. So we talked about my divorce, relationships, unlearning how to pretend to be a man. (I never learned to be a woman - there is no learning that, its what I am. Instead I learned to quit pretending to be something that I wasn't.) We talked a lot about attitudes I had that were no longer helpful, or even representative of who I am. I had a lot of grief to deal with over the loss of my marriage, and over the loss of many friends.

My goals for Feleshia were:
- letters for surgery
- deal with my divorce
- get through surgery
- deal with all the horrible old programming that was in my head, stuff from a society that refused to let me be me.

We stopped after I'd had GCS. Really, we could've stopped before, I wanted to be sure I had no post op depression, which can happen after any surgery. (I didn't.)

We stopped because basically we ran out of things to talk about. I had finished my transition, indeed I'd become a leader in my community, and had helped numerous other trans people begin transition, or overcome roadblocks to their transition. I get the impression that her and her colleagues are surprised at who I turned out to be. I didn't look very promising at the beginning, I'm sure. (I'm sure people on the forum here for a long time can attest to how crazy I was when I joined here.)

pamela7

03-11-2016, 10:51 AM

i'll take it from the therapist side; my goal is for the client to have either acceptance or full remission of symptoms, i.e. they're at peace with themselves and their live. I want them to not come back, I want them to get on with their lives without need for further support or coaching or therapy. In a sense, if they keep coming back, and some do over the years, I've "failed so far". As to what is talked about, nothing is off the agenda cos what is one area of life affects all the others; all roads lead to Rome. Peace of mind is priceless in modern society. Therefore, therapy has value.

Rhonda Jean

03-11-2016, 11:15 AM

I tried to ask this in the original post but it seems to have gotten lost:

When you go to a therapist, what do you and he/she talk about?

Is there a goal of ending therapy (with a "cure") or does it continue until you run out of money or lose interest?

I did almost all the talking. It was the first and only time in my life that I'd ever told anybody EVERYTHING. Once I got started it was an avalanche. That was the therapeutic part for me. I didn't realize I'd withheld so much for so long. OMG it was so good to tell it all. Some things had been so thoroughly pent up that I didn't even realize, and I never thought it was a big deal to keep them pent up. I wrote things out, which was also therapeutic to see them in print. I didn't go in looking for a diagnosis or to start transitioning. Really, after I'd gotten it all out I could have stopped. That's what I needed. Oh, it was kinda cool hearing her opinions, but I never gave them the weight that I would a medical diagnosis. They were her opinions, and that was fine. That wasn't why I was there, but it's the logical result.

I wrote her a long email that went into things I'd never spoken about, or at least I hadn't to the depth I did with her. I remember going in to my next appointment and her beginning by saying, "Wow. Just wow!" Guess she'd never heard THAT before!

Sounds stupid to pay a lot of money to sit in somebody's office and talk, but this was talking about things that were otherwise (to me) I could never have told anybody. There is value to that. More than you'd think until you've done it.

desertrider

03-11-2016, 04:25 PM

I have been seeing someone for about a month now. It's been on my mind for some time. Partly, yes, my partner suggested I go a while back. Also I feel like as a guy I was like no way am I going to a therapist. But being more comfortable fem, I'm like, why not? Lots of GG's go to the therapist for lots of stuff without stigma.

...I was just reading this somewhat relevant piece this morning with gems like this: "In a survey of over 2,000 men, 67% said they were more emotional than they appeared." (http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/10/biology-based-gender-myths/).

My experience so far rhymes with Rhonda's: I talk, my therapist listens (they are pretty good at catching me in the act when I'm talking and then I avoid something though for instance). They're very good with appropriate silences too. Mostly we talk about gender, but you know, everything goes. For some reason it's always helpful. Yes, I could talk to myself. I do talk to myself. But I think there's a funamental difference for me in trying to explain myself to myself, vs. trying to explain how I feel to someone else. The forum has been great therapy too, but I definitely get something out of face-to-face contact. You can't really say ~everything~ to your friends (i.e. maybe you have difficulty telling them anything negative [or positive lol] about your wife), but I feel like I can't possibly shock a therapist unless they are really new. I say things I don't say to myself too, but I haven't really analysed why some things only come up @ therapist. I haven't made any "breakthroughs", but I always come out on a surer footing than I went in. I was in last week and I realized some things my SO had said over the last month had me in a place where I couldn't be honest with myself if I still had feelings there. I was afraid to engage it. I didn't want to know the answer. 30 minutes later I knew my answer and I wasn't even worried anymore. That was a big weight off. I don't think I would've gotten there sitting alone in my armchair by myself, it was floating around my head for weeks before that. I don't get how it works, but it works for me =) I'm a lot more 'out' now, like in a good way. Like I don't ~have~ to be binary. I can be comfortable being fem and not transitioning right now, and I can change my feelings later if the old feelings stop making sense again. Did they tell me what I wanted to hear? If so, it must've been subliminal...

Mileage may vary though, I had a really awful time I tried I think 10 therapists for plain old male depression a couple dimes ago. But maybe I didn't really want to go then and I do now...

Hugs, Summer