Looking for support

[Danielle t]

Hi everyone I finally told my wife that I was crossdresser i've been with her for 14 years married for 4 years she took it a little hard at first she says she does not like she also said that she still loves me and that she's not leaving me but I know it still bother her she does not like it I try not to talk about it and I still keep it hidden every now and then she kind of brings it up I could tell she is scared about it I just don't know why I did tell her that I was not going to do surgical although my sex life got better with her I guess that's always a good thing does anyone have any suggestions that I can help ease her pain and look at it in a good way

[pamela7]

a gazillion ideas, mainly centred on talking, expressing feelings, expressing that you are CD with no intention to transition, that she's getting a more complete you, opening a relationship aspect most women never get to experience.

[Lorileah]

Look at the top of the page, there is a sticky about talking to your wife

[Angie G]

Take it "SLOW" dont push it on her and she may become more comfortablewith it in time. Talk anytime she wishes to. And be her man when needs you to be.:hugs:
Angie

[mykell]

yep, write her a letter, explain who, what, where, when, why, ok maybe not why cuz we dont know, but tell her how you feel, explain where you are on the spectrum, ask her to set boundaries for her comfort zone, you can always revisit and adjust them....and remember you knew you whole life who you were, she has to get acclimated to this new knowledge, support groups, i can help if your not too far south....DADT may work, its how we started, baby steps......just keep it in her comfort zone....

[Danielle t]

Thank you Mikell I'm in south jersey

[Emma 1973]

I agree to take it slow, i wish i had of taken more of that advice when i spoke to my wife about it, at the start it was ok for the both of us but i pushed too fast too soon, it did not help alot....things are ok now but it took a while for her to understand that for me its just some fun. I guess our partners can be quite shocked and confused, much how i felt at the time. I hope it all works out for you.

[mykell]

as am i, was hoping you could narrow it down a bit.....lots of malls down here....

[Sarah Louise]

Yes, good advice here. Take it slow, but keep talking and ask her of there's anything she wants to discuss. Also, don't forget to be the man she married. Make sure your boy half pays her the attention she deserves.

[Alice Torn]

All i can say, i , you are very fortunate to have a wife, period, and one that tolerates this thing, is very rare! I have never had a mate or wife. Not one second with a mate, in my 61 yrs. Treasure her, like fine gold.

[Krististeph]

Be honest, be kind, be humble. She has a right to be scared, and so do you. But remember- you started this by not being up front. My suggestion is to do whatever she wants-- if you really love her. But you have to be true to yourself too.

Does this sound like a paradox? If it does, this is because you deceived your wife. if this is the case, you have a decision to make.

[BettyMorgan]

Danielle,
I hope reading these two articles below may offer some support to you. Maybe even pass them on to your wife. It's pretty clear what this author went through and she gave me a perspective on what my SO felt/feels about my crossdressing. In fact, my SO is the one who sent me the first article.

http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/2015/11/22/the-other-woman-in-your-marriage/#post-1234

http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/2015/12/23/confessions-cross-dressers-wife/#post-1266

And if you go to this page, you can read some other really good article in the Viewpoints section.
http://www.sisterhouse.net/familyroom/

[Danielle t]

Gloucester County

[raeleen]

Be honest with her. Don't hide things. She may feel some trust issues after your having kept it from her for so long, and so rebuilding that piece of the relationship is super important. You can tell her over and over that you're just a cd/not transitioning/etc. but if she doesn't trust you, that won't help.

and I know it's been said, but the advice to take it SLOW can't be emphasized enough. And not just slow for you. It's good for it to be slow for BOTH of you. When I started going out more, I thought I was moving slowly, but to my wife, it still felt like it was going fast, and I wasn't cognizant of that. We've since talked and worked that out, and it's better, but still bumpy sometimes. But with time, you'll be able to work it out with her.

Good luck, girl!