Friends

[Carlene]

I'm hoping that those of you who have transitioned or live as women might help me with the following question. Are you able to have friendships outside of the lgbt community? In other words, are you accepted as just another female while in the company women and if they are in the presence of males, are you then accepted?

I am very much afraid that I will spend the rest of my life alone or at best will be confined to a much smaller circle. Please help me understand what I might likely expect in this regard.

Thank you, Carlene

[pamela7]

so far it is working for me, no-one has cut me off as a result, and new people have been fine, too. I guess it will depend on your area and circle of friends though.

[Eringirl]

absolutely!! I have wonderful CIS friends. We go to movies, GNO, etc. They are totally accepting. It is most certainly possible, at least for me. I trust it will for you as well....

[Rachel Smith]

Geez I thought you left us. Glad to see you.

I have no transgender friends. I also have no friends, M or F, from my previous existence though that may be due to moving, then again they don't call or make contact on FB so I have written them off. My circle of new cis friends, both M & F, is constantly growing however.

Hugs Rachel

[Marcelle]

Hi there

I have not only kept most of my old friend who accept me as a woman but have made new cis friend who accept me as a woman.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Emjay]

So far for me I have actually gained friends, though none in the lgbt community. My existing friendships remain intact and, for me at least, feel stronger than before because I have no secrets anymore.

When I came out many of my friends said that things made much more sense now because they were getting my whole story. Overall, I'm very happy with how things have turned out for me so far and I feel good knowing that I chose to befriend good people in the first place. I'm sure some have issues but so far no one has been negative toward me at all.

As Pamela said though: It will also depend a lot on your area and circle of friends. My experience so far has been good but YMMV for sure.

[Megan G]

Carlene,

Like the others said, yes absolutely you will have and be able to make friends outside of the LGBT community. Infact other than the girls I talk to on here I know no one within the trans community.

When I began my transition it was very important to me to have a life outside of the trans community. I did not want to get caught up in it, I just wanted to live life.

I did loose a few old and close friends in the process (mostly male) but to date all the women have been absolutely amazing and have accepted me. I have so many great CIS friends..

[Georgette_USA]

Moved from Illinois after school, so NO old friends. Made new friends in the LGBT community in the 70s, as little as it existed back then. When my partner and I moved to suburbs in 1983, didn't keep up with those friends. Have had many work friends male and female over the years. Almost none of them new of my past. But I don't really make long time friends. I have many in the LGBT community now.

[I Am Paula]

I cherish my trans friends, but they are far outnumbered by cis friends. All women, and almost all new since transition.
My girlfriends have almost completely stopped mentioning my being trans. It only comes up if the conversation veers toward menopause, and sometimes sex, and they say 'and you Paula...oops?' Then we all laugh.

[Melissa Rose]

I have more cis-friends than trans-friends. I know most from my job of three years and we do things outside of work including with their spouses and partners. A few of my co-workers know I am trans, but most do not since I did not transition on the job. I am treated like any other woman at the place and not treated differently depending on who is present. I have stayed friends with a few who have left the organization. I am switching jobs shortly to work the person who brought me into my current job. I am disconnected from most of the prior friends and I cannot say much about keeping friends from "before".

[Rianna Humble]

I have a good mix of friends from within and from outside of the LGBT communities. Some knew the old me, many didn't.

[Zooey]

I have very few friends from "the community".

My two best friends in the world are ciswomen. One knew me for 11 years before transition, and the other met me just as I was starting to transition. As far as they're concerned, we are all the same. I mean hell, we change clothes around each other, so I'm gonna call that pretty damn accepted.

I transitioned on the job, so most folks i've worked with in the past know, but they've all been very accepting. While some women still view me as a bit separate, most of them have gotten past that and I've made some amazingly great new friendships.

[Jennifer-GWN]

I have a rich set of friends outside the community which we inhabit. My observation is if a cis women simply sparks up a conversation with me on breast feeding her child, how long she should continue, and the implications of pumping at work when not able to nurse I'm pretty much in the accepted female space... If they JUST viewed me as trans we'd likely not have that conversation. Situations like that happen quite regularly and while I'm often mystified I'm equally quite at home conversing on that level irrespective of the topic as I have both perspective and opinion to provide and happy just to talk with another woman on that level. I think this is why so many females I knew in my past life struggled with me then but don't today.

My trans friends are important to me; We experience something extremely unique and sharing experiences and learning from others help us move forward regardless as to how "done" we are. These relationships are important. I continue to leave my door open to anyone and no question goes unanswered we owe that to others following.

Balance is good. Bonus is when your trans friends go beyond just someone you talk about trans related stuff you know you've found a real true friend and a bond forms from common interests overall sustaining a relationship forward.

My true solid friends (it doesn't matter cis or trans) are extremely important to me.

[Carlene]

Thank you all for taking the time to answer. It is helpful to know that each of you seem to be better for the path you have taken.

I am going through a very difficult time right now and am deeply hurting the people closest to me. Sadly, I only see this getting worse.

Once again, thank you for responding.

Carlene

[PretzelGirl]

Carlene, the thing is to let your personality flourish so that you have confidence in yourself. If you have a strong problem with confidence, you may have trouble with the interactions. I have a lot of trans* friends. I have a lot of gay friends. I have a lot of cishet friends. Heck, they are all people and they are my friends. Their identity doesn't make them my friend. Being real with each other is what does it.

[PennyNZ]

Carlene, since Aug last year when commenced full time I have made a variety of new friends, by far the most are cis females
I have found my old "mates" accept me, but don't go out of their way to socialise. Their partners in the main have become closer to me.
Joining a New Age church has been of great benefit also for me, and have meet a lot of accepting folk, who invite me into their space, which is cool
Don't dispair, just get out there and do new things - it is hard, but well worth it. Accept the knocks and get on with it. People will not come running to you

Best
Penny

[PaulaQ]

I'm with Sue on this one.

I have cis het female friends. I'm just another woman to them.
I don't have a lot of cis het male friends, although I have a few, but then I'm engaged and that wouldn't be proper.
I have lots of cis gay, lesbian, and bisexual friends.
I have a ton of trans friends of all sexual orientations.

What difference does it make cis vs trans, straight vs. everything else? Look, I have to be honest with you. I live in Texas. People just accept me as me. But I am very cautious about befriending cis-het people here because frankly I am sick to freaking death of the racist, sexist idiocy that spews from their stupid pie-holes. If I hear one more straight white middle-class person complain about oppression, I swear I'll just snap! Who in the hell wants to be friends with someone like that?

I get wanting to fit in and stuff, I guess. And sure, the world is chock full of cis-het folks. Other than numbers, I don't see anything special about them, though. Some of them are cool, some suck.

I like people who are genuine, kind, fun and open-minded. I don't care if they are cis or trans, gay or straight, race, religion, or even ,(mostly,) politics. To be honest, I don't even really think about stuff like that very much.

[gonegirl]

My experience:
I lost most of my old friends as a result of transitioning. I'm categorized as "other" to them, not of their kind any more. With my siblings, its worse: I'm a dude to them. We don't talk now, for obvious reasons.
New cis friends are easy to make if they don't know my trans background. It's akin to having a serious felony conviction.... most people are not entirely comfortable about who I truly am after that piece of information. I'm very selective with who I share my background with, and they need to be VERY close friends before I will do it.

I have a few very close and wonderful friends who have transitioned. There's a level of understanding and respect in our friendship that can only come from having lived it ourselves.

[I Am Paula]

I've also found it much easier to make new friends. At the coffee shop I can say to a stranger 'Whatcha reading?' And we're off on a conversation. I would never have done that as a guy.

[Suzanne F]

I have a new community of friends through my new life. Many new Tg and gay friends. My AA friends are still with me and I am much closer to several women in the program. The only circle of friends that I have lost are my church friends. Almost a 100 percent loss. Many here saw a letter I posted on Facebook by one of those people. He informed me I was mocking God and he could no longer associate or even eat with me. So yes there are casualties but the beauty of friendships based on the real me are so worth it all!
Suzanne

[Brooklyn]

You never really know for sure what other people are thinking, but for the most part, I believe I'm accepted as a woman. I gradually lost most of my friends when I transitioned and making new friends as an adult is difficult, period. I have a few cis-female friends who never knew me before and who initially didn't know about my TG status. Maybe they think I'm weird, but I really treasure those relationships.

[arbon]

It is hard for me to make genuine friends, which probably has a lot to do with living in a small community where it is impossible for a friend not to know I am trans. Somebody will always tell them.
I recently lost my best girlfriend after she asked me if a mutual friend of ours was really a man. I asked her if she thought I was really a man too, which did not go over very well and we have not talked since.
I am very guarded and have a hard time trusting that I am really being accepted as a woman and that people are not just being nice to the tranny.