where am I now?

[Allisa]

What's next? I have a routine for my weekends expressing myself en femme. The make-up, the hair styling, the clothes, the "girls", all feel so natural now that no thought is given being out and going about my business in the world, no where I don't go, within reason that is, keeping my body as femme as I can, no male thoughts when en femme even when I'm driving from here to there, just living in the moment. Yet when in male I find myself having thoughts of femme things. I don't "pass" as a woman and not as an attractive one that's for sure but that's the outside, on the inside I feel at ease and comfortable and I think it shows which I believe puts others at ease and the "man dressed as a woman" thing is somewhat over looked and dare I say accepted as who I am. I know about a few years ago I would never have dreamed of being at this "stage" in what I believe to be my gender fluidity. How can one just wake up one day and be so "different" from when one had lived in denial and misunderstanding? Sure there are still trials and tribulations in life but now dealing with them much more level headed, is it because I'm now more in balance with myself ? I guess I had a nice day and now my mind is in analytical mode (my male side) even though the outside is still femme. Just had to put these thoughts out there for peace of mind, thanks all for all your support in the past, I wonder if we realize how we help with our support here, well enough for now,good evening to you all.

[Teresa]

Lisa,
My thoughts were more about obsession but your question did come into them, I can only conclude that we are always going to ask this question, some say they don't have two sides but no matter where we are on the TG spectrum we have to answer to male thoughts as well as female. I feel far more comfortable now I'm out but the niggling questions still persist.
Also your comment about never going to pass, I know I'm out in public but only at a single venue for my social meetings but the question of passing or not doesn't bother me as it did when in the closet. I try to do my best as most GGs would , it just feels a normal thing to think what you're going to wear , do my makeup pop on my wig and out the door .

[mykell]

hi allisa,
your in a good place now and i hope to catch up.
you've always looked feminine to me and present as an attractive women in my eye,
i sometimes hate this phrase pass, by definition we can pass, some better than others.
the important thing is your at peace with how you live, a valuable achievement, enjoy the rest of the weekend....dont forget about your clocks

[Kandi Robbins]

Nice to hear. I think by interacting with many of the girls here on the site, who all come at this from so many different directions, we become more introspective, looking at and understanding our place in the world. Having been through and still going through that process myself, I find myself understanding more and more who I really am and finding those sweet spots in life that allow me to seamlessly fit in despite the fact I am fooling no one. But you find out the more you are "you" and honest about who you are, the easier it gets. Anyway, happy you found that inner peace. Can't wait for the next chapter!