Just checking in on the singles with no SO's.. I had a rare date.

[Alice Torn]

I know we singles withe no wives, or So's are very few on here, to my surprise. Just checking to see how you singles are doing. I actually had a platonic date with an older GG last Sunday. We went to a museum, that features many dinosaurs, and animals, and geology. I was in guy mode, as she does not accept CDing men. She is also a hoarder, sadly, and talks fast, non stop, to wear i have a hard time speaking. I had not had a date in 6 years. Going to the museum, i was also checking to see if it would be a nice place to go as Alice. It was crowded, and I would get a lot of attention if i went! I still may try it, say, on a weekday. The GG and i have some things in common, but not enough, and she is older than me, and was married for a very short time, like weeks or months only. More and more, i can understand why some men go overseas, like the Philippines, or S. America , to find SO's. I am amazed how few singles are on this site, and how many have supportive mates. For single Cders, or even non Cders, i have had a number of baby boomer women tell me, that "men are not needed anymore. Who needs them?"

[Allisa]

Confirmed and happy bachelor here. I have a few female friends purely platonic, some know of my fluidity so I guess they all do, they all know of each other. I have found that over the years companionship is not that important anymore, sort of a loner I guess, just something I can't explain. I used up all my wild oats a long time ago I guess. There were times when my CDing was a deal breaker, their loss. I am learning to be more comfortable with crowds, in either gender mode I am expressing, it was and still is a hard row to hoe. I do enjoy the company of women much more now, but my male self also enjoys the comradeship of male co-workers in the work place, it seems I've lost some of my more male interests at home. I don't believe it is a hopeless and hapless situation, just a more difficult situation to find a supportive SO. As we age finding some who want to commit after all the years of freedom gets more difficult and of course we fight that prejudice that has set in to people of a more advanced age. Oh to be 30 yrs. younger and out as I am now with the more accepting attitudes of today.

[bridget thronton]

Platonic dates can be nice - i have a few GG friends and I enjoy their company and conversation (interestingly enough we support each other when life is tough)

[Krististeph]

Hi Alice, was that the museum of natural history in Chicago? What an awesome place to go on a date! Every time we go there- my soul is stirred. Understanding that we are ultimately a small fraction of history, of time and of accomplishment.

I love the American Indian lodge. Dozens of couples. All together. And transgendered people viewed as shamans of a sort- two spirited. It really feels comfortable there. I'm sure it is just a projected feeling... but to be tg and accepted as just another variant.

We still all have a heck of a lot to learn, evidently.

[Alice Torn]

Kristi, It was the Burpee museum of natural history in Rockford Illinois. one of the few interesting places in rockford! Allisa, I am not as desperate now, as i was , from age 18 to 55, to find a mate, or at least a dating life. I am a loner, pretty much, and content with pets.But, there always is a little hole in the soul, that would like a special someone, like it or not, but reality, health problems, and death shoot it down.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Hi Sis:hugs:
I am single and would love someday to meet someone but they would have to be accepting of my lifestyle and the fact I will be 24/7 soon as Miss Virginia-Mae.
Not that many people out there that would accept that prob.
At least you got out and had a good time.
Sorry that she wouldnt shut up for 2 minutes :love:

[Alice Torn]

Miss Virginia, it was rather boring, sadly. she is another baby boomer GG, that believes that women do not need men anymore, whether CD or non CD. But, she at least let me take her to the museum. No hugs though. I could tell she was not open to a hug.

[Georgette_USA]

As a single with NO SO at the moment. I did have one for 38 years, she died recently so still adjusting. We were never married so not a widow. We are/were both MtF Post-TS. Same sex partners come to their own ways to talk about relationships.

I am a baby boomer, don't like the term GG, and believe that a woman doesn't NEED a man or woman. I would love to have someone to share life with. Whether it be a CD or TG/TS or non-Trans. Don't believe we should limit ourselves but be open to all possibilities. Unless we are young and want children, see too many say they want a GG. I may well stay single and not a SO. But I am not ready to give up.

Maybe there is a reason that some men NEED to go overseas. As some US women don't want to just be beholden to a man.

[Dree Yer Ane Weird]

Single, no SO and not really looking. Too antisocial and too easily bored. Don't get me wrong, i like people but in small doses. Course now I've said that i could be tempting fate :lol:

[MissDanielle]

I'm single, likely bi but would prefer a lesbian relationship. Even if I never touch hormones, the reality is that I am a woman at heart. I hope to find the right girl who is open and understanding that she's getting me for a wife and not a husband.

[StephanieJ]

Sworn single here.

I've been divorced for about three years with no desire to date - ever! It's hard to stave off all of the well wishers who want to set me up with someone. I guess in guy mode I seem like quite a catch, but after a few dates I usually end up telling women that I'm transgender and they bolt. Part of me thinks that I do it as a defense mechanism just to scare them away because I really don't feel like I want to date until my kids are all out of the house.

Like you I had a date last week with an older woman in my neighborhood. She actually asked me out so we went to lunch and it was VERY awkward. She was a wonderful woman but we just couldn't seem to get the conversation flowing. Looks like I've dodged another potential relationship. For a minute there I thought I was going to have to do a third date and pull my usual coming out trick. I've done if enough times it's getting to the point that my good friends all suspect that I'm gay... Little do they know how close they are, I'm just a little farther down the LGBT line.

[Tracii G]

Been married twice and been in other relationships in the past and I will probably remain single from here on out.
Occasionally I will do the date thing with some GG friends if they want to go do something and not be alone.
Dates with guys don't happen all that often but I enjoy it when it does happen.
Finding the right guy might change my mind about being a couple.

[OCCarly]

I know we singles withe no wives, or So's are very few on here, to my surprise. Just checking to see how you singles are doing. I actually had a platonic date with an older GG last Sunday. We went to a museum, that features many dinosaurs, and animals, and geology. I was in guy mode, as she does not accept CDing men. She is also a hoarder, sadly, and talks fast, non stop, to wear i have a hard time speaking. I had not had a date in 6 years. Going to the museum, i was also checking to see if it would be a nice place to go as Alice. It was crowded, and I would get a lot of attention if i went! I still may try it, say, on a weekday. The GG and i have some things in common, but not enough, and she is older than me, and was married for a very short time, like weeks or months only. More and more, i can understand why some men go overseas, like the Philippines, or S. America , to find SO's. I am amazed how few singles are on this site, and how many have supportive mates. For single Cders, or even non Cders, i have had a number of baby boomer women tell me, that "men are not needed anymore. Who needs them?"

Going to the Philippines can lead to a very, very good outcome if you are very, very careful. That is what I did, back in 1999, and we are still married, I am out to her, and we are happy.

The Philippines as a society is far more tolerant of LGBT folks than America, and some of the biggest media stars in the Philippines are gay or gender nonconforming. In fact, there is a telenovela on Philippine network GMA right now called "Destiny Rose" with a transgender heroine (albeit she is played very effectively by a male actor). Here is a link to actor Ken Chan's twitter page, showing Destiny: https://twitter.com/akosikenchan/status/665094221221617664

The one problem is, if a Filipino girl learns you are a crossdresser or transgender, she will assume that you are interested in men, and that part may take some explaining.

[Georgina]

I have been single all of my 63 years and I am happy. I live alone and can dress as I wish in my leisure time. I get the impression, from a lot of discussions here, that a marriage is based on the woman's rules. Alice, as far as women's views about needing men go, I think they will be in for a shock. In my view the world is already overpopulated and any measures to alleviate this are already too late. When it is eventually sorted out the measures probably will be drastic and child bearers will not be in demand. This is only my view and I have no idea about a solution. At my age I am too set in my ways to change, so I am not looking for a wife.

[Amalie]

Although not very old yet, so far I've managed to stayed single at least, and even if it may be lonely at times I'm not sure I want to sacrifice the freedom I have for a relationship..
Even if I would my CD'ing would have be out on the table and accepted as well which doesn't really make things much easier..

But I guess we'll see if I ever meet the right one..

[RADER]

I am a widower, My lovly wife passed on about 3 years ago. She was OK with
my dressing, as long as I did not leave the house; A rule I could live with.
I have dated a few times, and at my age...69... most women want a "Sugar Daddy"
I do not need a nag who wants to spend my money.
So I spend it on myself, at the Lane Bryant Store.
Rader

[RylieM]

Single here myself so your deftly not alone. I refuse to date due to my living situation and because I cannot afford to pay at least my own way in dates I haven't had a gf in at least 6 years and it really doesn't bother me much altho I do hope someday I can find someone but if I do she must accept me for who I am a crossdresser that identifies as trans but hasn't taken the next step and not sure if transitioning is right for me. I was raised that the guy has to pay, has to open doors, has to pull out and push in a chair for a lady, ect real old school family values I still see my dad doing this stuff for my mother a lot.

[Lily Catherine]

Young and single here - I am unwilling to take on the commitment of an SO (and consequently being someone's SO) till I'm done with my studies and possess a decent level of financial stability. How accepting the other party might be of my CDing is a huge can of worms as it is as I would rather not have to keep it to myself physically. But that said I don't feel I am in a position to expect anything.

[docrobbysherry]

Good for u, Alice. At least you're still out there trying. I gave up my online dating membership because I wasn't using it. The women interested in me r too old. Many don't look like females any more. And, the baggage!:doh:
Of course, I have plenty of my own!:straightface:

Guess I'm stuck with Sherry. Oh well!:devil:

[Alice Torn]

Georgina, At almost 62, i don't think i am up to bringing more people into this over crowded world. I am too low income to be a sugar daddy, or sugar TG lady, too. Pretty much content to just be with my cats. I am in the autumn of life, anyway, but there is a part of me that is starved for closeness. But, iam picky, and like the women i mentioned, i don't need anyone. Cats are fine.

[Ressie]

Alice, your date experience made me laugh. The part about her being a hoarder and talking fast had me ROTF. But, I'm sorry it didn't turn out better for you.

Yes, single baby boomers rarely have time for a relationship, myself included. I've gone through some changes since my wife left me in 2004. I've met lots of women that I found attractive, and had a good conversation started with, but then they mention something about their husband! Then there are some that I like talking to but don't attract me enough on the physical level.

I'm also afraid that any relationship that might develop will end up with someone being hurt (like all of the rest I've been in). It's so wonderful to be in love but I'm not very good at being monogamous. And being single is much better than living with the wrong person. Yeah, I have trust issues too since my ex turned out to be deceptive.

Living alone with a dog and a closet full of wigs, shoes and dresses! I'm selfish I guess.

[Alice Torn]

Ressie, The lady is a nice person, but we could only be very platonic once in a while friends. More and more, older Americans are turning to pets for companionship. i can't handle the stress and conflict of relationships, and one date in six years is about all for me.

[Andar]

I've always been single. It's been rather nice, i'd say, though I couldn't speak for what not being single is like so there is this doubt that I'm missing out. When I think about trying to get in a relationship I'm usually also questioning why I want to. I have plenty of incredibly close friends who provide any companionship I need, and as an asexual I dont have much interest in anything besides that companionship. Then again, maybe the actual fairy tale styled romance stuff is a real thing and the companionship of great friends and a great girlfriend are two wholly different things. I'm young, what would I know?

You say there is an attitude of "men ... pft, who needs 'em?" but here I am wondering if any SO is needed. Perhaps wanted, at times, but not needed. With many of the posts in this thread detailing happy single lives, perhaps I'm a little more confident in this attitude.

[Alice Torn]

Andar, I should say i have never had full sex in person with anyone. I don't really need it. i think i just don't have any close friends in the area i live in. I lived in the Seattle area for 29 yrs, and had friends there. But, here in farming/small town Illinois, not so easy to make friends to spend time with. i mainly just talk with cashiers, and my VA therapist, and psychiatrist, and doctor, or go to an occasional 12 step group. I really do not NEED a wife or SO, but, would like to get together once in a while. My cats are my roommates, my best friends. I don't want to have sex with a woman friend, either, just hugs is fine. My sex is SOLO, with my dressing sometimes, not every time.

[Ceera]

Single, no SO here. Widowed after a 30-year straight marriage. I'm pansexual, though I generally prefer genetic girl as partners. Guys and other trans girls (or trans guys) are okay too, as far as I am concerned - just less interesting to me than GGs are.

I recently went on a platonic dinner date with a GG who is half my age, and gender fluid, like me. She does a full male presentation when participating in a historical reenactment group that we both belong to, and she wears her hair short in a 'boy cut' and tends to dress male when out socially. She first met me while I was in male mode, but she only started interacting with me socially after we met again while I was in full female mode as Ceera, and I was in full girl mode for our date. It was nice to go on a date as a girl, with a genetic girl who likes me in my female mode. Neither of us is eager to leap onto a 'relationship', but we do plan to see each other more, and agree that there is at least some possibility that a closer relationship might develop.

That girl and a second GG both indicated, at a recent speed dating event for LGBTQ ladies that we all attended, that they would be wiling to try going out on dates with me. But the one time so far that I asked the second girl out to dinner, she already had plans for that night.

I haven't been trying very hard yet to find someone to go on dates with. When I go out socially as Ceera, I usually attend events with the LGBTQ Ladies' happy hour group that I met those two girls in. Most of the ladies in that group are lesbians who love interacting with me socially, and will happily chat and dance with me, but who aren't interested in dating a transgender girl like me. And that is fine with me. When I go out on my own, it's usually to a gay club where I don't have to worry too much about someone getting interested in me and then being offended when they realize I am transgender. Some of the guys and girls there do flirt with me, but nothing has developed from that recently. The guy that doe my acrylic nails has been flirting with me a bit, and I think he might want to ask me out, but he hasn't asked yet.

So... nothing frequent, but some promising nibbles, I guess. :)

[Alice Torn]

Thank you to all you who posted replies. Sometimes, i feel like about the only unmarried one on here!

[sometimes_miss]

Then there are some that I like talking to but don't attract me enough on the physical level.
This is my biggest issue. There are plenty of single, older women, but most older American women have let themselves go because they want to believe that how people look doesn't matter, so they don't seem to care what they look like. I've gone through a lot of trouble to make sure I look as good as possible when I step out of the house. I expect the same from my dates. About half the women where I work resemble George Costanza with a short 'helmet' haircut. And they wonder why nobody's interested.

I'm also afraid that any relationship that might develop will end up with someone being hurt
This is what I've run into. Apparently, other than the crossdressing I'm considered a good catch. So when I discover that the woman I'm dating feels crossdressing is a downer to her, I have to come up with some type of excuse to get out of dating her anymore. The best one I've come up with is, 'she smells like my sister', and it just ruins any attraction. Seems to work well enough so that they're not feeling insulted by my sudden seemingly lack of interest.

It's so wonderful to be in love
The peaks and the lows. I get excited too, when going out on a first date. When we hit it off and spend the whole night talking, it always gets my hopes up. Then when I hear about 'the pervert across the street who wears his wife's housecoat' all my dreams come crashing down.

being single is much better than living with the wrong person. Yeah, I have trust issues too since my ex turned out to be deceptive.
That's the big thing. winding up with the wrong person again. And even older single/divorced/widowed women seem to be on the 'marriage again track' even though their biological clock stopped running years ago.

Living alone with a dog and a closet full of wigs, shoes and dresses! I'm selfish I guess.
Selfish? Why? Because you wont' give away your time and money to someone else? I've heard that too; that single men are selfish because they refuse to get married and/or have children. Where as women are perfectly fine, expecting to have a man support her for the rest of her life, but that's not selfish. Then there was the my money is 'our' money but her money is her money deal. And maybe that's another reason why I'm still single again.

[Alice Torn]

Sometimes Miss, I get it about haircuts. Even in below zero winter weather, here, sadly, so many GGs over 45, have the "Moe Howard" haircuts. Maybe, some like it that way for ease of washing, least amount of care, sheered above the ears. I can talk to, and maybe be friend such ladies, but i am honestly not attracted. With more people on the planet, and in this country than ever before, it is harder to find a compatible person, than ever, CD, or whatever.

[StarrOfDelite]

This is an interesting thread, and thanks to Alice for bringing it to attention of the Board. I think that if a person is much over age fifty, single and lonely in 21st century America it's difficult to find a companion even if he/she is completely "normal," and the transgender thing just makes it ever so much worse.

I am Bi-Sexual, and have had the occasional coffee date with genetic women, sometimes 2 or 3 with the same one, and have enjoyed those, but they never seem to go anywhere, and I have never even broached the subject of X-dressing with any of them.

I also date men, and have had occasional physical relationships with males, but they never seem to go anywhere either. In short, the Grass is NOT Greener on the Bi-Gay side of the M2F crossdresser/transgender equation. In the Fifty Plus Bi-Gay age group, the most numerous group I've encountered is men who are more interested in becoming Crossdressers than being a CD's male companion, the second most numerous group is the kind who are merely looking for quick, kinky sex, and third is the very few men who are interested in going to museums, concerts, et cetera, with a CD.

Partly, I think it's just that with such a small pool of dating prospects, it's really hard to find someone who is simpatico. For example, I'm an avid bicyclist and hiker, and most of the men and women I meet, irrespective of their orientation, I'd be afraid to take out on a rail-to-trails or a hike in the Alleghenies because my CPR skills are a bit rusty, and they, probably wisely, are not interested anyway.

[Alice Torn]

Starr, You said it well. THANKS. TRUTH IS, FOR OVER 50YO SINGLES, OF ANY ORIENTATION, religious or non religious, gay or straight, CD, TG, or TS, it is a lonesome road for singles.Thanks for sharing!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Personally, I am straight, very passionate and would be *delighted* if any GG showed interest in me, no matter their age or size or hairdo. A woman's hair would hardly be a dealbreaker for me, long, short, or completely bald (heck, I am not exactly "gender conforming" in terms of what I like either.) I need someone in my life, but it is unlikely I will ever find one, but I need one nonetheless.

[Alice Torn]

Vickie, Need is real, but we must temper it with reality, and balance. i know it is not at all easy all the time. Women have told me i am too needy. Well, for Mr. Spock, he has no need for anyone. But, we all need some companionship sometimes. I am needy at times, like some ladies told me, but is it not human, to not want to do everything alone ALL THE TIME? And, i bet the people who say we are too needy, sometimes are needy, and lonely, too?

[~Katelyn~]

Single here and no SO either! I do hope to find someone though that will accept my cd'ing. So yor not alone more singles on here than you thought.

[Krististeph]

Thanks Alice! That is so cool- I'm taking my 'date' there the next day she gets off! She has a friend in Belvidere too, we can take. I did not know the Burpee museum existed. You rock!:)

(pun intended, unfortunately) :sad:

[Alice Torn]

Krististeph, Will you be going as Kristi, with your date? The museum is just north of downtown, on North Main, east side of the street. I know, as a loner single, i can go many years without a date, or getting together with people. Often, going days with no conversations, and only small talk with cashiers or strangers. Depressed often.

[Alice Torn]

Thanks to all of you who replied to this. There are more unmarried and singles here than i realized. Sometimes it seems like singles don't post threads much, and are less willing. Again, thanks for sharing.

[Tina_gm]

I don't know if my reasoning to be on this site is a reason why there are few singles here.... but because of my marital status is a primary reason being on this site. I am always most interested in the relationship dynamics, acceptance, tolerance, how to get what I want without hurting the marriage.

[Alice Torn]

Gendermutt, Good point. The dynamics of marriage, aand this thing we do. I don't have a wife or lover or SO, but at 61, and enmeshed in a very, very toxic family of origin, people who are incapable of relationships outside of the family of origin. Bizarre issues here.

[Krististeph]

No, Kristi will be en drab, accompanying her wife, and her wife's old track coach (recently lost his wife to cancer), but it will be a gender unnecessary trip- i'll be as androgynous/mixed as usual... this guy needs to ease back a bit- he was 'fighting' for his wife- needs to relax a bit and see that he can oppose the outcome without needing to 'fight'.

Senior support is important, especially in this transitional period- seniors learning that their imagined end-game is not quite what they thought: neither spiritually, not physically. I think we as a society have a 20-50 year paradigm change coming, in terms of senior care an senior social and moral support.

My 89 year old next to next door neighbor passed a few days ago. I am still upset I did not see him sooner than a week before he passed... no we cannot so anything to stop senescence, nor death, but we can assure those who are dying, that we will be there for them. But we did talk about archaeology, old bones- findings- traces of cultures. I hope he goes on to find out stuff we do not know.

I'll probably go off on my own, as I usually do as museums. Correlating the crap from out supposed 'education' with reality- or what we see in front of us.

Hey- if you want to go- just us two we can do that. I will not be dressed, you are welcome to do so. But understand- museums are about as close to being religious as I get- I may be distracted, but i'd be happy to explore the museum with you.