Feeling a little fed up.

[EllieMayxxx]

Hi everyone, this is a little rant/ getting some things off my chest and I apologise in advance if i go off into tangents. Recently I haven't had the chance to dress much which is always a bummer but the last few days I have really started to get fed up and a little agitated with being a male. I just wish I could be the woman I want to be without any problems. I see all of you looking so lovely and i can't stop thinking, 'i wish I could do the things that the others do.'

I can now afford to buy some clothes now but I can't get anywhere without my parents so that's another thing that's annoying. I have applied for a driving license so i can starting learning how to drive but it could be ages yet before i can start getting around. I know i can probably get some online but my mum is always home so there is a risk of her getting my parcel before me.

Back in January I wanted to start transitioning so bad but I don't know why but them feelings slowly dissapeared, I don't know if this has happened to any of you before, now they have come back and I feel horrible because I hate how i look, even in my pictures that i have been dressed in look terrible to me. If I could have a couple of outfits and a bit of makeup that I could wear day to day maybe it would ease the feelings until i can start transitioning. I feel like I will probably end up transitioning because I feel like these thoughts will never go and I feel like it's the right thing to do for me.

I want a relationship but im scared too because when I tell them about me I don't want to scare them off. I just hate being on my own because my friends never want to go out or anything and I never see them because they're either busy or out with others.

Thanks for taking your time to read this and sorry if its a long post.

[rachael.davis]

Hi Charlotte
from your "parents" comments I assume you're a minor, or early 20's student - I hate to sound trite, but it gets better. You've accepted that your trans (something or another) at an age when many of us were hysterically trying to prove how mean and manly we truly were.
Start a game plan, and figure out where you want to be in six months, a year, etc -

[EllieMayxxx]

Thank you Rachael, im 19. A game plan sounds like a good idea.

[pamela7]

i can't imagine how you cope. I guess medium-to-long-term strategy is a way out - a plan to live apart, or to insist on your rights at home to dress. good luck.

[Krisi]

Personally, I'm not fond of therapy and don't normally see the need for it, but in your case, I do think it would be a good idea.

Transitioning is a very big step and one you cannot easily take back. Transitioning will be the biggest decision you will ever make in your life and it's not something to do without a lot of careful, informed thought. It is far more than just "looks" or clothing.

[reb.femme]

At 19, it's to be hoped that you have many years ahead of you and with that in mind, take one step at a time. There must be a trans group somewhere near you. This would be a major outlet for your very mixed emotions, with people who can understand what you are going through. They might not be as young as you...tot :heehee: but they can be a great form of support.

The trouble with being young these days in the UK is rent prices are astronomical, so home will have to stay home for now. On the delivery front, you can get parcels delivered to various shops (click and collect) with various outlets. Not sure which ones exactly but I think Dorothy Perkins, New Look, Evans etc.

Tesco and Asda, definetly have in store collections for online sales.

Becky

[Alice Torn]

We all go through life changes, and i had some wild ideas around your age, even considered becoming a mercenery! Glad i didn't. High rents are a crime!! One day at a time.

[Stephanie47]

I don't believe any therapist is going to automatically put you on the road to transitioning. You come across a being a questioning teenager. Sure, there are restrictions of expression when living with parents. I think you'll find that as a common issue on this forum. How does one express oneself when there is a non accepting wife or family members. It's difficult. As someone suggested you need an adult game plan. I did not find any indication you are in school and unable to seek suitable employment that would enable you to get your own flat.

You may also feel dejected because you see some lovely ladies on this forum, but, not everyone has the physical body and skills to pull it off. Just by looking at your picture I can see you fall in plus size. There are many beautiful women who are plus size. Sometimes I think of my height and male features, and, think if I were shorter and plus size many of my male features would fade. The round face eliminates the angular features many males have, and, the Adam's Apple tends to disappear.

Hang in there. The teenage years are years of self discovery.

[Tracii G]

You have made a huge revelation in your life being trans and that is plus in your case so I commend you for accepting who you are.
Yes there are some beautiful ladies here and I know I will never measure up to their high standards but that OK because I don't have to.
Being 19 once myself I understand what you are going thru but you will be very surprised by the time you reach 25 you will be a totally different person in the way you view the world trust me it will happen.
All good things take time and change takes time so wanting things to change immediately isn't going to happen most likely.
You are part of the "me and I want it now" generation.
Please understand that I am not bashing you personally its just the age group that grew up with the internet and having the ability to find answers to questions in cyber time is what I was referring to.
You are blessed and have a great heart. I can tell you are much more than you give yourself credit for.
The main thing is if you want change and things to get better its up to you to do it, think of the old adage "if there is a will there is a way".
I wish you all the best.

[ZO e]

Yes I feel for you . you are young it takes time hang in there baby.

[Diversity]

Hi Charlotte,
Sorry to learn of the frustration you are feeling. Perhaps you should talk to a therapist if you can't talk to your parents or a friend. It sounds like you need to get the load you are carrying off your shoulders. I wish you well.
Di

[MissDanielle]

Hang in there.

I was dead set on starting everything after I moved but I've since slowed down. Moving out is certainly helping as I don't have to hide anymore.

[EllieMayxxx]

Thanks for the replies, I appreciate all of you taking your time to help me. I need to slow down because i think im thinking too far ahead. It just gets hard sometimes because I dont feel comfortable with myself. I will start a plan tomorrow and see how im feeling in a couple of weeks.

[Robin414]

Hi Charlotte, lots of great advice so I won't bother adding any more "you should's" but just wanted to say I (and all of your friends here) are most definitely listening (and probably been there)!