The bonds we create

[PretzelGirl]

When I transitioned at work, I worked with one HR person directly. He was awesome from the beginning as he congratulated me without a blink and instead of reading policies to me, just pulled out a notepad and asked what I needed from him. He fought for things I wanted and I had an awesome transition at work. Last November, the Pride Center had an event called Genderevolution, which is an educational event (breakout sessions, etc), and I asked my HR Director if anyone would like to sit on a panel called "transition in the workplace". Within minutes he responded saying he would love to do it. We ended up sitting on the panel together and outside the panel, he asked me a lot of questions to educate himself. We friended on Facebook and talk about things once in a while.

On Tuesday I received an email from him at work, obviously blind copied, and he said he appreciated working with every one and was moving on. I then got a personal email and he thanked me, told me why he was moving on, and expressed desire to keep in touch. He works in another building, so I replied to him thinking that was it. On Thursday, I ended up in his building and walked past his office and he was packing up. I stopped to chat about his new job. Thinking about transgender healthcare, he started pulling up his new employer's policy standards and asked me what to look for to be supportive. I then brought up my surgery and he mentioned things that could be checked off on FLMA and Short Term Disability that would be good to check ahead of time. He then didn't want me to flag anyone that this was coming, so he said that he would call and get back to me. He was doing this even though he had a lot going on and was leaving the company. I got up to get back to work and thanked him for everything and started choking up. This wasn't a person who just did what they had to, but someone who really cared. He came around and hugged me (and I am tearing up now). I can only hope that everyone transitioning can have someone as wonderful as him in their corner.

[Suzanne F]

Please share any information you receive about FMLA. My employer has not been very gracious about my need for time off due to surgery in May. When I said it would be a minimum of 4 weeks they were not pleased. I felt forced to say I would try to start working in a few weeks. That is so sweet that your friend went the extra mile. There are good people in the world!

[pamela7]

wow Sue, that's one sure "fairy godmother" to have had around, xxx

[Eringirl]

Hi Sue:

Yes, it is wonderful to have such support at work. I have a similar relationship with my HR Director and it makes a huge difference in getting things done quickly as he arranges so many things for me that he knows how to do quickly, that would take me years!! Glad you have that as well. Hope his replacement works out just as well.

Erin

[Megan G]

Sue, that's amazing!!

[Jennifer-GWN]

Sue...

Absolutely a keeper on the friend side. So few corporate folk just do their job and execute to policy. It's always refreshing to know that those that go above and beyond exist. Ven better when you can call them friend. Now I'm teary too.

Best... Jennifer

[PretzelGirl]

Please share any information you receive about FMLA. My employer has not been very gracious about my need for time off due to surgery in May. When I said it would be a minimum of 4 weeks they were not pleased. I felt forced to say I would try to start working in a few weeks. That is so sweet that your friend went the extra mile. There are good people in the world!

Suzanne, I will let you know anything I find. It seems straight up by this document, but it appears they can force you to use any unused vacation or sick time before moving to unpaid leave (which then might be covered by short term disability depending on your plan). Anyone want to add their recent experience on this?

http://www.dol.gov/whd/fmla/employeeguide.pdf

[Kris Avery]

I have a similar experience with my HR benefits director.

When I found out I had absolutely no surgical benefits (an exclusion in fact) I challenged her to learn more about transgender through me and she carefully read my 6 notorized letters and my cover letter (3 normal referrals [Therapist, Ph.D. and HRT provider], 2 letters of medical necessity - since I have several medical issues that need fixed, 1 written estimate, and my cover letter explaining how everything fit together). Such coincidence that all the issues can all be fixed with GRS.. :D

The exchanges and ultimately our relationship continued and they also learned more and more about my life, my character, and the contributions I have made to the company's bottom line.

When they told me that they had recommended an override be granted in my case and it was approved, they addressed me by preferred name and have used it ever since when we trade emails or provide updates. Talk about a river of tears on that day.

Funny story
my wife was cooking lunch on the stove when the big email came in and I told her to get her tail in my office to see this email from work RIGHT NOW since I wanted her to see it with her own eyes. She said that she couldn't leave because it would burn...I said 'screw it throw it in the trash' and get your a$$ in here now.

She did and she sat in my office chair and read it out loud. Cry, hug, cry, hug - repeat....especially so since we booked the operation and laid down the $1000 deposit to get my date about two weeks prior - since one way or another we were doing it...

Good outcome
profit about $35K and more importantly made a true friend at my world headquarters and also opened another mind that being Trans does not equate to 'a big deal/problem'. They are even considering removing the surgical exclusion and that would enhance 25K other people's policies. Even if they don't - they told me that my case has paved a way for overrides in the future - based on merit until then.

Success!

[PretzelGirl]

Nice job Wendy! That is a very thoughtful way to attack it.

[Jennifer-GWN]

I'm finding that many organizations don't cover as part of their general policy but will equally make exceptions when asked or pushed a bit. At least that's what I'm seeing in the US. Gives me the gumption to start perhaps pushing gently on HR here in Canada.

[Zooey]

I'm fortunate in that my insurance covers therapy, continuous HRT, and GRS. They have a specific exclusion in place for FFS though, as they consider it cosmetic. I'm considering pushing it from within my employer (since the insurance company is holding firm), but I dunno... In my case, I actually can see my way to considering it cosmetic/elective since even I go back and forth on whether I actually need it or not, and I'm not sure how much effort I'm willing to put into the fight.

Then again, it IS 35k if I decide to pursue it... :|

[PretzelGirl]

Weird. Behind this gentlemen was his director who was helping more from the background. I was able to start a smaller relationship with her and talked often of training HR on transgender awareness, among other things. And as I said in the OP, I emailed the HR Director asking if someone would do the panel for Genderevolution and that was this lady. Well, yesterday I went by her office to say goodbye to her. I didn't quite choke up with her but came close. Well in 8 days I lost my support structure. Time to rebuild....

[I Am Paula]

Thanks for the wonderful story. I'm glad there are people in our corner.