The battle to overcome the purely sexual charge of crossdressing!

[lisa_vin]

Hi y'all! I wonder how many others have had to deal with this.

I have been crossdressing since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I've always loved the silky softness and happy, content and "whole" feeling the clothing gives me. However, somewhere around the very early teens an overwhelming sexual charge began to take over and changed things. Suddenly, whenever I put on anything feminine at all, I was overcome with the sexual charge and had to "relieve" myself. As soon as this occurred, I immediately felt embarrassed, ashamed, dirty, ugly and utterly worthless as I couldn't wait to rip the clothing off of me and get away from it. However, I would gradually gravitate back to the clothing and put it back on only to become overwhelmed again and go through the very same ritual. This went on for many years up until my very late 30's or so. It became a challenge as I battled those sexual charges every time I put on the clothing with the goal being to stay in the clothing longer and longer to enjoy all of the other wonderful feelings and benefits it gave me. I absolutely despised those feelings I got when the sexual aspect got the best of me and I would get angry with myself for being so weak.

Finally, the sexual aspect of it began to wane and just kinda' suddenly went away and I could finally enjoy all of the good feelings and benefits of crossdressing. It was like some kind of giant evil weight had been lifted from me. I still have a slightly heightened awareness of what I'm wearing but it is a good awareness that brings with it such happiness, relaxation, contentment and a nice feeling of being a "whole" person. Can anyone else relate?

[Rachelakld]

SAME
I did however come to terms with the "embarrassing, ashamed, dirty" aspect when I was 20 (thanks to a supportive mum), so until the sexual aspect wore off about 12 years later, it was a fun sexual period of my life.

[Lori Kurtz]

The first part of your story squares almost exactly with my experience. I too started very young, and as soon as my body was ready to be satisfied sexually, that became a part of my dress-up routine. I never got over that intensity of sexual charge in relation to my dressing. In middle age, though, I made a conscious decision to do without dressing up, in order to have a satisfying relationship with a woman (a real woman who was not the female side myself, that is). I never told her about my CD proclivity and past, and I had a great relationship with her for many years of marriage. I guess I was like a dry drunk--I was a non-dressing crossdresser. And now that she's gone, that's what I still am, because I'm too old to be the sexy babe who was my female self for all those years of the earlier part of my life. Relating to the other "girls" here, and enjoying the pictures they post, is a remnant of my formerly active female self. I do feel like a "whole" person now, but I think if I started dressing up again (and didn't look too closely at the old lady trying to appear sexy in the mirror), it would instantly be just as sexually stimulating as it ever was.

[wanda66]

Totally relate t . I could not put it better myself I'm sure most of us have had the same experience thank you for sharing

[reb.femme]

I had exactly the same sexual urges in my teens, right up until not too long ago. I absolutely love the soft and silky feel of materials against my skin, but as I now dress fairly regularly, that urge has gone and I live to dress with the aim to be the best I can. I can't say I felt dirty or worthless, but the fear of discovery was always in my mind during my exploration of female clothing.

I see myself as gender fluid and it just feels so normal for me and I can't envisage ever giving this up willingly.

Becky

[Alice Torn]

At age 61, there is still some sexual stimulation, when i am dressed a certain way, ans see the tall sexy lady in the mirror, but not near so much as years ago.

[Mykaa]

Yes I can relate also, I still fight it. I told myself recently I was starting over, joining here, talking, accepting myself. Ive learned a lot about myself just this last year. I gave up these bad feelings. I am going forward, No more looking back. I like being pretty,I may even try being totally Fem in public. I also enjoy being male, I am who I am. I am a good person. I feel good when Im dressed,I do enjoy looking good. I have different levels yes, but being here has helped me so much, I know Ive wanted to cry more than once this last week, but I do pretty good most of the time. Ive ran away from myself for years, hid this side of me away, Ive overcompensated with long hours of work and missed a lot of just living. No more, I wear at least some of my clothes out, I try to be more practical, Im truly happy for the first time in years. A door opened for me and Im on the other side. Im also not alone, So good to be here with people who know and understand.

[Julia1984]

Hi Lisa
You don't say how long you've felt this way. Or how long you've been alone. Both are potentially relevant. I do wonder ( as a "late bloomer") whether there is sometimes a correlation between getting older (and so less agressively masculine) and feeling ok with accepting who we are, gender-wise. Maybe it's the same for you, but manifesting in a different way due to different circumstances.
Whatever the reason for your feelings, or lack of them, it's all part of the voyage that is life.
Sorry if that sounds trite or simplistic. It is both, I know, but one is limited by the medium.
You're ok and all will be well.

Take care
Julia

[Gillian Gigs]

Yes, I too can relate to this experience. I moved beyond the, "can't get out of the clothes fast enough", by forcing myself to stay dressed for varying periods of time after the 'deed' was done. Now I wear what I want with the occasional time of getting "charged up". What you have written is very typical.

[Nadine Robles]

That sexual thrive starting to fade away is just your hormone levels lowering down as you age. Whenever you feel dirty, ashamed or whatever, just try to remember is just chemicals inside your body, and it has nothing to do with some ethical thing. Just do whatever pleases you, as long as its not harmful for other beings or the environment (that saying alone leaves a huge damn load of things away Im afraid...)

[Robin414]

I 'experimented' with CDing in my 20's but I'm not sure if it turned me on, cuz EVERYTHING turned me on, I was in my 20's people 😃

Oh how those were the daze...I mean days!

[Tracii G]

There was a sexual charge at 15 the first time I put my GF's panties on
After that day they felt good when she would let me wear hers but never a sexual charge.

[Annette_boy]

Me too. I started young and in my teens and twentys there was a sexual component. That soon wore off.It was not until my sixties that I finally accepted that I was transgendered and now live as my real self.

Hugs Annette

[mykell]

Father Guido Sarducci is a fictional character, On his first appearance on Saturday Night Live, a skit called "How to Pay for Your Sins" on a 1978 episode he discussed the prices for various sins, the cost for masturbation was what he called it....a cheap sin, 35¢

so like in the skit when your waiting to be charged for your sins before you get to heaven dont come up 35¢ short and all should work out.

[Jenniferathome]

Well as guys in our teens, it didn't take much more than a gentle breeze to get a chubby. It's just the nature of guys. We all grow out of it.

[rebecca_ns]

I can surely relate. I used to feel the intense guilt as well. Then, I had a girlfriend in the late nineties who also used to get incredibly turned on by wearing satin dresses. It was then that it occured to me. Men are not the only ones who get turned on by women's clothing - many women get turned on by it too. We like what we like.

[Chelsea B]

This is consistent with my experience, except for the fact that the sexual aspect was gone by my late twenties. I stopped for quite a few years after that, and did not start again until a few months ago....I just turned 65. There is no sexual thrill, and no arousal, just peace, well being, and a deep feeling of satisfaction. Before I started to dress again at this age, there was nothing sexual in my cross dreaming either, which in my youth always excited me to dress. Instead, I knew the feelings I would experience would be deeply satisfying in many other important ways.

[JeanTG]

Very common experience. Myself included. Now however it's almost the opposite. While I feel sensually more alert when dressed (loving the feel of the feminine fabrics), dressing up calms me and ratchets down the urge a few notches.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a fetish dresser, Lisa. But, I don't relate to u because I started dressing in my 50's. Dressing brought sex BACK INTO MY LIFE!

I think u left out some important info. R u married now or were u? Or, do u date? Women could satisfy your sexual urges. If they vanished, dressing MAY do it for u again!:eek:

On the other hand, I'm so hooked on Sherry, online dating real women has been a let down for me!:straightface:

[Robin414]

That's a great point Sherry! I'll have to add it to my pile of 'why I do this' notes. Yes, like many newbs, I'm still in the self analysis stage...I know, it'll pass (at least something about me will pass 😅 )

[summerbunny]

Because I glue and medical tape TUCK my guy is not around to bother me much but he stays in the shadows.
Makes you behave like a Lady! Not easy to get free!

[prettytoes]

I have had the same experiences. Now it seems that the excitement occurs most often when I get something new. I can put on a skirt that I have had for a while...nothing. But, if I get a new skirt (or leggings, panties, bra, capris...etc!)...the excitement returns. When I got my first pedi, there was a very noticeable reaction as soon as my girl started applying color. Keep in mind, she is drop-dead gorgeous...but it was her applying color that brought on the reaction. I had to "cool down" a bit before I could stand up from the chair (thank goodness for slow drying polish!). For some reason, that still excites me like nothing else.

[TrishaLake]

I actually never thought I could dress or go out with out satisfying that urge. At an early age , it was the total reason I dressed and then I too put it away to get married kids etc , then it came on full force especially in my 40s and I realized it is part of me wanting to be a women. Yes, I can dress go out and not have any stimulation but it eventually leads there. It is what I want when I dress, I love the feeling of the clothes, how I look and how I feel as a women sexually. That is still who it is for me.

[docrobbysherry]

Because I glue and medical tape TUCK my guy is not around to bother me much but he stays in the shadows.
Makes you behave like a Lady! Not easy to get free!

I don't know how that stops u, SB. Altho, the "glue and tape" part sounds terrible! :doh:

I always tuck and I've been having sex that way for 10 years!:o

[Lily Catherine]

I have never relieved myself while dressed. Although I do get turned on by the thought of dressing, it is never the end or the climax of the process. Looking naturally like, well, a girl for my asymptote is a close approximation of the endgame.

I was stupid enough to try to perform a clumsy striptease while crossdressed during one of my sexually charged sessions, resulting in me feeling totally empty and dejected now that the clothes were off. I stopped short at lingerie as I couldn't bear to go any further.

Apart from that, I didn't really feel any embarassment once I came out for the first time. If I wish to discuss it I'll darn well discuss it with neither fear nor shame; if I don't take charge who is to?

[Ressie]

I don't fight the feeling. I haven't outgrown it either. And I still feel guilt sometimes. But that's from imagining what other people would think if they knew. The arousal is just too strong to give it up!

[Annamarie B]

Agree Ressie, why fight it, enjoy it! Imagining what other people might think is part of the arousal for me!

[carhill2mn]

Oh, yes, I too. can relate to your experiences.

[LauraWeb]

I know I still get excited by dressing; at least at first. I have had this whole weekend for dressing and at the start of it I was really fired up. But after that start I have just been enjoying being Laura. Not sure how that all really works. I actually enjoy the later feelings more now of just being me. But each time when I start up again it generally comes with a sexual component. Interesting discussion.

Sincerely,
Laura

[bimini1]

That sounds like the 'textbook' case of the "heterosexual cross dresser". I wonder how much of it was to satisfy the sexual need or if that was merely a "side-effect" associated with the act of doing it. For many I think getting past that part of it takes the "sting" out of it somehow.
How much of it is getting dolled up and pleasuring yourself vs having this totally other sexuality of imagining oneself to be on the female end of receiving male attention or your boy self wanting to be pleased by your girls self like having ones own girlfriend or all of that tied up in it.
Probably some different variation on that for each person.
As you age you ask yourself wait a minute there is more to this. I got to a point where it was more about having a 'real' experience with it which is far more fulfilling than the eroticism.
But in the end most of us are sexual creatures, when you realize that, it becomes more easy to accept that part of it if it is there.
As for waning hormones, could it be for some that as T level goes down so does CDing since it was testosterone driving it in the first place?

[Melissa in SE Tn]

The common denominator amongst us cder's has & always will be the sexual component. For some of us, the need to be relieved is closely akinned to dressing. For some of us, the sight of a beautiful woman's reflection reinforces that sensuality lives in our minds. I am so glad that the sexual component has not passed.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Just out of curiosity, why is being aroused by the dressing something one needs to "get rid of"? I mean, what's the downside? I hear this a lot from other trans (mostly older), I don't get it, why is arousal a bad thing? Men are designed to be, well, aroused, like we are designed to breathe and drink water etc.

[Lauri K]

As for waning hormones, could it be for some that as T level goes down so does CDing since it was testosterone driving it in the first place?

I would suppose it depends on where you are mentally / physically along the spectrum, but if you are on a T driven high to dress up and have sex, well then you may get that extra boost side effect when you dress as a woman to fuel the desire.

Or alternatively if you are like many of us, T levels are at historic lows and the desire to dress / become a woman is still very much alive and well, and although sexuality is not in the front seat it is not a prime reason to dress up.

I am sure I made no sense to many reading here, but just saying that dressing up is not all about sex. So in saying this it makes me think or lean hard to those in the category of being more transgender and not as much being CD.

Reality is I dress up for me, and if a sexual encounter happens that's a huge bonus ! And yes I still love to have sex despite my low T levels, but be warned that T is poisonous and is not your friend in this long journey.

LK

[LauraWeb]

Interesting discussion on Testosterone levels. I actually suffer from Low T and see an endocrinologist about it. I have had the low T for years (at least back to the late 90s or early 2000s.) I wonder if there is any connection between my CDing and my low T. Could once influence the other. My biggest concern is that CDing drives my T lower, since lower T levels can lead to bone problems and other issues. I currently use T replacement but I am iffy on that as well.

Sincerely,
Larua

[STACY B]

The sexual side is most often brought on by being young and in your prime and having lots of testosterone. But as far as the guilty ashamed or even repulsed feelings after your release is brought on by a sudden release of Testosterone from said release. Once you have done the deed the overwhelming flood of T takes over your body and you are for a time normal as far as the world is concerned and like most Men do not or never will be turned on or compelled to wear female clothes.

So therefore the older we or you get the less T you or we have and the less flood you get or even if you get any flood at all. Most of us are kept in check from peer pressure from friends and family jobs life . But most depending on the severity of the gender dysphoria you have will relent from time to time and then after you are finished you will conform to requirements of your surroundings . So you and all of those who confirm this as happening to you know why this is the case,, So just get ready the older you get the more you will not care or feel ashamed or even par take in said action,,lol,,,

Oh by the way if you are full blown Trans with Gender Dyphoria and go on HRT this won't even be on your Radar,,lol,,, Because being Transsexual is the least sexual thing on the Planet,,,lol,,,, :devil::devil::devil::devil::devil:

[Alice Torn]

Sherry, i get you there. Alice puts the personals ad women i have tried to know, to shame, sadly. But, i also realize that looks and sexiness are not everything, and someday, all lose their sexiness and drive, and late, in our final years, we realize this, and know the inside is still the most important. But, using artistic creativity to make the illusion of a beautiful woman, in those attractive , sensuous clothes, when i have no mate to love, is such a thrill. I can get a bit burned out, and hang Alice up for a while. Very low T level here, too.

[Eryn]

As was said earlier in the thread, I was aroused by any feminine item, but then again I could be aroused simply by thinking of any feminine item! Over time, as I separated my gender and sexuality in my mind I became less and less aroused. When I started dressing completely being aroused was a deal-breaker and a good tuck and being aware of the situation in public pretty much kept things at bay.

Since then, the Spiro has put the problem totally to rest!

As far as a connection between low T and CDing, I thought about that until I had mine tested. 660. After Spiro cut my T down to 12 I found that I actually had less urge to "doll up," but more to live in comfortable female clothing.

[Claire_tv_uk]

Just out of curiosity, why is being aroused by the dressing something one needs to "get rid of"? I mean, what's the downside? I hear this a lot from other trans (mostly older), I don't get it, why is arousal a bad thing? Men are designed to be, well, aroused, like we are designed to breathe and drink water etc.

agreed.

it is, and always has been a completely sexual fetish for me, i don't think i've ever got dressed without relieving myself at the end, it's fun and it'll be a sad day when i no longer get the urge.

[1263kimberly]

I been crossdressing now and then I was in the closet cd I came out about 6 month ago. I love dressing up and go to drag show I been out one time. it turn me on. but I have to hide it form the guy at work. my girlfriend knows about my crossdressing and she's okay with that and it is a committed relationship she. we even had sex when I was dress up. my mom know I crossdress but my dad wound freak out if he found out.

[Tanya+]

I think working to understand the source of the revulsion and self-disgust/hatred (my experience of it) is the most potent thing to could possibly do. Because it is pretty natural to be so excited, and you can manage that physical inconvenience. Seeing sexual arousal as evil is pretty traditional though i guess.

I took me years to find my way through self-hatred, it wasted so much time and energy in my life.

[AnnieMac]

I have long had this thought that we as CDs are having a relationship with ourselves, sexual and non - sexual. We are fond of our "girlfriends" that are som much like us.

[donnalee]

Such a shame that so much guilt is associated with such a natural function. It seems that all of the posters (and I) have had a nearly identical experience and only feel guilty because that's what they have been taught culturally.

[mdavis]

Like many have said, I could've written your post myself. Sounds very familiar. I don't feel the guilt anymore. I've come to accept that crossdressing is a part of who I am. So glad I found this site. Makes me realize I'm not alone.

[CONSUELO]

I think we are socially conditioned to feel guilt about harmless sexual activities. My entire sexual exploration from about aged 5 to my early teenage years was via cross dressing and it was lovely. Dressing up is still a very sensual experience for me and yes sometime results in "guess what?". To which I add "So What?".

[JeanTG]

I have long had this thought that we as CDs are having a relationship with ourselves, sexual and non - sexual.

I think that's the crux of the issue. The problem is that this is an inherently selfish indulgence, and that selfishness can come to create a rift between ourselves and our loved ones, particularly when we ignore their sentiments.

[LilSissyStevie]

Crossdressing without the sexual element? What could possibly be the point? What next? Flavorless bacon? Or bacon that taste like lima beans so we don't have to feel guilty about eating it? Let's rid ourselves of this Puritan impulse instead.

[lisa_vin]

Father Guido Sarducci is a fictional character, On his first appearance on Saturday Night Live, a skit called "How to Pay for Your Sins" on a 1978 episode he discussed the prices for various sins, the cost for masturbation was what he called it....a cheap sin, 35¢

so like in the skit when your waiting to be charged for your sins before you get to heaven dont come up 35¢ short and all should work out.


:D That's hilarious! He was one of my favorite all-time SNL characters. I dressed as him for a Halloween party once and, due to an overload of "garbage-can" punch, got the drunkest and sickest I ever got in my life. It had to be hilarious for others to see a falling-down, drunk-out-of-his-gourd priest stumbling around. Afterwards, I wished I truly was a priest so I could pray :Pray: away the pain and agony of the worst 24 hour hangover a person could possibly have. :puke::gn:

[JaniceP]

I love the skit he did when he found the Bill for the Last Supper!

[TracyT]

Several current threads touch on this question. The first time I went to a hair salon for a roller set wearing a skirt I was so turned on I thought I would die. (Then there was the time my GF gave me a handjob, under my robe, while I was under the dryer in rollers in the salon--but that's a different story :) ) Nowadays I have a shampoo-and-set about every 2 weeks so naturally the charge has worn off a bit. I too have tried to separate the sexual thrill from the other motives for CDing, and the fact is these days I just feel more comfortable and more myself in a skirt and keds and a high ponytail than I do in chinos and a buttondown. But the sexual thrill is still powerful, even in my 50s. I do think that the self-pleasuring aspect of CDing can be a big turnoff for SOs (it is for my wife), so I try to maintain some balance between self-directed pleasure and the pleasure of simply looking / feeling good, and the pleasure of pleasing my partner. It's not easy, especially as I age and my overall sex drive wanes. But guilt and shame are not helpful or healthy emotions and there is absolutely nothing wrong with sexual pleasure from wearing women's clothing. My high school GF said it best: "It makes you happy, and you're not hurting anyone. You should do what makes you happy."

[josie_S]

I have long had this thought that we as CDs are having a relationship with ourselves, sexual and non - sexual. We are fond of our "girlfriends" that are som much like us.

This is so insightful. And true for me as well...

[JeanTG]

Let's rid ourselves of this Puritan impulse instead.

I don't really think it's a puritan impulse. I'm in my 50s, and my sex drive isn't what it used to be. Whereas once dressing did provide sexual release, now it provides calm and well-being and a sensual kiss from the more delicate feminine fabrics. If you ask me it's more enjoyable now because it lasts longer :)

[lisa_vin]

Hi Julia!

I felt this way into my very late 30's before it calmed down enough to allow me ALL of the joys and benefits of crossdressing. I am 61 now and am very happy, comfortable and content with who I am and what I do. I am not alone as I have been married for 37+ years. About half of those years have been quite stressful and challenging as I wrongfully chose to hide my cd'ing side from my wife when I found out very early on before we were married how opposed to, sick and disgusted she felt about men who would do such a thing. I foolishly thought that I could stop cd'ing after getting married or that maybe she would soften her stance on it over time.

One day, she came home from work unexpectedly and discovered that I had been into her dresser and confronted me on the other side of a closed and locked bathroom door. After my admission came months of ugliness, coldness, despair and countless threats of divorce. Finally, she gave me an ultimatum to see a psychiatrist/psychologist to "fix" my problem and "cure" me......OR ELSE! Well, after months and months of therapy, the therapist concluded that I am who I am and cd'ing is and always will be a part of who I am and I simply can't be "cured" or changed. All of this was explained to my wife by the therapist and that she would have to learn and accept me for who I am or decide she could not and move on. She didn't like it at all but chose to stay with me as long as I adhered to a strict DADT setup. I have to be extremely careful and diligent not to leave anything out in sight to remind her of my cd'ing or face a few days of ugliness until her memory and anger subside. But, that is the price for my dishonesty and the breaking of my wife's trust by not telling her about me BEFORE we were married. I very strongly suspect that she would NOT have married me knowing this beforehand so I can fully understand her feeling cheated out of being with someone else who better fits what she truly wanted as a husband.

[LilSissyStevie]

I don't really think it's a puritan impulse. I'm in my 50s, and my sex drive isn't what it used to be. Whereas once dressing did provide sexual release, now it provides calm and well-being and a sensual kiss from the more delicate feminine fabrics. If you ask me it's more enjoyable now because it lasts longer :)

I think the Puritan impulse is that feeling of shame. I don't have sex with my wife as much as I used to because my libido has declined. But I don't try to frame this as having overcome my heterosexuality so that now our relationship is on a loftier plane of comfort and well being with each other.

[lisa_vin]

I'm a fetish dresser, Lisa. But, I don't relate to u because I started dressing in my 50's. Dressing brought sex BACK INTO MY LIFE!

I think u left out some important info. R u married now or were u? Or, do u date? Women could satisfy your sexual urges. If they vanished, dressing MAY do it for u again!:eek:

On the other hand, I'm so hooked on Sherry, online dating real women has been a let down for me!:straightface:

Hi Sherry!

My problem was that getting married did absolutely nothing to quell the urge to cd. It has been and always will be a central part of who I am. Months and months of therapy with a psychologist/psychiatrist only strengthened and confirmed that. My wife demanded the counseling to "fix" and "cure" me and was very disappointed when she found out from the counselor that it was part of who I am and could not be "fixed". We've been married now for 37+ years and have a very strict DADT agreement concerning my cd'ing. Any slip-up by accidentally leaving something out that she finds results in days of anger, ugliness and silence so I have to be extremely careful and diligent.

[Alice Torn]

Lisa, That has to be a very stressful way to live, something like a prison, and she is the warden. Your girl stuff is verboten contraband .

[lisa_vin]

Interesting discussion on Testosterone levels. I actually suffer from Low T and see an endocrinologist about it. I have had the low T for years (at least back to the late 90s or early 2000s.) I wonder if there is any connection between my CDing and my low T. Could once influence the other. My biggest concern is that CDing drives my T lower, since lower T levels can lead to bone problems and other issues. I currently use T replacement but I am iffy on that as well.

Sincerely,
Larua

Hi Laura!

I too have had low T for years. I give myself an injection every week and the T level has to be checked every few months. I've found that there is absolutely no difference in the feeling or urge to cd either pre or post injection. I, personally, don't think there is a connection between the two but I'm speaking only for myself.

[PaulaQ]

Finally, the sexual aspect of it began to wane and just kinda' suddenly went away and I could finally enjoy all of the good feelings and benefits of crossdressing. It was like some kind of giant evil weight had been lifted from me. I still have a slightly heightened awareness of what I'm wearing but it is a good awareness that brings with it such happiness, relaxation, contentment and a nice feeling of being a "whole" person. Can anyone else relate?

I can definitely relate to those feelings, but I don't think you are going to like what I'm about to say. The sexuality associated with CDing went away for me very rapidly, right after I came out to myself and began my transition. My gender therapist observed that the loss of sexual feelings towards CDing was one of the indicators that this was a gender identity issue, rather than being an expression thing - i.e. the folks who lost their sexual urges tended to be the ones to transition. I read this in an NHS study, as well. (I think ReineD had posted the study a couple of years back.)

So like anything else, I'm sure this isn't a 100% reliable indicator. But still, I thought I ought to mention this, because it is one of the more reliable indicators my therapist has found, and it is backed up by that study.

I'm just saying that it's possible you may, in fact, be a woman, and the reason those clothes feel right is because they are your clothes.

I guess all I can say is that you should pay attention to the way you feel when you aren't dressed, and if your mental or emotional health begins to take a severe downturn during the times you aren't dressed, you should talk with a gender therapist. One of the things I began to notice, three years ago, wasn't how good I felt dressed, but rather how horrible I really felt all the rest of the time. The negative feelings are, in my opinion, a far more reliable indicator that a person is in real trouble with regards to their gender identity.

[lisa_vin]

Lisa, That has to be a very stressful way to live, something like a prison, and she is the warden. Your girl stuff is verboten contraband .

Hi Alice!

Yeah, it can be stressful but I made it that way by not telling her before we were married. She knows about my clothing and where it is and she knows I underdress daily. As long as it's out of sight it's seemingly out of mind with her. The underdressing satisfies my need to cd pretty well so I don't fully cd much anymore.

- - - Updated - - -


I can definitely relate to those feelings, but I don't think you are going to like what I'm about to say. The sexuality associated with CDing went away for me very rapidly, right after I came out to myself and began my transition. My gender therapist observed that the loss of sexual feelings towards CDing was one of the indicators that this was a gender identity issue, rather than being an expression thing - i.e. the folks who lost their sexual urges tended to be the ones to transition. I read this in an NHS study, as well. (I think ReineD had posted the study a couple of years back.)

So like anything else, I'm sure this isn't a 100% reliable indicator. But still, I thought I ought to mention this, because it is one of the more reliable indicators my therapist has found, and it is backed up by that study.

I'm just saying that it's possible you may, in fact, be a woman, and the reason those clothes feel right is because they are your clothes.

I guess all I can say is that you should pay attention to the way you feel when you aren't dressed, and if your mental or emotional health begins to take a severe downturn during the times you aren't dressed, you should talk with a gender therapist. One of the things I began to notice, three years ago, wasn't how good I felt dressed, but rather how horrible I really felt all the rest of the time. The negative feelings are, in my opinion, a far more reliable indicator that a person is in real trouble with regards to their gender identity.

Hi Paula!

You bring up some very interesting points. However, I do feel as if I'm a man with a feminine side and something as simple as just underdressing can still bring feelings of happiness, contentment, relaxation and completeness as a whole person. If there is such a thing as reincarnation or a past life then I was most likely a woman in it.

[PaulaQ]

That's good to hear, Lisa. Just watch for bad feelings, that's all I'm suggesting. If you find yourself growing increasingly dissatisfied, morose, depressed, anxious, etc., and those feelings go away or lessen substantially when you are dressed, get help. Please. Hopefully none of that happens to you, and you can simply continue on as you are. Odds are, that will be the case.

[summerbunny]

Rubs me as in brush up against me like when slow dancing.i get excited and it can go no wear but in my abdomen cavity.pulsing sensation that subsidies.

MY tuck is so secure i can wear a G-string bikini underwear with no wardrobe malfunction.



I don't know how that stops u, SB. Altho, the "glue and tape" part sounds terrible! :doh:

I always tuck and I've been having sex that way for 10 years!:o

[Devone]

First of all Nadine , your gorgeous, I'am in my mid 60"s and I still get stimulated dressed, that why do it ,I love the feeling. I started in my mid teens when I discovered my mother's bra in our pools dressing room, put it on and I was hooked.After that I felt guilt because of my Catholic upbringing , and surpressed my feelings for a long while.Still continued dressing through the years and purged many of my outfits along the way.Always had a healthy sexual drive most of my life.About 6 years ago I was discovered by my wife and she was not too pleased.She asked me to go see a Doctor, thats the best thing that happened to me.The Doctor told me that my cross dressing was imprinted on my D.N.A., it was just a part of my make-up so don't worry about it and that I will continue for the rest of life to be stimulated when i dressed. Took a load off my mind and the guilt was now such a big deal.In the last few years the urge has resurfaced and I really enjoy the stimulation and sexual release I get when I dress even if only in private.Devone

[NicoleScott]

The battle to overcome the sexual charge of CDing?
I never took up arms. Just a hand. ha!

[DonnaP]

Must say I started that way but in twenties I began to relax and enjoy feeling like a Woman. It feels so good to wear panties thongs Bras and any Women's clothing it is just so much more comfortable. Especially jeans I buy only Amanda jeans the tit great and I have removed all tags and throw in wash and have never heard a peep from my wife. She either does not care or does not realize and all that is great with me.

[glynnis]

I am 73 now and still get sexual urges when I dress.Thays not why I dress but it just happens.All my clothes are femail .I am a very lucky gurl my wife knows and encourages me.We sometimes go out for drive together but I dont get out of the car and mingle with the general public.

[Mariselle]

Rubs me as in brush up against me like when slow dancing.i get excited and it can go no wear but in my abdomen cavity.pulsing sensation that subsidies.

MY tuck is so secure i can wear a G-string bikini underwear with no wardrobe malfunction.

Summerbunny, thanks for your response to the baseball player thread which was deleted. You wrote, "This guy gets so many postings about his feminine butt,hips and thighs". Do you indeed think his butt, hips and thighs are feminine? If so, what aspects or characteristics of his those features do you find feminine? Thanks again.

[lisa_vin]

That's good to hear, Lisa. Just watch for bad feelings, that's all I'm suggesting. If you find yourself growing increasingly dissatisfied, morose, depressed, anxious, etc., and those feelings go away or lessen substantially when you are dressed, get help. Please. Hopefully none of that happens to you, and you can simply continue on as you are. Odds are, that will be the case.

Thank you very much for your concern Paula! I truly appreciate it. I must say that I cannot recall a time when I approached the darkest end of that spectrum, even when in full male attire (as for doctor's visits).

[Devone]

Just out of curiosity, why is being aroused by the dressing something one needs to "get rid of"? I mean, what's the downside? I hear this a lot from other trans (mostly older), I don't get it, why is arousal a bad thing? Men are designed to be, well, aroused, like we are designed to breathe and drink water etc.

Vickie, I agree arousal is a good thing and the release after is something beyond amazing. I'am in my mid 60's and being aroused by dressing is not a problem for me , that why I love to dress . Devone

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Wow Tracy , a hand job under your robe while under the dryer in rollers in the salon by your GF sounds over the top.So I take it your GF is not your wife ? Sometimes I wish I had an adventuresome lady like that. We got to keep it exciting as we age.Devone

[VenusfromMars]

Hi y'all! I wonder how many others have had to deal with this.

I have been crossdressing since I was around 3 or 4 years old. I've always loved the silky softness and happy, content and "whole" feeling the clothing gives me. However, somewhere around the very early teens an overwhelming sexual charge began to take over and changed things. Suddenly, whenever I put on anything feminine at all, I was overcome with the sexual charge and had to "relieve" myself. As soon as this occurred, I immediately felt embarrassed, ashamed, dirty, ugly and utterly worthless as I couldn't wait to rip the clothing off of me and get away from it. However, I would gradually gravitate back to the clothing and put it back on only to become overwhelmed again and go through the very same ritual. This went on for many years up until my very late 30's or so. It became a challenge as I battled those sexual charges every time I put on the clothing with the goal being to stay in the clothing longer and longer to enjoy all of the other wonderful feelings and benefits it gave me. I absolutely despised those feelings I got when the sexual aspect got the best of me and I would get angry with myself for being so weak.

Finally, the sexual aspect of it began to wane and just kinda' suddenly went away and I could finally enjoy all of the good feelings and benefits of crossdressing. It was like some kind of giant evil weight had been lifted from me. I still have a slightly heightened awareness of what I'm wearing but it is a good awareness that brings with it such happiness, relaxation, contentment and a nice feeling of being a "whole" person. Can anyone else relate?

HI Lisa, I can totally relate to your story, The only thing is for m that feeling of Sexual charge does not seem to go away.
I do not consider it a bad thing in total, I enjoy the feeling of wanting to please myself when I'm feminine trying to postpone the unavoidable.
I guess this is why I sometimes ask my self what I am. I have the urge to dress as it gives me sexual pleasure, a feeling of being sexy and desired by others (In my fantasy).
I'm wondering if this is a wrong thing to feel this way?

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Just out of curiosity, why is being aroused by the dressing something one needs to "get rid of"? I mean, what's the downside? I hear this a lot from other trans (mostly older), I don't get it, why is arousal a bad thing? Men are designed to be, well, aroused, like we are designed to breathe and drink water etc.
HI Vickie, I feel the same way.
For me the sexual tension it gives me is a big part of my crossdress experience.
The feeling of being sexy, possibly desired by men or woman is the thrill.

[CONSUELO]

Oh my goodness. Reading more of the replies reminds me that in our society, despite decades of sexual enlightenment, there is still a strong pressure to feel bad and sinful for feeling sexual pleasure. Don't feel guilty. It is what it is and is harmless and you should not berate yourself about it. Stop feeling guilty!

[phili]

Same thing happened to me- and I'm relieved, too. There are a lot of books now on sexuality in general, and sexuality with aging, and if you have any residues of feeling guilty these might really help you see the various aspects of sensuality and sexuality with new eyes! Both my wife and I were amazed to realize that the patterns we learned as young people were so fragmentary and restrictive.

[Leighcdmd]

Never entered the battle....hung up the white flag long ago. Have been dressing since early childhood and am now in my sixties. I was thinking just last night how interesting it is that after all these years that I still get a thrill out of dressing.....even if it is something as simple as slipping into panties under my drab clothes.....something that I have been doing 24x7 for many years. Notwithstanding the many ways that crossdressing has complicated my life, I find myself thankful that something as prosaic as getting dressed, for many of us, provides an extra level of enjoyment.

[Jaymees22]

Yes, I can relate, now I've come to the conclusion that life is too short to feel guilty. At my age (71) anything that gets me aroused is a welcome thing. For the most part my dressing is not a sexual thing anymore just a relief that makes me feel better. Occasionally I will have a Happy Ending to my dressing time or a Happy Middle and sometimes a Happy Beginning!

[Roxy]

Very similar.
The sexual charge has waned but is still there. I hope it never dies completely. I love the feeling and I think it makes me a better lover to my wife.
They say "if only you walk a mile in my shoes" well I think I've done that and I love your shoes...can I wear them everyday!