FIRST to come out at work?

[Robin414]

By no means trying to hijack Barbara's thread but what's it like to be the first one to come out at work (or is everyone the first)? I've often contemplated it, I work in a small office and kinda think if I 'pulled the pin' I'd get a lot of positive response but being the trail blazer...I think that would be tough...or maybe not??

[MissDanielle]

I'm not coming out at work but what I am doing is slowly feminizing the wardrobe for now. Pains me to say it but a lot of womenswear is masculine leaning these days. I can get away with wearing the Oxford shirts and I found trousers I am in love with but need to get them hemmed.

[Jennifer-GWN]

Robin;

I definitly wasn't the first, not from a long shot. I was however the most globally visible and yes that did make some of my planning unique in many ways. I can't confirm 100%, but it's quite likely I'm the most Sr. as. I keep that in mind most of the time and just know that the bar is also quite high with respect to Sr. women in the company especially those technical.

My visibility, and associated advocacy internally will hopefully show others who I've met feel more comfortable in coming out and surviving. So wether officially or not I'm a role model in the company and that comes with a responsibility or at least personal expectation to always put my best foot forward.

...and yes I've been down the self imposed trying to be super woman hole a couple of times... It's easy to fall into an over compensating mode. That's when your friends slap you one out of it.

Cheers to you... Jennifer

[arbon]

It was not a good experience

[Eryn]

When I do come out I will be the first. I've had friends inquire for me with those who know and there are no out TSs in the 1000+ employee organization. Yes, this scares me, but it seems the path is inevitable.

[pamela7]

I remember back in 1993/4 time when a guy at work called "Guy" became a woman called "Sally". It was the first time in the organisation of about 14000 people, mostly men. The announcement, the process was respectful and courteous. We were briefed on how to address Sally, whom I had worked with briefly on a project in 92. Her first day in the office after the announcement I was next to her in the canteen, and we had a lovely chat - she was "super-excited", and luckily I'd read "brain sex" so i had some common ground there. This was all over 20 years before i realised for myself, so the moral of this story is; some organisations have nice people working there, who will accept you as you are.

[Angela Campbell]

It was the most stressful and awkward thing I have ever done. In front of 50 coworkers all men, q and a session. ....turned out fine but was difficult.

yes I was the first.

[Rianna Humble]

I was the first to transition on the job in my company although not the first TS person in the office. At least 1 person who started here after transition had some issues that made some of the managers wary. Later they all came to me to say how well I handled things, so perhaps I did something right - who knows?

Two people in my department had issues with my transition that arose from their prejudices and tried to get me fired. Suffice to say I am still here and they are not.

[Nigella]

I believe I was the first to transition in post, however, the job itself requires an open mind toward differences which meant that things went smoothly. Support from the Company could not be faulted

[Emjay]

I wasn't the first at my company, it's a huge organization with facilities all over the world.

I was the first to come out at my particular facility though, and the first person my local HR department had helped through the process. When I took the job I was already several months into HRT but not out yet. Before accepting the job, I outed myself (privately) to the recruiter who then put me in contact with HR at a different plant who had been through this process before so I was able to refer my local HR back to him when the time came. I had wanted to make sure the company would be accepting before wasting my time taking the job in the first place.

So far, my experience has been good and I've not really had any issues with anyone. There was one guy who was a little weird toward me at first but he seems to have come around now and our working relationship is back to normal.

Coming out initially to HR was the hardest part. Later, speaking to the guys who are assigned to me was terrifying but I got through it and I think it was the right way to do it.

[Kimberly Kael]

I was the first to come out at my particular facility though, and the first person my local HR department had helped through the process.

That's really common. If you're not the first in your company you'll be the first for an HR person, or for your manager, your location, or a co-worker. There's no way to avoid a collection of firsts. If nothing else it'll be the first time you transitioned on the job! So it's best to feel prepared and comfortable addressing questions and issues that can arise.

Of course the reverse can be the case, too. Even if your company has never knowingly employed someone transgender before it doesn't mean that nobody there has any personal experience with us. You may be surprised to find that people have family, friends, or former coworkers at past employers who are trans. You can find allies in surprising places.

[Georgette_USA]

I know I was the first at my company at the time in 1976. Worked for Sperry Univac, a division of the much larger Sperry Corp. Had HR perplexed they had to correct many forms, and to re-program company computer databases.
Met someone in this last year that worked same company back then. She, then still a he, saw me at a training center and had asked about me. Got the usual used to be a guy type response, but all were supportive. She wished she had a reason to talk with me at the time.

I get tired of talking about it sometimes. As people will use pioneer / trail blazer / heroic or what ever. And I was none of that, did it for my own solitary reasons.

[Robin414]

Thank you for the replies! My organization is less than 100 but I've often though I might not be the only one, if I did it I wonder if anyone else would come 'out'? Maybe if someone else did, I'd find it a little easier? I guess if you have to do it doesn't really matter though!

[PretzelGirl]

Someone else coming out is a hard thing to predict. I work at a division of about 3400 people. We had someone transition in 1996 and 2004 but I was alone when I came out in 2014. I have seen a lot of numbers of our percentages and I go with 1%. So there should be 33 other people that are transgender. But how many express it openly (more masculine woman, etc) and nothing is thought of it and no mention of their identity happens. I always thought I would have someone give me the "psst, can we talk in private" but it didn't happen. We had an intern start after my transition who was gender fluid, but they left after a few months as their school load was too high.

Be you and soak in your individuality!

[Rianna Humble]

I guess if you have to do it doesn't really matter though!:iagree:
When I transitioned, it didn't matter if I was the first, the fifty first, or the five thousand and first. I had to transition and I had to do it right then!

[Eryn]

I don't feel the urgency that Rianna expresses, but I feel a strong reluctance to reverse any of the progress I have made. I wish to continue forward and only forward.

I am now out at every opportunity, my self-imposed no-fly zone is regularly violated, and eventually I am going to encounter someone from my work. I've had a lot of time to consider this and it does not terrify me as it used to. If it happens, it happens. I have strong protections in California and if the situation turns ugly I have considerable legal remedies.

[Suzanne F]

I was the first at my company. A family owned manufacturer in Sacaramento, California. The company is dominated by white straight men and my news was quite shocking. Yes it was scary! But I am finding my footing and am moving forward. I am fortunate to live in a state with legal protection because I don't believe it was seen as positive initially. That is my challenge. I want to show that not only can I perform but that my authentic self can be an asset. So I know each day when I interact with my company and my existing and prospective customers that I have to hold my head high and look people in the eye. There can be no hiding!!!!! Finally, I am so grateful for the women here who came out before I did. There were many who faced much tougher or even more public circumstances than I did. I now know what they faced.
Suzanne

[I Am Paula]

My experience is slightly different in that, yes, I was the first, and yes, I'm the only employee/owner (since retired).
It was just as traumatic, and worthy of thought as working for a multinational. I had 500 private clients, several school boards (including the Catholic School Board), and a few municipalities. I couldn't be fired, but I sure could be left out in the cold.
All my clients, or those I reported to, are in the arts. Those in the arts, be it music, theater, or visual, are a really tolerant bunch where coming out as gay is old hat, and coming out as trans garners a 'Ho-hum'.
Bottom line- They all said 'Keep delivering the same product, and nothing has changed...congrats, by the way'.
It truly was much ado about nothing.

[Eringirl]

I am not the first for sure in my organization, but I am the first in my department of 350 employees. And like Jennifer, I am in the senior C suite as part of that team, so very visible. So far, so good...no issues at all!!!

[PennyNZ]

I am so pleased to read that the majority of contributors have had a positive experiences.

I too have that and our team is only 18.
So no HR. There are 3 working owners and I initially had a meeting with them and let them know I was transitioning and would be appearing dressed as a female.
All three were taken back as in my case I had never given them a reason to guess.
They quickly offered their congrautions and support though. I was asked if I wanted to tell my colleagues right then, which I readily accepted.

I addressed my friends and colleagues shortly after - they are much younger than me and don't have a problem with my changes.

That was nearly nine months ago. They are respectful and include me in their "after hours" activities. Really good fun

So my friends who work in smaller businesses, and are about come out to bosses and colleagues, think it through, and be completely honest with them and yourself.

It will fine

Penny

[flatlander_48]

By no means trying to hijack Barbara's thread but what's it like to be the first one to come out at work (or is everyone the first)? I've often contemplated it, I work in a small office and kinda think if I 'pulled the pin' I'd get a lot of positive response but being the trail blazer...I think that would be tough...or maybe not??

Between what you said and the responses you've received, to me it highlights the extraordinary variance in personal circumstances. Just about everything facet of ones work life comes into play, such as the industry you're in, your relative position in the organization, the number of people that you regularly come into contact with, one office or many, domestic or international, location, etc. Lots of factors to consider, +ve and -ve. It's not cookbookish at all.

That said, it sounds like many of the experiences here mirror Dr. Stumpp's journey ~15 years ago. The more things change, the more things stay the same, I guess...

DeeAnn

[Marcelle]

Hello Robin,

I am definitely not the first to come out in the Canadian military but I am definitely the first in my little corner of the military and to my knowledge the most senior ranking person to do so. When I did come out I was very visible and could not hide among the many. We (my chain of command and myself) devised an education plan including town hall meetings in the building I was going to be working in and things went relatively smooth. Now the military being a big place and my current job requires me to interact across the spectrum of the military (Army, Navy, Air Force), each time I go somewhere new where I am not known, there is no pre-education or town halls, just me showing up and letting the chips fall where they may. To date . . . no really big issues.

Cheers

Marcelle

[fly2188]

Someone in a manufacturing management position came out at my company about a year and a half ago. A lot of people still make mean comments about her behind her back and some people actively try to avoid her.

It seems like some people have accepted her, but I don't know any of those people very well. Those at the company that I do know well enough to talk freely with are very uncomfortable with her choices. It's very upsetting to hear some of the things they say.

[Eryn]

...Those at the company that I do know well enough to talk freely with are very uncomfortable with her choices....

I'll speak gently here. For those of us on this path it is not a choice. Some of us may choose to alter the timing of our transition events, but the only alternative to the ultimate goal is suicide or a miserable existence.

[flatlander_48]

Yes, timing is one variable. Process is another. Beyond those two, I am curious as to what the original intent of the wording was.

DeeAnn