Accepting GF vs Being Single

[NylonMan]

I'm curious to see what others comments are about this topic. How many have GF's that accept you the way you are, and although you care about them, you feel that you might not be "In Love" with them , but are afraid that you won't find anybody else that will accept you. Do you bite the bullet and end it, thinking that you are not "In Love" with them, only to find out later that you were. Do you stay in the relationship wondering if there is somebody else out there that will accept you and that you might "Love" more? Do you end it, and stay single looking for that "special" person that is going to accept you the same as your current GF, and hope that you fall "in-love" . Or is this all part of being CD's, do are minds run and make us think this way?

[Alice Torn]

In 1987, I was not dressing, except a rare pair of hose. I was dating long distance a woman 13 yrs oldr than me, with two daughters. She was quite frail. i was athletic. Part of me wanted to marry her, but there was another woman closer to my age, with no kids, that i was friends with, too. No sex, with either. i ended up dropping the older one, apologized much to her, and went for the other , but, she ended up falling for a friend of mine, marrying him, then, ten yrs later divorced him. I am 61, never been in a romantic dating , or marriage, since. part of me wishes i had gone for the older lady, though i was working poor, could not afford to marry.

[Beverley Sims]

There is no use trying to have a long lasting relationship with a casual acquaintance, a relationship like that is not designed to last.

Find someone else when you next move on and if the chemistry is right go for it.

Don't bite the bullet, there is nothing worse than burning your bridges behind you.

You may want to return someday. :-)

[2B Natasha]

CD or not CD. If you are not in love with your partner. You deserve to find someone your in love with and THEY deserve to have someone in their life that loves them. Nobody should settle for less for themselves. To fool and trap another in false love is one of the ultimate selfish acts one can commit. To lie about that and steal the life of another is deplorable.

[heatherdress]

It is not healthy to remain in a relationship simply because your spouse or SO accepts your cross dressing. You would not be fair to your spouse or to yourself. Same is true for remaining in meaningless and loveless relationships for other many other reasons.

[gina shiney]

Which love are you referring to. Love has many form's have you worked out what type that you're looking for? Love can be a fog of desire, lust angst when not with your partner a deep caring and wanting to protect them a supernova which when new is all consuming but later is nothing it is also a voyage of discovery to which to rewards are measured over the complete span of time (someone to grow old with) it is difficult for anyone to know these answers. Do the pair of you have common interests that you share outside of CDing can you and or her hold you head up in shared social activities as equals. Do you know her thoughts and desires do you actually talk about these things (many couples don't) Life in our middle years can be difficult as many members experience. Is CDing a problem for either of you in shared activities friends family work etc , have you accepted the levels of comfort and secrecy of this compulsion and where it could lead? Some people don't want or need Love but companionship and continuity to feel safe and secure . The bottom line is honest communication examine past history of both of your relationships and then make a decision that either of you don't feel hurt if possible. Life wasn't ment to be easy but we can try.

[Joni T]

I've had 2 failed marriages because either the love wasn't there or it disappeared over a couple of decades. I am now in a great relationship with a truly amazing lady and there's real love on both sides. All I can tell you is that there is someone for everyone out there. You just have to keep shaking the bushes. Did I mention that I'm 61 and she's only 48? When you find the right mate, age will not matter.
Jon

[Mykaa]

I told my last GF 7 years ago if she ever left there would not be another, she knew about me for 3 years prior to leaving, Ive had 2 GF''s that knew about me. The 1st left saying she had someone else like me and wouldnt deal with it anymore. I made a ot of mistakes with my kids mother, Ive read a lot here, I know when we got together Id hoped I would quit, I didnt dress for a little over a year I think. Just like always it crept back in and I found the cycle again. We bought a house, I moved my stash in, I got lazy and hid things in a not very good spot, she found it and accuse me of cheating, I came clean, I thought it was good, but it wasnt.
I have changed over the years, I accepted me, Im happier, thank God. I find possiblity of someone who might accept me, Dont take for granted you that have an SO who knows and accepts. I hope maybe there is someone for me. One step at a time.

[josrphine]

I have three problems, one I knew that I liked the women not loved, an we got along very good, she loved me as a women an we dressed alike an went every were with me as a women. The second was that she had money lots of money$$$$$$$$$$. O K I was broke was a water bum here in florida lived on my sail boat an was a asst. dock master. Number 3 this I hoped that I could help her???? she is an alcolhollic so for 10 yrs I got her out of trouble many times. Plus I saved her life 4 times , I meam to the hospital . Ever time she got into major trouble I said thats it, I am gone. Well first she gave me half of her home here in Florida, big bucks neighborhood. Next even though she had promised her son would not marry me , which was all right by me, she got real sick an was with in hours of death . Well being that I savied her life an I went thru hell. We got married. She even joined AA after she got out of the phsy ward for Alcoholic. She has been sober for 6 mo. Great you say, nope now she has a so called halastic Doc. There is more going on then back rubs. There is no problem for me in that she still has many women problems at 74 an the amount of Vodka 1 liter every 2 days has taken a big toll on her body. My decisions is to cut bait or ride out the outcome . If we got devoriced I will make out. but myself at 75 were would I go an find another women that would put up with my C Ding.

[Teresa]

Before I married I had two GFs that were happy with my CDing, I loved the second very much and was engaged to her but we didn't marry , I felt I couldn't trust her , as it turned out she did have someone else she was having a relationship with, I can't answer whether CDing was part of the equation but she did enjoy that side of me .

Thinking if we could do better goes both ways , what's more important is if you're happy, why worry if there's someone else out there. As for wondering if you're going to make mistakes , life is full of them , it's making the best of them that we have to work out, life isn't perfect just full of compromises !

Cding has made my married life difficult but weighed against that are two lovely children and three grandchildren, I'm still a husband , father and grandfather to them but also TG male that has female needs that have to satisfied. Like I said life is full of compromises .

[NylonMan]

Which love are you referring to. .

This I believe is the answer. I am 50 now, and my needs and wants are different then when I was first married. I am looking for more of a person to share my life with, she doesn't have to have the same interests as me, but should share some. I don't want someone that smothers me and has to do everything with me. My GF has kids as well, and they were not raised the same way that mine were raised. Her kids were forced to grow up too fast, and for that reason, their mental age is a lot older then they are. I can trust her right now with my CD'ing; however, if we break up, I'm not sure. My main concern right now is with my kids, who are 20 and 16. Getting them through high school and university and on their way. It's really hard to juggle kids and a relationship where your GF is demanding time at the same time. I know that I don't want to move in with her and her kids, that would be the end of us, as she protects her kids, and I have issues with the way they were raised and her relationship with them. She treats them like friends, and not her children.

[Jenn A116]

Some interesting thoughts here. For me, it was important to find the right woman to marry. By pure chance (and perhaps some divine intervention) we just happened to cross paths late in life. She at the end of a long, bad marriage, me single and not even looking for anybody. One look though and I knew I needed to get to know her better. Over the course of the next couple of years, with lots of long distance phone calls, traveling to see each other at various places around the US, writing letters (yes, actual letters), I knew she was the one.

Taking a deep breath, I told her about Jenn. Knowing that if she was OK with it then it was probably time to make a huge change in my life. I had been single for all of my 47 years at that point. Getting married was going to be major, even without the "complication" of CDing. A few months after telling her, I asked her to marry me. We got married a few months after that. We've now been married almost 19 years.

CDing is only a small part of our life together. We talk about it from time-to-time. She helps me shop and occasionally we share clothes. All this being a long way of saying that CDing or not, having an accepting, loving partner is really what makes life so much more interesting.

[Patrica Gil]

After thirty years of a less than great relationship I found myself single. Made the choice to be the person that is me. Many women left skid marks and then oddly my best friend didn't. She totally accepted me as me. Three years later I am in love with her. Today I am the girl in the relationship. All the pretty dresses, silk stockings, and heels are mine. That is all that needs to be said. later

[gina shiney]

NylonMan
You have done some of the hard yards in actually thinking and analyzing what you need/want in a relationship. The key word here is relationship, what does your GF want/need? Yhe fact that you do not want to move in and expose you children to a full time placement also does you credit sometimes blending families of differing values can cause complex house rules and when this occurs bitter emotions form. In our middle years we can only hope that the choices we make are tempered by the experience of our living and not on the fog of love or joy in finding someone who accepts us we are now. You have a current commitment to your chidren and are clearly thinking of their welfare. Although this commitment will change it is the now that you have to balance. Your own emotional needs will continue to evolve over this lifes journey what seems important now sometimes isn't as time passes. I wouldn't be talking the M word at present nor would I discount continuing to explore the positives of company, your and her children will have their own lives in time. But remember never enter into any form of relationship where there is any threat of emotional blackmail if it fails.
best wishes gina

[Princess29]

I've recently hit the jackpot and found an amazing girlfriend at (of all places), a local gay bar that all the LGBTQI crowd go to. Prior to a few weeks ago, she had only seen me as Melissa and had never seen me as a guy but last friday, I went along to that place in male mode for the first time on the off chance that she might be there and I might get to talk to her. Prior to that, we had spoken a few times but not much and I wasn't even really sure of her name. I had no guarantee of anything happening or even if she would be there. I knew she sometimes went there on a friday night but I didn't know for sure.
Now we are going out and are crazy about each other and I'd like to try and calculate the odds of a straight crossdressing male and a straight woman meeting and connecting at a gay bar and connecting. She knows I am a guy and I have complete freedom to dress how I like around her but I feel I will likely feel less inclined to present as female around her. After giving up all hope of ever breaking the "singledom drought", its broken in a huge, huge way and I am enjoying finally getting to feel like I do.
If this is the only time in my life that I get to hit the jackpot lottery, I will certainly take it

[MissVirginia-Mae]

I enjoy my singleness immensely....
I did date a woman several years ago that was fine with it and even wanted to dress me!
Sadly, I didnt end up with her although you cant be with someone just for that and thats what it would have been.
Today, I am almost Miss Vrigina-Mae 24/7 and I am very happy being single.
Not that I would mind someone to be with, but to have to go through coming out with them, etc is a TON of work and I dont envy my fellow sisters on here having to do so.
Whether or not I remain single forever remains to be seen, but I am happy with myself and the woman I am. :love:

[Rita Leigh]

I was never honest about myself with girlfriends or significant others...that's what you must do whenever the opportunity presents itself. I remember one time a girlfriend of a male friend asked me if I dressed and I said no...I think I missed a chance for my life to follow another fork in the road. Be honest when possible and sees where that may lead...

[Diversity]

CD has nothing to do with LOVE!
LOVE is a 'heart to heart thing'! You will know it when it hits you.
Sounds like you have not found it yet,
Good luck to you!
I hope you find it.
Di

[Marguarite]

Thirty three years ago, I met my current wife. We were both separated, living at home with parents, and introduced by a mutual friend. Our first date we went for drinks, had one and a three hour conversation getting to know one another. We started discussing everything from the start, almost a challenge as to who could shock who the most. After our second date, neither of us ran screaming, she said she was also impressed that I didn't try to kiss her until the third date. The main point being that by being completely honest from the start, we have had no surprises in over thirty years to deal with. Be honest to her and yourself, things will work out for the best. My wife is very accepting of my dressing, and best girlfriend I could have.

[NylonMan]

Thanks Everyone for your opinions and advice. It's is very hard. My priorities are my children. My GF is very nice and understanding of my CD'ing. I would hope that she would just accept being friends until the kids are out of the picture as we both have kids and hers should also be her top priority, but it does not appear that way. She insists on trying to blend the 2 families, and it just creates for a lot of resentment on the kids part. I suggested that we leave the kids out of it, but that's not an option for her. As much as I tell my kids that They are my priority, they still think that I am trying to push her and her kids on them.

[2B Natasha]

Ah. Now you have changed the parameters on us. So. Here is a challenge to you.

Sit down and write out THE WHOLE story. Kids.how old are they. Girls or boys. Both here and yours. Love. First love. Second love. Crossdressing. What does she know or not know. Etc etc etc.

Then we can offer some real advice.