Mistakes and lessons learned first time out

[Chris_Cross]

Hello all,

I'm planning to out soon for the first time and be around other people. I'm excited, but as it approaches I'm realizing more and more items I might need that I hadn't considered or needed before for private dressing, for example, a purse to hold my wallet and phone.

Does anyone have experienced or lessons learned that they wish they knew before they headed out into the world? Many thanks!

[mykell]

im not the most experienced with this but i would say relax and have fun and know all will not go as planned but its good to have a starting reference point.
plus a real purse is a necessity, i started with a free carryall from a makeup purchase, could never find anything in it. spent more on it than i should have but i have to keep my makeup somewhere.

remember have fun, i like to chew gum when i get nervous, gets my mind occupied by chewing so bring some in your purse, it may come in handy....

[josie_S]

This might seem weird but make sure your car is working properly! Check tail lights (I got pulled over for a busted tail light once), but more important is to keep make up remover and a change of clothes in your car in case you get a flat or need help--I can't imagine how uncomfortable it might be to change a tire in heels or worse, how vulnerable one might suddenly feel by the side of a road. It's not sexy advice, but I've found it to be a nice peace of mind :)

[Natasha V]

Wow thanks I hadn't really thought of that. Change of clothes definitely would come in handy.

[Allisa]

Wow ,where to start, depending on where your going and what you will be doing it's hard to list things. First and foremost, SMILE and keep your head up and eyes forward, it can be very nerve racking but your doing nothing wrong and relax and go with the flow. Oh yeah tissues I never have enough tissues when I need them. Good luck we're all behind you, and enjoy.

[reb.femme]

Take plenty of cash, especially if you bump into me in a bar. :heehee:

A girl on YouTube said that she always took a full makeup set with her for repairs during the night. She took the works but I always make sure I have a little bag with red and orange lippy (also acts as beard cover), one colour eyeshadow, blusher, concealer, pressed powder and a couple of makeup pads. Plus a soft brush, medium sized for general makeup application.

I like to carry a mid sized handbag (purse) with my driving licence, travel card and debit card.

Other than that, I always make sure to have my best socialising head on before stepping out of the door. :)

Becky

[heatherdress]

This might seem weird but make sure your car is working properly! Check tail lights (I got pulled over for a busted tail light once), but more important is to keep make up remover and a change of clothes in your car in case you get a flat or need help--I can't imagine how uncomfortable it might be to change a tire in heels or worse, how vulnerable one might suddenly feel by the side of a road. It's not sexy advice, but I've found it to be a nice peace of mind :)

Josie - Your suggestion is a good one. I experienced a flat tire and had to change it in a gravel parking lot in the middle of the day. I was wearing a short skirt and heels (I was actually going to a crossdresser event function). I had a few onlookers probably because I was changing a flat all dressed up and doing it so quickly. It was the fasted I have ever changed a tire. I did ruin the heels I was wearing in the gravel and wished I had a quick change bag like you suggested. I also learned that if something goes wrong, it is important to not get upset. Be prepared but remain confident.

Have fun.

[kittie60]

Again depending on where you are going I always have a pair of sunglasses, and atleast 2 femine products in my purse along with the usual items.also a little perfume. Enjoy your time out

[I Am Paula]

Don't forget a lady's wallet! It looks terrible to pull this overstuffed brown leather thing out of a nice purse.

[Jamie Christopher]

Also makeup remover if you are planning on bringing a change of clothes in case of emergency; I had one early on and had the change of clothes but... no way to remove my waterproof eyeliner, mascara, eye shadow, brow liner, foundation, powder & lipstick... ended up walking into a Walgreens in drab but with my bra, forms & wig with full makeup and handbag, and bought some remover and towelettes.... turned out fine; I guess I looked like I was getting ready to do some chores....

Jamie

[phili]

Re unexpected wardrobe malfunctions - a few tips so far from my days out:

For those of us who aren't shaving our legs - tights or thigh highs are a great solution. Some sweater tights will unfortunately grab leg hair and push it straight out, but ordinary opaque tights don't. The mistake I made was thinking they would stay up. As tights pull down from walking or climbing stairs, the fun of wearing a skirt disappears. Answer: Elmer's pink kid's washable glue stick. Just wipe a quick band around your thigh, pull on your opaque or sweater tights, or thigh highs, and presto! Amazingly easy- can't feel a thing except the swish of your skirt and the breeze if there is one! Washes off in seconds with a wet washrag and just as fast out of the tights. You can also just cut off tights and make them into long thigh highs this way.

We don't always anticipate the results of just a little breeze, and for non-tucking days, short crepe skirts with lots of tiny ruffles or pleats make great petticoat slips for that unexpected headwind that stretches your dress or skirt back over you. With these slips the interesting details are nicely obscured.

Finally, 2 sided fabric tape is a great solution for tacking fabric that is sagging open or otherwise misbehaving! Won't hold up tights but might for sheer transparent nylons.

[Nadine Spirit]

Hmmm...... interesting question.

Things I bring:
- a purse, love my Coach purses!
- a female wallet, though that is just my everyday wallet as well
- lipstick
- a brush
- hair clips
- a jacket
- blotting paper - OMG, I can't rave enough about this stuff! My skin is fairly oily and blotting paper helps to make sure things don't slide off my face. I love it. Serisouly, if you don't have it, get it. Mine is from Shisheido, but I think they also sell it at Sally's Beauty Supply.

I think those are the only things I take every time I go out. Other thoughts:

- visit normal places, dressed as a normal person if you don't want attention. Dressing in your sexiest outfit walking the streets at night is more attention gathering than an appropriately dressed woman shopping at Trader Joe's. Ha!
- smile, be friendly, and talk to people even though your voice is not that of a woman
- have fun!

Good luck!

[rachael.davis]

out in public? you're entering a new world without male priviledge, or female courtesies.
have a bug out bag in your car with makeup remover & a quick change (sweatpants, sweater, and sneakers)
keep your bag under your total control - my "big sister" said OK here's the deal you put your bag down someplace with your wallet, carkeys, and identification in it, and it goes away - you put your bag down somewhere you would feel ok taking off your bra.

[Helen_Highwater]

Chris,

Firstly, good luck on your adventure. I'm sure it'll be a blast and something you'll remember for a long time.

OK, down to business.

Go somewhere you know. If you don't want to go local in case you're seen and you can't do a prior drive by, use Google earth to check out the lie of the land.
As others have said, dress age, location and time of day appropriate.
Wear your most comfortable shoes. Heels you spend time walking around the house in without any problems can suddenly feel like instruments of torture when walking on hard surfaces for even a short time.
Having a change of clothing and the means to remove makeup is a great safety net.
Unless you're planning to spend an extended time out apart from a lippy and a powder compact I wouldn't worry too much about makeup.
Handbag and purse (purse and coin purse). Make sure you have some spare change and folding money, credit and debit cards, drivers liciense or another form of ID. Also hair brush, pen, paper, tissues, sunglasses, don't forget your eye glasses if you need them, your mobi, fully charged.

You said you're looking to be around other people so shopping is something that seems to be a real possibility. It's not easy but try to forget you're enfemme and act like you normally would (except for the walk). Remember you're not breaking any laws so behave like it's the most normal thing for you to be there. It's surprising just how quickly the nerves will calm down.

I found making eye contact straight away with SA's gives you command of the interaction. It say's I'm not ashamed of being here. Try to make small talk, weather, has it been a busy/quiet day, that sort of thing. Don't rush when paying. Have you even known a GG have her purse ready when it comes to paying?

Finally; good ways just to get the ball rolling are either going through a drive-in Fast food and/or using a cash machine. Short little tasks that help you settle the nerves.

[Cheryl T]

I would tell you that You Will Be Nervous !!
You will be thinking the whole world is watching you ... THEY ARE NOT!

It's easy to get lost in the sensation that you are the center of the universe when you go out the first time. Don't be scared to look others in the eye and smile. Yes, some may "read" you, some may snicker, but the vast majority will be so lost in their own day to day business they won't even notice you, especially if you are confident and just going about your business.

Relax and enjoy your time out. Don't be the deer in the headlights.

[Teresa]

Chris,
Yes it does take a little more planning than you first think ! I guess it depends if you're wearing trousers or a skirt/dress, trousers make things simpler like a coat or jacket and shoes. I found little things like a purse and handbag, a women's watch and suitable glasses if you wear them. Also I had a colour match done for makeup, which does boost your confidence .
At the end of the day we may look passable from a distance or closer at a glance but mannerisms and voice are always going to give us away, it depends how comfortable you feel with yourself to go with it .

The question was posed recently of real or fake, and a similar one by Carla, I accept it's not an act, it's just me living my female needs and not trying to be a woman !

As others have said when driving take drab clothes , makeup and nail polish remover, plus a torch. I'm paranoid about running out of fuel so I always fill up and as a precaution I never drink alcohol .

[I Am Paula]

out in public? you're entering a new world without male priviledge, or female courtesies.



I transitioned at 53. In the time I was male I never , even once, witnessed male priviledge. I can't even define it. It gets talked about a lot, and maybe it exists in the ivory towers of big business, but going out clubbing in drag...I don't think you'll notice any loss of male priviledge, unless of coarse you are talking about peeing standing up.

[jemima_bates]

Lots of great advice already. For me, most important are:

- Purse/handbag. Don't be tempted to over-stuff it with a full makeup set, as it quickly becomes unwieldy. Speaking of which...
- Essential makeup to take out for me would be lippy, concealer and pressed powder to repair any 'deviations'
- Depending on what you're up to, plenty of cash
- And if you're out in heels, maybe a spare pair of flats, as it might become a struggle if you're not used to it

Most important, like others have said, is to hold your head up and smile!

Have fun.

Jemima x

[sometimes_miss]

Assume you're going to lose your purse and ID. Plan accordingly. I keep a hide a key under the car where it can't be seen even by working mechanics. Cash hidden under the car's carpeting. A xerox of my license and registration in the trunk hidden under the carpeting as well.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o C C,
The best thing I took with me that first time out was
a good friend. Someone that had already been there and done that.
Other than that????? I think you got enough advice already.
Go have a great time!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Rachael Leigh]

Chris first time is always going to be a nervous time and already some great advice here.
Mine is like others just be yourself and if your afraid to interact then don't you can just browse like many women do,
A drive thru is an easy way to interact the first time.
Hold your head high and enjoy the time

[Jenniferathome]

I would tell you that You Will Be Nervous !!
You will be thinking the whole world is watching you ... THEY ARE NOT!

It's easy to get lost in the sensation that you are the center of the universe when you go out the first time. Don't be scared to look others in the eye and smile. Yes, some may "read" you, some may snicker, but the vast majority will be so lost in their own day to day business they won't even notice you, especially if you are confident and just going about your business.

Relax and enjoy your time out. Don't be the deer in the headlights.

cheryl hit it. Keep your chin up knowing you are not passing as a genetic woman. And that ok. Its confidence that puts people at ease, not "passing."

[Genifer Teal]

I'd say expect to get hit on by guys. You may think- this is my first time surely they won't take a second look at me, but it could be quite the opposite. of course it depends on where you go. there are some men that are interested in us because we are trans. my first time out this guy was hitting on me so I walked away. not much longer after that he found me in the back of the bar and was hitting on me some more so I walked up to the front of the bar. not much after that he found me a third time. I had enough and left. it's only natural for this to happen. Women get hit on all the time. it's tough when it's a creepy guy and you don't know how to get away or tell him to stop bothering you. think about this in advance and be prepared should it happen. have a great time.

[HollyGreene]

For those of us who aren't shaving our legs - tights or thigh highs are a great solution.


I found that wearing two pairs of thin tights (pantie hose) is very effective if you don't shave your legs. The first pair acts as a barrier to stop your hairs poking through. I'm fortunate enough to have fairly light coloured hair, so I can get away with very thin, light colour tights. If you have dark hair, your options might be more limited unless you go for thicker tights.

I always take a small shoulder bag for my keys, money and makeup (lipstick and concealer, usually) and a folding hair brush.

[Chris_Cross]

Some great stuff here, all. Thanks so much. A couple of of things I have going for me is that I plan to be among other dressers and I'll be in a place where nobody knows me. I'm also predisposed to not give a #%~#%$&@ what people think about me.

The issue of losing my things kinda concerns me. I think I'm just going to hold my purse the whole time. As for guys hitting on me, I'll give them fair warning before I pop them in the face.

[Teresa]

Chris,
I'm not sure if being hit on is your first priority, I keep smiling to most people but inside I'm just trying to keep control of my heels, my venue has wheelchair access ramps, they are far trickier to deal with than stairs.
It's funny how the concern what other people think fades away, there is such a cross section of Cders you begin to realise that you haven't done a bad job with your clothes or makeup. When I think of it like that it must be a similar feeling GGs get when they go out !

[Helen_Highwater]

Chris,

One thing I forgot. Plan for toilet breaks. Sorry if that seems a little unladylike but if you're going to be out for any length of time it's very likely the call of nature will arise. As you're with others they will undoubtedly guide you. For anyone else planning to go out "comfort breaks" can be one of the most stressful aspects of being in the muggle world. Just look how often in comes up in posts. So make sure you "pay a visit" before you set out!!

[Allisa]

Chris- violence only begets violence. Remember your a lady and such language as you posted is not lady like. Just a few more things to remember if you want acceptance as a woman.

[abby054]

There is good advice here. Something that I did not yet see here: if you go out in cold weather, wear an appropriate coat. It helps you blend in and my Mama always insisted that my sisters wear a coat regardless of hemline length or sweater tightness.

[Teresa]

Helen,
I had to smile at your toilet break comment, last time at our meeting I said to the person next to me that I needed a break, passing the comment as I stood up , see you in half an hour ! When I returned I commented that by the time you've found what you're looking for you've gone off the idea !

Abby,
I've really struggled finding suitable coats, hardly any of the charity shops had any, I much prefer the lightweight raincoats I feel they're more stylish. Finally when I did find one I had to carefully lengthen the sleeves .

[Chris_Cross]

Again, much thanks to you all. I'll be following much of what I've read here. One item I'm bringing that I haven't seen: flip flops for driving. I've driven in these heels before and I feel more comfortable with more familiar footwear.

And with regard to unwanted attention, well, that's going to get corrected, the easy way, or the hard way.

[Vickie_CDTV]

You might want to get a (costume jewelry) wedding type ring with a (faux) diamond. I don't know if in this day and age that would stop most men, but it wouldn't be a bad idea.

Like others have said, if you are going to drive be sure your car is in good condition and everything works, and carry a change of clothes in case of an emergency.

[abby054]

Abby,
I've really struggled finding suitable coats, hardly any of the charity shops had any, I much prefer the lightweight raincoats I feel they're more stylish. Finally when I did find one I had to carefully lengthen the sleeves .

Teresa,
You are so right! Finding a good coat is difficult. In my climate, when it is not blistering cold, it is raining. Coats are so truly necessary that even teenagers will not go out without one. Without a coat, I would get read in an instant, maybe as a CD, but certainly as a madman.

I have four coats: a long, retro 70s, down coat (I look like a pillow with hair and heels when I wear it), a gorgeous dark leather coat (my workhorse! even in drab), a long heavy black wool coat with a hood, and a beige raincoat. I found all of them for a total of less than USD 100. I like to dress up my coat with a pretty muffler or scarf, tied per instructions on Wendy's 25 Ways to Tie a Scarf video on YouTube.

[TrishaTX]

Well 1st of all welcome to a world we all strive to make someday. I used to have to hide my dressing from so SO and as such was always nervous wreck. That caused me to forget stuff, have to ditch stuff and always have 14 backups plans plus a hotel room. I came out 4 years ago...and now it is much easier. There is still the real world though ...so what most of the girls told you works. I always leave my key hidden by the car somewhere so I have an out and leave cash in it. A brush, lipstick, powder, cash, and always check where you are going in advance. If you are visiting new places , try to go there before hand and if not at least call and make sure it is cool. Most people own the phone will tell you.
Finally, enjoy yourself, you might feel like a crossdresser when you are out...it is because you are! Some pass more than others but some people can tell...who cares! enjoy yourself and be you...always

[Meghan4now]

Don't freshen up your lips in a dark theater. That lipliner might just be an eyeliner!

[Helen_Highwater]

Megan,

Are you speaking from personal experience???

[rachael.davis]

I transitioned at 53. In the time I was male I never , even once, witnessed male priviledge. I can't even define it. It gets talked about a lot, and maybe it exists in the ivory towers of big business, but going out clubbing in drag...I don't think you'll notice any loss of male priviledge, unless of coarse you are talking about peeing standing up.

Primarily a matter of personal safety - my big sister commented "of course you don't feel safe, when you were actively male, and hating on being alive you were one of the scariest people I knew, thugs avoided you"

[Meghan4now]

Megan,

Are you speaking from personal experience???
You know it sister! And get some practice walking down a ramp before wearing 5 inch heels. Stairs are fine but slope is TOUGH.

[JamieQ]

For those not out I think number one on the list should be to take your time where you go. I mean don't hurry as you shop. Just do it leisurely and like you belong there, because you do. I would say make eye contact and smile or say hi. Its common to do so here anyways. Also be not afraid to talk if needed. People probably know your not a girl/woman anyways or most are so busy wrapped up in their own little world they really may not notice and if they do most really don't care...

I say take along a few extra clothing items, makeup, etc. Definitely carry a purse and woman's wallet with a bit of makeup for touch up when you use those planned restroom visits, but I say get in and do what is needed and get out rather quickly. I would definitely check out the places beforehand. Many here think going to a town or city away from home is safe. Maybe safer but I have ran into people I knew 1400 miles away from home. I also went to a college town a few hours away knowing there was a good possibility I would encounter someone I knew. I'm real relaxed when I'm out and I'm almost certain I wouldn't be recognized even close up. Tracii might be able to vouch for that.

Check it out beforehand, relax, act like a lady and enjoy the outing...

PS Probably best to leave the heels home unless the occasion warrants them and you're sure your feet can take it for the time youre going to be out.

[Lexi Moralas]

I have Been out in the vanilla pubic a lot over the years. There has been a ton of great as advice above I will try not to repete any of it. Here are a few tidbits I picked up over time that I wish used earlier on.
As mentioned be confident
Dress for where you are going
The mall on a week day just after opening during the school year (so it's not packed with Teens )is a great set of " training wheels " if you will
The tile floors at Macy's are slippery as hell ( fell on my ass once )
Accessories and the little details sell it
I wear a cheep fake wedding and engagement ring to help discourage men from approaching me
Throw a few tampons in your purse , ( the details may help " sell it" if some one sees you digging in your purse who knows ) if nothing else it makes me feel more authentic and boosts my confidence.
There can be a fine line between ordinary and sexy , i.e. I have gone out during day wearing tight jeans , 5" high heel booties a long Baggie sweater hanging off one shoulder , full make up , Jewelry ,a pink baseball style cap and big girly blingy sunglasses. I drew a little attention but too much , I think it worked for me lol.

And before you go out dressed go to a Walmart style store and really look around at all the genetic woman. Not just the pretty ones that we espire to emulate.
And I think you will realize 100% of us girls on here look more feminine when dressed then I would say about 60% of the real woman we see all the time
And if they are not ashamed to go out in public the why should we be.
Have fun girl and good luck

[leannejacobs]

As you stated earlier keep a tight hold of your things, I once left my bag in a shopping trolley with my phone, wallet and other bits and bobs, I never realised until 30 mins later, fortunately some honest person found it and put it to the police station, unfortunately I had to admit to the police man I was a crossdresser to get it back lol he was very professional and didn't bat an eye lid, how embarrassing though.

[Karmen]

I found that wearing two pairs of thin tights (pantie hose) is very effective if you don't shave your legs. The first pair acts as a barrier to stop your hairs poking through. I'm fortunate enough to have fairly light coloured hair, so I can get away with very thin, light colour tights. If you have dark hair, your options might be more limited unless you go for thicker tights.

I always take a small shoulder bag for my keys, money and makeup (lipstick and concealer, usually) and a folding hair brush.

If you don't shave your legs is even better if you wear 15 or 20 DEN black nylon pantyhose and over them fishnet pantyhose with small holes. I have strong dark hair and this combination hides them quite effectively.