Do you ever get jealous of your SO

[lily1974]

I was going to post this as a reply to another thread but I didnt want to hijack a post.
I have been dating and living with my gf for almost 10yrs. She has been for the most part accepting and most times supportive. I do love her despite our little differences. Mainly little things but they do add up at times. She tells me she loves me and supports me but then sets limits on how far I can dress. However then she will throw a curve ball and suprise me from time to time by telling me to do something unexpected. Example to clarify is, she has always maintained that I was never to step outside fully dressed. Underdressed is fine but thats it. Then the other night I had forgotten my headset in the truck. I was already in a dress so I asked her to go get it. She looked me dead in the eye and said "you are dressed you go get it." Wow I wasnt expecting that. Also when I first told her I wanted to dress she fought it at first. Then one day she handed me a dress in the store telling me it would look good on me. She never seems to stop amazing me. I bought a pair of sandles at payless. When they arrived she saw them and got mad. Not because I had bought them but because they were cute and they didnt fit her too. She wants a pair just like them.
That being said I think the woman in me gets jealous of her sometimes because she can wear what she wants when she wants. So I start resenting her for being a gender born woman. If that makes sense. I know she loves me for me and doesnt judge me the way I am. Now dont get me wrong I dont want to transition, I do like being male at times. Its just most other times I wish I was female more.
I know I can't be the only one having such a time. I do envy most of you ladies who look good and pass well beyond what I am able too. Also those who have significant others who encourage you to dress for a night out with the ladies.
Share your experiances I would love to hear them.

[bridget thronton]

Sounds like buying her some stuff once in a while when you order your stuff would be appreciated

[josrphine]

Hi Lily, My wife now but 10 yrs together. She is tell me how great I look as a women. She loves me more as a women then a man. Every once an awile I get you look better in that skirt or dess then I do. She is a good looking women but has put on some pounds. I give her a lot of confidence that she is great at that time, so it subsides. But I know she gets a little jealous, when we are with a group of people that don't know I am a man. We will be talking an 1 will say how lovley I look. Being a lttle bit of a show off I will say not bad for a 75 yr old man. Then the group is all over me. She give me that look an I say WHAT. I am very open about who I am, Like you I like being a man too. Jo

[lily1974]

Bridgete: I am sorry I did fail to mention that I do buy her things as well. Since the day we went shopping thay she pointed the dress out we both get things while we are out. More often then not I tend to put my things back becaise she wants something a little more expensive. I do spoil her so much. Lots of times we share clothes because we wear the same size dresses. I just have feet twice her size and am alot taller. What is a knee high skirt on me tends to be a maxi dress on her. I dont do mini skirts so she gets to keep those to herself. She does get a little upset from time to time because I wear a size 3/4 shorts and she is a 5/6. Dang her fem butt. Lol. I get upset because she is a 34dd and I am only a 32b. Dangit again.

But the moral is I do spoil her.

[Dinky39]

You are not a woman. You need to build a bridge and get over it.
"I do love her despite our little differences. Mainly little things but they do add up at times" Maybe she feels the same about you...and that isn't including the crossdressing. It comes across to me like you think are doing her a favour by going out with her?
Women have boobs. Men don't. That's the reason she is bigger than you. Her arse is bigger than yours? I wouldn't go on about it. Zip it.
Seems to be you have a very understanding partner. I'd count myself lucky if I were you and maybe cool the jets. Women do not like men trying to out-women them.

- - - Updated - - -

[MissVirginia-Mae]

I think if I had a SO, She would be jealous of me as I dress to the nines everyday as a complete woman.
Not to brag at all, but I look 100x better than other women I see on the street and their outfits, but I think most of my fellow sisters would agree that they do too.
:love:

[reb.femme]

Do I get jealous of my wife? Only when she beats me at ten pin bowling. Otherwise no.
Never jealous, just love her.

Becky

[Dinky39]

I beg to differ,I think you are bragging. It's that kind of attitude that pisses off wives and girlfriends like myself. I get fed up of hearing this poor me,my wife doesn't understand my needing to dress. Well,I get fed up of hearing this bs as well. Me,me,me.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Dinky,
you seem a little angry in general....
Again, I said I wasnt bragging but I do think I dress better than most women I see on the streets when I am out.
Its my opinion and thats it.
Im not one to brag and I am not going to get pulled into an argument.
We all have better things to do.
I hope you get over your anger
:hugs:

[Angie G]

Never my wife is awsome and has been good with my dressing from the day I came out to her.:hugs:
Angie

[heatherdress]

Lilly - If you are really jealous of your girlfriend because she can dress in women's clothes all the time and you can't, you probably need to get some counseling or you will seriously jeopardize your relationship. It seems like she is both accepting and supportive of you and your dressing, with understandable limits. But you can't be jealous of her because she dresses like the woman she is all the time and you can't or don't. Make the most of what you can do and the love and support that your girlfriend gives you and enjoy life.

[Dinky39]

Virginea,I have no interest in starting an arguement with you. Maybe you do your make up&hair really well to try and present as a woman but you are not. Every gg woman is different. How my next door neighbour presents herself is completely different to mine. I accept I get angry sometimes but you would want to get over yourself.

[lily1974]

Let me get this straight since people seem to have a chip on their shoulder.

I do appreciate my gf and yes she does know it. Jealous is being used by a broad term not "i hate her because". It is meant as a "I wish mine were". Yes I understand I am a man and she is a woman.

Needless to say hatefulness from other members has no place in a forum filled with people who are questioning their sanity.

My Grandmother used to always say. "If you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all."

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Dinky,
Again, this is pretty pointless....
I am not "full of myself" by any means....
Am I a GG woman?
No, but I present myself as a woman and am accepted by the other members of this forum.
Ive seen your other posts and you seem angry with your SO.
Totally understandable but dont take your anger out on us.
This is a peaceful group and hate and anger isnt really welcome here.

[Tracii G]

Virginia have you ever posted a pic of you here?
I don't see one in your profile.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Tracii,
Could I ask what that has to do with the current topic?

[Lauri K]

Not to brag at all, but I look 100x better than other women I see on the street and their outfits, but I think most of my fellow sisters would agree that they do too.
:love:

I think like Tracii as well that a photo of Virginia will help everyone's perspective on the matter, especially when she made such a loud statement in a previous post, I do not think Tracii was out of line given the facts.

[Tracii G]

I would love to see a pic thats all

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Again,
it was simply my opinion....
It wasnt a loud statement but just commenting on the topic.
So, posting pictures makes all the difference?
I post one and Dinky posts one of herself and we compare and see who looks better?
This is way off topic.
I see Dinky's point of view and she is entitled to her opinion by all means just as I am.
My point was that the average woman on the street dresses fairly poorly these days and I think we all look better.
Again, my opinion and thats it.
This seems way overblown and way off topic

[Tracii G]

OH OK I see.

[summerbunny]

women clothing sizes are based on how close you can get to a 24 inch waist .
a size 32 waist which is good for a man is s L are XL on a woman.
clothing is based on average sizes and Vanity sizes.
women clothing has plenty of room for hips and butt and blouse room for breasts but most men's shoulders are wider then women's and waist is bigger.mens butts are square and small ,lacking the fat that smooths women's skin and gives it curves.

my girlfriends waist is 22-23 and her hips are 39 1/2 and she looks good in any clothing. 34C-22-39 with a toned flat stomach.
i destroyed her pants and a dress before trying to get into it. i am 40-34-41

she looks better then
me in dress are pants. i like to look!

[lily1974]

I think the point is being missed all together. I wasnt meaning this as a who looks better then who. I know I am not a pretty girl yet. Im sorry "guy in girls clothes". I simply wanted to know if anyone else ever looked at their SO and wish the were as beautiful as them or wished they could present as beautiful as a GG does. I know I love my gf and I know she loves me. Sometimes I just see her and wish I was as beautiful as her. So please stop the little tif.

[Tracii G]

I got the point of your post right at the beginning but not sure jealousy would be the correct term for what you are feeling.
Jealousy is such a harsh word. Envious maybe.

[ReineD]

First, about your wife’s reactions: Of course I don’t know her, but I’m a GG as well and I can give you an educated guess as to why her reactions are unpredictable. Acceptance isn’t always 100%. I think she recognizes that you need to do this and she is OK with it as long as no one finds out. But, if you stopped CDing I don’t think she’d miss it. In other words, her natural reactions might be on the "things would be simpler if he didn’t do this" side, but she is constantly reminding herself that she wants to be supportive because she loves you … so sometimes she’ll suggest things hoping to make you happy (because she loves you).

Your headphones - she likely felt the risk of being seen dressed was minimal because it was night time and you were only going to your car. Had it been during the day she probably would have gotten them herself.

As to being miffed over the cute sandals, I went through that with my own SO. While married to my ex I was accustomed to being the only recipient of all female clothing and accessories that came into the house. Early in my relationship with my SO, every time he ordered cute clothing, it felt the same as if my ex-husband would have bought nice clothing that were not for me but for a mistress instead. If this makes sense. We just don’t grow up with the idea that men enjoy wearing pretty things, and it can take years to wrap our minds around the fact that our CD partners enjoy seeing themselves dressed in pretty clothing as much as (if not more than) non-CDs enjoy seeing those pretty things on their wives or girlfriends.

I like Bridget’s advice: order cute things for your SO once in awhile, so she will feel appreciated too. Does she ever get things for you? :)

As to your jealousy (or envy),



I think the woman in me gets jealous of her sometimes because she can wear what she wants when she wants. So I start resenting her for being a gender born woman. If that makes sense.

Yes, it does make sense that you are envious because she can wear what society dictates you cannot wear. But, I don’t think it’s "the woman in you". Just because you enjoy crossdressing (which is a very powerful thing on its own) does not mean that you are a woman, as you state in your next sentence:



Now dont get me wrong I dont want to transition, I do like being male at times. Its just most other times I wish I was female more.

I’m not wanting to be mean, but I think that using the right language is important. Please don’t confuse a wish to look pretty or be a certain kind of feminine (which is what motivates crossdressers) with being female. In other words, it’s the crossdresser inside you talking, not a female. There’s a difference. Being female is about having a female body, a female name, and being known as a female by everyone who knows you, all the time including all family, friends, and at work and not ever being male. This is what motivates transsexuals to transition. And being female does not necessarily correlate to wearing pretty things. Look at how the majority of females around you (of all ages and body types) dress - all of them, not just the ones that catch your eye. A huge chunk of females out there aren’t into pretty sandals, pretty dresses, makeup, etc. Some are, it’s a preference for some females, but certainly not all, and so to say you are a woman because you like the things that some females like is the wrong definition of "woman".

If you can come to terms with being a crossdresser who needs to look and feel pretty occasionally, this will be closer to the truth (you did say you do not want to transition and you like being male), and it might also help your girlfriend understand you better. How does she react when you tell her you are a woman?

Sorry if this came off as preaching. I’m instead hoping to encourage you to think about what it means for GGs to be women, and see if you can align your definition of it to theirs.



Again, my opinion and thats it.

Yes, it is an opinion.

And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. By this, I mean there are a great many beautiful GGs who don’t fall into the clothing and accessory trap like you do (and some other crossdressers), and so they would not think that wearing all these things makes people look better. This is the reality. If my own SO dressed to the nines all the time I wouldn’t be jealous, instead I’d be wringing my hands trying to figure out how to impart some of my feminist values to him. :)



This seems way overblown and way off topic
Not really. It falls right into the topic of what it means to be a woman, and how each one of us sees beauty differently.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Lily, while my relationship with my SO is unique and mutually respectful and for lack of another word, "Great", I can relate to the main point of your post. I find myself "envying" many different women (and admiring them) and wishing that I could experience much of what they get to experience as everyday routine. Being able to fill out clothing with a natural bust and curves, having natural feminine features, a female voice, and to be looked at and treated as a natural genetic female etc etc. I also admire their strength in enduring much of the less pleasant aspects that most women go through being born into society as a GG. As humans, we all have different struggles that we face. One of mine is being an equal mix of both male and female, yet being limited to just a male body which doesn't adequately serve many of my female needs. Thus I endure the struggle of gender dysphoria, which, by the way, is a feeling that is not limited to TSs but is or can be experienced by those who exist and live between the gender spectrum. Thankfully, mine is not as strong or difficult to live with as most TSs and being part male I am not completely out of place in my male body, but never the less my GD definately exists and I will always envy/admire many of the women who get to live in a female body. Reine, though I agree with most of what you say most of the time, I definately disagree with most of your second and third paragraphs, particularly the part about having to have a female body to be female. That is simply not true, just ask most TSs. A pre op MtF TS is totally a female even before HRT and SRS, they are just doing the best they can to be in a female body to match their female identity. There are many of us TG folks who dont fit the gender binary (inbetweeners) and are both male and female at varying degrees, while Im in the middle, some are more male and some are more female and some can't tell you where they'll be when they wake up in the morning. Point being is that it IS the female part of me that envies some of a GGs experiences, the male part of me has what it needs. Some folks might benefit from revisiting the fairly recent non binary threads from a month or two ago to not forget that we exist. As for what motivates a totally male identifying CDer, that I cant answer.

[ReineD]

Reine, though I agree with most of what you say most of the time, I definately disagree with most of your second and third paragraphs, particularly the part about having to have a female body to be female. That is simply not true, just ask most TSs. A pre op MtF TS is totally a female even before HRT and SRS, they are just doing the best they can to be in a female body to match their female identity.

Sorry, but you misunderstand. I fully agree that MtF TSs are females in the wrong body, even before HRT and SRS. In fact, it is so intolerable to be perceived as a male that they change this. Full time. To everyone. Despite the consequences. The paragraph you refer to speaks of TSs who find it so intolerable to be male, that they do transition to live as women full time, with legal name changes, in front of everyone. This was not just meant to describe GGs.



There are many of us TG folks who dont fit the gender binary (inbetweeners) and are both male and female at varying degrees, while Im in the middle,

Yes, I know this. :) My own SO is gender-fluid. He used to identify as a crossdresser, then as bigender, then as gender-fluid, and then as trans-gender meaning someone whose gender is not part of the gender binary. This means that my SO does not identify as a female (females are the other end of the gender binary). Else no doubt my SO would transition. Most of the time my SO lives as a male (this is why I refer to him as "he"). When he is dressed, I refer to her as "she" and I call her by her female name. But, my SO does not feel torn in two, pining away to dress when it is his choice to present male. Nor does he resent it when I dress up (the rare times that I do ... we just don't have that lifestyle :p). I think there is no inner pull because my SO has fully embraced everything s/he is, and he knows she can dress whenever she wants to.

[PaulaQ]

That being said I think the woman in me gets jealous of her sometimes because she can wear what she wants when she wants. So I start resenting her for being a gender born woman. If that makes sense. I know she loves me for me and doesnt judge me the way I am. Now dont get me wrong I dont want to transition, I do like being male at times. Its just most other times I wish I was female more.

So change. I wear whatever I want whenever I want it. You could too. Sure, there's consequences for that, but then there are consequences for the way you are feeling now too. And don't believe that your SO doesn't pay consequences for being a woman. She surely does.

The clothes are not a very sensible thing to be jealous about, in my opinion. What your SO gets, that you do not get, really, is the ability to be herself far more than you get to be, and the ability to be herself in public.

[Teresa]

Lily,
I would say bury your resentment, you're a very lucky person.Don't push it too hard and lose what you have, stepping back isn't easy that's when resentment can set in !

[lily1974]

Well please forgive my use of words that people tend to use or interpret incorrectly. Jealous by definition in one meaning means to be envious of something someone else has. Not a hatred towards them.

Now when I say the woman in me I do mean as such. Call me odd, call me what you will. When I am dressed to the nines I feel as though I am a woman trapped in a mans body. Call it a controlled split personality I guess. For me when I dress its all I can do to not run away and be full time woman. I want to go out be seen as a woman and live as a woman. I may go through days of this. "Envyous" of every woman around that she is born with lady parts and can give birth. Dress in pretty clothes and being known as a woman doesnt make you a woman. Its what you percieve in your head that does. Reality kicks in and I am here stuck with male parts and unable to do anything about it. Then I may wake up the next day or two later and say I am a guy I was born a guy and should be a guy. Because no matter how hard I try I will always be a guy. At least in body I always will be. I accept it and come to terms with the fact that yes I have male parts. I will never be able to tell my family I want to be a girl so I might as well enjoy being a guy. So I do. I put on my macho hat and be a rough rugid guy. And I have fun doing it. Okay so maybe its not a split personality but it is a split decision of what I want to be. Do I have to make up my mind? In my head, no. Why cant I be both? Who makes the rule that I have to be one or the other?

On the other note of me buying her things. I assure all of you that she gets her share and then some. Unlike alot of the crossdressers I dont have a full wardrobe of female clothes. I may have enough clothes with both my male and female clothes to fill half a 4 foot hanger rail. While she has enough to fill probably 6 eight foot hanger rails and 5 dressers. I have 5 pairs of shoes including my girl ones to her 30 closer to 40 pairs. She is a bit of a shopaholic I have feed out of guilt. I know its wrong but it makes her happy.

Okay yes she could probably be happy if I never dressed again. However she knew coming into our relationship that I had baggage you could say that would take time for me to tell her. She also was well aware that I don't plan to nor will I ever re marry. She also knew that kids are out of the question. Both are points we seem to be revisiting on occasion. Having been married twice before I have always tried to be upfront and honest with her. Some things are just harder to tell people until you are comfortable with them yourself. I know for the longest time I lied to myself about my femme side, much less tell someone else or her that I feel better being presented as a woman. Its just not something I was raised to talk about. So in answer to your question of how she feels about me being a woman. Well I am not sure. I have tried to talk to her about it but shyness and fear tends to slow the conversation on both sides. I have been giving her plenty of space as she reads all the books she can on it. I am in no way putting preasure on her to have an answer

Ps I didnt mean to use the word resent in the original post. Again me using words incorrectly.

- - - Updated - - -

After rereading that post I am just going to shut up. It is in no way coming out the way I want things to sound. Sorry folks.b

[MissVirginia-Mae]

Reine,
By off topic, I was referring to Tracii asking for pictures....thats what I meant.
Frankly, im sorry I even posted anything to start with.
I will defin steer clear next time.

[SherriePall]

I'm going to jump into this fracas by saying, yes, I am envious of the way my wife looks, especially when she wears a skirt or a dress and I catch a glimpse of her legs in nylons.

[ReineD]

First, Lily, I’m sorry if I wrote anything to upset you. I’m wanting to impart how most GGs feel about being women (in a very general sense), in an effort to get you on the same page. Second, we all have baggage. I don’t like to think of it as baggage, it’s just stuff that gets added on to our personalities as we age, it’s being human. No one is perfect. In fact, it is all our facets that make us the truly unique and lovable human beings that we are.


I want to go out be seen as a woman and live as a woman.

But what does this mean. In what way do you think that a woman’s life is different than yours if she is your age and also has a day job. We deal with frustrations at work just like men. We feel pressure to perform at work and meet deadlines just like men. At the end of the day we come home tired, just like men. We eat dinner, then have the evening free to do what we want with it just like men. We don’t spend our evenings dressing up.

But, there are two things that set the average woman apart from crossdressers. One, we are not attracted to women, even if they are sexy, pretty, beautiful, young, etc. Two, we don’t experience the heightened feelings you get when you wear makeup and pretty clothes. Granted, you describe your wife as a shop-o-holic and this may influence the priorities you think that average women have, and I’m sorry for that. But you need to understand this does not describe most women, if you take into account all ages, all body types, all socio-economic backgrounds. When most of us dress, we put on things we’ve worn countless times that are not special. We wear the same things to work, to church, to go out for dinner and a movie, to hang out with friends. Once in a while we’ll get all dressed up for a special event and even when we do this, we are not constantly reminded that we are wearing a fancier outfit, our hearts don’t lift at the thought of what we are wearing or what earrings we have on or how lovely our boobs look. So CDers who feel this way are not feeling like women, they are feeling like crossdressers who particularly love feminine beauty, feminine clothes, and crossdressing. And there’s nothing wrong with that! But, women just don’t experience these heightened feelings, they simply focus on the business of doing what they’re doing and talking to the people they are talking to, even when they’re all dressed up.

In this thread, one member described wanting to fill out clothing with natural bust and curves. For the most part we don’t think about how our busts and curves look when we’re dressed, we take it all in like we do our knees and ears … they’re all a non-thought. In fact most women wear clothing designed to be practical, not to show off their busts and curves. Just look around you. Another member described dressing up to the nines all the time and because of this, looking better than most women. Again, this is not what it is about or how most women live nor is this a priority for most women who go about their day-to-day lives.

I realize that I may be saying something sacrilegious here, but being a woman is not about looking particularly pretty. Lily, if someone told you that you could be a woman as long as you looked like the average woman you see at the mall (middle aged, jeans, sneakers, no makeup, regular hair, likely packing on a few pounds with a square-ish torso), is this the way you’d want to be? If the answer is no, if the answer is you want to be stylish and attractive (or maybe sexy), then your attraction is not to being an average woman (assuming you’re an average man). It is to a particular feminine style that is appealing to just about every other man on the planet.

Here’s an example. You’re in Texas. This is recent article about people shopping in a Dallas mall with a picture of what two average women are wearing, the SA and a customer. If someone told you that living like a woman is looking like that, would you want to do it full time? Because this is what being a woman looks like. And what it feels like, is just the way I’ve described it in paragraph 1.

http://www.dallasnews.com/news/community-news/20140808-area-malls-extend-hours-for-school-supply-shopping.ece

And last, I'm not in a position to say whether you are transsexual or not. You posted this thread in the CD section and you brought up a topic that is common to crossdressers, and so I assumed you are a crossdresser, given that you said you like being male. If having a male body and being perceived as a man by everyone you know is intolerable, it is my deepest wish that you will find the courage to change this and do what it takes to transition and if you do, all will go well for you.

[sometimes_miss]

No longer have an SO, but my ex wife, when we got married, had the figure that I wish I did. By the time we got divorced, she no longer was attractive, having let herself go quite a bit, I'm guessing because she may have felt what I was attracted to was also somehow the cause of her unhappiness.

[Tina_gm]

I am going to try to help keep this thread on the rails here. I think though that a better word than jealousy would be envy? Jealousy is envy but with negative impact, and typically will cause people to wish or to act in ways to bring the person whom they are jealous at or with, down.

Yes, there are times when I am envious of my wife. It is not something I feel every minute of every day. But, it is the same something I envy of women in general, so my wife being a woman is just women envy that I think many CDers have to some degree or another.

Hope this helps. :)

[NylonMan]

I am envious of my GF every time we go out. She knows this and teases me all night. She is good about it though and lets me wear whatever she had on that night after we get home.

[Tina_gm]

But what does this mean. In what way do you think that a woman’s life is different than yours if she is your age and also has a day job. We deal with frustrations at work just like men. We feel pressure to perform at work and meet deadlines just like men. At the end of the day we come home tired, just like men. We eat dinner, then have the evening free to do what we want with it just like men. We don’t spend our evenings dressing up.

From what I have read from the GG's on this site about their S/O's who are identified as CDers, one of the bigger frustrations from the GG's is how many of the CDers who think that every single thing they do (when dressed) has to be some super ultra feminine way of doing it. Many CDers when dressed, will take on some ultra barbie helpless persona, rather than just being otherwise normal accept for the female clothing. That actually is closer to being a regular everyday woman than what their altered persona is.

[Liz57]

I understand. I'm a little jealous myself. It just seems so cool to be a woman but that does have its drawbacks too. I'm happy with what I've got right now, but I do see your point in a lighthearted sort of way.

Liz57:battingeyelashes:

[Maria 60]

I think she gets jealous of me at times. I don't know why but it seems like my wife grew out of her dressing like a princess feminine phase. She doesn't own any pantyhose, she buys tons of summer dresses and never wears them, of coarse I don't mind because a few months later she's giving them to me with the tags still on them. I don't know why she just tells me she could be so much more comfortable wearing shorts or jeans, but then she gets upset with me when I dress up all feminine. She is the same as your wife, doesn't mind it as long as she controls and predicts how far it goes, I don't mind it's where I want it to be anyway, but once in a while I have to push the limits just to send the message that she's not in full control. I guess our girls are ok.

[Jazzy Jaz]

I apologize Reine if I misunderstood your post. Your sentence " Being female is about having a female body, a female name, and being known as a female by everyone who knows you, all the time including all family, friends, and at work and not ever being male" confused me and left the impression that in order to be female, you can't at all be male and in order to be male, you can't at all be female which would leave no room for someone like me to exist. If your sentence was meant to describe requirements for being "completely female" then that might be more accurate, but I don't recall lily claiming to be "completely female", I believe she was describing being part female which doesn't exclude the ability to also be part male. Also, "the average woman" doesn't encompass ALL women. The fact is there are SOME women who do experience hightened feelings in relation to makeup and fashion. Although most women don't experience these hightened feelings, many young girls do as they don't have the same ability/permission to wear makeup and dress up the way women do. It is still new and very exciting to many of them. I was in value villiage recently with my 5 yr old daughter and she quickly spotted a pair of 6inch patent fuschia stillettos, raced over and tried them on and planned on wearing them throughout the store while I had to catch up and gently encourage her to put them back on the shelf. She also gets those hightened feelings on the rare occasions that she is allowed to put on lip gloss and eye shadow and when she plays dress up. She will probably outgrow those hightened feelings as those experiences become normal and routine and like you said will go about her daily business without thinking much about what she's wearing. Many of us TG folks are more like young girls than women when it comes to these "hightened feelings" regarding clothing and makeup because for many of us it hasn't become normal or routine yet. We're still at the having fun playing dress up stage. Doesn't mean we arn't part female. I've heard many of the folks on this forum who do dress regularly describe that they no longer have those hightened feelings for the most part and that it instead feels like everyday routine, and I'm not referring to the TSs. Regarding curves and bust, you're right, most women probably don't spent too much time worrying about how their bust looks or how they fill out their clothes, as long as they feel general comfort and confidence. But what about a woman who loses one or both breasts to cancer. Im sure many in her position do focus on how their body does ( or doesn't) fill out their clothing and how their body doesn't adequately fulfill what they feel is missing. I bet they do look at other women and envy the physical traits that they wish they could have themselves. This is what many inbetweener TG folks feel but instead of losing the parts we yearn for we never got to have them and are always looking through the window envying from outside. I also know there are many so called average women who do envy more curvy women and wish they could aquire those attributes, the cosmetic/fashion industry is built on that whether it should be or not. The average woman may not be attracted to curves or bust or pretty beautiful sexy women like many of us on this forum are, but Im sure many lesbians are. Im sure many of them appreciate a nice bust, probably enjoy seeing it dressed in nice sexy packaging as well. This does not take away the fact that they are female. Likewise, a male bodied TG person can both be part female (or completely if TS) and still have the ability to appreciate the superficial/sexy aspect of women. What many don't seem to understand is that being part female AND being sexually attracted to females, plus also being part male, means that you can feel what many women feel on the inside AND see and enjoy what many men and lesbians see on the outside and these feelings blend into a unique experience that niether complete men or complete women seem to comprehend. Someone can tell me that Im not completely female but no one can tell me that Im completely not female.

Also, yes, having the body of an average woman would be fine.

With respect
Jasmine

[PaulaQ]

Just so that people in this thread are aware of this, there are "average" cisgender women who ARE attracted to other women. They are called lesbians or bisexuals. For that matter, there are lesbian and bisexual transgender women.

There are just women who are attracted to other women - so there are some women who have something in common with most of the CDs here.

Just an FYI because heterosexual privilege, and all.

[phili]

Feeling jealous or envying is natural, but is also a self-induced corrosive poison. It feels so much better for us [and everyone around us] to keep our focus on what we have, not what we don't have!

I was amazed to find that once I really let myself feel feminine, there was clearly no conflict with my male body. Poof- no more hopeless jealousy. I can let myself daydream of being shaped differently, but I shortly realize my time is better spent finding clothes that fit me well and convey the feeling I want them to convey. That's what we all have to do, men and women alike.

Besides, the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. I've known lots of women who struggle in various ways with their breasts, and I'm glad I don't. I don't need to wear a bra- so yay! fewer straps and clothing layers to manage.

[ReineD]

First I'd like to get this back on track,



I was amazed to find that once I really let myself feel feminine, there was clearly no conflict with my male body. Poof- no more hopeless jealousy. I can let myself daydream of being shaped differently, but I shortly realize my time is better spent finding clothes that fit me well and convey the feeling I want them to convey. That's what we all have to do, men and women alike.

Well said. Thank you. My SO feels the same way.

Next, I'd like to address Jasmine's post:


I apologize Reine if I misunderstood your post. Your sentence " Being female is about having a female body, a female name, and being known as a female by everyone who knows you, all the time including all family, friends, and at work and not ever being male" confused me and left the impression that in order to be female, you can't at all be male and in order to be male, you can't at all be female which would leave no room for someone like me to exist.

No. I was describing both GGs, and the TSs who transition. I think you can safely say that no transitioned MtF TS has a male body, at least to the degree that medical science can change the male body through HRT, BAs and other surgeries, and to the best ability she can afford to do these things ... (she certainly does not present as a male, ever). Also, not all transitioned TSs go on to immediately have SRS (although many do eventually), but those bits do become non-functioning with HRT.



Doesn't mean we arn't part female.

"Part female", or "gender fluid", or "non-binary" I can understand. I get that. But a non-transitioner who likes being male and who at the same time identifies as female is misleading. If the word used is just "female" without prefacing it with "part", this does not imply fluidity or part-time. Both the words "female" and "male" by themselves that describe the 97%-99% of the population, describe either ALL female or ALL male, and both these genders do form the basis for the gender-binary system. Gender-binary means "either/or", not both at the same time and not sometimes one gender and sometimes the other gender. Also, transitioned TSs no longer have gender issues, they are not "part-female", they are not gender fluid, they don't see themselves as "part-male", they don't like being male, they've done it! They have transitioned (or they are in the active process of transitioning).



The average woman may not be attracted to curves or bust or pretty beautiful sexy women like many of us on this forum are, but Im sure many lesbians are. Im sure many of them appreciate a nice bust, probably enjoy seeing it dressed in nice sexy packaging as well.


Two quick statements about this:

1. Lesbians are not statistically average. We can debate about what percentage of the female population is lesbian, whether it is 3.5% (according to most studies) or more or less. But such a small percentage does not define "average". The average woman is hetero.
2. Still have you hung out in the lesbian community lately? Would you say that most of the lesbians dress to emphasize their boobs, legs, butts? Or would you be able to see that many (if not most) do not emphasize their female bodies the same way that a young college girl might, who goes to the bar on Saturday night in the hopes of hooking up with someone. Think butch lesbian, although I do hate that term. I prefer to use the term "natural", without any of the enhancements pushed on women by mass marketing. lol. But that's an entirely different topic that deserves a thread of its own. :p

[Lorileah]

I'll never be a female :( I am, however very much a woman. At least in my mind and in my definition. Female would be XX genotype (or a genotype with XX...it's a genetic science thing).

Also I work very hard to never be jealous. It is a wasted emotion that doesn't do anything for you. I may envy, but that too is a waste because it won't make me better.

[Tina_gm]

Lorileah, I agree completely about jealousy. It is a very negative and often times destructive emotion. Envy though, can be used to better oneself. It too needs a lot of control of course, and there may be some things we envy that we simply will never be able to accomplish. Still, envy in of itself can be used at times in ways to better ourselves. For CDers, the envy of women, which most of us have doesn't accomplish a whole lot really. But it can be hard to not feel it at all. Envy at how others have been able to conduct themselves in public, how they deal with the trans issues, that can be worked on and made better.

[Iluvacder]

I have been reading this thread and seeing as how I like to make people smile.... I hope someone can smile ( or get a giggle) from me.
Being raised on a dairy farm in Wisconsin ( I am a gg) with all the chores and everyday life of a ( farmer's daughter) , I rarely got the chance to dress to the nines. When I did it seemed like sooooo much work. Getting up at 3am to milk plus everything else through the day then milk again in the evening ,every day well.... anyway with my SO I guess I get envious because I see how excited he gets and how much more relaxed he is when he dresses and he really has a much better eye for fashion than me ( I am a jeans and sweatshirt girl) he actually helps me pick my dress up clothes lol. I guess I wish I could feel the same excitement as him.
Sometimes I wish I could ( feel ) as womanly as he presents to me at times. Sorry if this got off the subject, just thought someone might get a chuckle .
Love to all

[ReineD]

I'll never be a female :( I am, however very much a woman.

When I'm involved in such discussions here, my thought processes do not follow "Hmmm ... I need to remember that this transitioned woman is not XX". I just don't analyze it this way because I know that medically it is impossible to change a person's chromosomes. I do consider transitioned women to be women in all senses of the word (except for chromosomes) and so sometimes I'll inadvertently use the word "female" instead of "woman" when referring to a MtF transitioner. I tend to interchange the two terms without really thinking about it. This is not done to hurt anyone, I mostly think about how transwomen live, and I just don't think of them as male.

[PaulaQ]

I am wondering if the envy / jealousy being discussed here is, in fact, gender dysphoria.

[Jazzy Jaz]

I agree Paula, it certainly is on my part. Thanks Reine for clarifying what you meant with that one sentence and the context you were using it in. I think most of this in general we agree on and have well thought out views on and perhaps sometimes we just misunderstand each others' examples and context. In regards to lesbians, my post was misunderstood as I definately would not imply that lesbians have a higher interest in dressing to emphasize their boobs, legs, and butts. What I DID imply is that lesbians are very likely to enjoy those traits on OTHER women, much like straight men do, and therefor if a TG person happens to enjoy those traits on women it doesn't rule out the possibility for them to still be "part woman". I never said lesbians are "average", certainly not percentage wise. I think Paula was indicating (like you were, and I agree) that lesbians live, act, and dress in the same average way that average heterosexual women do (generally speaking). But women in general are diverse and so a TG persons feelings, attractions, likes etc for the most part can't discredit their possibly being part woman just because it doesn't correlate with what "average women" feel.

About the term "female", Reine's explanation definately describes my use of the term. Im fully aware that I don't have a female reproductive system. I had never specifically looked up the definition "female" compared to "woman" so thanks Lorileah for prompting me to do so.

Thanks Phili for your point about "focus". I'm quite certain my GD/envy isn't going to disappear. I don't have any problem with bras and straps and I do struggle with the seam at the crotch of my pants, boxers, and only really enjoy panties if I make an opening for them. Oh and facial hair. I would much rather struggle with boobs. However, where I place my focus/energy will determine for the most part my quality of life and Im in the process of trying to implement that with healthy food vs bad food addictions to correct some health issues I have and your words will definately help me in this process.

[PaulaQ]

What I DID imply is that lesbians are very likely to enjoy those traits on OTHER women, much like straight men do, and therefor if a TG person happens to enjoy those traits on women...

Two fun facts:
1. There are lesbians who like femmes, but being femme isn't always easy in that world because everyone assumes you are a straight, or even worse, a bisexual woman. Anyway, lots of golf shirts, shorts, visors and waist packs, not so much with the dresses. It's a little less like this in Dallas, which is relatively conservative - you run into more femmes.

2. So seriously don't forget about bi women when talking about women who like other women. There are easily twice as many bi women as lesbians, turns out. So they are NOT insignificant. (A lot of lesbians really don't like bi women.)

Sorry, just thought I should clarify this stuff - there aren't that many queer women here.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lily:hugs:, I get envious watching my:love:wife putting on her makeup especially eye liner.:daydreaming:

[Jazzy Jaz]

Thanks for speaking up about bi women Paula. I have an ex that I still respect very much that is bi so Im definately aware of them and I certainly didn't intend to exclude them. Just to clarify, when making my point about lesbians I am not talking about them specifically being attracted to other lesbians, Im talking about their attraction to women in general because other women's sexuality won't stop lesbians from potentially being sexually attracted to them.

[ReineD]

Thanks for speaking up about bi women Paula.

Lol. It’s a nice way to take the thread off topic, when the thread is about crossdressers’ jealousy or envy over not being able to wear pretty things because they feel they are women too.

A person’s bisexuality has nothing to do with it. I did mention in one of my posts that a big difference between GGs and crossdressers is the CDer’s attraction to women, but I wrote this to highlight the different motives for both these groups to look sexy, cute, attractive, or whatever adjective you want to use. Let’s use "appealing". Women generally dress to appeal (i.e. like this, if not exactly this look (http://i01.i.aliimg.com/img/pb/361/924/759/759924361_706.jpg)) to be attractive to men. Women don’t dress like that just for themselves or for each other because generally we’re not mesmerized with each other’s boobs and legs. Crossdressers want to reach this level of attractiveness or appeal because they find it appealing as men and not because they are women. If you look around, the average woman simply doesn’t put all that much effort into her presentation (unless she wants to get a guy). I know this is hard to understand, but go back to my link to the SA and shopper at a Dallas mall (http://www.dallasnews.com/news/community-news/20140808-area-malls-extend-hours-for-school-supply-shopping.ece) and look around to see how all the women around you dress every day. THAT is the average woman, not just the ones that catch your eye.

If people want to think that the average woman (statistically) is also attracted to other women in the same way that men are, then they’re rationalizing. :p

(A bit of a disclaimer here in case some people might think I believe my above explanation applies to all crossdressers: of course not all CDers dress to appeal and of course there are also gender fluid people.)


I rarely got the chance to dress to the nines. When I did it seemed like sooooo much work. .... anyway with my SO I guess I get envious because I see how excited he gets and how much more relaxed he is when he dresses and he really has a much better eye for fashion than me ( I am a jeans and sweatshirt girl) he actually helps me pick my dress up clothes lol.

I wasn’t raised on a dairy farm although I was busy with all my other interests. But, I totally get what you mean by it being too much work to keep up that type of look. I have other priorities! Our situation is like yours in that my SO has a much bigger interest in fashion than I do. Don’t get me wrong, if I’m going to buy a dress for an event (my clothing budget is not large) I want it to suit, but my SO spends a lot more time looking at fashion than I do. I used to get jealous in the beginning of our relationship when I saw all those clothes coming in the door because I knew they were meant for my SO to look attractive to herself. I wanted my SO to prefer finding me appealing in them, if this makes sense. I wanted to appeal to my SO more than the clothes did. Gosh, I even went through a phase of blowing my clothing budget in an effort to be as appealing to my SO as I perceived the crossdressing was and as appealing as he found other women who were wearing certain things. I don't feel that way now because we've been together for years and I know that my SO loves me. But in the beginning, I didn't quite know where I stood because I saw all that focus and excitement go elsewhere.



I guess I wish I could feel the same excitement as him.

We won't, because we're not crossdressers.

[PaulaQ]

Lol. It’s a nice way to take the thread off topic, when the thread is about crossdressers’ jealousy or envy over not being able to wear pretty things because they feel they are women too.
...
If people want to think that the average woman (statistically) is also attracted to other women in the same way that men are, then they’re rationalizing.


Right. In this thread, we have someone (jasminepp) who wonders if women who are attracted to other women are attracted to the same things as men are. Specifically, they mentioned lesbians - although for cisgender women, there are fewer lesbians than bisexual women, so why only care about how attraction works for the smaller of the two groups? That's all I was pointing out.

We then go on and have a straight woman (I assume) talk about how women (presumably the predominantly heterosexual cisgender women "GG's" of the forum, although maybe she's talking for all women everywhere for all time, who knows?), are attracted to one another - or rather aren't attracted to one another. Which makes sense that she wouldn't find women attractive in the same way men do - because she doesn't find them attractive at all.

I'm not sure how asking a straight woman about how attraction between women works is any more relevant than would be asking a gay dude about how the attraction of men towards women works, because he isn't attracted to women either!

Actually, asking a gay dude about how attraction towards women works would probably be more relevant, now that I think about it.

There are a number of differences between the way attraction works, in general, between men and women. I don't believe any of these differences are absolute - sexual attraction is complex, and I have no doubt that you can find examples of people for whom things work the opposite of what I'm about to describe. But the biggest difference, in my opinion about the way men and women experience attraction to another person is this - men tend to be much more highly visually oriented than women. Men notice the gender that they are attracted to, who present themselves in a sexy way. Men objectify - they really get turned on by specific attributes - big boobs, hairy chests, butts, etc. (which parts and who they are attached to depends on the sexual orientation of the man in question.)

This is probably MORE true of gay men than straight men. The CLASSIC closing line on a grindr profile for a gay white dude is "no fems, fats, or Asians." There was a gay bar in Dallas, back in the 80's, where they had bars over the front door of the bar, two of which were somewhat widely spaced. If you couldn't squeeze through those bars, you couldn't get into the bar! That is a serious commitment to only allowing men who look a certain way into your bar. (It's also a fire code violation, which is probably why they aren't in business anymore...)

Straight or bi guys notice boobs, legs, whatever they are into. Some have a drive for a certain look, or attribute to the point of really objectifying the woman they are approaching. That is, they care nothing about her, except that they want to sleep with her because she has, for example, great legs.

Women who are attracted to women, really aren't exactly attracted by the same things about another woman that a man might be. For some lesbians, as I mentioned, a highly feminine presentation might actually be a turn-off, because they'd assume they were dealing with a straight girl, and wouldn't want to waste their time. I can't speak for all women, and I'm not trying to say that women aren't attracted to others based on visual cues like looks, presentation, behavior, etc. But I'd say that, on average, such things are much lower priority than they are for men.

I mention this stuff about attraction to visual characteristics because this is one of the things that really changed for me after HRT. So those of us who transition have a perspective on things that a straight, cis woman wouldn't have. (I have a little extra perspective, I think, because I am bisexual - I am attracted to more than one gender.)

I notice nice looking men or women. There are certainly attributes that I think are sexy, and others that I don't care as much for. But those aren't the main things that attract me to a person. I am more interested in their personality, the "vibe" they give off when we meet, chemistry, than in looks. Looks count, but not as much for me. I realize there are women for whom this isn't true, and who wouldn't be caught dead with someone who doesn't look a certain way - but I still assert that for most of us, appearance is lower priority than other factors.

Anyway, if you want to know whether or not gay or bi women's attraction towards other women is the same as that of straight men, the answer is, generally, NO. For the most part, men and women really do work differently. There's exceptions to this, to be sure, but I'm speaking in general terms.

As far as we know, in terms of women who are attracted to other women, we are talking about ~5% of the population of cis women - ~1.5% lesbians, ~3.5% bisexual. (The ratios are different for trans women, but we are a pretty tiny part of the population, so just this once, I'm omitting that from the discussion, because it wouldn't have much impact on the percentages.)

Of course none of this sexual attraction stuff towards women has a thing to do with the gender dysphoria that most of the participants in this thread are apparently experiencing. It's very confusing at first, because with testosterone in your system, EVERYTHING tends to be about sex. So the desire to be a woman, or at least dress like one, gets comingled with attraction towards women with a CD who is sexually attracted towards women. It's difficult to break this stuff apart in your mind when you have these dysphoric feelings, added to legitimate sexual attraction, and then all of it refracted through the weird lens that is a libido fueled by testosterone.

Sorry this is kind of long - but I wanted to better explain the differences between your feelings of sexual attraction towards women, and in particular attributes of women CDs often find highly sexually appealing, and their feelings of gender dysphoria. I hope this gives some background to help tease the two feelings apart.

[Lorileah]

aaaannnnddd...I don't even know what station this train took. OK kids, this isn't a "why can't my SO be bi like me?" thread. This is a thread about CDs who are in someway jealous or envious because their SO seems to have privilege

Or something like that

So back to the OP?

That being said I think the woman in me gets jealous of her sometimes because she can wear what she wants when she wants. So I start resenting her for being a gender born woman. If that makes sense. I know she loves me for me and doesnt judge me the way I am. Now dont get me wrong I dont want to transition, I do like being male at times. Its just most other times I wish I was female more.

[elliemoss]

Hey Lily,

It probably sounds very corny but I think gratitude for your life and circumstance is what you could focus more on. I'm sure there are many many members here who are in relationships but are in the closet with their dressing or have told their partners and got shut down. You are really really wonderfully lucky to have someone who you have been with for 10 years who clearly loves you very much and is at least somewhat accepting of your dressing. I know with us the desire to grow and expand our femme sides never really ends there is always a next step not matter how great things are or how far we have come and it gets frustrating when we hit a road block but just enjoy your wonderful relationship give give give as much of yourself to the relationship as you can and give as much love as you can and everything will be amazing. On the jealousy side of things I totally relate. I put a post up here about my night out on New Years and just how jealous I felt when I seen all the beautiful ladies dressed up in pretty dresses and heels and I felt so boring and unattractive in my shirt and trousers. I was in a serious relationship before (my girlfriend at the time didn't know about my CD'ing I kept it to myself). My girlfriend had a sophisticated award show to attend for work. One day we met after work and we went dress/gown shopping. Well holy ****, I was so jealous as she went from store to store trying on and picking out these amazing dresses and talking to sales assistants and asked me my opinion on them. After about 5 stores she tried on this really long slinky red gown. As she walked out from the changing room my eyes lit up as she looked so stunning, she knew right away that was the perfect dress. As I lay in bed that night I had this emptiness inside me. I couldn't keep thinking that I would give anything to do that. Again on the night of the awards show I was so thorn. On one side I was really proud to be with such a wonderful beautiful woman who looked so stunning but I had this envious feeling that I would love to be the one wearing that gown.

[ReineD]

So back to the OP?

Thank you. :)

[PaulaQ]

So I start resenting her for being a gender born woman. If that makes sense.

I hope this is more on topic. I apologize for the off topic remarks I made. I meant no disrespect to anyone.

I've only really felt this way once. In general, women have it tough in this world, so envy never seemed right to me. I watched the things my mother, and my sister went though - hard things. Getting mistreated by men, discriminated against in the workplace, things of that sort. I felt guilty, really, that I got a pass on that stuff.

But I did resent my first wife for one thing. I don't really even like to admit this. But her pregnancy was really hard for me. I did NOT want her to be pregnant. I did not want to have a child. Or rather, I wanted a child, but I didn't want to FATHER a child. That part of it, the way she got pregnant, from me, really freaked me out. It just felt - wrong. Watching her positively glow during her pregnancy (unlike so many women, my first ex was never healthier or happier than when she was pregnant), made me jealous. I'd never know that feeling. It also made me feel disgusting - I could I freaking do that? It should've been me. I should've been the one to have a baby. But that wasn't going to be in the cards for me, and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

On some level, I also felt trapped by it. I despaired. I was now obligated to not only watch this unnatural seeming thing (from my perspective) happen, but I was trapped - there was no way I was going to try to transition with a young child. I assumed, possibly correctly, that my career would be over, and that I'd be unable to support them.

I started drinking very heavily when she became pregnant with our son. Within 18 months, she asked me to leave - I was a chronic alcoholic by that point. I'd lost my job, and survived on consulting gigs. I passed out drunk every night. I drank in the morning, to steady my delirium tremens. I don't blame her for asking me to leave. I was horrible to be around. I didn't spend the night at the hospital with her on the day our son was born. I was out drinking, instead. I had no hope that my life would ever be worth living.

I know all of that sounds horribly selfish. I was as horrible person when I drank. I felt really violated when she became pregnant. I'd made it VERY clear to her that I didn't want children. Which wasn't exactly right. I just didn't want children with her, the way we'd have had to have them. I didn't really want to be with her. I didn't love her. I feared being alone though. I'd always felt so intensely lonely. And yet, here I was, with her, feeling the same way, and feeling these horrible feelings of wrongness about myself and my body.

I'd hoped the alcohol and drugs would numb the pain I felt. Unfortunately for me, they didn't. They just became their own problem.

I was never jealous of the veritable mountain of clothes, shoes, handbags, and jewelry I bought for my second wife. I enjoyed shopping for these things, even though I got none of them for myself. Not ever. Not even once. I was happy that she was getting to enjoy those things. Sure, I wanted them for myself. But I didn't see any way for me to have them, so I was happy she got to enjoy them anyway. Her collection of designer purses was really good, Louis Vuitton, Kate Spade, so many nice bags.

It wasn't until later, after I'd started transition and we'd separated that I began to resent all of that. I didn't resent that she'd had those things - I wanted her to be happy. I had resigned myself to the idea that I was never going to be happy. What I did come to resent, was the sense that I got from her that what she really missed wasn't so much her spouse, but the stuff she could have because of my income.

Everyone in my life now tells me that she totally used me, and never loved me, just the stuff. Deep down, I really don't believe that. Oh, intellectually, I know it's true. She convinced herself that she loved me, but she what she really loved were the security, comforts, and material possessions. She enjoyed not needing a job. She enjoyed all that stuff a LOT. But I want to believe she really loved me - part of me clings to this and desperately needs to believe that she loved me. But the truth is, she didn't love me. She never loved me. She loved him, and he was a total lie. So that left the stuff, really. He was pleasant to be around, and he bought a LOT of stuff for her. That sufficed for her, although I don't think she was ever truly happy when we were together. The stuff was the only real thing there to love - certainly not me.

Anyway, whatever we had for the 20 years we were together, it didn't survive the truth about who I am. So realistically, that rules out love. And I should resent this, and all of the things she's done over the past three years, and continues to do, even now to retaliate against me.

But I don't feel resentment towards her at all, and I'm certainly not jealous of her. I'm just terribly sad about it. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I would do just about anything for a kind word from her. "Gosh, you have an interesting life. You didn't turn out so bad." I'd die to hear something like that from her. But that isn't going to happen. As stupid as this is, I still care what she thinks about me.

I still love her.

[Roxy]

I don't get jealous but I do envy my wife who can wear anything she wants, from jeans and tee shirt to a sexy blck dress.
Why can't I? Goes through my head.

[leannejacobs]

On the flip side of your post, I find my SO is jealous of me when I'm made up, this isn't nice as I like to make her as comfortable as possible when I'm dressed, we are both nearing 50 and she has given birth to my 3 sons, typically it has taken its toll on her body and let's just say she's carrying quite a few extra pounds, I love her to bits and she loves me for who I am so not an issue there, the thing is, when I'm dressed and tweaked in all the right places I have the figure she had in her twenties, I can see an tell by some of her comments that there is a green eyed monster in there.
So I can see your jealousy as a problem for you but just remember it can and does work both ways.

[ReineD]

I can see an tell by some of her comments that there is a green eyed monster in there.

Leanne, your SO should take the time to look deeply into her jealousy and determine what really causes it. Sometimes things are not as they seem.

[Eryn]

This discussion is about envy, not jealousy. Envy is when you want something someone else possesses. Jealousy is when you are worried that they will take something you hold dear.

I used to be envious of Mimi because she could wear whatever she wanted and I couldn't.

I am no longer envious because I figured out that I can wear whatever I want.

The prohibition wasn't in her mind, it was in my own.

I was never jealous.

[Tina_gm]

For me, part of the envy is the feminine choices my wife has. Nail polish, heels or flats, skirts or pants, Make up.... Now, I could do this too, but it would cause some minor chaos lol. With women, it is that ability to make those choices I would love to make, and not have anyone think much of it, other than to compliment it.

Women though often envy men to. While we CDers are envying the heels and hair, skirts etc etc, many women envy the ability of men to dress and go. My wife has said that to me on more than one occasion. And walking down the street without harassment. Or having to have a buddy system in place when going out. Having to always be mindful of where you are, especially at night.