Only a week since I came out to wife

[Liz57]

Probably nobody cares to read this as much as I like to write about it cuz I know I am long winded. I just felt like updating since I came out to my wife last Saturday. Things are still good between us, possibly better than ever. I read on several posts that once guys come out they become more attentive to their SO and that is the case here as well. I just feel so much love for her for accepting me even though it doesn’t really make a lot of sense to her. In showing my love and affection I have been reminded of how I felt when we first dated. I was totally infatuated with everything about her and I still remember what that infatuation felt like and it was amazing. So…..I am trying my best to re-create that same infatuation with her which isn’t hard at all because she’s such a special woman, especially when it comes to finding out about my secret and accepting me as I am. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to feel like that all of the time! I’m tearing up just thinking about how infatuated I am with her. So….moving on

It’s hard to believe it’s only been a week since I told her. So much has happened and yet so little has happened. I sit here wearing my new wig, glasses, necklace, earrings, anklet, corset, and shoes. (My wife went out of town for a couple of days). I did tell her I ordered some stuff and I did tell her when it came in. She hasn’t asked what I bought so I haven’t volunteered. I had to go to another city to have my taxes done and while there I noticed Payless Shoes. This could be a problem! I bought a really sexy pair of heels and another pair shoes (I feel so inadequate as a woman here cuz I don’t know shoe styles). Anyway, the heels fit great, (yes, I chickened out as far as trying them on) but the others were too small. I was hoping to get my tax paperwork back today but the guy was out of town. Well, I just couldn’t wait. I drove over there anyway and not only exchanged the shoes for a larger size but I tried on, yes, tried on two other pair and bought them as well. A woman looked down the aisle while I was trying on a pair and I glanced up at her and went on about my business as if nothing was unusual. She’ll have a story to tell her friends I’m sure. So, that’s the part that has changed, me buying a bunch of stuff and getting up the nerve to shoe shop.

What hasn’t changed much is with the new revelation to my wife. I’m trying not to bug her but then she is the only living person I can talk to about it. I won’t say it freaked her out but I can tell she’s still trying to adjust and it seems when I say something that conjures a mental image, that bothers her some. I guess I can’t blame her. I was so certain she at least had suspicions since I paraded around her once with bra marks but apparently she didn’t notice them. We had a good day the next day visiting a big cat refuge and on the way home I brought a couple of things up but also told her I was trying hard not to bug her about it. Monday night, after she had worked all day, I asked if she had thought about it anymore, hoping she had checked out the link to this forum and I thought to the two articles Marci had suggested but they didn’t go through to her. It didn’t matter because she didn’t check any of it out and said she hadn’t really even thought about it that day. I told her I was trying to be patient and give her what time she needs to adjust it was just hard for me to stop thinking about it and hoping that she’d read some so she’d understand better and see that we’re not a bunch of perverts or sickos. I haven’t mentioned it anymore since Monday except last night when on the show Life in Pieces one of the men was wearing a Cinderella dress for good luck. So he said. I couldn’t help but comment that it was just too ironic to me. BTW, the show is really funny if you’ve been a parent or grandparent.

I want so badly for her to not only be ok with this but to join in and help me with make-up and shopping and all of the cool things I read from some of our luckier friends here. I had a pedicure with her and my daughters and even my son (who btw suggested it) a couple of years ago. At the time I didn’t appreciate it but I’d love to go have a pedicure with her again, just me and her. Maybe even get my nails painted. I do realize that I’m lucky as hell to have what I’ve got which is an understanding wife that wants me to be happy. I really feel like this will progress to higher levels of involvement with her eventually, I’m just so impatient waiting for her to adjust to this new side of her husband.

I guess I’m mostly just getting this off my chest and also bragging about having such a great wife. Thanks for putting up with my longwinded oration.

Liz:)

[Alice Torn]

As a single, i must say you are very very fortunate! Women like her are extremely rare! But, easy does it. Women need time to think.

[Dana44]

Liz. That is great news. It is so nice to have someone to share with. Let her define any boundaries that she may have. Keep up the communication and listen to her fears or issues that she may have.

[Sara Jessica]

You are likely feeling giddy (first date) because your brain is thinking of how YOU envision the next step to be. She's gonna help you, let you dress up all you want, do your makeup and stuff like that. Fact of the matter is that none of that is likely to happen. She is away now and her own mind is probably thinking WTF.

The reality is that you will likely need to adjust your expectations as she comes to grips with the fact that her husband is not what she knew prior to a week ago. Best of luck to both of you.

[Julia1984]

Oh, Liz...
Youve taken the big step, now let her take her own little ones (as I am sure you did) to accepting what you want to be. She sounds cool, so dont push it...!
Good luck
Julia

[Roxy]

Long winded or not, I'd like to hear about your progression with your wife over the next few weeks or months.
When I started dating my wife and it seemed like it was for the long haul, I showed at her place wearing panties and pantyhose under my jeans and showed her a little of what I'm into. She knew of my collection of thongs and gstring bathing suits I like to tan in, so it wasn't a huge leap to see me in panties. Fast forward 10 years later we are married and we go lingerie shopping together and I wear panties every day and sleep in a night gown or slip most nights but she still has a little trouble with me going full en femme.
One of the reasons I joined this site was to hear about other members experiences with their SO.
So blow away, I'd like to hear it.
Hugs
Roxy

[suzanne]

So glad to know things are going well with your wife. She's a treasure. Now I have good news for you! Your trouble free shopping days are about to begin. You needn't worry about any salesperson being unprofessional with you. They tend to be MORE accepting than spouses. And since yours is accepting, you're in the clear.

In my case, I have zero problems wirh sales staff anywhere I shop, be it for shoes, dresses or even lingerie. I go dressed or in drab (I prefer dressed!) and I'm always greeted with smiles and even hugs. In one store, there have even been arguments over who gets to work with me next! I don't ask why, I just enjoy the attention. There's no reason for it to be any less positive for you.

Forgive the running - on. Bottom line is this. Shop anywhere you like. Ask for help. Own the fact that it's for yourself. Try things on in the store. Once you get comfortable with the process, you'll never go back to online shopping.

[Liz57]

Thanks for all of the well wishes girls. I feel like for me this was a big step, (trying on shoes) then I read about talking to a whole classroom of people en femme and I almost feel embarrassed even mentioning it.

I do have a special wife and I know that sometimes we get our hopes up higher than we have a right to but my life has always seemed that if I have faith things will turn out a certain way, they usually do. If not, at least I can keep my panties in my drawers now and my shoes in the closet and not worry about hiding them. It's all good.

Thanks for reading such a long post, I just can't seem to help myself.

Liz:battingeyelashes:

[Rogina B]

The reality is that you will likely need to adjust your expectations as she comes to grips with the fact that her husband is not what she knew prior to a week ago. Best of luck to both of you.

Exactly !

[wanabe-Leona]

CAUTION LIZ CAUTION:
Sounds like you are DEEP in the PINK FOG slow down ( i know all too well it is hard to do ). That fog can realy effect your judgement and mislead you. Don't push try to let it all come in good time yes it is HARD, your out and thinking all is fine but if you push it, it can BACKFIRE in a mear half of a hartbeat.
All wornings aside congratulations enjoy! :battingeyelashes:

[PaulaQ]

Please be careful here Liz. It is very possible that your wife simply hasn't come to terms with your CDing, and doesn't know how to react yet. It could get either better or worse. My coming out story, in a thread called "out" here on this forum shows how horribly wrong things can go. I'm not saying that will happen - there are many examples here of folks whose marriages survive coming out. Give her a chance to process this, and then talk to her about her feelings, because there is a great chance that early on, she doesn't know what to think.

[pamela7]

every one of our steps looks big until we've done it. like climbing everest, sometimes other people are further up or on their way down, but all should appreciate the effort of the others.

[Katie01]

I agree with the go slow comments. Mi escalated things too fast and it backfired. Things went from nonjudgmental tolerance to more or less a turn off for her. It's taken several months of not talking about it too much for her to come around to tolerance again. I'd love to play with her but respecting her space is more important.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Liz:hugs:, Slow down and pace yourself, The ball is in her court now,
Please don't try to overwhelm your:love:wife with this program or you may loose everything you just gained. :daydreaming:

[Dana3]

IMHO? I'd step back and take a deep breath! If you Goggle it, the internet is repeat with stories upon stories, where the individual THOUGHT the wife/SO was accepting, are at least tolerant, only to find out that they weren't! Indeed, only to found out that even after years and years upon years, that at best they were NOT only intolerant, but HATED it with a vengeance since the "Revel"

Most women have little if any conception of anything about transgendered issues, regardless where they fall upon the "spectrum" of such. Most would NEVER in a trillion years imagine themselves involved with someone as such.

I, myself personally have gone to the and become a member of "The Other Group" ~ sites in which transgendered issues have been reduce to nothing more and absolutely anything more than a sexual fetish.

To be honest? The stories and tales that I've read there? I find shocking as a human being, let alone any and all other labels that I place upon myself or that others may place upon me?

In as much as you desire for her to "educate" about your side of this reality? I would STRONGLY advise that you educate yourself as to her perspective as a woman dealing with this issue ~ albeit as painful as you may find it! The reality is that this is a selfish, self indulgent, potentially, narcissistic behavior

[Shayna]

Take it slow. FOr you, it probably feels like a massive relief that she knows and you can talk openly, but for her she's trying to figure out what it all means.

[Kellitgdet]

Liz,

Thank you for sharing with lots of detail. I must agree with the slow it down, there really is no real good reason to push this along any more. The ball is rolling now and it is in her court. I think it would be ok to ask her how she is feeling, does she have any questions. But you're not to the point of help me with my makeup or how does this dress look on me.
Your wife has a lot to process and she will do it as she is able.
She sounds wonderful.

Take care, Kelli

[Mykaa]

Dana3's description is very apt and realistic for me as whats said in 1st paragraph was who I had in my past,(and still have to deal with today) I will also admit I was selfish and probly narcissistic, I had not accepted myself then was also unhappy with myself then, I wasnt ready to be many things at that point in my life. Joining here was something I should have done a long time ago. I know Im a work in progress and am hopeful Ive went forward into being a better person.
Liz I hope things continue to go in a positive direction for you as what Ive been through I wouldnt wish on anyone.

[Liz57]

Just a quick update and acknowledgment to those who have responded. My wife was gone a couple of days so I had the freedom of an empty house and a bunch of new stuff to try out. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, it was so cool to have shoes that fit!!! I enjoyed my new wig most of all. The feel of my curls brushing against my face and shoulders was a constant reminder of being a girl.

The wife is back, I saw her a couple hours before going to work. I will see her briefly tomorrow and then when I get up Tuesday I'll be on vacation for a week. We'll be at our other house and will have family there most of the time. I figure that will keep me otherwise occupied and give her more time to think maybe. She may have too much other stuff on her mind then. I guess it would be good for her to have some time of normalcy to see I'm still the same person she married. BTW our 37th anniversary is Friday.

Thanks for all of the advice and encouragement. Deep down I know all these things but it's good to hear them from others. It's like I have my own cheerleading squad. I think reading it helps reinforce everything and gives me patience.

Thanks for putting up with my rambling.

Liz:battingeyelashes:

[KrisCDAZ]

Liz:

All the best to you. Keep up your spirits and be open.

Kris

[Beverley Sims]

Now you have outed yourself, don't push the boundaries too quickly even wait for your wife to suggest something.

This can take six months or more but can be very rewarding.

[Leelou]

Thanks for the update, Liz. And happy anniversary this week! That long marriage helps explain her acceptance a bit better. It seems from what I've read here that long term marriages have a better chance of surviving a reveal of CD'ing. I could be totally wrong and there is no correlation, but it appears that if a marriage has survived decades, there is a better chance.

Congratulations. Take it slow. Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman.

[Angie G]

Good for you Liz. Just keep things going SLOW! hun. Let her adjust at her speed. You'll get where you want to be.:hugs:
Angie