Worst Case Reality

[CarlaWestin]

We all have our own built it risk management. I subliminally plan for worst case scenario all the time.
So I was wondering.
What was your worst case reality?
I've been pulled over dressed a few times.
Comical but no issues.
And grabbed by a grocery store employee that thought I was stealing meat.
I was wearing breast forms.
:straightface:

[Pat]

And grabbed by a grocery store employee that thought I was stealing meat.
I was wearing breast forms.
:straightface:

You need to get better breast forms. ;) At least they didn't think you were stealing sausages. :lol2:

[Charlyne]

I have gone to my office early in the mornings and weekends dressed. My worst fear is being caught dressed there. I live in a smaller community and have no plan.

[Robin414]

You need to get better breast forms. ;) At least they didn't think you were stealing sausages. :lol2:

LMAO Jennie 😂

I'd say bumping into someone I know who does know that I interact wit regularly...no plan for that.

[Kevyn53]

My wife and I went into a thrift store in a city about 3 hours away and ran into 5 women from our home town. They recognized her, and asked where I was. They didn't recognize me enfemme. My wife said I was here and going to a gay stag party where we all had to dress up. We never figured out if they all bought it.

[Stephanie47]

Several years ago the privacy of my backyard sanctuary was violated by nosy neighbors. I did not realize they had seen me relaxing on one of our swing sets. But, I guess if you want to see something, you can go through great lengths to "catch" someone. After I had overheard one talking to the other; "Why would a man wear a dress?" I stopped going into the backyard. I'm sure they talked about their observation with some of the neighbors because they were gossips. Nobody ever changed in any manner how they treated me to talked to me. Ultimately the entire family was kicked out for not paying their rent.

Now, the backyard is off limited when the new occupants....very nice family..kids are home from school. They will peer over the fence to chat

[Teresa]

Carla,
I could list any of my dog walking stories, or maybe answering the door to delivery drivers. Maybe the time my seamstress friend stood me in the middle of her shop fully dressed but no make up or wig . Surprisingly I'm still here, the ground hasn't opened up and swallowed me , I know one thing my sense of humour is getting better or should I say worse !!

[Jennifer0874]

When I first graduated from college I moved to the city on my own. I rented a one bedroom apartment on the first floor in a two flat that had one more apartment upstairs.

My upstairs neighbor Jaime was really hot and I had a huge crush on her. I really didn't want her to know I dressed. We did become friends nothing more. Many nights I would wait until around midnight to sneak out dressed and walk around the block. Turns out Jaime had a boyfriend living overseas and he would call her around this time. She would almost always see me sneaking out the back. She knew I was never gone long. So one night she decided to go sit on the back porch after I left. When I came back I was shocked to see her sitting there.

She really was just curious about it and had questions. After that she often would go out to gay bars with me. In the end it turned out to be a great confidence builder that some people were accepting

[pamela7]

i don't have any in relation to CD/TG, but i think the worst case is regretting not having an instant put-down for a rude stranger.

[heatherdress]

I think worst case scenarios are usually beyond a back-up plan. They would typically involve discovery by an unsuspecting loved one or employer. There is usually no option or plan, except admittance.

[Julia1984]

For the time being i am enjoying the whole "dont question it and live in the moment" thing. I suppose that will likely change and my natural risk-aversion will have something to say to my more spontaneous self. Whether I will take any notice remains to be seen.

[rachelatshop]

My worst case reality, would be to be unlocking the shop door, while fully dressed in my skirt suit, long curly wig, stocking and heels, (I only pass at a distance because I can wear a full face mask to cover my beard), and in drives a customer, jumps out of their car and before I can escape into the shop, and starts talking to me.

[Alice Torn]

My fears were fulfilled my first two times out. Stopped by a cop my first night driving dressed. The next day, guys shouting obscenities out of a car, as i walked down town in another town, and later that day, a man forced to ask me to jump start his car battery, and told his kids to look the other way. But, Carla, having a store employee think you stole meat is unbeatable!!

[Judy-Somthing]

When I was 17 I went to a local park at midnight, I was loving it until a car pulled up and 5 older guys got out and started walking towards me.

I thought "OH CRAP" got up and started walking towards the opposite exit of the park.

Meanwhile the guys started fallowing me saying "hay honey hang with us and have a beer" I ran like the dickens and hopped a few fences in heels.

I reached home but when I looked through the door window I saw my farther watching TV so I ran to the garage when the guys finally caught up to me.

They asked why did I run, we only want to hang out. then one said "hey you're so and so's brother I ended up telling them I did it on a dare.

Who knows what would have happened if the didn't know my brother.

[sometimes_miss]

Worst case was having to face my wife about my crossdressing. End result was her blackmailing me for divorce and all our assets, and my telling my family to keep her from being the one to break it to them. Brought my life tumbling down into a shambles for years. Still haven't recovered. And yet, looking back, it's almost funny: I was so, so sure that all the good things about me would easily outweigh the little crossdressing thing. I had gone over it in my head a thousand times, yet the pink fog is thick, and I didn't understand back then how much importance we assign to who we believe our significant others to be, and how much what we think we are in love with, can so easily be destroyed.

[Cristy2]

My worst case would be being exposed! The side of town I live in and my clientele are not LGBT friendly. I fear that I have a few neighbors that would be all too willing to organize an unfortunate accident.

[Karmen]

I think worst case scenarios are usually beyond a back-up plan. They would typically involve discovery by an unsuspecting loved one or employer. There is usually no option or plan, except admittance.

It's the same with me. Except this, I also fear being attacked at night when I usually go out fully dressed. You read how many times women get mugged or raped by strangers somewhere. I don't even want to think what would happen if someone more powerful as me or armed would try to rape me and discovered I'm not a female. This might really pissed him off. Who knows what he would do. As a backup plan I have some protection with me, but nothing illegal, just pepper spray, because I wouldn't want to get in trouble with the law, if police stop me again and maybe decide to search the purse on this occasion. If I would be arrested fully dressed would be really embarrassing and would turn my world upside down and not in a good way.

[JenniferR771]

Good point, Carla. Plan for the unexpected. I fear running into my daughter or son-in-law while out and about. Or possibly running into one of my wife's friends. Or my own friends or neighbors.
In fact, I was trying on dresses at a thrift store with the head clerk's help--when--a lady from the church with her kids age 7 and 10, came in the front door about 20 feet away. I managed to sneak into the nearby fitting room. I hid for a few long minutes until the clerk lady told me the coast was clear. Paid and left, fast. Wore the dress. Boy clothes in a bag.

[CarlaWestin]

Worst case was having to face my wife about my crossdressing. End result was her blackmailing me for divorce and all our assets, and my telling my family to keep her from being the one to break it to them. Brought my life tumbling down into a shambles for years. Still haven't recovered. And yet, looking back, it's almost funny: I was so, so sure that all the good things about me would easily outweigh the little crossdressing thing. I had gone over it in my head a thousand times, yet the pink fog is thick, and I didn't understand back then how much importance we assign to who we believe our significant others to be, and how much what we think we are in love with, can so easily be destroyed.
OMG, I've certainly lived out and survived that one. Make surviving anything else easy. As bad as that was, I ultimately benefited in maturity and self confidence.

[Mykaa]

Well after going through needing attorneys twice in the last 7 years, all the mud the Ex has slung or tried to sling, I think Im pretty much done with the worst.

[Tracii G]

A few physical altercations with jack asses but running into my Daughter and her Husband while out shoe shopping.
Walked right past me at one point and my son in law even looked me in the eyes from about 10 feet away.
I kept walking over an aisle a time to get away but I honestly don't think they recognized me.
Have never had them comment to me about it and yes they would have because I know them well.
It wouldn't be something that would upset them or make them hate me.My oldest Daughter would be the one to have issues if I told her.

The meat comment was priceless Carla I almost inhaled my coffee.

[Jenny22]

_______________________

The employee must have thought the meat to be your "chicken cutlets".

[Krististeph]

With the police- i tell them what I am and what I am doing. Once they understand i'm just a crossdresser out and about- i've gotten out of a number of tickets that way (bullshit tickets, but still...)

people grabbing me- never happened yet, than goodness. Simply put- they are going down, and a lawsuit for egregious behavior and harassment would follow.

Folks, I am a chicken. I'm a us army artillery Forward Observer, so i'm not a coward, but I shy from a fight, because I hate to take the chance to take to fight to its conclusion: I will win. Period.

If someone grabbed me in public- dressed female or male, somebody's going to jail.

Had a guy on my roof recently, son of the roofer contracted to fix my neighbor's place. Had to rip off a dress (cute little plaid taffeta), and it pissed me off. While I did not feel the need to go out 'augmented', i did confront the guy as he was approaching the ladder to com down. It was obvious he was stoned. At that point, i was just pissed off, check his id, and the work requested to my next door neighbor.

Stupid stoner almost got seriously injured. Ended up flushing the bill for my 96 year old neighbor, as I inspected the work and found faults. But I still felt angered over that invasion of privacy. And the police captain (who knows i CD (I explained the incident to him) said it would not have been indefensible (we both do target shooting with a number of lawyers in the area)), to physically restrain the guy and file charges, but like most suburbanites- we took a deep breath and relaxed.

So this is a strange incident- but incident of invasion happen- the same neighbor had people enter her home under the guise of inspectors, she kicked them out before they got their hands on anything... but this is a serious risk- people will try to come into your home.

So as general advice, off the record, from a police captain- with my personal interpretation (meaning this is not legal advice), if you get a front door approach- people you do not know.. do not open the door or acknowledge. Call 911 if they are suspicious, thll them you are home alone with no help. Arm yourself as you can. If the people begin breaking in, tell 911 immediately- this escalates the legal point from an invasion to a burglary. You now have legal precedent for forceful resistance.

Regardless of the form of resistance- remember that the intent is always to "stop the invasion", "stop the assault", or "stop the intent"...

I know this is a very last ditch scenario, but we should be ready for it. As cds or as citizens.

But the crux of this is- if you are in a case that involves police- tell them you are a CD. This gives them the info to understand why certain reactions may bhave been atypical. It does not give one license to assault the police, but they will make the effort to be understanding.

[Eryn]

And grabbed by a grocery store employee that thought I was stealing meat. :straightface:

My response would be: "Think carefully before you continue with your accusation. I have nothing to fear and in the end you will end up embarrassed in front of your boss. After that, both your job and his will be in danger because I will take this false accusation to your management."


I'd say bumping into someone I know who does know that I interact wit regularly...no plan for that.

That one is mine. I'm now out more and more within my former "No Fly Zone." With this invariably comes encounters with friends and co-workers. I've been slowly bringing co-workers into the fold and they have so far been fine with me, but Mimi and I still have occasional near-misses. Someday one of these will spawn recognition and all I'll be able to do is say "This is me, welcome to my world!"


Several years ago the privacy of my backyard sanctuary was violated by nosy neighbors.... ...They will peer over the fence to chat

Solution is simple, taller fences make better neighbors.


i don't have any in relation to CD/TG, but i think the worst case is regretting not having an instant put-down for a rude stranger.

Why would one want to interact at all with a rude stranger? The best put-down ever is to simply ignore their existence.


My worst case would be being exposed! The side of town I live in and my clientèle are not LGBT friendly. I fear that I have a few neighbors that would be all too willing to organize an unfortunate accident.

Dang, time to move Girl! Why waste your time and attention on people who would hate your true self if you revealed it to them? They don't deserve your attention.


I also fear being attacked at night when I usually go out fully dressed. You read how many times women get mugged or raped by strangers somewhere...

I realize that this isn't possible for some people, but I am very averse to any situation where there is a great danger of being attacked. Being dressed does not mean that I have to live totally on the wild side. If I go out at night it is to someplace that is relatively safe. Daytime excursions are much safer and often more satisfying.


Worst case was having to face my wife about my crossdressing. End result was her blackmailing me for divorce and all our assets, ...I didn't understand back then how much importance we assign to who we believe our significant others to be, and how much what we think we are in love with, can so easily be destroyed.

Yes, this can be a problem if a person is married to an image of a spouse rather than the person the spouse actually is. How many times have we seen women divorce their husbands who, for whatever reason "weren't the man I married" or men divorce their wifes because a younger, more exciting woman caught their eye. Yes, shallowness isn't a gender-specific trait.

Some marriages survive these storms, because both parties are committed to their partner as a person, not an image. They understand that every person, and relationship, evolves continuously.

[Jilmac]

There hasn't really been a worst case for me yet, but if one ever happens I'll be totally unprepared, However at this point in my life I doubt any negative event could faze me.

[CindyB]

All's I can say is, I've been very lucky! Worst case scenario is living in Texas :straightface:

Worst case would be: living in Texas and a small town, being caught by someone I know. It would spread like wildfire.

Probably worst thing ever happened is: I had some guy start following me as I was driving. I wasn't far from the police station so I headed that way but before I got there I ran a yellow light and he stopped on red. Whew!

Most deflating thing that ever happened was at a bar in Austin. Had some drunk lesbian start mocking me to my face. Her friends kept apologizing but she wouldn't stop. I just got up and left. Never went back to that bar.

[Georgette_USA]

One of my worst case was when about 25-26 before I had SRS. Was partying in a no Trans disco type club. Drinking too much and went to ladies. My voice is an in-between. Made the mistake of talking to someone else in a stall. She freaked out and thought there was a man in there. I quickly and quietly finished as she got her BF to check it out.

Learned to never talk in ladies unless I knew who else was in there.

[PaulaQ]

What was your worst case reality?

I try to always be watchful, because I am out, and I am known to some extent. Always in the back of my mind is the notion that if someone spots me, and it's the wrong person, they could try to end me.

Of course there are also people who are really attracted to us, so I now carry a rape whistle (among other things), after someone attempted to rape me.

I *won't* go to any of the local psychiatric facilities here, regardless of whatever problems I might suffer. Not that I am suffering from anything or can imagine why I'd need that. But were that to come to pass, I would resist, well, very, very strongly.

I don't typically out myself as trans to a medical doctor, unless I trust them, and there is a very good reason for them to know. There are those who will refuse to treat, or undertreat, a trans person. I particularly worry about this if my state adopts one of the "religious freedom" laws that would make refusing treatment of me on religious grounds completely without consequence.

I have changed all my ID's, as well as my birth certificate, the original of which was sealed. This was only possible during a brief window of time in my state. Hopefully they will allow it again, but we aren't sure about that. Anyway, the state can't prove I'm trans without a court order, I believe, and since the law that sealed my record relates to adoption, not trans stuff, my hope is that it would be hard for them to get.

I have a passport in case I need to leave the country.

My worst case scenarios are more anti-trans state laws that criminalize being trans. The things I've outlined above, I believe, make me immune to most of the current ones. I do worry that they will begin to interfere with our ability to get medical treatments we need, particularly medications. Those types of things would make me leave my state, unless we get a hostile president in the future, who implements them at the FDA / DEA level. In that case, I'd leave this country.

I wish these were all just paranoid fantasies, but unfortunately, there are groups dedicated to making such things happen. We can only hope they fail.

The above still aren't quite my worst case scenarios. If the state or US government restored my identity documents back to match what were assigned to me at birth, or did some of the other things I list above, and didn't permit me to leave, there are actions I have considered as well. However, my survival in such a situation would be highly unlikely.

I will NOT go into assisted living / nursing home type facilities either. I am not expecting to live far into old age, although I'd be happy to be wrong about that, especially if old age didn't, imply being placed at some point into the care of people who might well be allowed to neglect or abuse me based on rather awful state laws.

[BethanyCross]

My worst case would be being in a salon with my hair in rollers or having nail extensions applied when someone I know walks in. I'd be stuck having this ultra feminine stuff being done to me as an acquaintance watches. It is a risk I have taken a few times. Now I only do these things away from home, but coincidences happen...

[Krisi]

My worst case reality was probably the time my wife went out but came home immediately because the tire light in the car was on and found me in the garage desperately trying to get out of a bra and one of her blouses. Not fun.

Things are better now, she knows and accepts or at least puts up with my hobby.

Second worst (but nothing really happened) was when I was driving dressed on a two lane country road at night and rounded a curve to find a guy riding a bicycle the wrong way in my lane and heading straight for me. I was able to swerve and miss him and not hit any oncoming traffic so that was the end of it. Bicyclists around here are pretty stupid.

[Beverley Sims]

I was with my girlfriends dressed and we ran into some of my service buddies in a bar, they spoke to a couple of the other girls but I kept my distance......

Boy! or Girl! was my heart racing.

I think I mustered up all the adrenalin I could that day.

[Launa]

Worst case reality is waiting for the bomb to go off and everybody in the world finding out. This weekend came pretty close, I was at a big public fashion event and I wasn't sure who was going to be there as it was a very public event. I went to the front counter with my I-phone to get my ticket scanned off the phone but it wouldn't scan at the counter and I was late getting there. There was a bunch of people around the ticket counter and the guy trying to scan for the ticket said, "ok lets try it a different way. What's your name?" I said, quietly my real guy name and then he said to another lady at the counter can you find his name on the list? The lady replied oh yes he is here, its all good! So people at our local Science Center and whoever else knows my real name! LOL

[barbara gordon]

Worst case was having to face my wife about my crossdressing. End result was her blackmailing me for divorce and all our assets, and my telling my family to keep her from being the one to break it to them. Brought my life tumbling down into a shambles for years. Still haven't recovered. And yet, looking back, it's almost funny: I was so, so sure that all the good things about me would easily outweigh the little crossdressing thing. I had gone over it in my head a thousand times, yet the pink fog is thick, and I didn't understand back then how much importance we assign to who we believe our significant others to be, and how much what we think we are in love with, can so easily be destroyed.
.....wow sounds like what my ex wife did when i told her about my cd'ing . except mine threatened to take the kids too..i did the same defense with my family . i told them before she tried to . and yep , she tried . my sister basically told her to "love off" thats the only thing i was able to "own " at that time.. Well it indeed was a "worse case scenario" . I lost so much including all $ and home ,i was blackmailed and bad mouthed and outed . But somehow i held tight to my dignity .And after a dirty legal process ,I deservedly kept full shared parenting custody .
It takes time to get through it and a lot of scars .and ditto on the trusting / not trusting of a significant other . In the end I evolve every day and that "worst case" allowed me do become more .so don't be afraid of "crossdressing worse case " . I am glad my ex found out about me . it showed her true nature . while i showed mine . the "worst case " gave me a chance to be happier . sorry if this response is a little jagged . Having gone through being outed , I am now more afraid of health problems , safety accidents , etc .

[Lauri K]

The worst case is that everyone here stays hidden and we never advance ourselves as being who we really are...........

Think about that for a minute.............

Not saying to throw all caution to the wind, but don't leave any room for regret later in life

PS. Carla get your clip board out now honey and keep track of the responses...........LOL........and don't hide out in Area 51 all the time

[Georgette_USA]

Wow Paula

I still use the terms TS and such, as that was what was commonly used back then.

You either have had some terrible times, or imagine same. I have looked at your FaceBook pages, interesting reads. I guess we need some OUT Trans to work on all these laws for the new people. I understand that not all TG go the full route to Post-TS.

Maybe my partner, a Post-TS MtF, and I have just been lucky. We both became Post-TS MtF in 1977. There were NO laws protecting Trans, as it was probably so limited, it was not on most peoples radar. I had NO problems with birth state Illinois or local Virginia stuff. Of course back then a cert from surgeons was what counted. That officially made us both women for all legal stuff.

Only doctor that knew background was my OB/GYN and that stopped in 1985 when we decided to stop HRT. Other then work NO one other then family knows my background. I have never been an OUT Trans person, in my day it was expected to just blend into society.

Live in Maryland now, and it is fairly progressive. Now in my 60s, I tell some doctors in case it might make a difference in diagnosis.

I can see sometime in future some test cases will be picked up by US Supreme Court for rulings. As was done with same sex marriage. Of course some states still fight Abortion and same-sex marriage rights.

[GenieGirl]

This past weekend I had two worst case scenario dreams. One was visiting the current girl I am dating's family as her "boyfriend". She is a lesbian and I am only dating her as a girl. The second dream I had was running into my boss at the bar as a girl and not realizing it till the end of the night and it was awkward for us....

[Dana44]

The worst case for me was my ex wife outed me to everybody including my sister. I lost almost everything in that divorce. Even lost my job a year later before I could recover. But today I am happier and run about 50/50 male to fem and enjoying life now. I have an understanding SO and we have a lot of fun doing things together. It seems good comes from bad.

[PaulaQ]

You either have had some terrible times, or imagine same. I have looked at your FaceBook pages, interesting reads. I guess we need some OUT Trans to work on all these laws for the new people. I understand that not all TG go the full route to Post-TS.

Oh, we surely do, hon. I've read some of the plans from the groups that write these laws, and seen the horrible ads that were aired on TV against us in Houston. It can get bad.


Maybe my partner, a Post-TS MtF, and I have just been lucky. We both became Post-TS MtF in 1977. There were NO laws protecting Trans, as it was probably so limited, it was not on most peoples radar. I had NO problems with birth state Illinois or local Virginia stuff. Of course back then a cert from surgeons was what counted. That officially made us both women for all legal stuff.

Not being on the radar and being stealth kept you safe. Most of the women I know will NEVER get GCS without it being covered by insurance. :( One of the aims of the groups that write these laws that are being sent around to states is to make sure that private insurance doesn't cover trans medical care of any sort. (It's crazy, but they put this stuff up on their website. Guess we aren't perceived as much of a threat, so they just make their plans known...) BTW, in my opinion, even if everyone in the US had health insurance that covered all trans medicine, there aren't enough doctors to provide everyone with GCS who needs / wants it. Marci's waiting list, for example, will hit three years soon for MtF's!


I have never been an OUT Trans person, in my day it was expected to just blend into society.

Yup. I understand. Back then, you didn't have much of a choice. Look - I could do the same thing you've done. I've had surgery, I pass, my documents are all in order. It requires that I come out to people to be out. It just isn't obvious, apparently. I'm in a position of privilege, so I use that to be out, and help others. No disrespect intended to others who don't make the same choices I make. None of us asked for this, and we all obviously should have the right to live a life of our choosing.


Of course some states still fight Abortion and same-sex marriage rights.

It is important to not underestimate our foes here. States that oppose abortion have made SIGNIFICANT strides against it by increasing the regulatory requirements on clinics that perform abortions. They forced half of the clinics in Texas to close overnight in 2014 by increasing the regulations under which they operated to the point where they could no longer stay in business. It can take a very long time for the supreme court to right such wrongs. And here's the thing - even if they declare the rules in Texas unconstitutional, those clinics are GONE. They aren't going to magically pop back into existence.

This matters to us because it is very possible that states that don't like us could use the same tactics against us. There are VERY few providers in most states who treat us. If those providers are harassed or legislated out of existence, it doesn't matter what the supreme court decides - many of us might not be able to find treatment for years because there will simply be no one in the area to do it. They don't have to do A THING to us directly. In fact they can claim "we are protecting the rights of transgender people by protecting them from substandard care." Which is exactly what they said about their rules which closed half of the abortion clinics in the state. Only those clinics did a lot more for women's health than provide abortions, and in many areas, there are NO other such clinics available, so many women, in fact, receive much worse, or no care now, even if they had no intention of EVER having an abortion, but just needed some other health service offered by the clinic.

Again, this is a more dangerous situation for us, because right now, there are very few doctors who'll treat us at all. Shut them down, and some of us are in real danger.

People like you and me, Georgette, who're pretty invisible, and who have been able to get surgery and ID changes, and who have resources, are probably going to be fine - or at least it's going to be a lot harder to get us. But there are many trans people who just aren't so fortunate, and who are in real danger if these laws continue to be passed in the states.

I'm sorry for the extreme seeming negativity, but I've seen enough because of what I do that I understand how fragile our lifeline is. Unfortunately, unlike times past, the bad guys appear to be doing their homework, and are beginning to target areas where we are the weakest. I don't think they can win in the long run, but the human toll of any successes they have in the short term could be terribly high.

Stopping this stuff is going to take trans people and our allies working together.

[Helen_Highwater]

When I was 17 I went to a local park at midnight, I was loving it until a car pulled up and 5 older guys got out and started walking towards me.

This is what happens if you're somewhere that a GG won't be late at night. We'll put that one down to the innocence of youth.


As for me, years ago I got stopped by the police while out driving. Being in the earlier stages of my dressing I wasn't fully enfemme which must have looked a little strange. However nothing came of it just sent on my way. The police have seen it all over the years.

Working from home one day and dressed my SO came home from work to pick up something she'd forgotten to take with her. When she went to talk to me, fortunately it was close to Christmas, I said don't come in (to the room) unless you want to see you're Christmas presents. So off she went back to work. I don't think my heart has ever pounded so much.

[Renihoward]

Years ago I was out driving dressed and stopped at a 7-11. When I came out of the store a cop had pulled in behind my car, I had a hot check outstanding. He followed me home and let me change then told me to turn myself in the next morning or he would come back to get me. Nothing was said the next day. I paid off the check and nother else happened. I scared my but now 20 years later I still go out for a drive.

[Lea]

My worse case would getting caught because I would be fired.

[chris80]

This is what happens if you're somewhere that a GG won't be late at night. We'll put that one down to the innocence of youth.


As for me, years ago I got stopped by the police while out driving. Being in the earlier stages of my dressing I wasn't fully enfemme which must have looked a little strange. However nothing came of it just sent on my way. The police have seen it all over the years.

Working from home one day and dressed my SO came home from work to pick up something she'd forgotten to take with her. When she went to talk to me, fortunately it was close to Christmas, I said don't come in (to the room) unless you want to see you're Christmas presents. So off she went back to work. I don't think my heart has ever pounded so much.
expensive mistake. you then had to go and buy her a present!

[sherri]

I've had 3 or 4 traffic-related encounters with law enforcement over the years -- nothing serious, not even ticketed -- without a problem, I've gone out countless times in a nearby city and traveling without any significant incidences, I've intentionally choreographed situations in which I've presented as fem to people I don't know, I've shopped, dined and stayed in hotels fem, attended public lgbt events, I've even bumped into gay/lesbian people I know from home in lgbt clubs, all of which have taught me 90% of our fears are in our own heads. But -- and this is a big but -- as much as I'd love to out myself to someone I know (assuming they would react positively, or at least neutrally), after 15 + years of being TG, I still must face the fact that being totally out could come at terrible cost, and still know I run a risk every time I step out the door, even if I exercise caution and discretion. I hate that reality, but it is the one fear I still have to live with.

[Karren H]

Worst case? Being exposed by someone who hates you. Loosing your job. Loosing you wife and family. Loosing all your savings. Your house. End up dying alone in an alley in a soiled pretty pink dress. Yep. That's probably the worst. Lol

[Nadine Spirit]

It is kind of amazing to me how many people are describing what their worst case WOULD be. That is NOT what this thread is supposed to be. It is supposed to be describing the worst REALITY you have experienced.

So..... my worst reality was being fully dressed, in another state, and handing my ID over to an officer. Nothing came of it, but I was sure freaking out! The officer handled it very professionally and was in no way disrespectful to me at all. Oh, it was in Arizona, BTW.

[josie_S]

Most deflating thing that ever happened was at a bar in Austin. Had some drunk lesbian start mocking me to my face. Her friends kept apologizing but she wouldn't stop. I just got up and left. Never went back to that bar.

OMG...I'm so sorry that happened. I can imagine how uncomfortable it was.

[Karmen]

It is kind of amazing to me how many people are describing what their worst case WOULD be. That is NOT what this thread is supposed to be. It is supposed to be describing the worst REALITY you have experienced.

So..... my worst reality was being fully dressed, in another state, and handing my ID over to an officer. Nothing came of it, but I was sure freaking out! The officer handled it very professionally and was in no way disrespectful to me at all. Oh, it was in Arizona, BTW.

I guess we misunderstood what the thread supposed to be. I already described my worst reality until now in the past in similar thread. Lucky nothing worse happened after that.
I was stopped by cops while walking around at night and I wet my pants in front of them from fear and nervousness, because it was my first encounter with cops while fully dressed in female clothes. I didn't know what would happen. Lucky they handled it really professionally and let me go since I didn't do anything wrong, they just checked my papers and ask a few questions, but those were really humiliating and long minutes for me, just standing there with wet pants in my own puddle of urine.
It's kind of funny remembering back on that particular moment now, but was not funny then. If you have a weak bladder is not really convenient anyway, but in moments like that it is really embarrassing.

[Jennifer in CO]

Well, I started to write the story and by the time I was through it was two pages long. So its saved anyway. Here's the Cliff-Notes version: Wife is out of town. Red mist sets in. I have a vacant rural mountain property to inspect. I don't dress appropriately (white crop top, micro-mini, 4" heels). I take lunch with me to eat at an isolated park. Park empty when I get there but dang near full by the time I need to leave...and need to go to the potty. Potty success in the park johns but need to leave. Drop keys getting in the car...with people waiting for me to pick up my stuff so they can park in the space next to me. Did I mention I have a bushy black mustache? Suddenly there is an uncontrolled orgasm. Now crying (and messy), I manage to get in the car and leave. That is my worst case scenario

[Georgette_USA]

Thank you Paula for the responses. We had an hour discussion in one of the TG support groups this Friday on all these laws. As others have said there are some of us that have been invisible/hiding out. I have thought of being more visible, but after 40 years it scares me more then the first years of transition. I am retired, no SO, completely out to my large extended family. Not sure what I could do.

Here is another worst case for me.

In the US Navy in 1972. Lived off base and could dress as much as I wanted. Started to drive around at night and day. Got stopped by local cop. After him checking me and my driver and military IDS. Gave me a warning but must have reported it to base commander. Had to see Pyschs and US Security people. Because it was not Gay related they had NO major problem. My life and career could have been very different. My Top Secret and later Secret clearances continued until I retired at 61. Always warn younger NEVER lie or HIDE things from US Security people.

[rian]

One day I was Fully Dressed with make up , my apartment lay on the Ground floor ,,,I opened the window to have some fresh Air when suddenly I was face to face with my neighbor ...I suddenly felt as if the ground has swallowed me ,,,,so I closed quickly the window and run to the other room ....But after a while and to my Surprise and laugh I heard my neighbor giggling with his friend at the stairs lobby ....he saw a very sexy lady at my house ...and he thought she was my mistress .......knowing at that time my wife was traveling abroad ....

[Jane G]

I was driving dressed in a company hire car across the moors at night in the thick fog. A huge bull charged the car and basically stuck it's horn through the windscreen and wrecked the passenger side of the car. I continued driving until the next town, where I parked under a street lamp and checked out the damage. The car looked wrecked but still worked. So I drove back to my hotel. I was terrifide I would lose my job, but the boss laughed it off. We all worry too much about what others will think. They have other things to worry about.

[Jocee]

LOL - too funny......


You need to get better breast forms. ;) At least they didn't think you were stealing sausages. :lol2:

[Petra1]

My worst case reality was having a cop pull up behind me as I changed in the van on the side of the road late one night. I was doing fine, explaining I was figuring out where I was until a second cop came up (whom I hadn't seen) and told the first guy that I wasn't wearing pants. (I had a skirt on.). They had me get out, put my pants on, and get in the back of the squad while they searched my van. All they found was the "girls" and a pair of heels. They eventually let me go after I embarrassingly admitted what I was doing (changing) and answered the question about what I was wearing underneath everything (thong). I was scared beyond belief because they knew my real name and easily could have easily associated it with my part-time jobs. Don't think I slept much that night.

[Pat]

Worst case reality? For me, the incident that stays with me is when I first started venturing out of the house. I had been thinking I was pretty expert at walking in heels, but a trip outside had proved that walking in the real world was a lot different than walking around the house. So I figured I'd practice by going out at night for a walk around the block dressed male but with a pair of wedges that nobody would notice. Good plan. Uneven pavement and gravel was treacherous and managing uphill and downhill walking was much different than carpet and hardwood floors, but I was feeling pretty smug that I was within sight of home and still on my feet when a car turned onto my street and the headlights dazzled me so I didn't see a pothole. My ankle twisted, I went down like a ton of bricks right in front of the oncoming car. The driver screeched to a halt -- it was one of my neighbors -- she was upset from feeling she nearly killed me and started ranting about me being out walking at night dressed in dark clothing.

The side of the wedge had ripped out from the fall and the shoe was dangling from its ankle strap. I found another thing I had never considered about being in heels -- getting up from a prone position in heels isn't the as easy as it is with flats. So I'm in the street floundering in her headlights, trying to take off the shoes, getting read out by my neighbor, trying to think of any possible excuse for me being out in leopard-print heels and decided better to say nothing than to say something lame, so I just apologized, for scaring her, said I slipped in a hole, did not say a word about the shoes as I finally pulled them off and proceeded back toward my house barefoot. I had sprained the ankle badly, but shock and adrenaline got me home without noticing. The ankle developed bruising that didn't go away for weeks and that foot remained swollen compared to the other for months.

[jessica33]

Years ago I went to a K-mart store all dressed up in the middle of the week thinking all my friends/neighbors are at work . I walked around and came to the gift cards section where my next door wife was looking at the cards . It stop me in the middle of the track with my hearts in my throat . Luckly when she looked my way she did not connect the dots .

[Rachel Anne]

Long time listener, first time caller :)

I slowly worked myself up over the years, one night, just decided to give it a try. First out back (at 2 AM...high fences make good neighbors I always say), then to the mailbox (at 3 AM) and finally, finally, going in the car to drop some letters off at the mail box around the corner (at 3 AM). Nothing flashy, hop in the car, go for a spin. Yet even after reading the threads here...

Here's a public service announcement...Don't go out late. There's no one around. And when there's no one around, and it's just you, whoever is around, is looking at you. Back to our story...

Hop in the car, swing down to the end of the block, turn the corner, and down the street headlights blink on. I knew exactly the moment I saw them...a police car. It's bit twisty turny to the mailbox, and the police car went blasting past me as I made the turn, but I gave up and decided just to spin around the block and go home. I turn into the driveway, and there's the police car making a swing around my block.

Car goes past, I quickly retreat into the house. I was completely petrified. It probably took 30 minutes for my heart rate to return to normal. Certainly I had nothing to hide or fear from the police, but when they pull someone over out here, all their lights go on. You will be the center of attention, even at 3 AM.

Ruined what should have been a milestone and nice time.

Oh, and don't wear heels for your first time driving. That was an interesting moment to be sure ;).

[ChristinaK]

Haven't had any really bad real life events, but with the current stupid bathroom issues, I could imagine being outed by a gg in the ladies room. Police are called, I'm arrested. Media shows up or people take pics with their phones.

Wife finds out, divorces me, kids shun me as do relatives. Friends evaporate.

The plus side, I could then dress all the time!

[PaulaQ]

An update. I can't say what it's like in other states, but I bet in many areas it is the same. I've talked with people all over Texas now, and every trans group I've spoken with has seen increased incidents of violence or harassment of trans people because of the anti-trans / anti-lgbt propaganda being floated currently. Most places you are going to be fine. But there are some locales where a witch-hunt mindset has set in, and if you have the misfortune to wander into one of these places, your odds of something bad happening are substantially higher. I can tell you that I am seeing violence and harassment against us happen locally at rates I've never seen before.

BTW, so-called "safe" lgbt friendly places aren't always safe. We seen incidents where attackers were clearly laying in wait for people to exit such places. I recommend just basic safety tips - don't go places alone, en femme at night, don't walk back to your vehicle alone, etc. For the most part you should be OK, but the threat of violence against us is much worse now in many areas. Hopefully you don't live in one of those, and can mostly ignore this.

Be careful out there, y'all.

[Diversity]

My worst case scenario would be to have family members find out accidentally that by seeing me as Diversity. This would be further exacerbated, if I did not have any plausible reason for bring dressed when I was caught out.
Di

[Pat]

I've talked with people all over Texas now, and every trans group I've spoken with has seen increased incidents of violence or harassment of trans people...

I wouldn't wish misfortune on you, but I'm hoping what you see is regional. Up here I've actually been seeing an increase in the number of people who are venturing out in mixed presentation. I think people are starting to test the waters. Of course, more targets means more opportunity for trouble but so far I haven't seen any nor have I heard any reports of problems.

Of course your safety tips are always correct.


This would be further exacerbated, if I did not have any plausible reason for bring dressed when I was caught out.
Maybe it's just me, but I would think if you're caught out in full dress the most plausible explanation you can offer is being TG/CD. Anything else is a reach. ("I'm what?? Ohmigosh! Would you look at that? I must have put on the wife's clothes, wig and makeup by mistake when I got dressed in the dark!")

[PaulaQ]

I wouldn't wish misfortune on you, but I'm hoping what you see is regional.

Probably - there's a world of difference between Texas and Boston! :) We're also seeing more allies come out too, though. What is happening is complex and unpredictable. But I think we are going to win. The 'bags are reduced to lying about why they are trying to hurt us. Or even that they are trying to hurt us. But what they are doing is pretty transparent, and I think they are overreaching, and it's actually hurting them.

I hope that's how it plays out. That said, there are places like Texas that have a massive number of really uncool people.

[sometimes_miss]

Yes, this can be a problem if a person is married to an image of a spouse rather than the person the spouse actually is.
But you see, that's just it. All we are, is that image, what someone knows about us; to us, that's who that person actually is. There will always be things that they don't know. It's simply impossible to know everything about another person. Because remember, there are things that they don't even know about themselves (which is easily exampled by all the folks here on this website who have no clue why they love to dress and behave as a woman, and aren't even interested in finding out!). We fall in love with who we believe the object of our affections is. Especially early in the relationship, when we know the least, yet, the passion is strongest. Anything that significantly changes who that person is TO US, and the love and passion can easily be destroyed. Consider a woman who marries a man who, before he met her, raped and killed 20 women, including the sister of his wife. But he was never caught. And never told his wife, unable to bring himself to kill the woman he lusts after so much. They live happily ever after, until one day three decades later, she finds a folder with clippings of all the newspaper articles documenting the women he killed, with his annotations on them describing the dates and how he killed them. She's horrified, realizing what he really is, instead of who she thought he was, she had always thought of him as a wonderful, kind man. But now, she runs from the house, closes the bank accounts, and leaves the country. Did he change? No. He's always been that way. What changed was the image of him in her mind, from a loving, kind man, to a merciless killer.

[StarrOfDelite]

I am thinking we're talking about incidents where people have been being Outed, or almost outed in a particularly embarrassing way. I've been lucky not to have any totally humiliating moments of that type, but have had a few very close calls. Several weeks ago, I had a date with a guy I know at a pizzeria which has the most loaded Pizza Deluxe I've eaten outside of New York City. The pizzeria is about 20 miles from my home, which is no big deal, but it's mostly over two lane roads in the Allegheny foothills, which are twisty and dangerous at best of times. As luck so happened, there was a thunderstorm which lasted for hours, and after leaving the restaurant as I was driving home I missed the warning signs for a T-Intersection and didn't get my brakes applied until too late to stop on the rain slick road surface. I slid through the intersection and came within about 2-3 feet of going into heavy underbrush and a 3-4 foot drop-off, which would have required a tow-truck to extract my vehicle, even tho' its a 4WD SUV. Wrecking my car, having to deal with a tow-truck driver, and maybe the highway patrol, with a couple of bottles of beer on my breath, and wearing a paisley skirt, cowl neck sweater, wig, dangly earrings, mascara, et cetera as my outfit would definitely not have been fun. On the whole, however, I'm sure that dealing with the damage to my vehicle would have been much more of a long term hassle than the relatively minor nuisance of having to reveal I'm Trans to a couple of strangers.

[Dana44]

Worst that happened to me is that I was outed by my Ex wife. My sister hasn't talked to me yet. I was confronted at work and it was a bad time. Yep it can be bad. But time and moving away helps LOL.

[StarrOfDelite]

Probably - there's a world of difference between Texas and Boston! :) We're also seeing more allies come out too, though. What is happening is complex and unpredictable. But I think we are going to win. The 'bags are reduced to lying about why they are trying to hurt us. Or even that they are trying to hurt us. But what they are doing is pretty transparent, and I think they are overreaching, and it's actually hurting them.

I hope that's how it plays out. That said, there are places like Texas that have a massive number of really uncool people.

I don't know Dallas at all well, but I've been to Austin on both business and football games, and the people there don't seem much different than their socio-economic counterparts in large northeastern university towns like Columbus, Pittsburgh, Syracuse and Lansing.

There are plenty of uncool rockheads in the 'Burgh and C-bus, I can guarantee you.

Of course, I have heard that people in Austin have voted to secede from Texas if Texas secedes from the United States, lol!

[sara.rafaela]

I used to carry a guy bag in my car. Pants, male t-shirt, shoes, acetone, and makeup remover wipes. I never used it. I have been pulled over 4 times. Each time for nothing, except driving around a bar/club area around 2 AM. I do not drink when I drive and now I chose not to drive anymore. I locked my keys in the car once and had to deal with AAA. I got rear ended, no damage, and had to deal with the guy. Lost my hotel key. Was aggressively chased by a tranny chaser and had to lose him. Was out for after bar closing pizza and a colleague lined up behind me. He did not notice me in the least.

[Sarah Doepner]

For me I have a few worst case reality situations. One in public would probably be a bathroom confrontation with someone who believes themselves to be the vigilante protecting the world. Those are the ones who seem to know no limits and can't be reasoned with.

Within the family it's going to be coming out to my grand children. I'm out to their parents but eventually we need to take the next step and I'm not looking forward to that one.

Finally the absolute worst case might be finding myself in a long term situation where I can't be authentic about my gender at any time or place.