your so and your dressing...

[Wendy me]

ok we run the list from top to bottom on how our so's deal with or don't deal with our little hobby.... some have be up frought abought it from the start , some have been in hidding all along and way too manny have been busted and had mixed outcomes...

now that small steps thingy we all hear so much abought is all right slow but all right ... i know because that's so were i am now .. frustrated and just plugging along ... well i have been doing them small steps thingys for a long time you know get things moved a little at a time .. corse to were my wife is comfy and let her settle in with it and be able to take things in with out over doing it....

well i was thinking if this whole thing is fun and good for me and it's me who wants her to accpte this ... could i be doing this all wrong?? could i be over looking the veary thing that could quick step things forward?? fun for me?? accptence for me?? well what abought fun for her ?? i meen if something is fun you just want to move along with it right?? ok i love to go shopping supprized?? and i love to go shopping with my wife ... so i have started to give her some of my input on what looks good on her in a veary nice and fun way we are haveing a ton of fun shopping and talking fashons ... our whole line of talking is opened up tons ....

to me i can now see that if you want your so to be more understanding then it's has to me a lot more of what's fun and intersting for your so than just something for you....

we got a lot more steps to go but i so shure that we are going to at least a few steps a little quicker...

[ChristineRenee]

Someone's had their thinking cap on with this one...good on ya! Methinks you're on to something good there sis...onward and upward now!;)

[lynda jane hamilton]

Hi Wendy

You are absolutely right.

I have always enjoyed shopping with my wife and I am the first she asks if things look good. (Does my bum look big in this?!!") I see hoards of bored guys when I am having so much fun girlie shopping. I wish we bought things for me though sometimes. My wife I think realises that I have a feminine side (although she does not know about my tv desires) and I try subconsciously to act as her best girl friend. Recently she has been encouraging me to look after my skin more (cleansing toning and moisturising) even allowing face packs. Beauty footcare treatments has also come about and now we are going for teeth whitening. Even a suggestion that I go with her to her salon for a back wax as she cannot stand hairy backs (I wish this extended to legs and underarms as well!). Who knows where this will lead??!!

I live in hopes. Good luck with your journey I am right behind.

Love
Lynda Jane XXX

[Julie Avery]

if you want your so to be more understanding then it has to be a lot more of what's fun and interesting for your so than just something for you....

That's a jewel of an insight Wendy, I'll work at calling that to mind. Thank you for that.

[Anita Mae GG]

I agree with you to an extent...my only words of caution would be these......be careful how fast you go, I know my guy switched gears on me and I got really scared (unchartered territory for me) and felt apprehensive to move forward. I did go forward and was fine with things in the end but it took total trust and love for him for me to do that

Just be careful......good luck!

[Tina Dixon]

Slow and small steps are the way the go, Wendy's been telling me that for a while instead of the shock treatment,"I honey meet Tina" right now my self I have contacted the local Tri-Ess chapter and the girls here for advice, I hope to start the small steps my self soon.

[Bev06 GG]

It's very encouraging to hear a TG talking like this Wendy. For any minority group it is a good idea to meet others where they are, and not where you are or want to be. I have heard a few TGs (not too many) say that people will just have to accept me for who I am. The sad truth is that they dont have to accept you at all. Reaching out to them and gaining their trust, love and understanding is always a very wise thing to do and shows that you value them and their opinions. And treading carefully, and patiently, equally so.
Take care BEVxxx

[Wendy me]

I agree with you to an extent...my only words of caution would be these......be careful how fast you go, I know my guy switched gears on me and I got really scared (unchartered territory for me) and felt apprehensive to move forward. I did go forward and was fine with things in the end but it took total trust and love for him for me to do that

Just be careful......good luck!


ok input from you gg's is always welcome thats a good thingy for shure....the one thing i do know is my comfort level and hers is not the same for shure ... to gain any level of accptence and to go beond that for her is only reached by not pushing too far too fast and letting her know that we are not in a race to get anywere... steps forward are a good thingy but forceing her into something she is not ready or comfy with is so not a good thing ... so i think it's more respecteing her leavel of comfort gets more steps forward...

[Wendy me]

It's very encouraging to hear a TG talking like this Wendy. For any minority group it is a good idea to meet others where they are, and not where you are or want to be. I have heard a few TGs (not too many) say that people will just have to accept me for who I am. The sad truth is that they dont have to accept you at all. Reaching out to them and gaining their trust, love and understanding is always a very wise thing to do and shows that you value them and their opinions. And treading carefully, and patiently, equally so.
Take care BEVxxx

veary true if you want some one like your so to open to this how you get there is just as importin as getting there....

[Wendy me]

Tina good luck on your way....

[Karinna]

Words of wisdom you speak Wendy.
The lighthouse guiding my ship on the raging seas of nonacceptance.
Always good to hear that i am not alone, talking of small steps.

[cindybarnes]

Wendy,, your on the right track sis!

I sometimes feel like Im a makeup/fashion consultant to my wife,,, just funning with fashion mags LOL but we do enjoy showing each other what we think is a cute look,, etc,
Doesnt sound like a big deal,, but didnt happen overnight either.
Looking back now,those baby steps worked out well :)
Cindy

[Kimberley]

Wendy,
I think you are going to be okay.

My wife has absolutely zero tolerance for CDing and it has become a major point of tension in our marriage. There are other issues as well but this is a biggie for her.
We have discussed couple counselling. The one thing I will insist on is that the counsellor be experienced with transgendered people. Only then will the playing field be level. While this may seem to be a biased statement I think that any counsellor should know that we are not going to change our personalities. We can certainly move to a compromise suitable to both parties but to demand that we quit??? Only a counsellor inexperienced in gender issues would ask this.

As for me personally, I cant say where this road is leading for me, or even what I want for myself down that road. All I can say is that the deception and lies I have to live with to meet my own needs take a terrible toll mentally. I think a lot of us here can relate to that.

I have a lot of respect for the GG's that can at a minimum tolerate our duality and for those who completeley support it like Kathy, Tamara and Tammy Marie among others, I am in total awe of them.

All that said, my hope is that somewhere we can find common ground in our marriage although I have my doubts. If it comes down to a final ultimatum I dont know how I will handle it.:Pullhair:


Hugs to all.
Kimberley

[Clementine]

Great to hear your perspective, Wendy - I've been looking for this topic since I joined the forum recently. My wife has NO tolerance for my dressing, feels very threatened, and I feel I have no choice but to continue in secret, which has its own stresses and anxieties ...

I hope to find some way to find and take some small steps, you've given me new hope ...

XXX - Krista C.

[Deanna2]

There are two aspects to Wendy's advice.

First, I do the shopping bit with my wife and it is fantastic, wandering around the various departments for hours. The best thing is she likes to shop both hands, so I get to carry her handbag :D . I can see the other guys with their partners looking at me and thinking 'you poor sod - having to carry a handbag'. How little they know?

Second, the small steps thingy is a mixed bag (pun intended). Wearing femme underwear has been a success story and I would have thought that going from there to wearing a skirt was not a very big step. Wrong! It finally happened, but it took quite a while. OK, the next step is wearing a bra. I dont' think that is going to happen anytime soon. But hey, who knows. I might also win a big lottery.